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girl, leave us to ourselves, and let me try what Ito a profession, fit only for a patriarch. But precan make of him,
ferment must be closely followed : you never Mrs Ful. Captain, truly! i'faith, I'd have a could have been so far behind-hand in the chase, regiment, had I such a daughter, before I was unless you had palpably mistaken your way. three months older.
[Erit Mrs Ful. You'll pardon me; but I begin to perceive you
have lived in the world, not with it. Enter Captain DUDLEY.
Dud. It may be so; and you, perhaps, can Ful. Captain Dudley, good morning to you ! give me better council. I'm now soliciting a fa
Dud. Mr Fulmer, I have borrowed a book vour; an exchange to a company on full pay; from your shop; 'tis the sixth volume of my de nothing more; and yet I meet a thousand bars ceased friend Tristram : he is a flattering writer to that; though, without boasting, I should think to us poor soldiers; and the divine story of Le the certificate of services, which I sent in, might Fevre, which makes part of this book, in my opi- have purchased that indulgence to me. nion of it, does honour, not to its author only, but Ful. Who thinks or cares about them? Certo human nature.
tificate of services, indeed! Send in a certificate Ful. He's an author I keep in the way of trade, of your fair daughter; carry her in your hand but one I never relished : he is much too loose with you. and profligate for my taste.
Dúd. What! Who? My daughter ! Carry my Dud. That's being too severe : I hold him to daughter! Well, and what then? be a moralist in the noblest sense : he plays, in Ful. Why, then your fortune's made, that's deed, with the fancy, and sometimes, perhaps, all. too wantonly ;. but, while he thus designedly Dud. I understand you: and this you call masks his main attack, he comes at once upon knowledge of the world? Despicable knowledge! the heart; refines, amends it, softens it; beats but, sirrah, I will have you knowdown each selfish barrier from about it, and opens
[Threatening him. every sluice of pity and benevolence.
Ful. Help! Who's within? Would you strike Ful. We of the catholic persuasion are not me, sir? Would you lift your hand against a man much bound to him.-Well, sir, I shall not op in his own bouse? pose your opinion; a favourite author is like a Dud. In a church, if he dare insult the po favourite mistress; and there, you know, captain, verty of a man of honour. no man likes to have bis taste arraigned.
Ful. Have a care what you do! remember Dud. Upon my word, sir, I don't know what a there is such a thing in law as an assault and batman likes in that case; 'tis an experiment I never tery; ay, and such trifling forms as warrants and made.
indictments. Ful. Sir !-- Are you serious ?
Dud. Go, sir; you are too mean for my reDud. 'Tis of little consequence whether you sentment: 'tis that, and not the law, protects you.
Hence! Ful. What a formal old prig it is! (Aside.] I Ful. An old, absurd, incorrigible blockhead! apprehend you, sir; you speak with caution; you I'll be revenged of him.
[Aside. are married?
[Exit Fui. Dud. I have been. Ful. And this young lady, which accompanies
Enter Charles Dudley.
Cha. What is the matter, sir? Sure I heard an Dud. Passes for my daughter.
outcry as I entered the house? Ful. Passes for his daughter! humph-Aside.] Dud. Not unlikely; our landlord and his wife She is exceedingly beautiful, finely accomplished, are for ever wrangling.–Did you find your aunt of a most enchanting shape and air.
Dudley at home? Dud. You are much too partial; she has the Cha. I did. greatest defect a woman can have.
Dud. And what was your reception? Ful. How so, pray?
Cha. Cold as our poverty, and her pride, could Dud. She has no fortune.
make it. Ful. Rather say that you have none; and that's Dud. You told her the pressing occasion I had a sore defect in one of your years, Captain Dud- for a small supply to equip me for this exchange; ley: you've served, no doubt ?
has she granted me the relief I asked? Dud. Familiar coxcomb! But I'll lrumour him. Cha. Alas, sir, she has peremptorily refused
(Aside. it. Ful. A close old fox! But I'll unkennel him. Dud. That's hard : that's hard, indeed! My
[Aside. petition was for a small sum; she has refused it, Dud. Above thirty years I've been in the ser vou say? well, be it so; I must not complain. vice, Mr Fulmer.
Did you see the broker about the insurance on Ful. I guessed as much; I laid it at no less :
life? why, 'tis a wearisome time; 'tis an apprenticeship Cha. There, again, I am the messenger of ill
news; I can raise no money, so fatal is the cli Bel. Mr Fulmer, madam? I have not the homate: alas, that ever my father should be sent nour of knowing such a person. to perish in such a place!
