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them by the name they give them.

in the No. VIII. Foreign Affuirs givestis Die ob- every thing in continental Europe, adical, Asia, Africa, America, Australasia

, turch, Melville's Island, the kingdoms of nurch, Fife and Kerry, and other foreign antary, parts ; besides war, peace, bully

, usion. sneak, threaten, skulk, palaver, protore you col, and all the other weapons of di

a ma- plomacy. No. IX. (Gorernment) and avery? No. XI. (Jobbing) embrace the mi. aper? Duter shades of Whig and Tory, in I have all their varied ramifications, and so ou ask forth. I have omitted to make a sto -aper. parate category of humbug, because nswer, it is so mixed up with all these queso a in an tions, (except No. XV.) that it would not be be difficult to disentangle it from the be sub- general body, and manifestly unjus -re the to allow that the trading professors of e, to any matter of public debate, by which eading money is to be made or notoriety obddress tained, excel, in the practice of that th the inestimable science, their brother eating merchants in other departments of o with merchandise. To business :

mihi 1. Catholics. I might have called ne, for them Papists, as those who like them gene. not are in the wont of doing, but that uching would have thrown them into the let

. ter P., so to come thirteenth in the Eic ap series ; or Roman Catholics, as the

compromisers, who boldly disregard it, are

the imputation of committing a bull, are in the habit of designating them, for that would have flung them into R, about the sixteenth; and as I desire to have them first on my list, I take

send

Here yo

to remark in the beginning of my short he did, with ornaments of rl thesis, that if you cannot write on the and other nice things of the kin Catholic question, you have complete- after all, it will come to the in ly mistaken your trade. Depart from nience of the extra penny. newspapers : abscond from the pen, however, instruct you so dee unless you use it to write for annuals. the matter, that you will pass You have come into the wrong voca- philosopher of the first water, tion. Pare a moss, break stones on a dozen sentences. It is, I ha the road, turn a mangle, go in the Bris Tobias, a very plain questiontish auxiliary Spanish legion : do any for a newspaper man, being p thing, in short, but journalize. You question of place. If your p have made a mistake; your blunder in an agricultural district is barbarous. I cannot teach in such laws : in a manufacturing distri a case, any more than I could impart Corn laws: in a mixed district, a knowledge of landscape-drawing to impartiality; or still better, the blind. If you be No-Popery: idol. silence. If you are to be i atry, superstition, inquisition, bloody Corn laws, you must remark, tl Mary, Philip II., St Bartholomew, a most unhappy state for a na 1641, revocation of Edict of Nantz, be dependent on foreigners, w 1798, Scallabogue, no faith with here. at any time become enemie tics, Dr Dens, O'Connell, beggary, daily bread. Praise the land perjury, swindling. If Pro-Popery: terest of England, and uphe seven centuries of oppression, religion unpaid magistracy: of seven-eighths of Christian world, have an opportunity of abusi seven millions of trampled-upon men, Morning Chronicle. Quote tl the march of mind, the tolerance of of Goldsmith, the popes, the ancient faith, the religion of Fénélon, the green fields and

“ Princes and peers may flourish bright streams of Ireland, the finest

fade, peasantry, the most holy priesthood; A breath may make them, as a br

made; oh! ah! ho! hurrah ! bleeding heart, true patriot, justice for Ireland. It But a bold peasantry, its country's

When once 'tis lost, can never you cannot write this and there is at

plied." least a couple of dozen articles in the above catalogue, every one of them They have been quoted a th wanting but the merest inflation of the times already, but that is a } most ordinary gas to swell into the dis the general impression as to ti mensions of a ballon-monstre-if you deniable truth and besides, cannot do this, I repeat that you have not generally read in the agri mistaken your business, and should districts, so that they may i retire from the profession of journal- original, and the farmers' da ism with as little delay as may be. copy them in their scrap.boo Why even - on our side, and

your name. Every now and th on the other, can write that: à discursive history of the I am sure that anybody, Tobias, can states in ancient and modern tifill up the blanks.

