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Enter LADY MARY OLDBOY. Lady M.O. Mr. Oldboy, here is a note from Sir John Flowerdale; it is addressed to me, entreating my son to come over there again this morning. A maid brought it: she is in the ante-chamber-We had better speak to her-Child, child, why don't you come in?
Jenny. [Without.] I chuse to stay where I am, if your ladyship pleases. Lady M.Ö. Stay where you are ! why so ?
Enter JENNY. Jenny. I am afraid of the old gentleman there. Col. O. Afraid of me, hussy. Lady M. O. Pray, Colonel, have patience-Afraid - Here is something at the bottom of this—What did "you mean by that expression, child?
Jenny. Why, the Colonel knows very well, madam, he wanted to be rude with me yesterday.
Lady M. O. Oh, Mr. Oldboy!
Col. O. Lady Mary, don't provoke me; but let me talk to the girl about her business. How came you to bring this note here?
Jenny. Why, Sir John gave it to me, to deliver to my uncle Jenkins, and I took it down to his house; but while we were talking together, he remembered that he had some business with Sir John, so he desired me to bring it, because he said it was not proper to be sent by any of the common servants.
Lady M. 0. Colonel, look in my face, and help blushing if you can.
Col. o. What the plague's the matter, my lady! I have not been wronging you, now, as you call it.
Jenny. Indeed, madam, he offered to make me his kept madam: I am sure his usage of me put me into such a twitter, that I did not know what I was doing all the day after.
Lady M. O. I don't doubt it, though I so lately forgave him: but, as the poet says, his sex is all deceit. Read Pamela, child, and resist templation.
Jenny. Yes, madam, I will.
Jenny. No, sir, it was no joke; you made me a profo fer of money, so you did; whereby I told you, you had a lady of your own, and that though she was old, you had no right to despise her.
Lady M. O. And how dare you, nistress, make use of my name? Is it for such trollops as you to talk of persons of distinction behind their backs?
Jenny. Why, madam, I only said you was in years.
Lady M. O. Sir John Flowerdale shall be informed of your impertinence, and you shall be turned out of the family;
I see you are a confident creature, and I believe you are no better than you should be.
Jenny. I scorn your words, madam.
Lady M. O. Get out of the room; how dare you stay in this room to talk impudently to me?
Jenny. Very well, madam, I shall let my lady know how you have us'd me; but, I shan't be turned out of my place, madam, nor at a loss, if I am; and if you are angry with every one that won't say you are young, I believe, there is very few you will keep friends with!
I wonder, I'm sure, why this fuss should be made;
And tho', to their shames,
Some ladies call names,
Times are not so bad,
Nor my character such I need starve on't.
And, for going away,
I don't want to stay,
Enter MR. JESSAMY.
Jess. What is the matter here?
Lady M. 0. I will have a separate maintenance, I will, indeed. Only a new instance of your father's infidelity, my dear. Then with such low wretches, farmers' daughters, and servant wenches : but any thing with a cap on, 'uis all the same to him.
Jess. Upon my word, sir, I am sorry to tell you, that those practices very ill suit the character which you ought to endeavour to support in the world.
Lady M. 0. Is this a recompense for my love and regard; I, who have been iender and faithful as a turtle dove?
Jess. A man of your birth and distinction should, meihinks, have views of a higher nature, than such low, such vulgar libertinism.
Lady M.O. Consider my birth and family too, Lady Mary Jessamy might have had the best matches in England.
Jess. Then, sir, your grey hairs.
Lady M. O. I, that have brought you so many lovely, sweet babes.
Jess. Nay, sir, it is a reflection on me.
Col. 0, 'Sdeath and fire, you little effeminate puppy,
talk to ?-And you, madam, do you know who I am!-Get up to your chamber, or, zounds, I'll make such a Lady M. 0. Ah! my dear, come away from him.
Col. O. Am I to be tutored and called to an account? How now, you scoundrel, what do you want?
Serv. A letter, sir.
Seru. The gentleman's servant, an't please your honour, that left this, just now, in the post chaise—the gentleman my young lady went away with.
Col. O. Your young lady, you dog-What gentle man? What young lady; sirrah?
Jess. There is some mystery in this—With your leave, sir, I'll open the letter.
Col. O. What are you going to do, you jackanapes? You shan't open a letter of mine, -Dy-DianaSomebody call my daughter to me there To John Oldboy, Esq.—Sir, I have loved your daughter a great while secretly--Consenting to our marriage
Jess. So, so.
Col. O. You villain -you dog, what is it you have brought me here i
Sero. Please your honour, if you'll have patience, I'll tell your honour-As I told your honour before, the gentleman's servant, that went off just now in the post-chaise, came to the gate, and left it after his master was gone. I saw my young lady go into the chaise with the gentleman.
Col. 0. Call all the servants in the house ; let horses be saddled directly every one take a different road.
Sero. Why, your honour, Dick said it was by your own orders.
Col. 0. My orders ! you rascal? I thought he was going to run away with another gentleman's daughter -Dy-Diana Oldboy.
[Exit SERVANT. Jess. Don't waste your lungs to no purpose, sir; your daughter is half a dozen miles off hy this time. Besides, the matter is entirely of your own
contriving, as well as the letter and spirit of this elegant epistle. Col. o. You are a coxcomb, and I'll disinherit
you; the letter is none of my writing; it was writ by the devil, and the devil contrived it. Diana! Margaret! my Lady Mary! William ! John !
[Exit. Jess. I am very glad of this, prodigiously glad of it, upon my honour-he! he he!-it will be a jest this hundred years. [Bells ring violently on both sides.) What's the matter now? O! her ladyship has heard of it, and is at her bell; and the colonel answers her. A pretty duet; but a little too much upon the forte methinks: it would be a diverting thing, now, to stand unseen at the old gentleman's elbow.
[Retires up the Stage. Enter COLONEL OLDBOY, with one Boot, a Great Coat on his Arm, &c. followed by several Servants.
Col. O. She's gone, by the lord; fairly stole away, with that poaching, coney-catching rascal! However, I won't follow her; no, damme! take my whip, and my cap, and my coat, and order the groom to unsaddle the horses; I won't follow her the length of a spurleather. . Come here, you sir, and pull off my boot; [Whistles.] she has made a fool of me once; she shan't do it a second time; not but I'll be revenged too, for I'll never give her sixpence; the disappointment will put the scoundrel out of temper, and he'll thrash her a dozen times a day; this thought pleases me; I hope he'll do it. What do you stand gaping and staring at, you impudent dogs are you laughing at me! I'll teach you to be merry at my expense.-.
(Exit, driving them away.