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And drive her foes from their savage job
But no such matter is down in the bond;
The Dame is dragg'd to the fatal pond !
And now they come to the water's brim-
There are folks about town—to name no namesWho much resemble that deafest of Dames ;
And over their tea, and muffins, and crumpets, Circulate many a scandalous word, And whisper tales they could only hare heard
Through some such Diabolical Trumpets !
THE following curious passage is quoted for the benefit of such Readers as are afflicted, like Dame Spearing, with Deafness, and one of its concomitants, a singing or ringing in the head. The extract is taken from “Quid pro Quo; or, A Theory of Compensations. By P. S.” (perhaps Peter Shard), folio edition:
“Soe tenderly kind and gratious is Nature, our Mother, that She seldom or never puts upon us any Grievaunce without inaking Us some Amends, which, if not a full and perfect Equivalent, is yet a great Solace or Salve to the Sore. As is notably displaid in the Case of such of our Fellow Creatures as undergoe the Loss of Heering, and are thereby deprived of the Comfort and Entertainment of Natural Sounds. In lew, whereof the Deaf Man, as testified by mine own Experience, is regaled with an inward Musick that is not vouchsafed unto a Person who hath the compleet 'Usage of his Ears. For note, that the selfsame Condition of Boddy which is most apt to bring on a Surdity,-namely, a general Relaxing of the delicate and subtile Fibres of the Human Nerves, and mainly such as belong and propinque to the Auricular Organ, this very Unbracing which silences the Tympanum, or drum, is the most instrumental Cause in producing a Consort in the Head. And, in particular, that affection which the Physitians have called Tinnitus, by reason of its Resernblance to a Ring of Bells. The Absence of which, as a National Musick, would be a sore Loss and Discomfort to any Native of the Low Countryes, where the Steeples and Church-Towers with their Carillons maintain an allmost endlesse Tingle; seeing that before one quarterly Chime of the Cloke hath well' ended, another must by Time's Command strike up its Tune. On which Account, together with its manye waterish Swamps and
Marshes, the Land of Flandres is said by the Wits to be Ringing Wet. Such campanulary Noises would alsoe be heavily mist and lamented by the Inhabitants of that Ringing Island described in Rabelais his Works, as a Place constantly filled with a Corybantick Jingle Jangle of great, middle-sized, and little Bells: wherewith the People seem to be as much charmed as a Swarm of Bees with the Clanking of Brazen Kettles and Pans. And which Ringing Island cannot of a surety be Barbadoes, as certain Authors have supposed, but rather our own tintinnabulary Island of Brittain, where formerly a Saxon could not soe much as quench a Fire or a Candle but to the tune of a Bell. And even to this day, next. to the Mother Tongue, the one mostly used is in a Mouth of Mettal, and withal so loosely hung, that it must needs wag at all Times and on all Topicks. For your English Man is a mighty Ringer, and besides furnishing Bells to a Bellfry, doth hang them at the Head of his Horse, and at the Neck of his Sheep-on the Cap of his Fool, and on the Heels of his Hawk. And truly I have known more than one amongst my Country Men, who would undertake more Travel, and Cost besides, to hear a Peal of Grandsires, than they would bestow to look upon a Generation of Grandchildren. But alack ! all these Bells with the huge Muscovite, and Great Tom of Lincoln to boot, be but as Dumb Bells to the Deaf Man: wherefore, as I said, Nature kindly steps in with a Compensation, to wit a Tinnitus, and converts his own Head into a Bellfry, whence he hath Peals enow, and what is more, without having to pay the Ringers.”
• THE IRISH SCHOOLMASTER.
ALACK ! 'tis melancholy theme to think
In midst of foggy moors and mosses green,
II. This College looketh South and West alsoe, Because it hath a cast in windows twain ; Crazy and crack'd they be, and wind doth blow Thorough transparent holes in every pane, Which Dan, with many paines, makes whole again
[teach, With nether garments, which his thrift doth To stand for glass, like pronouns, and when rain
Stormeth, he puts," once more unto the breach," Outside and in, tho’ broke, yet so he mendeth each.
And in the midst a little door there is,
In midst of sounds of Latin, French, and Greek, Which, all i' the Irish tongue, he teacheth them
For some are meant to right illegal wrongs,
To stock a head with bookish wares at all, Only to be knocked off by ruthless cannon ball.
v. Six babes he sways,—some little and some big, Divided into classes six ;—alsoe, He keeps a parlour boarder of a pig, That in the College fareth to and fro, And picketh up the urchins' crumbs belowVOL. II.