of which you must attribute II. Corn. A plain-a very plain want of Corn Laws. Cartha question. I know that you have never no Corn Laws-she was de thought any thing about it, except on foreigners for grain: she when your weekly bill has informed cordingly. Rome bad no Corn you that the quartern loaf has risen she tumbled, when the Sicil an extra penny, and therefore left you other granaries of the empi so much more in debt to the unfor- lost. And so on. Talk of the tunate baker; but in this, Tobias, you Pomerania, and other corn.pr do not differ from the chief speakers lands, famishing upon sour and writers on the liberal side of this in the midst of glowing har subject. The main argument in Vil- golden grain—and contrast th liers's three-times spoken speech, for dition with that of the bacon example, could be summoned up ad countenances of the Englis vantageously in the above sentence. servants. But in this partic As the subject is a flowery one-ex not be too rash, because yo cuse the pun-you may amplify it, as always leave a loophole of

99

me

selves.-(Let me here make a parenthesis to observe, that I like them for their courage in taking the name. We sometimes hear people say, that Shakspeare, by asking "What's in a name,"insinuates that there is nothing in it. These people are not wise

, Tobias. It is not Shakspeare who says anything of the kind, unless we set him

down as responsible for every thing that he puts into the mouths of his characters. Shakspeare well knew that there was as much virtue in a name, as Lord Coke found in an &c.; and when he makes Cassius assure his

confederate, that Brutus will start a nang spirit as soon as Cæsar," be does it

with the full assurance that Cassius is pens to find out his mistake in the end. Trels Therefore commend I the Catholics rem, for taking to themselves par excelend on the sounding name. Depend upon it, ious it tells somewhere, and that estensive. ar ly.) I wish to put their article first

for this plain reason, riz., that I desire

en

there should be a corps de reserve of that will be quite enough, being grumbling kept always in hand, for exactly as much as the most studious the farmers, above all people, like to reader over at any given time read of be told they are ruined. Say, then, the visions of Ebenezer. Here, too, that the foreign serf is miserable when you may quote history. Boldly defy compared with what the English any of your corn-law readers to confarmer is, “ or, at least, was in the tradict you, when you state that best times of the country; and as we Jerusalem perished in the siege of trust we shall see him again, when Titus, for no other reason than that the unwise, unjust, unnatural, and the Jews were not allowed a free impolitic system of insult and oppres- import of corn, and that the same may sion under which he is labouring at be strongly surmised of other blockpresent,” (and that present will do for aded cities. Take excellent care to any time,) ~ is abandoned, as it must puff the chairman of the Chamber of speedily be, amid the universal in- Commerce, or other similar institution, dignation of an outraged people." and if he likes your articles, and in Take care, of course, to speak higbly general these gentlemen are as vain of the Duke of Buckingham, but mind as magpies, whom indeed they much he must not be the only object of resemble in the style and variety of applause. The great man in your their oratory,) you may perhaps get immediate neighbourhood should be him to do you a bill. Above all continually panegyrized, and you must things, give tables-not dinner tables, hold him up as a pattern for all the but tables of figures—in vast abungentry of England. This will get dance ; thus :you a dinner at the Hall sometimes; In the year 1792, when the price and à propos of that, you must make of corn was 385. 6d. a quarter, the it a point to attend all public dinners, wages of the carpenter-we take car(tickets sent to the office, and no penters for an obvious reason, because subscription in the evening expected theirs is a trade which must be diffused from you,) and, if you can keep sober throughout the kingdom - averaged enough, make a speech. This will see the Northampton tables) 17s. 4d. give you weight in the country, for per week; that is to say, 17s. 4d. though you may talk the greatest a-week, being 208 pence" [be correct nonsense in the world, which, Tobias, in this, for some old schoolmaster in is highly probable, you will have the the neighbourhood will take the trouble reporting of it yourself; and on the of reducing it to pence, and denouncing morrow, when cool reflection comes, you in the rival journal for the misit is strange if you will not be able to take, if you make one, in a letter write a speech to pass muster, as well signed “ your's indignantly- Puicoas those which you have to compose MATH'l-being 208 pence; it follows for the other orators of the evening. that he could with these wages pur. If you be in a manufacturing district, chase 164 pound weight avoirdupois then, of course, manufactures are the of flour, convertible, (allowing 3 d. main stay of England, and what can for yeast and baking, and 0.276 for be more detestable than to attack the loss, as calculated by Sir Astley food of the hard-working man-to put Cooper,) into 159 pounds of solid, on an accursed bread tax-to plant a substantial, and nutritious bread :-in stab in the vitals of the poor-to de other words, allowing him to have a prive the child of sustenance, the wife and five children, which is only mother of — and all the rest of that: a fair proportion for an industrious quote, if you can remember them, or man, 22 pounds and 5-7ths of a pound find any one that does, the verses of per day, or nearly three pounds and a Ebenezer Elliot, which I understand half of bread per individual. It is no are of an uncommon kind, not such as wonder that cholera was never heard are to be met with every day. If you of among the poorer classes in those cannot remember them, make them- days. Now, indeed, we have higher

