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AT DANCING SCHOOL.
Y mother makes me awful mad,
But, dern the luck, she seems to think
Now, here I am dressed like a dude,
I might look clean an' sporty, but
The other kids keep guyin' me,
Such things as "girly boy" an' “dude”
Course, I can't blame 'em, 'cause I do
If they don't cut that guyin' out,
They ain't no fun in huggin' girls,
With Mom a-settin' lookin' on?
Mom says I'll be a gentleman
In years that is to come;
If she keeps sendin' me down here,
I won't—I'll be a bum.
much to say;
IAM a tiny tot, and have not newclcony Speech" to-day.
Dear friends, we're glad you've come to hear us speak and sing.
We'll do our very best to please in every thing.
Our speeches we have learned; and if you'll hear us through,
You'll see what tiny tots-if they but try-can do.
YOU'D SCARCE EXPECT.
scarce expect one of my age To speak in public on the stage;
And if I chance to fall below
Demosthenes or Cicero,
Don't view me with a critic's eye,
Large streams from little fountains flow;
Rear men as great as Britain's isle?—
Exceed what Greece and Rome have done?--
Mayn't Massachusetts boast as great
As any other sister State?
Or where's the town, go far and near,
Or where's the boy, but three feet high,
Great, not like Cæsar, stained with blood,
"What is your business, my pretty fair maid?” "I am a war correspondent," she sayed. "And you go into battle, my pretty fair maid?" "I write up the choirs, sir," she sayed.
TOMMY'S IDEA OF CHRISTMAS.
SCENE: TOMMY, a country boy, is talking to his friends.
business is all stuff. "That suits me, as long
I says to pa¦
PA says this Christmas ng as there's plenty of stuff."
said he didn't b'lieve in ev'rybody strainin' themselves for the sake of givin' presents. I think pa is right. I think ev'rybody oughter give presents, an' good ones, too, but I don' think they oughter strain themselves, an' I don't b'lieve they do, either, as I never heard anybody complainin' that way when Christmas was over. The only one who strains himself, I guess, is Santy Claus. He always seems to have the biggest load, an' has the most ups an' downs.
I like Christmas, an' wisht it come oftener, but it can't hold a candle to Fourth of July for fun. Christmas was invented by the Pilgrims, but it's lucky for us they never got no patent on it. It's free to ev'rybody nowadays, though my Uncle Bill says it costs a good round sum to git past it.
A good many good things come with Christmas, namely: Santy Claus, skatin', Christmas-trees, new boots, punkin-pies, turkey, plum-puddin's, wishbones, an' no school. I hope the teacher won't git so many presents as she got last year. She brought 'em to school ev'ry day for a week an' had 'em all over her desk. My! but didn't she feel big?
Christmas comes but once a year. It is well for everybody to remember that so as not to be disappointed 'cause it don't come any oftener. I always feel sorry for city children, 'cause it must. be such a hard job for Santy to git down them little poked-up chimblys. We have got a big fireplace in our house, but we don't use it. Pa says it's easier for ma to put coal on than it is for him to chop wood. That ain't a very good excuse, 'cause ma cuts all the kindlin's when I ain't to home. Pa makes some
awful funny excuses when he don't feel like doin' anything.
I don't b❜lieve in givin' much presents to girls. Last Christmas my Uncle Bill sent the teacher a present, an' the next night she went on a sleigh-ride with Bennie Mason's big brother. The next day I heard Uncle Bill tellin' pa that "wimmen is an uncertain quantity," whatever that means. But our teacher ain't no uncertain quantity-she weighs two hundred if she weighs a pound.
They're a-goin' to have a Christmas-tree up to the town-hall, an' I'm goin' to take it in. I told ma to do the Mason trick this year, an' she is goin' to. The Mason children git a whole lot of presents in their stockin's, then their mother takes the same presents an' has 'em hung on the Christmas-tree in the town-hall, then they have them hung again on another tree to home. No wonder some folks can have a lot of Christmas presents when they git 'em three times over!
I b'lieve in a square deal, “an' folk's o' that sort don't count for much after all," pa says, "for we allus find them out." An' we does. An' that's the reason I like Fourth of July-'cause ev'rybody's square then an' there's lots of fun.
TRAMP AND CUR.
FRED EMERSON BROOKS.
[By permission of the Cassell Publishing Co., Publishers.]
HELLO, you little wanderin' cur!
Don't be afraid I'll hurt you, sir!
Let's get acquainted, as it were;
Tell us your name.
What, neither name nor pedigree?
Come here! I'll share my crust with you; Enough for one's enough for two.
You want a friend, and friends are few?
You're poor and homely, by the by,
Come right up here, you little scamp;
What, lost your father? Needn't whine!
You never need be friendless more;
And if no other wealth we find
He owns the most who wants the least,
Your share, the meat and all the bone!