Mrs Ful. No, I'll be sworn, have you not;
thou art much too pretty a fellow, and too much Louisa enters hastily.
of a gentleman, to be an author thyself, or to Dud. Louisa, what's the matter? you seem have any thing to say to those that are so. 'Tis frightened !
the captain, I suppose, you are waiting for? Lou. I am, indeed: coming from Miss Rus Bel. I rather suspect it is the captain's wife. port's, I met a young gentleman in the streets, Mrs Ful. The captain has no wife, sir. who has beset me in the strangest manner.
Bel. No wife! I'ın heartily sorry for it; for Cha. Insufferable! was he rude to you? then, she's his mistress; and that I take to be
Jou. I cannot say he was absolutely rude to the more desperate case of the two. Pray, mame, but he was very iinportunate to speak to me, dam, was not there a lady just now turned into and once or twice attempted to lift up my hat: your house? 'Twas with her I wished to speak. he followed me to the corner of the street, and Mrs Ful. What sort of a lady, pray? there I gave him the slip.
Bel. One of the loveliest sort my eyes ever Dud. You must walk' no more in the streets, beheld; young, tall, fresh, fair; in short, a godchild, without me or your brother.
dess, Lou. 0, Charles, Miss Rusport desires to see Mrs Ful. Nay, but dear, dear sir, now I'm you directly; lady Rusport is gone out, and she sure you flatter: for 'twas me you followed into has something particular to say to you. the shop-door this minute.
Cha. Have you any commands for me, sir? Bel. You! No, no, take my word for it, it Dud. None, my dear; by all means wait upon was not you, madam. Miss Rusport. Come, Louisa, I shall desire you Mrs 'ul. But what is it you laugh at ? to go up to your chamber and compose yourself. Bel. Upon my soul, 1 ask your pardon; but
(Ereunt. it was not you, believe me : be assured, it was SCENE III.
Mrs Ful. Well, sir, I shall not contend for Enter BELCOUR, after peeping in at the door. the honour of being noticed by you; I hope you
Bel. Not a soul, as I'm alive! Why, what an think you would not have been the first man that odd sort of a house is this ! Confound the little noticed me in the streets. However, this I'm pojilt, she has fairly given me the slip. A plague sitive of, that no living woman but myself has enupon this London, I shall bave no luck in it: tered these doors this morning. such a crowd, and such a hurry, and such a nuin Bel. Why, then, I'ın mistaken in the house, ber of shops, and one so like the other, that whe- that's all; for 'tis not humanly possible I can be ther the wench turned into this house or the next, so far out in the lady.
[Going. or whether she went up stairs or down stairs (for Mrs Ful. Coxcomb! But hold--a thought octhere's a world above and a world below, it curs; as sure as can be, he has seen Miss Dudseeins), I declare, I know no more than if I was ley. A word with you, young gentleman; come in the Blue Mountains. In the name of all the back: devils at once, why did she run away? If every Bel. Well, what's your pleasure? handsome girl I meet in this town is to lead me Mrs Ful. You seem greatly captivated with such a wild-goose chase, I had better have staid this young lady; are you apt to fall in love thus in the torrid zone. I shall be wasted to the size at first sight? of a sugar-cane. What shall I do? give the chase Bel. Oh, yes : 'tis the only way I can ever fall up! Hang it, that's cowardly. Shall I, a true in love : any man may tumble into a pit by surborn son of Phæbus, suffer this little nimble- prise; none but a fool would walk into one by footed Daphne to escape me? --Forbid it, choice. honour, and forbid it, love. -Hush, hush Mrs Ful. You are a hasty lover, it seems;
here she comes. -Oh, the devil! have you spirit to be a generous one? They that What tawdry thing have we got here?
will please the eye, must not spare the purse.
Bel. Try me; put me to the proof! bring me Enter Mrs Fulmer.
to an interview with the dear girl that has thus Mrs Ful. Your humble servant, sir,
captivated me, and see whether I have spirit to Bel. Your humble servant, madam.
be grateful. Mrs Ful. A fine summer's day, sir.
