me to marry. I laughed at the idea-he descanted on my pensive, forlorn, and desolate way of living; the happiness locked up in woman's love; the comforts of a wife; etcetera, etcetera. I spoke of the miseries of a turbulent, scolding rib, and noisy children. He pictured an amiable and affectionate mate, smiling offspring, and a cheerful fire-side; till moved by his ratiocination, and delighted with his picture of connubial felicity, I promised him that I would look about me for a partner. Sterling was overjoyed at hearing my determination; and taking my hand, and pressing it warmly between his own, he said: "From the bottom of my soul I am happy at hearing this resolution pass your lips; but my dear friend be cautious-be very cautious in your choice of a wife. Be guided by prudence. Be not attracted merely by beauty, for that is of little, very little worth, unless added to virtues that ennoble the mind. Get a woman that is possessed of a vigorous and cultivated mind; and a lovely and amiable temper, and believe me, you will find that wedlock is indeed the Paradise of earth."

When I recovered my health, according to my promise, I set out in search of a wife.

The first person that caught my attention was, Miss Phœbe Mowhair, a lady near her twenty-fifth year, and not disageeable either in figure or person. Her father had once been a barber in this city. There being little opposition in his line, when he laboured in his vocation," it was not long before he amassed a neat little sum, which by carefully nursing, and carrying on a little pedling trade, our knight of the razor, made out so handsomely, that he took down his sign, drew in his pole, shut up his shop, bade farewell to his occupation, bought his town and country house, and sported an apology for a carriage, drawn by two Rozinantes. Often would it be remarked by persons that passed Mowhair's splendid mansion, "That they well remembered seeing little Toby Mowhair, in his grey hose, russet coat, and buckskin breeches, brushing by the folks early in the morning, with his basin and professional apparatus under his arm, as he went to shave his customers." My readers may smile at my choosing the daughter of such a person for a wife, but the truth is this: Though I was disgusted with the blustering vulgarity of the father, I really admired Miss Phoebe. Her face was not unpleasing, and she appeared to possess an expanded mind. Her charms I must own, however, were heightened by the portion I understood she was to receive from her father not that I intended ever to marry from mercenary motives. Yet, though I was possessed of a competence, an addition to my fortune would have been very acceptable with a wife. I had advanced pretty far in the good graces of Miss Phoeb

Mowhair, as I thought, and was about to ask her hand in marriage, (for her carriage had been so very exemplary, that I believed it would be changing my state for a better) when, calling to pay my morning visit, rather mal-apropos, my eyes were opened to her real character. When as usual I knocked at the door, I observed, as I carelessly lifted up my eyes, the head of my intended, bound round with an old Barcelona handkerchief, slyly peeping at me through the bowed window shutters above. I was ushered into the withdrawing room by a servant, who accidentally left the door a-jar as he left the parlour. There seemed to be considerable confusion in the house, and I soon heard a voice which I recognised as the ci-devant tonsure's, saying; "Who's at the door, dater!" Honor said listen no more; but who is there, that if placed in the same situation as myself, would have attended to its dictates. Knowing I was the subject of conversation, I could not forbear for once in my life playing the eves-dropper and bending an attentive ear. It was well for me I did So, as the sequel will show. "Why its that fool Soberlove." returned the daughter. (Soberlove is my name, most courteous reader) "Make haste, dater; up stairs and dress yourself, you must not let him slip through your fingers." "Leave me alone to manage him;" said his amiable offspring. "He shall not escape if I can help it; I wish he had staid away to-day though -confound him!" 66 Never mind, he's here now, so go to your room and put on your best bib and tucker." Miss Mowhair, some time after made her appearance, most gaudily attired. She received me with an air and smile which were intended to impress me with an idea of her sweetnes, and pefectability; wondered why I had not called earlier; she was then just setting ont on a visiting tour, she must positively visit the Misses Sqanders, the Nabob's daughters-I would go with her, &c.-I heard her in silence; and disgusted with her hypocrisy and simulation, apologized for my not being able to attend her in her morning calls, and bad her adieu. I never visited her again, but left her to entrap some greater fool than myself. I hope I was not unthankful to Dame Fortune for this escape.

