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Ros. You say, you 'll marry me, if I be willing?
Ros. But if you do refuse to marry me,
Phe. So is the bargain.
you 'll have Phebe, if she will ? Sil. Though to have her and death were both one thing.
Ros. I have promised to make all this matter even. Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter ; You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter :
20 Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me, Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd : Keep your word, Silvius, that
'll If she refuse me : and from hence I go, To make these doubts all even. [Exeunt Rosalind and Celia.
Duke S. I do remember in this shepherd boy Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.
Orl. My lord, the first time that I ever saw him Methought he was a brother to your daughter : But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
30 And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments Of many desperate studies by his uncle, Whom he reports to be a great magician, Obscured in the circle of this forest.
Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY.
Jaq. There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.
Touch. Salutation and greeting to you all !
Jaq. Good my lord, bid him welcome : this is the motleyminded gentleman that I have so often met in the forest : he hath been a courtier, he swears.
41 Touch. If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure ; I have flattered a lady ; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy ;
I have undone three tailors ; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
Jaq. And how was that ta’en up?
Touch. Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.
Jaq. How seventh cause ? Good my lord, like this fellow. Duke S. I like him very well.
51 Touch. God 'ild you, sir ; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear and to forswear ; according as marriage binds and blood breaks : a poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will : rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house ; as your pearl in your foul oyster.
Duke S. By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
Touch. According to the fool's bolt, sir; and such dulcet diseases.
61 Jaq. But, for the seventh cause ; how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause ?
Touch. Upon a lie seven times removed :—bear your body more seeming, Audrey :--as thus, sir. I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier's beard : he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was : this is called the Retort Courteous. If I sent him word again 'it was not well cut,' he would send me word, he cut it to please himself: this is called the Quip Modest. If again ‘it was not well cut,' he disabled my judgement : this is called the Reply Churlish. If again it was not well cut,' he would answer, I spake not true: this is called the Reproof Valiant. If again it was not well cut,' he would say, I lied : this is called the Countercheck Quarrelsome : and so to the Lie Circumstantial and the Lie Direct. Jaq. And how.oft did you say his beard was not well cut ?
Touch. I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we measured swords and parted.
Jaq. Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
Touch. O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have books for good manners : I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort Courteous ; the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish ; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck Quarrelsome ; the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an If, as, 'If you said so, then I said so ;' and they shook hands and swore brothers. Your If is the only peacemaker ; much virtue in If.
Jaq. Is not this a rare fellow, my lord ? he's as good at any thing and yet a fool.
Duke S. He uses his folly like a stalking-horse and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit. Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA.
Still Music. Hym. Then is there mirth in heaven,
100 When earthly things made even
Yea, brought her hither,
Whose heart within her bosom is.
Duke S. If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter. Orl. If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind. 111
Phe. If sight and shape be true, Why then, my love adieu !
Ros. I'll have no father, if you be not he :
'Tis I must make conclusion
Of these most strange events :
If truth holds true contents.
Or have a woman to your lord :
O blessed bond of board and bed !
High wedlock then be honoured :
To Hymen, god of every town !
Phe. I will not eat my word, now thou art mine ;
Enter JAQUES DE Boys.
Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
This to be true,
Welcome, young man ;
Jaq. Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
Jaq. de B. He hath.
Jaq. To him will I: out of these convertites There is much matter to be heard and learn’d. [To duke] You to your former honour I bequeath ; Your patience and your virtue well deserves it : [To Orl.] You to a love that your true faith doth merit: 180