Mrs Ful. But how, pray, am I to know the Bel. Yes, madam, and so cool, that if the ca- girl you have set your heart on? lendar did not call it July, I should swear it was Bel. By an indescribable grace, that accomJanuary
panies every look and action that falls from her: Mrs Ful, Sir!
there can be but one such woman in the world, Bel. Madam!
and nobody can mistake that one. Mrs Ful. Do you wish to speak to Mr Fulmer, Mrs Ful. Well, if I should stumble upon this sir?
angel in my walks, where am I to find you? | man's; she lives hard by here, opposite to StockWhat's your name?
well's, the great merchant; he sent to ber a begBel. Upon my soul, I can't tell you my name. ging, but to no purpose; though she is as vich Mrs Ful. Not tell me! Why so?
as a Jew, she would not furnish him with a farBel. Because I don't know what it is myself; thing. as yet, I have no name.
Bel. Is the captain at home? Mrs Ful. No name?
Ful. He is up stairs, sir. Bel. None; a friend, indeed, lent me his; el. Will you take the trouble to desire him but he forbad me to use it on any unworthy oc to step hither? I want to speak to him. casion.
Ful. I'll send him to you directly. I don't Mrs Ful. But where is your place of abode? know what to make of this young man; but, if I
Bel. I have none; I never slept a night in live, I will find him out, or know the reason why. England in my life.
[Erit Fui. Mrs Ful. Hey-day !
Bel. I've lost the girl, it seems; that's clear: Enter FULMER,
she was the first object of my pursuit; but the
case of this poor officer touches me: and, after all, Ful. A fine case, truly, in a free country! a there may be as much true delight in rescuing a pretty pass things are come to, if a man is to be rellow-creature from distress, as there would be assaulted in his own house!
in plunging one into it-But, let me see Mrs Ful. Who has assaulted you, my dear? It's a point that must be managed with some de
Ful. Who? why this captain Drawcansir, this licacy Apropos ! there's pen and ink I've old Dudley, my lodger : but I'll unlodge him; struck upon a method that will do.-(Writes. I'll unharbour him, I warrant.
Ay, ay, this is the very thing: 'twas devilish Mrs Ful. Hush ! hush ! hold your tongue, lucky I happened to have these bills about me. man; pocket the affront, and be quiet ; I've a There, there, fare you well; I'm glad to be rid scheme on foot will pay you a hundred beatings. of you; you stood a chance of being worse apWhy, you surprise me, Mr Fulmer; Captain Dud- plied, I can tell you. ley assault you? Impossible !
[Encloses and seals the paper. Ful. Nay, I can't call it an absolute assault; but he threatened me.
Fulmer brings in Captain Dudley. Mrs Ful. Oh, was that all? I thought how it Ful. That's the gentleman, sir-I shall make would turn out -A likely thing, truly, for å bold, however, to lend an ear. [Erit Fut. person of his obliging compassionate turn! no, Dud. Have you any commands for me, sir? no, poor captain Dudley; he has sorrows and dis Bel. Your name is Dudley, sir ? tresses enough of his own to employ his spirits, Dud. It is. without setting them against other people. Make Bel. You command a company, I think, Cap it up as fast as you can : watch this gentleman tain Dudley? out; follow him wherever he goes; and bring me Dud. I did : I am now upon half-pay. word who and what he is; be sure you don't lose Bel. You've served some time? sight of him ; I've other business in hand.
Dud. A pretty many years; long enough to see
[Erit Mrs Ful. some people of more merit, and better interest Bel. Pray, sir, what sorrows and distresses than myself, made general officers. have befallen this old gentleman you speak of? Bel. Their merit I may have some doubt of;
Ful. Poverty, disappointment, and all the dis- their interest I can readily give credit to: there tresses attendant thereupon: sorrow enough of is little promotion to be looked for in your proall conscience : I soon found how it was with him, fession, I believe, without friends, captain : by his way of living, low enough of all reason; Dud. I believe so, too: have you any other but what I overheard this morning put it out of business with me, may I ask? all doubt.
Bel. Your patience for a moment. I was inBel. What did you overhear this morning? formed you was about to join your regiment in
Ful. Why, it seems he wants to join his regi- distant quarters abroad? ment, and has been beating the town over to raise Dud. I have been soliciting an exchange tn a a little money for that purpose upon his pay; but company on full-pay, quartered at James's Fort, the climate, I find, where he is going, is so un- in Senegambia; but, I'm afraid, I must drop the healthy, that nobody can be found to lend him undertaking. any.
Bel. Why so, pray? Bel. Why then, your town is a damned good Dud. Why so, sir? Tis a home question for a for-nothing town: and I wish I had never come perfect stranger to put; there is something very into it.
particular in all this, Ful. That's what I say, sir; the hard-hearted Bel. If it is not impertinent, sir, allow me to ness of some folks is unaccountable. There's an ask you what reason you have for despairing of old lady Rusport, a near relation of this gentle success.
