The flatt'rer is not gone;
She visits number one:
In love I'm monstrous deep.
Love! odsbobs, destroys my sleep.
Hope told a flattering tale,
Lest love should soon grow cool;

A tub thrown to a whale,

To make the fish a fool:
Should Distaffina frown,

Then love's gone out of town;
And when love's dream is o'er,

Then we wake and dream no more. (Exit.) (The KING evinces strong emotions during the song, and at the conclusion starts up.)

Fusbos. What ails my liege? Ah, why that look so sad? King (coming forward). I am in love! I scorch, I freeze, I'm mad!

Oh, tell me, Fusbos, first and best of friends,
You, who have wisdom at your fingers' ends,
Shall it be so, or shall it not be so?
Shall I my Griskinissa's charms forego,
Compel her to give up the regal chair,
And place the rosy Distaffina there?
In such a case, what course can I pursue?

I love my queen, and Distaffina too.

Fusbos. And would a king his general supplant?

I can't advise, upon my soul I can't.

King. So when two feasts, whereat there's nought to pay,

Fall unpropitious on the self-same day,

The anxious Cit each invitation views,

And ponders which to take or which refuse;
From this or that to keep away is loth,

And sighs to think he cannot dine at both.
Fusbos. So when some schoolboy, on a rainy day,
Finds all his playmates will no longer stay,
He takes the hint himself-and walks away.

SCENE II. An Avenue of Trees.

Enter the KING.

King. I'll seek the maid I love, though in my way
A dozen gen'rals stood in fierce array!
Such rosy beauties nature meant for kings;
Subjects have treat enough to see such things.



SCENE III. Inside of a Cottage.


Distaf. This morn, as sleeping in my bed I lay,

I dreamt-and morning dreams come true, they say

I dreamt a cunning man my fortune told,

And soon the pots and pans were turned to gold!
Then I resolv'd to cut a mighty dash;

But, lo! ere I could turn them into cash,
Another cunning man my heart betray'd,
Stole all away, and left my debts unpaid.

Enter the KIng.

And pray, sir, who are you, I'd wish to know?

King. Perfection's self, oh, smooth that angry brow!

For love of thee, I've wander'd thro' the town,

· And here have come to offer half a crown.

Distaf. Fellow! your paltry offer I despise; The great Bombastes' love alone I prize.

King. He's but a general. Damsel, I'm a king.

Distaf. Oh, sir, that makes it quite another thing. King. And think not, maiden, I could e'er design 'A sum so trifling for such charms as thine.

No; the half crown that ting'd thy cheeks with red,
And bade fierce anger o'er thy beauties spread,

Was meant that thou should'st share my throne and bed.

Distaf. (aside). My dream is out, and I shall soon behold The pots and pans all turn to shining gold.

King (puts his hat down to kneel on). Here, on my knees-those knees which ne'er till now

To man or maid in suppliance bent-I vow

Still to remain, till you my hopes fulfil,

Fixt as the Monument on Fish Street Hill.

Distaf. (kneels). And thus I swear, as I bestow my hand, As long as e'er the Monument shall stand,

So long I'm yours


Are then my wishes crown'd?

Distaf. La, sir! I'd not say no for twenty pound.
Let silly maids for love their favours yield,
Rich ones for me—a king against the field.

SONG "Paddy's Wedding."
Queen Dido at

Her palace gate

Sat darning of her stocking Oh;

She sung and drew

The worsted through,

Whilst her foot was the cradle rocking Oh

(For a babe she had

By a soldier lad,

Though hist'ry passes it over Oh):

"You tell-tale brat,

I've been a flat,

Your daddy has proved a rover Oh.
What a fool was I
To be cozen'd by

'A fellow without a penny Oh;

When rich ones came,
And ask'd the same,

For I'd offers from never so many Oh;

But I'll darn my hose,
Look out for beaux,

'And quickly get a new lover Oh."

Then come, lads, come,
Love beats the drum,

And a fig for Æneas the rover Oh!

King. So Orpheus sang of old, or poets lie, And as the brutes were charmed, e'en so am I. Rosy-cheek'd maid, henceforth my only queen, Full soon shalt thou in royal robes be seen; And through my realm I'll issue this decree, None shall appear of taller growth than thee; Painters no other face portray; each sign

O'er alehouse hung shall change its head for thine;

Poets shall cancel their unpublish'd lays,

And none presume to write but in thy praise.

Distaf. (fetches a bottle and glass). And may I then, without offending, crave

My love to taste of this, the best I have?

King. Were it the vilest liquor upon earth, Thy touch would render it of matchless worth; Dear shall the gift be held that comes from you;

Best proof of love (drinks), 'tis full-proof Hodges' too;

Through all my veins I feel a genial glow;
It fires my soul-

Bombastes (within). Ho, Distaffina, ho!
King. Heard you that voice?


Oh yes, 'tis what's-his-name, The General. Send him packing as he came. King. And is it he? and doth he hither come? Ah, me! my guilty conscience strikes me dumb. Where shall I go? say, whither shall I fly? Hide me, oh, hide me from his injur'd eye!

Distaf. Why, sure you're not alarm'd at such a thing? He's but a general, and you're a king.

(KING conceals himself in a closet.).


Bombas. Lov'd Distaffina! now by my scars I vow,
Scars got-I haven't time to tell you how-
By all the risks my fearless heart hath run,
Risks of all shapes from bludgeon, sword, and gun,
Steel traps, the patrol, bailiff shrewd, and dun;
By the great bunch of laurel on my brow,
Ne'er did thy charms exceed their present glow!
Oh, let me greet thee with a loving kiss
Why, what the devil! Say, whose hat is this?

Distaf. Why, help your silly brains, that's not a hat.
Bombas. No hat?


Suppose it is, why, what of that? A hat can do no harm without a head!

(Sees the hat,)

Bombas. Whoe'er it fits, this hour I doom him dead;

Alive from hence the caitiff shall not stir

(Discovers the KING.)

Your most obedient, humble servant, sir.

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