wages. He who in 1840 represents “ I would cut down with hatchet and with the carpenter of 1792 receives indeed axe

22s. 2d. (see the Bowring tables) per Those who support this most accursed week; but the price of corn being, by bread tax;

the last Gazette, 78s. 9d. per quarter, People of England I listen to the cry. it follows that he can procure no more

as

than 29 pounds four ounces of bread The only case that remains is per week, being, under circumstances in which you are in a town of di similar to the former case, no more interest - Liverpool for examp than seven pounds and a third per day, where you have the fear of offei a little more than a pound per indivi. the gentlemen of Lancashire o dual. · We pity at once the heart and one hand, by being anti-corn, an the intellect of him who upholds such men of Dale Street, Lord Street a system as this.” I have read many the Docks on the other, by being a paper signed Daniel Hardcastle to corn: it is a hard case, but you this effect, which has made a deep trim. Write as follows :impression upon reflecting readers.

we

- that will be quite enough, being exactly as much as the most studious reader cver at any given time read of the visions of Ebenezer. Here, too, you may quote history. Boldly defy any of your corn-law readers to con. tradict you, when you state that Jerusalem perished in the siege of Titus, for no other reason than that the Jews were not allowed a free import of corn, and that the same may be strongly surmised of other blockaded cities. Take excellent care to puff the chairman of the Chamber of Commerce, or other similar institution, and if he likes your articles, (and in general these gentlemen are as vain as magpies, whom indeed they much resemble in the style and variety of their oratory,) you may perhaps get him to do you a bill. Above all things, give tables-not dinner tables,

but tables of figures-in vast abun- dance ; thus :

“ In the year 1792, when the price e of corn was 388. 6d. a quarter, the

wages of the carpenter-we take carpenters for an obvious reason, because theirs is a trade which must be diffused throughout the kingdom - averaged (see the Northampton tables) 178. 4d.

per week; that is to say, 178. 4d. t a-week, being 208 pence"- {be correct

in this, for some old schoolmaster in the neighbourhood will take the trouble of reducing it to pence, and denouncing

“ On Tuesday last, a great anti-corn law On Tuesday, last, a great agric meeting was held, which, whatever may be meeting was held, which, whatever our opinion as to the great question under our opinion as to the great question discussion, must be adinitted to be of the discussion, must be admitted to be very highest respectability, whether very highest class of society. consider it in the light of wealth, intelli- rank, birth. gence, public spirit, or intrinsic worth and true English feeling. character of all who attended. The wella The noble Lord, a true pattern known, and universally respected merchant, English gentleman. who filled the chair, performed his arduous duties with a skill, talent, and urbanity, which well deserved the unanimous thanks with which the meeting rewarded him at its conclusion. The arguments adduced by the several speakers were not new-what, in. deed, can be new upon a subject so long debated ?-but were put forth with a talent and energy that cannot be too highly applauded. Differing as we do from the premises of some of the speakers, and from the conclusions of others, as indeed very often these premises and conclusions differed from one another, we cannot refrain from offering these independent remarks. Our own opinions are too well known to render it neces. sary that they should be here repeated” (of course you have taken right good care never to have expressed an opinion at all,) " and we shall conclude by referring our readers to à report of the great anti-corn law debate, which we have given most copiously without regard to trouble or expensemit will be found in our second page- and to the resolutions, for which see advertisement.“ Signed by the opulent chairman."