Dud. Why really, sir, mine is an obvious rea- turn back, and give over the pursuit. Well, capson for a soldier to have -Want of money; tain Dudley, if that's your name, there's a letter simply that.
for you. Read, man; read it; and I'll have a Bel. May I beg to know the sum you have oc-word with you after you have done. casion for
Dud. More miracles on foot! So, so, from Dud. Truly, sir, I cannot exactly tell you on lady Rusport. a sudden; nor is it, I suppose, of any great con O'Fla. You're right; it's from her ladyship. sequence to you to be informed; but I should Dud. Well, sir, I have cast my eye over it; guess, in the gross, that two hundred pounds 'tis short and peremptory; are you acquainted would serve.
with the contents ? Bel. And do you find a difficulty in raising that O'Fla. Not at all, my dear; not at all. sum upon your pay? 'Tis done every day.
Dud. Have you any message from lady RusDud. The nature of the climate makes it dif-port? ficult; I can get no one to insure my life.
O'Fla. Not a syllable, honey; only, when Bel. Oh! that's a circumstance may make for you've digested the letter, I've a little bit of you, as well as against: in short, captain Dud- a message to deliver you from myself. ley, it so happens, that I can command the sum Dud. And may I beg to know who yourself of two hundred pounds : seek, therefore, no far- is? ther; I'll accommodate you with it upon easy
O'Fla. Dennis O'Flaherty, at your service; a terms.
poor major of grenadiers; nothing better. Dud. Sir! do I understand you rightly?--I Dud." So much for your name and title, sir; beg your pardon; but am I to believe that you now, be so good to favour me with your mesare in earnest ?
sage. Bel. What is your surprise ? Is it an uncom O Fla. Why, then, captain, I must tell you, I mon thing for a gentleman to speak truth? Or is bave promised lady Rusport you shall do whatit incredible that one fellow-creature should as ever it is she bids you to do in that letter there. sist another!
Dud. Ay, indeed? bave you undertaken so Dud. I ask your pardon-May I beg to much, major, without knowing either what she know to whom -Do you propose this in the commands, or what I can perform? way of business?
O'Fla. That's your concern, my dear, not Bel
. Entirely: I have no other business on mine; I must keep my word, you know. earth.
Dud. Or else, I suppose, you and I must meaDud. Indeed! You are not a broker, I'm sure swords? persuaded ?
O'Fla. Upon my soul, you've hit it! Bel. I am not.
Dud. That would hardly answer to either of Dud. Nor an army agent, I think?
us: you and I have, probably, had enough of Bel. I hope you will not think the worse of me fighting in our time before now. for being neither; in short, sir, if you will peruse
O'Fla. Faith and troth, master Dudley, you this paper, it will explain to you who I am, and may say that : 'tis thirty years, come the time, upon what terms I act. While you read it, I will that I have followed the trade, and in a pretty step home, and fetch the money, and we will many countries. Let me see--In the war before conclude the bargain without loss of time. In last I served in the Irish brigade, d'ye see; there, the mean while, good day to you. [Erit hastily. after bringing off the French monarch, I left his
Dud. Humph! there's something very odd in service, with a British bullet in my body, and all this let me see what we've got here this ribbon in my button-hole. Last war I folThis paper is to tell me who he is, and what are lowed the fortunes of the German eagle, in the his terms : in the name of wonder, why has he corps of grenadiers; there I had my belly full of sealed it!-Hey-day! what's here? two bank- fighting, and a plentiful scarcity of every thing notes of a hundred each! I can't comprehend else. After six-and-twenty engagements, great and what this means. Hold; here's a writing; per- small, I went off, with this gash on my scull, and haps that will shew me. • Accept this trifle; a kiss of the empress queen's sweet hand, (Hea* pnrsue your fortune, and prosper.' Am I in a ven bless it!) for my pains. Since the peace, my dream? Is this a reality?
dear, I took a little turn with the confederates
there in Poland-but such another set of madEnter MAJOR O'FLAHERTY.
caps ! by the lord Harry, I never knew what it O'Fla. Save you, my dear! Is it you now that was they were scuffling about! arc captain Dudley, I would ask? Whuh! - Dud. Well, major, I won't add another action what's the hurry the man's in? If 'tis the lad that to the list-you shall keep your promise with la. ran out of the shop, you would overtake, you dy Rusport; she requires me to leave Londou ; might as well stay where you are; by my soul, I shall go ili a few days, and you may take what he's as nimble as a Croat; you are a full hour's credit you picase from my compliance. march in the rear-Ay, faith, you may as well O'Fla. Give me your hand, my dear boy!
