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"The audience, Mr. Clyde ?” he said.
about Christie slowly turning their backs on the little rider and moving away.
"I guess you'd better tell 'em it's all-over,” he said.
'00 late, mon ami, do you open your lips! I can't listen to
, Nay, nay, dear! Just now I'm denying the world and the pleasures
thereof. Speak not, mon ami! I'm forswearing the things upon which I
did dote. Your love-making's quite out of season—I'm now not coquette
We've danced through the winter together, and now, Ned, our
dancing is done; For sins of omission, the season of penance, dear boy, is begun. So, talk not of love nor beseech me to give you my hand. All too
late You ask. Had you spoken up sooner we might have arranged on
We've danced through the winter together, and moments have
been I confess--When, had you but seized them and asked me to marry, I might
have said “Yes.” I might have said “Yes” and found leisure, by this time, my haste
to repent; But, Ned dear, I can't think of giving my heart to you now, for
COMEDY VERSE MONOLOGUE FOR MAN.
[Enters, with lady's kid-glove in hand.)
CHARACTER REPRESENTED :
FOUND this in my swallow-tails just now.
It's Kitty's I believe; it's just the sort
It got into my pocket? Perhaps in sport
How like herself, this dainty, sinuous thing!
And here's the crease made by her turquoise ring It's not a badge of bondage that she wears,
I know as much as that. She told me so.
[Kisses glove. Looks round.] If any one should see me !— Well, who cares?
If she were mine, I'd let the whole world know. I asked her, "Did it typify a bond?
Was she engaged?" "Oh, no!" she quickly said. It was a gift from—someone who was fond
Of her. And then she hung her head. “A man?” I asked with jealousy distraught.
"Well, yes! a man,” she said, in accents coy. And when my look of misery she caught,
She laughed and said, "My Uncle, silly boy!” I wonder if she loves me? What a sight
She was for gods and men to look upon As in the whirling throng she moved last night,
And turned the fellows' heads, as, one by one, They askel her “for the pleasure of a dance."
I could have killed them, one and all, the cads!!
While one would wink, or steal a stealthy glance
Beneath his eyelids.-Pah! a lot of lads !
And gave me seven dances on the spot.
I would have simply taken all the lot. To think her pretty hand has lain in this !
Her fairy fingers buttoned it, perhaps.
On any blundering, butter-fingered chaps?
It was sold her the precious merchandize?
Who took, with tape, her tiny hand's fair size, And smiled and simpered, smirked and ogled-Ooh!!
had the villain in my power, I'd take his measure in a jiff or two
And send the remnants home within an hour.
To beat him down in price? Most women do.
Her alabaster arm. Ah, would that I Might be a button! Silently to rest
Where they have rested—simply rest and die.
Her Aunt Selina is. An awful hag!
'Twas just like hugging a potato-bag Across the floor! Such hands, too. And her neck!!
Smokes scented cigarettes, too, I've been told. After that waltz with her I was a wreck,
And had to fortify myself with whisky cold.
I'd like to see her glove, and just compare
It's not so tiny as I thought, you know.
It must be Aunty's! Fancy! All this fuss
Bel on the name of Glove! Oh, hang it!! CUSS!
UMBRELLA OF JUSTICE.
'HE old Judge leaned wearily upon his desk, listening with
quizzical expression to the impassioned summing up.of counsel for prisoner. It was a murder case, but there was no direct evidence to fix the crime upon the accused; and his counsel was going through the time-honored arguments against circumstantial evidence-arguments his honor had heard many, many times.
Use had dulled the magistrate's sympathies, but there was a straight-forward look in the eyes of the man on trial that affected the Judge strongly. Was he innocent? But the Judge dismissed the thought as unworthy of legal intellect. He had always believed in circumstantial evidence. "Give me," he would say, "the incorruptible testimony of facts, cold facts-that cannot be silenced.” His face assumed its usual judicial severity as counsel for prisoner closed with an impassioned appeal.
The Judge glanced at the clock, and saw that he might adjourn the morning session.
“Gentlemen, the court is adjourned. Be promptly in your seats at half-past two."
It was one o'clock, and the usual adjournment had been for one hour, but the Judge had extended the time, that he might do
an errand for his wife. The day was rainy, and she had decided that she would not go down town if the Judge would buy a curling-iron for her during luncheon hour.
After buying this useful feminine toilet article, the Judge decided he would lunch at the first restaurant he came to. a restaurant, entered, and took a seat in the rear at a table by himself. While eating, his mind turned to the case on trial before him, and he thought of his charge to the jury. He paid his check, neglecting to tip the waiter. Looking, as he arose to go, to see
. whether he had left anything, his eye fell upon an umbrella against the wall-a nice new black-silk, close-rolling umbrella, with bamboo handle—just like his own umbrella then reposing in a rack in the hallway at home. The absent-minded jurist recognized the umbrella as his own, picked it up and started for the door.
The true owner of the umbrella was sitting with back to the Judge, and saw nothing of this; but, just as the Judge had reached the door and paused to open the umbrella, the owner turned, saw his umbrella was gone, recognized it in the stranger's hand, and cried out:
“Here, you! Hold on, there! Where are you going with my umbrella ? You impudent scamp!"
The Judge turned as the other came hastily forward. Such words, addressed to one used to the greatest deference, were doubly insulting
"Your umbrella !” [with dignified and withering scorn). “Sir, this is not your umbrella. It is the
But the words died on his tongue, as he suddenly remembered that he had left his own umbrella at home. Yet he went on, hardly realizing what he was saying. "If this is yours, where is mine? It's just like it."
"It's nothing to me where yours is. Come, drop that” [angrily]. “This umbrella-stealing is too popular for my taste. You may think yourself lucky I don't call the police !"
“Shall I get an officer?” asked the waiter the Judge had forgotten to tip.