ing leg is as well fhaped as leg can be; and as he is pofitive that the other, before the affair of the fhark, was altogether a match to it, they will not wonder. that B had begun (humble as his ftation then was) to wear ftriped cotton ftockings on Sundays; and, in fhort, that his legs were leading him to a train of expenfes very unfavourable to his advancement in the world.

It was not in human nature to abftain from bitter lamentations on the lofs of a favourite leg; and accordingly B for fome time gave way to his feelings. At length he took courage, adopted the spoke of a coach-wheel for a fubftitute, and returned to his employment.

The first thought that then occurred to him (the parent of all the reft, and of his fortune) was, that having but one leg, a pair of stockings was now as good as two pair, and fo of the buckles and fhoes. And following up this favourite idea, he has actually preferved a regular account of all his disbursements on the natural leg, which, of courfe, exhibits the exact amount of what he has faved by the lofs of its fellow, excepting the fmall matter of keeping the wooden one in repair. This curious document, which the worthy Alderman fhowed me laft April, at his counting-house on G--Hill, demonstrates that he is already in pocket on this account 273l. 1s. 9d. As I have already hinted, he did not run into any extravagance at firft in the wooden member, contenting himself with any ordinary piece of timber that appeared serviceable; and the public will remember that it was not till he was elected Alderman that he mounted the beautifully turned fpoke which he now ufes, and which I have authority to state was executed under the direction of that ingenious common-councilman Mr. Deputy L-y, citizen and wheelwright, greatly to his credit; for I have heard Mr. W declare it had obtained the distinguished notice and approbation of

his

his fovereign. Indeed, much as economy is to be recommended, it would not have been feemly to have feen an Alderman of the first commercial city in Europe, a Director of the Bank, the fupporter of Mr. P-, the supporter of a juft and neceffary war, himself fupported by an unadorned spar.

But it is not the 2731. 15. 9d. or, in other words, the actual money faved by a wooden leg, which we ought principally to regard; but the collateral favings, and the moral confequences of a wooden leg when acquired at a suitable period of life. It is but a flender capital that can be accumulated from the faving of a fhoe, or wearing out of a stocking; but who will pretend to calculate the extent of it, when the leg gives the hint to the head and the belly; when the peeled and bare timber cries out fhame on the indulgence of the other members; when the ftump, projecting as he fits in the folemn gloom of G-Hill, admonishes to caution, and feems to point to the falutary problem which teaches the annual value of a daily pin? Pray has my reader ever beheld B- W. .? Perhaps thou mayeft have seen him walking in the ftreet; and didft thou ever fee a gait fo folemn, or fuch an air of dignity as when he rifes majestic on the fleshy toe to give motion to the timber one? Perhaps, too, thou mayeft have heard him afk a pinch of snuff of Mr. Alderman An; and couldft thou help being ftruck with the flow and awful gravity of the tone? Nay, poffibly thou mayeft have heard him at fome public meeting move for leave to infert à comma in the laft refolution, fave one;" or refufe to fubfcribe half-a-crown to fome poor petitioner, for that irrefiftible reafon fo often afligned, that "his time is fo completely taken up with the preffure of the bufinefs of a great mercantile house, and the duties of a magiftrate of the firft commercial city in Europe." Heaven and earth! what folemnity of utterance! like

fote ancient prophet denouncing the ruin of a rebellious city.

