We'll fit the kid fox with a penny-worth. Enter BALTHAZAR, with music. D. Pedro. It is the witness still of excellency, Balth. Because you talk of wooing, I will sing; D. Pedro. Nay, pray thee, come: Balth. Note this before my notes, There's not a note of mine, that's worth the noting. D. Pedro. Why these are very crotchets, that he speaks; Note, notes, forsooth, and noting! [Music. Bene. Now, Divine air! now is his soul ravished!Is it not strange, that sheeps' guts should hale souls out of men's bodies?-Well, a horn for my money, when all's done. BALTHAZAR sings. I. Balth. Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, One foot in sea, and one on shore; But let them go, II. Sing no more ditties, sing no mo Of dumps so dull and heavy; The frauds of men were ever so, Since summer first was leavy. Then sigh not so, etc. Claud. 'Faith, like enough. Leon. O God! counterfeit! There never was coun- D. Pedro. Why, what effects of passion shows she? Claud. She did, indeed. D. Pedro. By my troth, a good song! Balth. And an ill singer, my lord. D.Pedro.Ha? no; no, faith; thou singest well enough for a shift. Leon. No; and swears she never will: that's her Bene. [Aside.] An he had been a dog, that should have howled thus, they would have hanged him: and, I pray God, his bad voice bode no mischief! I had as lief have heard the night-raven, come what plague could have come after it. Claud. 'Tis true, indeed; so your daughter says: Shall I, says she, that have so oft encountered him with scorn, write to him, that I love him? D. Pedro. Yea, marry. [To Claudio.]-Dost thou hear, Balthazar? I pray thee, get us some excellent music; for to-morrow night we would have it at the lady Hero's chamber-window. Balth. The best I can, my lord. Leon. This says she now, when she is beginning to write to him: for she'll be up twenty times a night; and there will she sit in her smock, till she have writ a sheet of paper:--my daughter tells us all. D. Pedro. Do so: farewell! [Exeunt Balthazar and music.] Come hither, Leonato! What was it you told me of to-day? that your niece Beatrice was in love with signior Benedick? Claud. O, ay!-Stalk on, stalk on; the fowl sits. [Aside to Pedro.] I did never think that lady would have loved any man. Claud. Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember sheet? Leon. O she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence; railed at herself, that she should be so immodest to write to one that she knew would flout her: 1 measure him, says she, by my own spirit: for I should flout him, if he writ to me; yea, though I love him, Leon. No, nor I neither; but most wonderful, that she should so dote on signior Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviours seemed ever to abhor. Bene. Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner? [Aside. Leon. By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think ofit, but that she loves him with an enraged affection,-it is past the infinite of thought. D. Pedro. May be, she doth but counterfeit. I should. Claud. Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses: — O sweet Benedick! God give me patience! Leon. She doth indeed; my daughter says so: and the ecstacy hath so much overborne her, that my daughter is sometime afraid, she will do a desperate outrage to herself; it is very true. D. Pedro. It were good, that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she will not discover it. Claud. To what end? He would but make a sport of it, and torment the poor lady worse. D. Pedro. An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an excellent sweet lady; and, out of all suspicion, she is virtuous. Claud. And she is exceeding wise. D. Pedro. In every thing, but in loving Benedick. Leon. O my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender a body, we have ten proofs to one, that blood hath the victory. I am sorry for her, as I have just cause, being her uncle and her guardian. D. Pedro. I would she had bestowed this dotage on me; I would have daff'd all other respects, and made her half myself: I pray you, tell Benedick of it, and hear what he will say. Leon. Were it good, think you? Claud. Hero thinks surely, she will die: for she says, she will die, if he love her not; and she will die, ere she makes her love known; and she will die, if he woo her, rather than she will 'bate one breath of her accustomed crossness. D. Pedro. She doth well: if she should make tender of her love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it; for the man, as you know all, hath a contemptible spirit. ་ Claud. He is a very proper man. ness. Claud. 'Fore God, and in my mind, very wise. Bene. Ha! Against my will I am sent to bid you come to dinner-there's a double meaning in that. I took no more pains for those thanks, than you took pains to thank me—that's as much as to say, Any pains D. Pedro.He doth, indeed, show some sparks that are that I take for you, is as easy as thanks. If I do not Leon. And I take him to be valiant. like wit. take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, I D. Pedro. As Hector, I assure you: and in the ma-am a Jew: I will go get her picture. [Exit. naging of quarrels you may see he is wise; for either he avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes them with a most christian-like fear. Leon. If he do fear God, he must necessarily keep peace; if he break the peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel with fear and trembling. D. Pedro. And so will he do; for the man doth fear God, howsoever it seems not in him, by some large jests he will make. Well, I am sorry for your niece. Shall we go see Benedick, and tell him of her love? Claud. Never tell him, my lord; let her wear it out with good counsel. Leon. Nay, that's impossible; she may wear her heart out first. D. Pedro. Well, we'll hear further of it by your daughter;let it cool the while. I loveBenedick well;and I could wish, he would modestly examine himself, to see how much he is unworthy so good a lady. АСТ III. SCENE I.