This will make her my own : when that's the break down again with her—at least, till she gets case, we shall be brothers, you know, and we'll to her journey's end! But where's Charles Dudshare her fortune between us.
ley? Run down, dear girl, and be ready to let Dud. Not so, major: the man who marries him in; I think he's as long in coming as she lady Rusport will have a fair title to her whole was in going. fortune without division. But, I hope, your ex Lucy. Why, indeed, madam, you seem the more pectations of prevailing are founded upon good alert of the two, I must say.
Char. Now, the deuce take the girl for putO'Fla. Upon the best grounds in the world.- ting that notion into my head ! I'm sadly afraid First, I think she will comply, because she is a Dudley does not like me: so much encouragewoman : secondiy, I am persuaded she won't ment as I have given him to declare himself, I hold out long, because she's a widow : and third-never could get a word from him on the subject. ly, I make sure of her, because I've married five This may be very honourable, but upon my he wives (en militaire captain), and never failed it's very provoking. By the way, I wonder how yet; and, for what I know, they're all alive and I look to-day: Oh, shockingly ! bideously pale! merry at this very hour.
like a witch! This is the old lady's glass; and Dud. Well, sir, go on and prosper : if you can she has left some of her wrinkles on it. How inspire lady Rusport with half your charity, I frightfully have I put on my cap ! all awry! and shall think you deserve all her fortune : at pre- my hair dressed so unbecomingly ! altogether, I' sent, I must beg your excuse : good morning to must complete fright. you.
[Erit. O'Ela. A good sensible man, and very much CHARLES DUDLEY comes in, unobserved. of a soldier! I did not care if I was better acquainted with him: but 'tis an awkward kind of Cha. That I deny. country for that; the English, I observe, are Char. Ah! close friends, but distant acquaintance. I sus Cha. Quarrelling with your glass, cousin pect the old lady has not been over generous to Make it up; make it up, and be friends : it canpoor Dudley; I shall give her a little touch a not compliment you more, than by reflecting you bout that: upon my soul, I know but one excuse as you are. a person can have for giving nothing and Char. Well, I vow, my dear Charles, that is that is, like myself, having nothing to give. delightfully said, and deserves my very best curt
[Erit. sey: your flattery, like a rich jewel, has a value
not only from its superior lustre, but from its exSCENE IV.-Changes to Lady RUSPORT'S traordinary scarceress : I verily think this is the house. A dressing room.
only civil speech you ever directed to my person in
your life. Enter Miss RUSPORT and Lucy.
Cha. And I ought to ask pardon of your good Char. Well, Lucy, you've dislodged the old sense for having done it now. lady at last; but methought you was a tedious Char. Nay, now you relapse again : don't time about it.
you know, if you keep well with a woman on the Lucy. A tedious time, indeed; I think they, great score of beauty, she'll never quarrel with who have least to spare, contrive to throw the you on the trifling article of good sense? But most away. I thought I should never have got any thing serves to fill up a dull yawning hour her out of the house.
with an insipid cousin; you have brighter moChar. Why, she's as deliberate in canvassing ments, and warmer spirits, for the dear girl of every article of her dress, as an ambassador your heart. would be in settling the preliminaries of a treaty. Cha. Oh, fie upon you! fię upon you !
Lucy. There was a new hood and handker Char. You blush, and the reason is apparent : chiet, that had come express from Holborn-bill you are a novice in hypocrisy; but no practice can on the occasion, that took as much time in adjus- make a visit of ceremony pass for a visit of choice. ting
Love is ever before its time; friendship is apt to Char. As they did in making, and she was as lag a little after it: pray, Charles, did you vain of them as an old maid of a young lover. make any extraordinary haste hither?
Lucy. Or a young lover of himself. Then, Cha. By your question, I see you acquit me madam, this being a visit of great ceremony to a of the impertinence of being in love. person of distinction, at the west end of the Char. But why impertinence? Why the imtown, the old chariot was dragged forth on the tinence of being in love? You have one language occasion, with strict charges to dress out the box for me, Charles, and another for the woman of with the leopard-skin hammer-cloth.
Char. Yes, and to hang the false tails on the Cha. You are mistaken; the woman of my miserable stumps of the old crawling cattle.- affection shall never hear any other language Well, well, pray Heaven the crazy affair don't froin me, than what I use to you.