All this you may have feen and wondered at; but it is a hundred to one if you ever divine whence this unutterable gravity originated. I do affure thee it emanales entirely from the wooden leg. I fee you ftare; but I have ftudied this great man nearly thirty years, and lived with him in the new world as well as the old; and I repeat that this amazing gravity, which is the admiration of men, is caused by the wooden leg. I do not deny that BW is under obligations to nature, and great obligations too. For a head which does not at all admit the perception of wit or pleasantry, and a face fo rigidly fixed down by fate, that the most creative fancy could never yet imagine the poffibility of its verging towards a finile: thefe are advantages as far as they go; but they cannot compenfate for gravity of demeanour. Take an example from the brute creation. Nobody denies that a jack-afs has abundance of gravity in his face; and as long as he walks gravely it is all very well; but when he begins to caper and frisk, fmiles feem to lurk about his roguish eyes, and you fee nothing like gravity about him but his ears. Now the wooden leg enforces, at all times, a ftudied and well-regulated carriage; no skipping and ambling, but a certain measured pace, which beats time to the whole machine, and especially to the voice, in the fame manner as the pendulum regulates every part of the clock, even to the bell. Need I fay more to those who have made nature their study? If BW. were diffected before their eyes, the

matter could not be made more plain.

To mep of the world, and to men of trade, it is unnecessary to say any thing about the wonderful effect of gravity in advancing a man's fortunes. Who does not remember a diftinguifhed man of law publicly expreffing his wonder how he himself could have obtained

fuch advancement in his profeffion? And he modeftly attributed to the conftitution of the government what was in reality due to his own phyfiognomy.

I am aware that this example will be fet up against my theory of wooden legs, inafmuch as great gravity is thus feen to exift independent of that fupport. But my opponents will do well to confider that I have not denied but that various degrees of gravity may exift without a wooden leg. What I am arguing for, is gravity in the Supreme degree, which I maintain never did, and never can, exift with the natural limbs. For, to return to our great law authority, we find him (while his two legs are at play together under the bench) indulging himself in attempts at wit, which, whether they are ever comprehended or not by the bar or the jury, equally prove the absence of the intense degree of gravity I am speaking of.

But to fhow that I defire to take no undue advantage in the argument, I am willing to fubmit Mr. W's claim to gravity to a comparison with the three gravest of his compeers, namely, the Aldermen P- Le M-, Sir JA, and Sir J- E-; all of whom I confefs to be moft folemn and most venerable men. But in each of them we can difcern fome fhade, which enables us to difcriminate between their excellence and the perfection of Mr. W

I fay the perfection of Mr. W-; for Mr. BW is all of a piece, and his gravity in no instance abates or relaxes. We never hear him bragging, like Sir J-- E-, about fweeping the fhop; or telling cock and bull ftories, like Sir J A—, of hackney-coachmen and turnpike-gates; nor do we ever fee him, like P-- Le M- -, riding backwards over fruit-ftands, rubbing his horfe's tail off against brick walls, or plunging over the ears in ditches to aftonish the children. It is far from my wish to extenuate the merit of these grave magiftrates,

but

but they themselves must be fenfible that the truth obliges me to it on this occafion.

I know there are fome men who are of opinion, that exceffive gravity is the fame with exceffive ftupidity. To fuch inen I have nothing to fay. Only we ought all to be very thankful, when we fee what flender capacities are fufficient for the attainment of wealth and distinction, and how little understanding is neceffary to the supporter of a just and neceffary war.

W

-C-
?

Why should not the True Briton be as facetious on H

as the Morning Chronicle has been on B

My father be an attorney at Andover," was the anfwer of a ftupid ftaring boy, devouring a roll and treacle, to a gentleman who had loft his way in Hampshire, and not being able to get any intelligence from him, had asked him who he was?

If after a lapfe of forty years the fame queftion fhould be put to him, he might perhaps reply" I have the very high honour of being the chief magistrate and fenatorial reprefentative of the metropolis of the Britith empire; I am the idol of common-halls, the terror of courts of aldermen, and bottle-holder in ordinary to the livery of London.-Nor is this all.

"I poffefs in my felf three diftin&t characters, which require as many diftinct operations and exertions of my verfatile talents and fagacity. I am a magiftrate in the city, I am a brewer in the parish of Bloomsbury, and a man of fashion in St. James's Street. I commit pickpockets and pafs paupers in the one; I examine vats, count porter-butts, and pass fentence on