-Leonato's garden. Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA. Hero. Good Margaret, run thee into the parlour; There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice Proposing with the Prince and Claudio: Whisper her ear, and tell her, I and Ursula Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse Is all of her; say, that thou overheard'st us; And bid her steal into the pleached bower, Where honey-suckles, ripen'd by the sun, Forbid the sun to enter;-like favourites, Made proud by princes, that advance their pride Against that power that bred it :—there will she hide To listen our propose. This is thy office; her, Bear thee well in it, and leave us alone! Leon. My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready. Marg. I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently. Claud. If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never [Exit. trust my expectation. Aside. Hero. Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, D. Pedro. Let there be the same net spread for her; As we do trace this alley up and down, and that must your daughter and her gentlewoman Our talk must only be of Benedick. carry. The sport will be, when they hold one an opi- When I do name him, let it be thy part nion of another's dotage, and no such matter; that's To praise him more than ever man did merit: the scene that I would see, which will be merely a My talk to thee must be, how Benedick dumb show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner. Is sick in love with Beatrice: Of this matter Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made, That only wounds by hearsay. Now begin; Enter BEATRICE, behind. For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs Close by the ground, to hear our conference. Urs. The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish Cut with her golden oars the silver stream, And greedily devour the treacherous bait: So angle we for Beatrice; who even now Is couched in the woodbine coverture: Fear you not my part of the dialogue. Hero. Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing Of the false sweet bait, that we lay for it.— [Aside. [Exeunt Don Pedro, Claudio, and Leonato. BENEDICK advances from the arbour. Bene. This can be no trick: the conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady; it seems, her affections have their full bent. Love me! why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured: they say, I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive the love come from her; they say too, that she will rather die, than give any sign of affection. - I did never think to marry-I must not seem proud. Happy are they, that hear their detractions, and can put them to mending! They say, the lady is fair; 'tis a truth, I can bear them witness: and virtuous;-'tis so, I cannot reprove it: and wise, but for loving me. By my troth, it is no addition to her wit;-nor no great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her.-I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against marriage.—But doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth, that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips, and sentences, and these paper bullets of the brain, awe a man from the career of his humour? No : the world must be peopled. When I said, I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live, till I were married.-Here comes Beatrice. By this day, she's a fair lady! I do spy some marks of love in her. Enter BEATrice. I [They advance to the bower. Urs. But are you sure, Beat. Against my will, I am sent to bid you come in As much as may be yielded to a man to dinner. But nature never fram'd a woman's heart All matter else seems weak: she cannot love, And therefore, certainly, it were not good, If speaking, why a vane, blown with all winds; Urs. Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable. Urs. Yet tell her of it; hear what she will Urs. O, do not do your cousin such a wrong! ! Urs. I pray you, be not angry with me, madam, Speaking my fancy; signior Benedick, For shape, for bearing, argument and valour, Goes foremost in report through Italy. Hero. Indeed, he hath an excellent good name. Urs. His excellence did earn it, ere he had it. When are you married, madam? with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown D. Pedro. Hang him, truant! there's no true drop Hero. Why, every day;-to-morrow! Come, go in; I'll show thee some attires; and have thy counsel, Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow. Bene. I have the tooth-ach. D. Pedro. Draw it. Bene. Hang it! Claud. You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards. has it. Claud. Yet say I, he is in love. D. Pedro. There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as,to be a Dutchman to-day; a Frenchman to-morrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, as, a German from the waist downward, all slops; and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet: unless he have a fancy to this foolery,as it appears he hath,he is for fancy, as you would have it appear he is. Claud. If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing old signs: he brushes his hat o' mornings; what should that bode? Urs. She's lim'd, I warrant you; we have caught her, madam. Hero. If it prove so, then loving goes by haps: Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand; no fool D. Pedro. Hath any man seen him at the barber's? Clawd. No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him; and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis-balls. Leon. Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard. D. Pedro. Nay, he rubs himself with civet. Can you smell him out by that? Claud. That's as much as to say, The sweet youth's in love. D. Pedro. The greatest note of it is melancholy. Claud. Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into a lutestring, and now governed by stops. D. Pedro. Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him; conclude, conclude, he is in love. Claud. Nay, but I know who loves him. D. Pedro. That would I know too; I warrant, one that knows him not. Claud. Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of all, dies for him. D. Pedro. She shall be buried with her face upwards. Bene. Yet is this no charm for the tooth-ach.-Old signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobbyhorses must not hear. [Exeunt Benedick and Leonato. D. Pedro. For my life, to break with him about Beatrice. [Exit. Claud. 'Tis even so: Hero and Margaret have by this played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two bears will not bite one another, when they meet. Enter Don JoнN. SCENE II.-A room in Leonato's house. safe me. D. Pedro. Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage, as to show a child his new coat, and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold D. John. My lord and brother, God save you! D. J D. John. If it please you:- yet count Claudio may hear; for what I would speak of, concerns him. D. Pedro. What's the matter? D. John. Means your lordship to be married to- comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any man [To Claudio. stand, in the prince's name. morrow? D. Pedro. You know, he does. D. John. I know not that, when he knows what I know. Claud. If there be any impediment, I pray you, dis cover it. D. John. You may think, I love you not; let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I think, he holds you well; and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensning marriage: surely, suit ill-spent, and labour ill-bestowed! D. Pedro. Why, what's the matter? D. John. I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances shortened, (for she hath been too long a talking of,) the lady is disloyal. Claud. Who? Hero? 2 Watch. How if he will not stand? Dogb. Why, then take no note of him, but let him go; and presently call the rest of the watch together, and thank God, you are rid of a knave. Verg. If he will not stand, when he is bidden, he is none of the prince's subjects. Dogh. True, and they are to meddle with none but the prince's subjects. -You shall also make no noise in the streets; for, for the watch to babble and talk, is most tolerable and not to be endured. 2 Watch. We will rather sleep, than talk; we know what belongs to a watch. Dogb. Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only have a care, that your bills be not stolen ! -Well, you are to call at all the ale-houses, and bid D. John. Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, those, that are drunk, get them to bed. every man's Hero. Claud. Disloyal? D. John. The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I could say, she were worse; think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not, till further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall see her chamber-window entered; even the night before her wedding-day: if you love her then, to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour to change your mind. Claud. May this be so? D. Pedro. I will not think it. D. John. If you dare not trust that yon see, confess not that you know: if you will follow me, I will show you enough; and, when you have seen more, and heard more, proceed accordingly! Claud. IfI see any thing to-night why I should not marry her to-morrow, in the congregation, where I should wed, there will I shame her. D. Pedro. And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her. D. John. I will disparage her no farther, till you are my witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself. D. Pedro. O day untowardly turned! So will you say, when you have seen the sequel. [Exeunt. Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES, with the Watch. Dogb. Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the prince's watch. Verg. Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry. Dogb. First, who think you the most desertless man to be constable? 1 Watch. Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal; for they can write and read. Dogb. Come hither, neighbour Seacoal: God hath blessed you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature. 2 Watch. How if they will not? Dogb. Why, then, let them alone,till they are sober; if they make you not then the better answer, you may say, they are not the men you took them for. 2 Watch. Well, sir. Dogb. If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man: and, for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why, the more is for your honesty. 2 Watch. If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him? Dogb. Truly, by your office, you may; but, I think, they that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to let him shew himself what he is, and steal out of your com pany. Verg. You have been always called a merciful man, partner. Dogb. Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will; much more a man, who hath any honesty in him. Verg. If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the nurse, and bid her still it. 2 Watch. How if the nurse be asleep, and will not hear us? Dogb. Why then, depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying: for the ewe, that will not hear her lamb, when it baes, will never answer a calf, when he bleats. Verg. 'Tis very true. Dogb. This is the end of the charge. You, constable, are to present the prince's own person; if you meet the prince in the night, you may stay him. Verg. Nay, by'r lady, that, I think, he cannot. Dogb. Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without the prince be willing: for,indeed, the watch ought to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a man against his will. Verg. By'rlady, I think it be so. Dogb. Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good-night: an there be any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your fellows' counsels and your own, and goodnight.-Come, neighbour! 2 Watch. Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here upon the church-bench till two,and then all to-bed! 2 Watch. Both which, master constable,— Dogb. One word more, honest neighbours: I pray Dogb. You have; I knew, it would be your answer. you, watch about signior Leonato's door; for the wedWell, for your favour, sir, why give God thanks, dig being there to-morrow, there is a great coil toand make no boast of it;and for your writing and read-night. Adieu, be vigilant, I beseech you. ing, let that appear, when there is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch; therefore bear you the lantern! This is your charge; you shall [Exeunt Dogberry and Verges. [Aside. Bora. Conrade, I say! Con. Here, man, I am at thy elbow. Bora. Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought, there would a scab follow. Con. I will owe thee an answer for that; and now forward with thy tale. Bora. Stand thee close then under this penthouse, for it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee. Watch. [Aside.] Some treason, masters; yet stand close! Bora. Therefore know, I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats. Con.Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear? Bora. Thou should'st rather ask, if it were possible any villainy should be so rich; for when rich villains have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what price they will. Con. I wonder at it. Bora. That shows, thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest, that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man. Con. Yes, it is apparel. Con. Yes, the fashion is the fashion. Bora. Tush! I may as well say, the fool's the fool. But see'st thou not, what a deformed thief this fashion is? Watch. I know that Deformed; he has been a vile thief this seven year; he goes up and down like a gentleman: I remember his name. 1 Watch. Never speak; we charge you, let us obey Bora. We are like to prove a goodly commodity, Con. A commodity in question, I warrant you.— Bora. Didst thou not hear somebody? Con. No; 'twas the vane on the house. Bora. See'st thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is? how giddily he turns about all the hot bloods, between fourteen and five and-thirty? sometime, fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers in the reechy painting; sometime, like god Bel's priests in the old churchwindow; sometime, like the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry, where his cod-piece seems as massy, as his club? Con. All this I see; and see, that the fashion wears out more apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion? SCENE IV.A room in Leonato's house. Hero. And bid her come hither. [Exit Ursula. Marg. Troth, I think, your other rabato were better. Bora. Not so neither: but know, that I have tonight wooed Margaret, the lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the name of Hero; she leans me out at her mistress's chamber-window, bids me a thousand times goodnight.-I tell this tale vilely:-I should first tell thee,how the Prince, Claudio, and my master, planted, and placed, and possessed by my master Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter. Hero. My cousin's a fool, and thou art another; I'll wear none but this. Marg. I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair were a thought browner; and your gown's a most rare fashion, i'faith. I saw the duchess of Milan's gown, that they praise so. Hero. O, that exceeds, they say. Marg. By my troth, it's but a night-gown in respect of yours: cloth of gold, and cuts, and laced with silver; set with pearls, down sleeves, side sleeves, and skirts round, underborne with a bluish tinsel: but for a fine, quaint, graceful, and excellent fashion, your's is worth ten on't. Con. And thought they Margaret was Hero? Bora. Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio; but the devil my master knew, she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly by my villainy, which did confirm any slander, that Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning at the temple, and there, before the whole congregation, shame her with what he saw over-night, and send her home again without a husband. Hero. God give me joy to wear it, for my heart is exceeding heavy! 1 Watch. We charge you in the prince's name,stand! 2 Watch. Call up the right master constable: we have here recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery, that ever was known in the commonwealth. 1 Watch. And one Deformed is one of them; I know him, he wears a lock. Con. Masters, masters. Marg. 'Twill be heavier soon,by the weight of a man. Hero. Fye upon thee! art not ashamed? Marg. Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? Is not marriage honourable in a beggar? Is not your lord honourable without marriage? I think you would have me say, saving your reverence,-a husband: an bad thinking do not wrest true speaking, I'll offend nobody. Is there any harm in-the heavier for a husband? None, I think, an it be the right husband, and the right wife; otherwise 'tis light, and not heavy. Ask my lady Beatrice else, here she comes. Enter BEATRICE. Hero. Good morrow, coz! lack no barns. with Marg. O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels. Beat. 'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin; 'tis time you were ready. By my troth, I am exceeding ill-hey ho! Marg. For a hawk, a horse, or a husband? Beat. For the letter that begins them all, H. Marg. Well, an you be not turned Turk, there's no more sailing by the star. Beat. What means the fool, trow? Marg. Nothing I; but God send every one their heart's desire! Hero. These gloves the count sent me, they are an excellent perfume. Beat. I am stuffed, cousin, I cannot smell. of cold. Beat. O, God help me! God help me! how long have 2 Watch. You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I you profess'd apprehension? warrant you. Con. Masters, Marg. Ever since you left it: doth not my wit become me rarely? |