garden, came in search of them to the same place; and finding them, reminded them to return, for the day was now far spent. But they relating their resolution and purpose, and how that will was begun, and settled in them, begged them, if they would not join, not to molest them. But the others, though nothing altered from their former selves, did yet bewail themselves, (as he affirmed,) and piously congratulated them, recommending themselves to their prayers; and so, with hearts lingering on the earth, went away to the palace. But the other two, fixing their heart on heaven, remained in the cottage. And both had affianced brides, who when they heard hereof, also dedicated their virginity unto God. [§ 18] And I had thought, that I therefore deferred from day to day to reject the hopes of this world, and follow Thee only, because there did not appear aught certain, whither to direct my course. And now was the day come wherein I was to be laid bare to myself, and my conscience was to upbraid me. "Where art thou now, my tongue? Thou saidst, that for an uncertain truth thou likedst not to cast off the baggage of vanity; now, it is certain, and yet that burthen still oppresseth thee, while they who neither have so worn themselves out with seeking it, nor for ten years and more have been thinking thereon, have had their shoulders lightened, and received wings to fly away." Thus was I gnawed within, and exceedingly confounded with an horrible shame, while Pontitianus was so speaking. And he having brought to a close his tale and the business he came for, went his way; and I into myself. What said I not against myself? with what scourges of condemnation lashed I not my soul, that it might follow me, striving to go after Thee! Yet it drew back; refused, but excused not itself. All arguments were spent and confuted; there remained a mute shrinking; and she feared, as she would death, to be restrained from the flux of that custom, whereby she was wasting to death.-L.F. 143–5, 146 sq. No. 169. The Conversion of St. Augustine, Aug. 386 From Augustine, Conf. viii. §§ 28–30 (Op. ii. 155–6; P.L. xxxii. 716-4). [§ 28] But when a deep consideration had from the secret bottom of my soul drawn together and heaped up all my misery in the sight of my heart; there arose a mighty storm, bringing a mighty shower of tears. Which that I might pour forth wholly, in its natural expressions, I rose from Alypius: solitude was suggested to me as fitter for the business of weeping; so I retired so far that even his presence could not be a burthen to me, Thus was it then with me, and he perceived something of it; for something I suppose I had spoken, wherein the tones of my voice appeared choked with weeping, and so had risen up. He then remained where we were sitting, most extremely astonished. I cast myself down I know not how, under a certain fig-tree, giving full vent to my tears; and the floods of mine eyes gushed out, an acceptable sacrifice to Thee. And, not indeed in these words, yet to this purpose, spake I much unto Thee: And Thou, O Lord, how long? how long, Lord, wilt thou be angry for ever?1 Remember not our former iniquities,2 for I felt that I was held by them. I sent up these sorrowful words; How long? how long, "to-morrow, and to-morrow?" Why not now? why not is there this hour an end to my uncleanness? [§ 29] So was I speaking, and weeping in the most bitter contrition of my heart, when, lo! I heard from a neighbouring house a voice, as of boy or girl, I know not, chanting, and oft repeating, "Take up and read; Take up and read." Instantly, my countenance altered, I began to think most intently, whether children were wont in any kind of play to sing such words: nor could I remember ever to have heard the like. So checking the torrent of my tears, I arose ; interpreting it to be no other than a command from God, to open the book, and read the first chapter I should find. For I had heard of Antony, that coming in during the reading of the Gospel, he received the admonition, as if 2 Ps. lxxix. 5, 8. 1 Ps. vi. 4. what was being read, was spoken to him; Go, sell all that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven, and come and follow me.1 And by such oracle he was forthwith converted unto Thee. Eagerly then I returned to the place where Alypius was sitting; for there had I laid the volume of the Apostle, when I arose thence. I seized, opened, and in silence read that section, on which. my eyes first fell: Not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying: but put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, in concupiscence. No further would I read; nor needed I: for instantly at the end of this sentence, by a light as it were of serenity infused into my heart, all the darkness of doubt vanished away. 2 [§ 30] Then putting my finger between, or some other mark, I shut the volume, and with a calmed countenance made it known to Alypius. And what was wrought in him, which I knew not, he thus showed me. He asked to see what I had read: I showed him; and he looked even further than I had read, and I knew not what followed. This followed, him that is weak in the faith, receive;3 which he applied to himself, and disclosed to me. And by this admonition was he strengthened; and