е

n

а

e

you in the rival journal for the mis

take, if you make one, in a letter I signed “ your's indignantly-PHILOe MATH"]-being 208 pence; it follows 5. that he could with these wages pur. t, chase 164 pound weight avoirdupois

of flour, convertible, (allowing 3 d. for yeast and baking, and 0.276 for

loss, as calculated by Sir Astley at Cooper,) into 159 pounds of solid,

substantial, and nutritious bread:-in other words, allowing him to have a wife and five children, which is only a fair proportion for an industrious

man, 22 pounds and 5-7ths of a pound of per day, or nearly three pounds and a d half of bread per individual. It is no

or

noble. (N.B— Take care to get that.)

pro corn law).

wonder that cholera was never heard of among the poorer classes in those days. Now, indeed, we have higher

wages. He who in 1840 represents th the carpenter of 1792 receives indeed

22s. 2d. (see the Bowring tables) per ed week; but the price of corn being, by

the last Gazette, 78s. 9d, per quarter, it follows that he can procure no more

I have underscored the only words ed into metalliques of a lower g that need differ in the two reports, and the silver and copper currencs I advise you keep the article stereo- impossible to suppose you can typed if you are placed in so unplea- norant. As for paper-it mu sant a situation as not to know on been long since, “long, long a which side your boat is to be trim. the song has it, since you sav med.

in distant vision, a bank-note, III. CURRENCY.-Here again, To- weekly allowance being but £: bias, of this question I think I may and your ideas of paper currer fairly assume you have no personal in all probability restricted to information. As your salary was paid quaintance with those stamped weekly, you, of course, know of the lelograms which you now an existence of golden coins; and as they successfully, but far more fred were with lightning rapidity convertin vain endeavoured to get disc

as

on the easy terms of 50 per cent., half his bill as an act of pestilent folly, in wine or coals. In dense ignorance which ruined the nation, and sold it upon the subject, you do not differ, to pawnbrokers? This is a heartmy dear Tobias, from Mr Samuel breaking case. If Sir Robert was Lloyd, Mr Richard Page, Mr Wil- out of it, the question is easy to maliam Tooke, Mr Alsager, Mr James nage. On one side-sound currency, Macculloch, and other eminent author. real metal, not filthy rags-security ities. I own it is a question, which, against panic - destruction of the talking as an impartial man, I abso. hopes of needy speculators-philoso. lutely hate. It has been the greatest phy, science, enlarged notions, and bother I ever remember since I came men of straw. Rob Cobbett's “paper into the world of politics, and

against gold,” literally translating his

English into your own dialect as well “ First vent a scribbling

as you can ; but do not quote Cobbett, A long time ago."

