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SCENE I.-The Street before OLIVIA'S House.
Fab. Now, as thou lov'st me, let me see his letter. Clo. Good master Fabian, grant me another request.
Fab. Any thing.
Clo. Do not desire to see this letter.
Fab. This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my dog again.
Enter DUKE, VIOLA, and Attendants. Duke. Belong you to the lady Olivia, friends? Clo. Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings. Duke. I know thee well: how dost thou, my good fellow?
Clo. Truly, sir, the better for my foes, and the worse for my friends.
Duke. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.
Clo. Marry, sir, they praise me, and make an ass of me now, my foes tell me plainly I am an ass; so that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and by my friends I am abused; so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why then, the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes.
Duke. Why, this is excellent.
Clo. By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends.
Duke. Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.
Clo. But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you could make it another.
Duke. O! you give me ill counsel.
Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it.
Duke. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double dealer: there's another.
Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of St. Bennet, sir, may put you in mind-One, two, three.
Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw: if you will let your lady know, I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further.
Clo. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty, till I come again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think, that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness; but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon. [Exit Clown.
Enter ANTONIO, and Officers.
Vio. Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me. Duke. That face of his I do remember well; Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd, As black as Vulcan, in the smoke of war. A bawbling vessel was he captain of, For shallow draught and bulk unprizable, With which such scathful grapple did he make With the most noble bottom of our fleet, That very envy, and the tongue of loss, Cried fame and honour on him.-What's the matter?
1 Off. Orsino, this is that Antonio,
That took the Phoenix, and her fraught, from Candy;
Vio. He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side,
Duke. Notable pirate, thou salt-water thief, What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies, Whom thou, in terms so bloody, and so dear, Hast made thine enemies?
Orsino, noble sir,
Be pleas'd that I shake off these names you give me :
Ant. To-day, my lord; and for three months before,
No interim, not a minute's vacancy,
Both day and night did we keep company.
Enter OLIVIA, and Attendants.
Duke. Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth!
But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness: Three months this youth hath tended upon me; But more of that anon.-Take him aside.
Oli. What would my lord, but that he may not have,
Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?—
Duke. Gracious Olivia,
Oli. What do you say, Cesario?-Good my lord,
Vio. My lord would speak, my duty hushes me. Oli. If it be aught to the old tune, my lord, It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear,
As howling after music.
Duke. What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady,
Oli. Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.
Duke. Why should I not, had I the heart to do it, Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death, Kill what I love a savage jealousy,
That sometime savours nobly.-But hear me this:
Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.Come boy, with me: my thoughts are ripe in mischief:
I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love, To spite a raven's heart within a dove.
Vio. And I, most jocund, apt, and willingly, To do you rest a thousand deaths would die. [Following.
Oli. Where goes Cesario? Vio. After him I love, More than I love these eyes, more than my life, More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife. If I do feign, you witnesses above Punish my life for tainting of my love!
Oli. Ah me! detested? how am I beguil'd! Vio. Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?
Oli. Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long?Call forth the holy father? [Exit an Attendant. Duke. Come away. [TO VIOLA. Oli. Whither, my lord?-Cesario, husband, stay. Duke. Husband? Oli. Ay, husband: can he that deny? Duke. Her husband, sirrah? Vio.
No, my lord, not I. Oli. Alas! it is the baseness of thy fear, That makes thee strangle thy propriety. Fear not, Cesario: take thy fortunes up; Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art As great as that thou fear'st.-O, welcome, father!
Re-enter Attendant, with the Priest. Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence, Here to unfold (though lately we intended To keep in darkness, what occasion now Reveals before 'tis ripe) what thou dost know, Hath newly past between this youth and me.
Priest. A contract of eternal bond of love, Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands, Attested by the holy close of lips, Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings; And all the ceremony of this compact Seal'd in my function, by my testimony: Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my
Duke. My gentleman, Cesario?
Sir And. Od's lifelings! here he is.-You broke my head for nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't by sir Toby.
Vio. Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you: You drew your sword upon me, without cause; But I bespake you fair, and hurt you not.
Sir And. If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.
Enter Sir TOBY BELCH, drunk, led by the Clown. Here comes sir Toby halting, you shall hear more: but if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates than he did.
Duke. How now, gentleman! how is't with you?
Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet, Where thou and I henceforth may never meet. Vio. My lord, I do protest,
Sir To. That's all one: he has hurt me, and there's the end on't.-Sot, did'st see Dick surgeon, sot?