The next lady to whom I paid my devour was Mrs. Patience Lurey, a widow with a neat little sum at her command. I met with her at a private ball, and was struck with the neatness of her attire, and the exquisite fairness and softness of her countenance. She was also possessed of a certain suavity of manners, which never failed to call forth the admiration of those who beheld her. I had often heard of fair complexions, and seen them too; but of all I had ever seen, Mrs. Lurey's had the precedence. Her neck and face might literally be said to vie with alabaster, or the lily. Her "perfect countenance," as it was termed,

was the wonder of the city. She always treated me with marked urbanity of manners; and smiled most graciously upon me. At that time, as it is at present, it was customary for the higher ranks of society to resort to the sea shore in the Summer months for the sake of enjoying the salutiferous balneation. Among the number that resorted to the shore" was Mrs. Lurey, where, with all the ardour of an enraptured swain I followed her, to press my suite, for I longed to call the fairest of the fair by the dear title of mine. But all is not gold that glitters." and a second time I was doomed to be deceived. My apartment was near to Mrs. Lurey's, on the second floor, and when I descended to the breakfast parlour it was necessary for me to pass her by her room. Now it so happened that one morning I arose earlier than I was wont to do, and was proceeding down stairs, when as I was passing Mrs. Lurcy's door, she, unluckily mistook me for her waiting maid; and popping out her head with a segar in her mouth, and stretching out her hand in which she held an oyster shell, she cried: Here, Lucy, get me another coal of fire; my segar has gone quite out." At that moment perceiving her mistake, she shrieked, and shut to the door with such force that it made the whole mansion totter to its foundations. For some minutes I was motionless; I was actually confounded. Her smoking did not so much astound me as the change in her appearance. Her hair, I then perceived was as grizzled as any grey goose that ever waddled; and her perfect countenance," but a few shades lighter than that of a Cherokee Indian. "Can it be possible," exclaimed I, that I have been following a painted creature? Good Heavens! how we are deceived by appearances! Farewell: Mrs. Lurey when I marry it must be to something real. Chagrined that I had been so duped, I left the place the same day and hurried back to Philadelphia. It was a considerable time after this occurrence, before I again thought of changing my state; and probably it would have been much longer but for a circumstance which I shall relate. I was one evening, returning to my lodgings, when a female just before me, who was hastening along the street, was set upon by a large mastiff, shrieking, she called aloud for help. I flew to her assistance, and drove off the animal. As I held the almost fainting female, in my arms. I begged that I might be allowed to see her home. Feebly articulating her thanks for my interference, she consented, and I accompanied her. This was an adventure so truly romantic that I determined to make something of it. I saw by the moon's beams, that the Lady was both young and handsome, "If." said I, as I returned home ruminating upon the events of the evening; "she be but unmarried, I am a made man." By means not neccessary here to be told, I became intimate