by a good resolution and purpose, and most corresponding to his character, wherein he did always very far differ from me, for the better, without any turbulent delay he joined me. Thence we go 4 in to my mother; we tell her; she rejoiceth: we relate in order how it took place; she leaps for joy, and triumpheth, and blesseth Thee, Who art able to do above that which we ask or think; for she perceived that Thou hadst given her more for me, than she was wont to beg by her pitiful and most sorrowful groanings. For Thou convertedst me unto Thyself, so that I sought neither wife, nor any hope of this world, standing in that rule of faith, where Thou hadst showed me unto her in a vision, so many years before. And Thou didst convert her mourning into joy,5 much more plentiful than she had desired, and in a much more precious and purer way than she erst required, by having grandchildren of my body.-L.F, i. 152–4. 1 Matt. xix. 21. 4 Ephes. iii. 20. 2 Rom. xiii. 13, 14. 3 Rom. xiv. I. 5 Ps. xxx. II. No. 170.-Antiphonal Psalmody at Milan, 386 [S15] Not long had the Church of Milan begun to use this kind of consolation and exhortation, the brethren zealously joining with harmony of voice and hearts. For it was a year, or not much more, that Justina, mother to the Emperor Valentinian, a child, persecuted Thy servant Ambrose, in favour of her heresy, to which she was seduced by the Arians. The devout people kept watch in the Church, ready to die with their Bishop Thy servant. There my mother Thy handmaid, bearing a chief part of those anxieties and watchings, lived for prayer. We, yet unwarmed by the heat of Thy Spirit, still were stirred up by the sight of the amazed and disquieted city. Then it was first instituted that after the manner of the Eastern Churches, Hymns and Psalms should be sung, lest the people should wax faint through the tediousness of sorrow and from that day to this the custom is retained, divers, yea, almost all Thy congregations, throughout other parts of the world, following herein.-L.F. i. 166 sq. No. 171.-Augustine, on a Class of Catechumens, 400 From Augustine, De catechizandis rudibus, § 19 (Op. vi. : †276 sq.; P.L. xl. 325). [§ 19] Often, too, it happens, that he who at first heard us with pleasure, being wearied either by listening or by standing, now yawns and gapes, and even against his will shows a wish to depart. And when we have perceived this, we ought either to refresh his mind by saying something seasoned with decent cheerfulness, and suited to the matter which is being treated, or something very wonderful and marvellous, or even painful and sad; and preferably touching himself, that being pricked by concern for himself he may rouse up, and yet not such as to wound his feeling of reverence by any sharpness, but rather by a friendly manner to conciliate him; or we may relieve him by the offer of a seat, although without doubt it would be better, where it can be done with propriety, that the listener should sit from the commencement; and with far greater wisdom in certain churches beyond the sea, not only do the bishops sit when they address the people, but seats are provided for the people themselves, lest any one who is weak being wearied by standing should have his mind turned away from most profitable attention, or even be obliged to depart. And yet it makes a great difference, whether one of a great multitude withdraws himself to recruit his strength, who is already bound by participation in the Sacraments, or he withdraws who has to be initiated in the first Sacraments, (being generally unavoidably compelled, lest overcome by weakness within he even fall,) and through shame does not say why he goes, and through his weakness is not able to stand. I speak this from experience, for a certain countryman did this when I was catechizing him, whence I learnt that this is very carefully to be guarded against. For who would endure our arrogance, when we do not cause to sit down in our presence men who are our brethren, or, which should be attended to with even greater care, in order that they may become our brethren, and yet a woman listened sitting to our Lord Himself, before Whom even the Angels stand? 1 Certainly if either the discourse is going to be short, or the place not suitable for sitting, let them listen standing, but [only] when the hearers are many, and are not to be admitted at that time. For when they are one or two, or a few, who have come in order to be made Christians, it is dangerous to speak to them standing. If however we have already begun in this manner, at least when the weariness of the hearer is observed, a seat should be offered him, nay, rather he must be pressed to sit down, and something should be said to refresh him, by which too, if any anxiety has entered his mind and begun to draw off his attention, it may be put to flight. For since the causes are unknown to us for which he remains silent and refuses to listen, something may, now that he is sitting, be said to him against thoughts of worldly matters which suggest themselves, either, as I have said, in a bright or in a serious manner; so that if these are what occupied his mind they may depart as if accused by name; but if it is not these, and he is wearied 1 Luke x. 39. |