Clo. O he's drunk, sir Toby, an hour agone: his eyes were set at eight i' the morning.
Sir To. Then he's a rogue, and a passy-measures pavin. I hate a drunken rogue.
Oli. Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?
Sir And. I'll help you, sir Toby, because we'll be dressed together.
Sir To. Will you help? An ass-head, and a coxcomb, and a knave! a thin-faced knave, a gull! Oli. Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to. [Exeunt Clown, Sir TOBY, and Sir ANDREW.
Seb. I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kins
But had it been the brother of my blood,
I must have done no less with wit and safety.
Duke. One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons;
A natural perspective, that is, and is not!
Seb. Antonio! O, my dear Antonio! How have the hours rack'd and tortur'd me, Since I have lost thee!
Ant. Sebastian are you?
Fear'st thou that, Antonio? Ant. How have you made division of yourself?An apple cleft in two is not more twin Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?
Oli. Most wonderful!
Seb. Do I stand there? I never had a brother; Nor can there be that deity in my nature, Of here and every where. I had a sister, Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.[TO VIOLA.]-Of charity, what kin are you to me? What countryman? what name? what parentage? Vio. Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father; Such a Sebastian was my brother too, So went he suited to his watery tomb. If spirits can assume both form and suit, You come to fright us.
Seb. A spirit I am indeed; But am in that dimension grossly clad, Which from the womb I did participate. Were you a woman, as the rest goes even, I should my tears let fall upon your cheek, And say thrice welcome, drowned Viola!
Vio. My father had a mole upon his brow. Seb. And so had mine..
Vio. And died that day, when Viola from her birth
Had number'd thirteen years.
Seb. O! that record is lively in my soul. He finished, indeed, his mortal act That day that made my sister thirteen years. Vio. If nothing lets to make us happy both, But this my masculine usurp'd attire, Do not embrace me, till each circumstance Of place, time, fortune, do cohere, and jump, That I am Viola: which to confirm, I'll bring you to a captain in this town, Where lie my maiden weeds: by whose gentle help I was preserv'd to serve this noble count. All the occurrence of my fortune since Hath been between this lady, and this lord.
Seb. So comes it, lady,-[To OLIVIA.]—you have been mistook;
But nature to her bias drew in that.
Duke. Be not amaz'd; right noble is his blood.— If this be so, as yet the glass seems true, I shall have share in this most happy wreck.
right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of, and speak out of my injury.
"The madly-used MALVOLIO."
Oli. Did he write this?
Duke. This savours not much of distraction.
To think me as well a sister as a wife,
One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you, Here at my house, and at my proper cost.
Duke. Madam, I am most apt t' embrace your offer.
[TO VIOLA.] Your master quits you; and, for your service done him,
You must not now deny it is your hand,
Oli. Alas! Malvolio, this is not my writing, Though, I confess, much like the character; But, out of question, 'tis Maria's hand: And now I do bethink me, it was she First told me thou wast mad; then cam'st in smiling, And in such forms which here were presuppos'd Upon thee in the letter. Pr'ythee, be content: This practice hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee; But when we know the grounds and authors of it, Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge Of thine own cause.
Good madam, hear me speak; And let no quarrel, nor no brawl to come, Taint the condition of this present hour, Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not, Most freely I confess, myself, and Toby, Set this device against Malvolio here, Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts We had conceiv'd against him. Maria writ The letter at Sir Toby's great importance; In recompense whereof, he hath married her. How with a sportful malice it was follow'd, May rather pluck on laughter than revenge, If that the injuries be justly weigh'd, That have on both sides past.
Oli. Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee! Clo. Why, "some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them." I was one, sir, in this interlude; one sir Topas, sir; but that's all one.-"By the Lord, fool, I am not mad;"-But do you remember? "Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagg'd:" And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.
Mal. I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you. [Exit.
Oli. He hath been most notoriously abus'd. Duke. Pursue him, and entreat him to a peace. He hath not told us of the captain yet; When that is known and golden time convents, A solemn combination shall be made Of our dear souls:-mean time, sweet sister, We will not part from hence.-Cesario, come; For so you shall be, while you are a man, But when in other habits you are seen, Orsino's mistress, and his fancy's queen. [Exeunt.
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came to man's estate,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, 'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate, For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came, alas! to wive,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, By swaggering could I never thrive, For the rain it raineth every day. But when I came unto my bed,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, With loss-pots still had drunken head, For the rain it raineth every day.
A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain, But that's all one, our play is done, And we'll strive to please you every day.