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BUTLER.

Sir, he's given to drinking, Sir, and I fhall have my morals corrupted, by keeping fuch company. HONEYWOOD.

Ha! ha! He has fuch a diverting way

O quite amufing.

JARVIS.

BUTLER.

I find my wines a-going, Sir; and liquors don't go without mouths, Sir; I hate a drunkard, Sir.

HONEYWOOD.

Well, well, Philip, I'll hear you upon

ther time, fo go to bed now.

that ano

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Begging your honour's pardon, and begging your pardon, master Jarvis, I'll not go to bed, nor to the devil neither. I have enough to do to mind my cellar. I forgot, your honour, Mr. Croaker is below. I came on purpose to tell you.

HONEYWOOD.

Why didn't you fhew him up, blockhead?

BUTLER.

Shew him up, Sir! With all my heart, Sir. Up or down, all's one to me.

JARVIS.

Exit.

Ay, we have one or other of that family in this houfe from morning till night. He comes on the

old

old affair, I fuppofe. The match between his fon, that's juft returned from Paris, and Mifs Richland, the young lady he's guardian to.

HONEYWOOD.

Perhaps fo. Mr. Croaker, knowing my friendfhip for the young lady, has got it into his head that I can perfwade her to what I please.

JARVIS.

Ah! if you loved yourself but half as well as she loves you, we should soon see a marriage that would fet all things to rights again.

HONEYWOOD.

Love me! Sure, Jarvis, you dream. No, no; her intimacy with me never amounted to more than friendship-mere friendship. That he is the most lovely woman that ever warm'd the human heart with defire, I own. But never let me harbour a thought of making her unhappy, by a connection with one fo unworthy her merits as I am. No, Jarvis, it shall be my study to serve her, even in fpite of my wishes; and to fecure her happiness, though it destroys my own.

JARVIS.

Was ever the like! I want patience.

HONEYWOOD.

Befides, Jarvis, though I could obtain Mifs Richland's confent, do you think I could fucceed with her guardian, or Mrs. Croaker his wife; who, tho' both very fine in their way, are yet a little oppofite in their difpofitions you know.

JARVIS.

JARVIS.

Oppofite enough, heaven knows; the very reverfe of each other; fhe all laugh and no joke; he always complaining and never forrowful; a fretful poor foul that has a new diftrefs for every hour in the four and twenty

HONEYWOOD.

Hush, hufh, he's coming up, he'll hear you.
JARVIS.

One who's voice is a paffing bell

HONEYWOOD,

Well, well, go, do.

JARVIS.

A raven that bodes nothing but mifchief; a coffin and cross bones; a bundle of rue; a fprig of deadly night shade; a-(Honey-wood flopping his mouth, at laft pushes him off.) [Exit Jarvis.

HONEYWOOD.

I must own my old monitor is not entirely wrong. There is fomething in my friend Croaker's converfation that quite depreffes me. His very mirth is an antidote to all gaiety, and his appearance has a ftronger effect on my fpirits than an undertaker's fhop.-Mr. Croaker, this is fuch a fatisfaction

Enter CROAKER.

CROAKER.

A pleasant morning to Mr. Honeywood, and of them. How is this! you look most shock

many

ingly to day, my dear friend. I hope this weather does not affect your fpirits. To be fure, if this weather continues-I fay nothing-But God fend we be all better this day three months.

HONEYWOOD.

I heartily concur in the wifh, though I own not in your apprehenfions.

CROAKER.

May be not! indeed what fignifies what weather we have in a country going to ruin like ours? taxes rifing and trade falling. Money flying out of the kingdom, and Jefuits fwarming into it. I know at this time no less than an hundred and twenty-feven Jefuits between Charing-crofs and Temple-bar.

HONEYWOOD.

The Jefuits will scarce pervert you or me, I fhould hope.

CROAKER.

May be not. Indeed what fignifies whom they pervert in a country that has fcarce any religion to lofe? I'm only afraid for our wives and daughters.

HONEYWOOD.

I have no apprehenfions for the ladies, I affure

you.

CROAKER.

May be not. Indeed what fignifies whether they be perverted or no? the women in my time were good for fomething. I have feen a lady dreft from top to toe in her own manufactures formerly. But

now

now a-days the devil a thing of their own manufactures about them, except their faces.

HONEYWOOD.

But, however thefe faults may be practised abroad, you don't find them at home, either with Mrs. Croaker, Olivia, or Mifs Richland.

CROAKER.

The best of them will never be canoniz'd for a faint when she's dead. By the bye, my dear friend, I don't find this match between Mifs Richland and my fon much relished, either by one fide or t'other. HONEYWOOD.

I thought otherwise.

CROAKER.

Ah, Mr. Honeywood, a little of your fine serious advice to the young lady might go far: I know she has a very exalted opinion of your understanding.

HONEYWOOD.

But would not that be ufurping an authority that more properly belongs to yourfelf?

CROAKER.

My dear friend, you know but little of my authority at home. People think, indeed, because they fee me come out in a morning thus, with a pleasant face, and to make my friends merry, that all's well within. But I have cares that would break an heart of ftone. My wife has fo encroached upon every one of my privileges, that I'm now no more than a mere lodger in my own houfe.

Ho

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