first, because you may pass off the pil. Tom Moore talks of “ Eternal Ca- fered goods as your own; and secondtholics and Corn," as the great fires ly, because he is not in favour with of the world, which only proves that the political-economy doctors, whom Tom Moore was writing of what he he used to call “ feclosofers," and knew nothing about. Catholics and otherwise batter and maltreat. On Corn are plain questions, as plain as the other side, declaim against the a pike-staff, or Lord Morpeth's coun- dishonesty of forcing people to pay tenance. If you were No.Popery, contracts of all kinds made when you had only to abuse the Papists—if Consols were perhaps at 50, in the Pro-Popery, to abuse the Churchmen same precise nominal sum now, when -(see Article Catholics in this letter they are at 93 or over-lament over -surely there is no trouble in that the ruin of unhappy mortgagers or Again, in the Corn question, are not others whose estates were burthened the parties sufficiently defined there in the paper times, which burthens too? To be sure, they are. (See are now to be got rid of in the days of Article Corn Laws, ante.) But here, gold and silver ; talk of Fred. Robinin the Currency affair, we are most son's year of panic, hard following the sadly complicated. The Whigs, unBill of 1819, which was to have exder the philosophy of the political tinguished all panics whatsoever-of economists, and the cajolery of the Huskisson's forty-eight hours of barter capitalists, are all in favour of what be hard upon Jews, usurers, pawn. they call a sound currency. Even to brokers, money-lenders, capitalists, your uneducated mind, it may not be bill-brokers, bill-stealers, and other necessary to explain that these same bad characters of that kind-and lift Whigs detest Sir Robert Peel. On up your leg to bestow a heartfelt and the other hand, the Tories, led by the warm salutation upon the Currency landed interest, have a mortal aversion quacks. I do not see how you are to to the sound currency, which, indeed, do better; but it is, as I have already has left their estates, in many cases, observed, a distressing question under little more than a sound-excuse the existing circumstances. The only pun-and a great veneration of that thing agreeable about it is, that you Baronet aforesaid. This is exceed. can write articles which, as nobody ingly distressing to an impartial, by understands a word of them, will, on which I mean, a partial journalist. the old principle, omne ignotum pro To a Whig, it is very unpleasant to magnifico, pass off as models of probe obliged to say, “ The bill of 1819 found wisdom. It was that which is a measure of vast wisdom, and of made the fortune of Macculloch, and great benefit to the country ;" while, the fame of Torrens. There is also at the same time, he is compelled to this advantage, that you may steal add, that “ the author of that bill is a these gentlemen's lucubrations ready man of narrow mind, and contracted made, as no human being remembers intellect, whose whole career has en- a word they wrote. Macculloch him. tailed upon the country nothing but self was so sure of this, that he acmischief." Again, how can a Tory tually reprinted one of his own most say, “ Sir Robert Peel is the most elaborate essays, and it passed off sagacious of men, and the truest of among his admirers as spick-and-span patriots," when he must denounce new.

Correspondence.

[July, his bill as an act of pestilent folly, which ruined the nation, and sold it to pawnbrokers? This is a heart. breaking case. If Sir Robert was out of it, the question is easy to manage. On one side—sound currency, real metal, not filthy rags-security against panic – destruction of the hopes of needy speculators-philoso. phy, science, enlarged notions, and men of straw. Rob Cobbett's “paper against gold," literally translating his English into your own dialect as well as you can; but do not quote Cobbett, first, because you may pass off the pilfered goods as your own; and second

ly, because he is not in favour with
E the political-economy doctors, whom

he used to call “feelosofers," and
otherwise batter and maltreat. On
the other side, declaim against the
dishonesty of forcing people to pay

contracts of all kinds made when
f Consols were perhaps at 50, in the

same precise nominal sum now, when
they are at 93 or over-lament over

the ruin of unhappy mortgagers or
t others whose estates were burthened
e in the paper times, which burthens

are now to be got rid of in the days of -, gold and silver; talk of Fred. Robin. t son's year of panic, hard following the

Bill of 1819, which was to have ex1 tinguished all panics whatsoever—of

Huskisson's forty-eight hours of barter t -be hard upon Jews, usurers, pawn.

