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BUTLER. Sir, he's given to drinking, Sir, and I shall have my morals corrupted, by keeping fuch company.
BUTLER. I find my wines a-going, Sir; and liquors don't go without mouths, Sir; I hate a drunkard, Sir.
HoneyWOOD, Well, well, Philip, I'll hear you upon that another time, so go to bed now.
Butler. Begging your honour's pardon, and begging your pardon, master Jarvis, I'll not go to bed, nor to the devil neither. I have enough to do to mind my cellar. I forgot, your honour, Mr. Croaker is below. I came on purpose to tell you.
HoneyWOOD. Why didn't
you shew him up, blockhead ?
Butler. Shew him up, Sir! With all my heart, Sir. Up or down, all's one to me.
Exit. JARVIS. Ay, we have one or other of that family in this house from morning till night. He comes on the
old affair, I suppose. The match between his son, that's just returned from Paris, and Miss Richland, the young lady he's guardian to.
HONEYWOOD. Perhaps fo. Mr. Croaker, knowing my friend. fhip for the young lady, has got it into his head that I can perswade her to what I please.
Jarvis. Ah! if you loved yourself but half as well as the loves you, we should soon see a marriage that would set all things to rights again.
HoneyWOOD. Love me! Sure, Jarvis, you dream. No, no ; her intimacy with me never amounted to more than friendship--mere friendship. That she is the most lovely woman that ever warm'd the human heart with desire, I own. But never let me harbour a thought of making her unhappy, by a connection with one so unworthy her merits as I am. No, Jarvis, it shall be my study to serve her, even in spite of my wishes; and to secure her happiness, though it destroys my own.
HONEYWOOD. Besides, Jarvis, though I could obtain Miss Rich. land's consent, do you think I could succeed with her guardian, or Mrs. Croaker his wife; who, tho' both very
fine in their way, are yet a little opposite in their difpofitions you know,
JARVIS. A raven that bodes nothing but mischief; a coffin and cross bones ; a bundle of rue; a sprig of deadly night shade; a Honeywood stopping his mouth, at last pushes him off.)
[Exit Jarvis. HONEYWOOD. I must own my old monitor is not entirely wrong. There is something in my friend Croaker's conversation that quite depresses me. His
mirth is an antidote to all gaiety, and his appearance has a stronger effect on my spirits than an undertaker's shop.-Mr. Croaker, this is such a satisfaction
CROAKER. A pleasant morning to Mr. Honeywood, and many of them. How is this ! you look most shock
ingly to day, my dear friend. I hope this weather does not affect your spirits. To be sure, if this weather continues-I say nothing~But God send we be all better this day three months.
HONEYWOOD. I heartily concur in the wih, though I own not in your apprehensions.
CROAKER. May be not! indeed what signifies what weather we have in a country going to ruin like ours? taxes rising and trade falling. Money flying out of the kingdom, and Jesuits swarming into it. I know at this time no less than an hundred and twenty-seven Jesuits between Charing cross and Temple-bar.
HONEYWOOD. The Jesuits will scarce pervert you or me, I should hope.
CROAKER. May be not. Indeed what fignifies whom they pervert in a country that has scarce any religion to lose? I'm only afraid for our wives and daughters.
HoneYWOOD. I have no apprehensions for the ladies, I affure you.
CROAKER. May be not. Indeed what signifies whether they be perverted or no? the women in my time were good for something. I have seen a lady drest from top to toe in her own manufactures formerly. But
now a-days the devil a thing of their own manufactures about them, except their faces.
HONEYWOOD. But, however these faults may be practised abroad, you don't find them at home, either with Mrs. Croaker, Olivia, or Miss Richland.
CROAKER. The best of them will never be canoniz'd for a faint when the's dead. By the bye, my dear friend, I don't find this match between Miss Richland and my son much relished, either by one side or t’other.
HoneyWOOD. I thought otherwise.
CROAKER. Ah, Mr. Honeywood, a little of your fine ferious advice to the young lady might go far: I know she has a very exalted opinion of your understanding.
HONEYWOOD. But would not that be ufurping an authority that more properly belongs to yourself?
CROAKER. My dear friend, you know but little of my authority at home. People think, indeed, because they see me come out in a morning thus, with a pleasant face, and to make my friends merry, that all's well within. But I have cares that would break an heart of stone. My wife has so encroached upon every one of my privileges, that I'm
no more than a mere lodger in my own house.