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in the family, and a suiter to Miss Annabella Flighty, for such was her naine. Her character was soon known to me. She was neither more nor less than a Heroine. She was the eldest daughter of a gentleman of moderate fortune. Having been sent to a boarding school far from the tutelary care of her father, and left almost without controul to the gratification of her desires, she had neglected to perfect herself in those useful branches of education so essential to form the accomplished female; and the time that should have been so spent, was employed in perusing morbid, and lachrymal novels and romances, surreptitiously procured. But while she rejected the really moral and good novels (I am not fastidious enough to believe that there are none such,) she chose the most immoral and pernicious ones of the German School. Hence, to dwell upon the sorrows of Werter, the guilt of Agatha, the adultery of Amelia, and such like characters, was her delight. The consequence of her devoting her time reading such loose, lascivious, rhapsodical, blasphemous and wicked works, where every crime is pictured merely as a slight aberrance, is obvious. They sapped the foundations of her reason:—her opinion of the world, men and manners was distorted and unnatural; and her conversation ever in the style of the sickly sentimentalist. I need not speak of the feelings of her father, when he saw the child that had left him a sweet and blithsome girl, return home a pensive and puling woman. I have said I became an admirer of Miss Flighty. Yes, I really did admire her more than the two others, to whom I had paid my addresses. Perhaps it was owing to the romantic incident which occasioned our acquaintance. Be that as it may, I believed that were she once mine, that in the fond duties of a wife she would forget the insipiency of her conduct and become one of the best of women. Though her mind was eroded by the canker of mawkish sentiments, I could occasionally perceive gleams of quick natural parts, which only needed care and attention to make her preeminent for them among her sex. What a pleasurable employment, thought I, will it be to mould her to my will, to say that this is a wife of my own making, and to hear her say, at some future period of our lives, as we sit, perhaps, on either side of the fire-place, in our respective arm chairs: "Oh, my husband, you have been my presei ver. When pining away under the influence of sickly sentiment. you, married me; and becoming my husband, became my tutor; and by teaching me the duties of a wife, made me lay aside my weakness and folly." The idea was so delightful that I determined to commence operations as soon as possible. I perceived, though Miss Flighty treated me with grateful respect. it was by no means in the enthusiastic warmth of a maiden to her lover. I clearly saw I was not ro

mantic-sentimental enough for one of her heated imagination. I knew nothing of the Waldorfs, Dassleders, Elviras, Ellas, Hypolites, Albinas, Rosas, Madelines, Ambrosias, Alphonzos, Rhodofines, etcetera, etcetera, of whom she told me. At length to prosecute my suit with more effect, I formed a project no less singular then romantic, but one which I believed would ultimately end in success. I collected up all the novels, that I had heard Miss Flighty quote, and recommend, and commenced reading them. Though the perusal of these fulsome books, was as nauseous to me as the swallowing of boluses, I prosecuted my studies with undivided attention; and at the end of six weeks, I was a proficient, at least sufficiently so, to answer my purpose. None will say this was not a novel way of courting. I mentioned my project to Mr. Flighty, and he replied as tears trickled down his face. "Mr. Soberlove you are the only one that can cure my daughter; when she once knows herself to be the butt of your ridicule she will soon show herself as I once knew her." I tried the effect of my scheme. I addressed her in the rhapsody of a hot brained lover. She started at my addressing her in a style so different to that I had formerly used; but I answered her I was not then so entangled in the net of the wily god. Her eyes brightened at the confession, and she listened to me with delight, and answered me in the impassioned tones of love. For some weeks (a long period for lovers by the by) did I kneel and sue. At length I dared to propose that awful quere. Never shall I forget the time. It was twilight and my flame" was seated by an open window, supporting her head on her arm. "My love, we meet again," softly said I. "My Henry, (my name is Simon, but it would have been death to my hopes to have told her so, and I substituted for it the one which she called me) is it you;" Yes your adoring slave. Would we met never to part again; but the fates were cruel to true love. (in a very dolorous tone) Is it true, my Annabella, (in a winning tone) that you-love me. (heroes are very fond of fits and starts). "Mr. Soberlove!" exclaimed she, not in actual amazement at my boldness, for I perceived she was "tickled," but because it was neccessary. "Mister, why not Henry. Have I forfeited a portion of that esteem, which I dared-presumptuously dared, to hope you entertained towards me, by uttering words I was unconscious of in the warmth of my passion: Ob speak!-speak! speak!" (reiteration is the life and soul of effect -heroes always make use of it) She averted her face (falling on my knee-not knees, because it looks very ungraceful to fall on both). In pity turn not away those love beaming eyes-oh do not-do not. What! still turned from me-false, false tongue, thus to ruin me. But since I have lost the love of her, for whom I would