brokers, money-lenders, capitalists, e bill-brokers, bill-stealers, and other

IV. DISSENTERS.- Why—since the not a sixpence. It is against Test and Corporation acts have been interest. I have in my time seen repealed, it is evident that these people emerge from Hoxton as lean as have no sort of existence in the coun- poles, shirtless as pump-handles try. They used to make a rumpus as ragged as scarecrows, with stor once upon a time, but now it is found that would digest a paving stone ont that it was only like the hollow bellies close compressed agains rumbling of an empty cask. As, spine, who, after a year's settleme therefore, I do not think that you can a thriving neighbourhood, appbe engaged on a dissenting paper, I jn glossy suits of ample broad have no advice to offer for your con in well-developed linen, and pau duct of one. Baines in Leeds—the bursting the buttons of their bre Baines whom Cobbett used to call the All this done by preaching-by great Liar of the North-makes some the schoolmaster at home-by thing out of his Mercury, and has the best private instructors. got himself into Parliament, and his then, can they be expected to to son into a snug birth by means of it; the man of writing—the schoolo but I think he is the only one, and he abroad-the best public instr is rather flaring down in dissent. If, whose supremacy might in all ? however, there be so rare a bird as bility lead to a return to original another elsewhere, and that you are ness and nudity. The idea is abs engaged upon it, you must talk about and, in point of fact, we never the tythe-eating church—be smart any dissenting congregation in upon bishops and doctors of divinity two stars are allowed to shine. --talk about the sufferings of the Co- your editing an anti-dissenting venanters—the horrible injustice of in that case your task is easy en believing in the Thirty-nine Articles You have only to print what the -puff Baxter, Doddridge, and other of one another, and any other luminaries of dissent-(sink all the or species of abuse is needless. scandal about the latter-named di. V. EDUCATION.– All parties vine)—if there there be a martyr like are agreed, or at least they pret John Thorogood doing martyrdom at be, as to the great merits of edu the rate of fifteen shillings a day, all and sundry—therefore, thoug while he could not do cobbling at may think the whole affair hia higher rate than fifteen shillings from beginning to end, don't s a-week, be pathetic upon his unheard Quote Shakespeareof calamities-abuse the Church of England on account of its approxi- Knowledge the wing where with w

“ Ignorance is the curse of mation to Popery, but praise Popery

Heaven,”— itself on account of its hatred to the Church of England—if there be any and the last return of the Old i blackguard story respecting a clergy. in which, out of 368 persons con man, publish it in your most conspicu. 159 only could read and write ous type, taking care of course to set it read, but not write, and of the forth as the ordinary conduct of the not more than seven or eigh whole body. I cannot suggest any could write in such a manner as thing more specific. After all it is a deemed fit for the situation of dr bad hunt, unless you mean to turn critic to the Examiner. If yo preacher, which perhaps you do. In Ministerial, praise Lord John I that case, you will make the thing fit. and the National Board of Edu Your congregation will take in your Talk much of liberality, freed paper, and you will take in your con. opinion, and the necessity of gregation. In other circumstances premacy of the Roman Catholic you will be outdone by the dissenting over the youthful mind of Irela ministers, who will naturally hate you on the other side, say that Educa for interfering with their business. If nothing unless based upon re one among

em suspects that you are and address a series of letters inserting your thieving hooks into Robert Inglis. On the whole, their meal-tub, they will denounce you an easy topic, but it is hard to s as the Uzziah who touched the ark thing piquant about it. You wil with unconsecrated finger, and do their in every town some journeyma best to palsy your hand. Not a six cationist who will relieve you pence will they let you sack, Tobias - task, by sending you a couple

e

e bad characters of that kind-and lift

up your leg to bestow a heartfelt and

warm salutation upon the Currency n quacks. I do not see how you are to , do better; but it is, as I have already

observed, a distressing question under

existing circumstances. The only t thing agreeable about it is, that you

can write articles which, as nobody y understands a word of them, will, on

the old principle, omne ignotum pro
O magnifico, pass off as models of pro-
I found wisdom. It was that which
f made the fortune of Macculloch, and

the fame of Torrens. There is also
this advantage, that you may steal

these gentlemen's lucubrations ready
I made, as no human being remembers

a word they wrote. Macculloch him.
self was so sure of this, that he ac.

tually reprinted one of his own most
t elaborate essays, and it passed off
famong his admirers as spick-and-span

new.

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