hopes, if you infert my letter, that, as my family are your constant readers, it may produce a good effect. If it does not, I am determined to make a radical reform, and to show them that they have to do with HUMPHRY GUBBINS.

Coleman Street.

INSTRUCTIONS

FOR GENTLEMEN OF MODERATE FORTUNE, HALF-
FASHION GENTLEMEN, SHOPKEEPERS, &c.

[From the Oracle.]

AS the winter is approaching, and the Court and people of the haut ton are about to return to town, it becomes neceffary for you alfo to think of a removal from your fummer campaigns, watering excurfions, and fhooting parties; and indeed, like the tail of a comet, you ought ever to be found in the train of your fuperiors. Let not the lowering profpects and melancholy fituation of your affairs difcourage your revisiting the gallant, gay metropolis of our renowned ifle; the place is large and wide, and affords many a hiding-place to the moneylefs wight. It is infinitely better adapted for perfons of your defcription, than your finall towns and villages, where the prying eye of vulgar curiofity fpies out the leaft circumftance that concerns you: you may dine in one eating-house to-day, and another to-morrow, and fo on, for a mere trifle, the whole winter round; but be fure never go twice to the fame place, as you might be known, or your taylor or boot-maker might dog you-which your own prudence will point out to you, might be attended with inconvenience.

When you meet with any of your more wealthy acquaintance, you may pretend you have an engage

ment

ment to dine out with Lord B, Colonel C→→→→, Captain G, &c. and who on ne account would admit of an apology for your abfence: tuus he will look on you as a great man, having a large circle of acquaintance, and by this means you will get rid of his folicitation to dine with him at Foberfon's, Stevens's, British, George's, Richardfon's, Maurice's, Spring Gardens, &c. where, you know, every one (according to the cuftom of this country) pays for himself.

Should you go to the play, on an order from any of the performers, be fure to look sharp out for a box where fome dowager is alone, or at least where there are no bloods of fashion; you may introduce yourself to the lady in the ufual manner, by treading on her train when the attempts to ftand up. This will make an opening for you to beg at least ten thousand pardons. You may then proceed to make obfervations on the performance and performers:-"How you faw that piece much better acted at Bath, &c." You may also obferve to the lady, that if you are not much mistaken, you met with her a few nights fince at the Opera, or that you met with her at Cheltenham, Weymouth, Brighton, or any other fashionable fummer retreat; but do not attempt to mention Margate, as that place is quite vulgar, and only frequented by Cits, Jews, and the natives east of Temple Bar.

You may affect to be half feas over alfo, but you may soften it down by one of your neat ftudied apologies, that you dined with a party of intimate friends, who never ftop thort of three bottles; and, provided you dơ not carry the joke too far, the ladies are not difpleafed at feeing the gentlemen hearty, well knowing that if they facrifice copiously to Bacchus in full libations, they will not forget their humble devotions at the shrine of Venus.

Between the acts, and between the play and the farce, you may entertain the lady or ladies with the re

lation of your military adventures: How you were at the taking of the Helder with his Royal Highness; that you were one of the advanced guard that entered Alkmaer; and as there will be little danger of your being found out, you may fay that Captain D was fhot dead at your fide; that the colours were fhot away, and dafhed in your face; and that the blaze from the mouth of one of the enemies" cannon at the florming of one of their batteries, burn off both your whiskers! This will give the lady a high idea of your courage; and, like a fecond Othello, you may win her heart with a relation of your adventures.

You may row, if you can raife the wind, fport a hired curricle and pair. This will raife you very high in the opinion of the fair fex; and many an adventure has fucceeded in this way.

Whenever you hire horfes, let them be the beft hacks you can find; it will be only a few fhillings more, and you may take the worth of your money out of them, by riding all day flup dafb through the most public ftreets. This day's ride will ferve you for a month; and as fpurs coft nothing for keep, you may appear every day. in a formidable pair of Suwarrow's; and fhould your boots not keep the appearance of riding a great deal, you may scratch them with a twopenny file kept on purpose. One thing be very particular in, never give your addrefs where you lodge, as your private fituation might not correfpond with your public pretenfions.

to

You may fix on fome fathionable coffee-houfe, and give the waiter hall-a-crown now and then to take your letters, and to lay fhould any inquiry be made) that you are one of the molt dashing fellows in town; by this means you will allo avoid being found out by your cards, as in fuch cafe your tradefinen might be inclined to pay you fome unpleasant morning visits. · Notwithstanding all this precantion, you may be touched on the fhoulder, and be prefented with a fcrap of

:

dirty paper; but you must run all chances, and you know he is a good general who is never defeated; fo never be difcouraged for what may follow a man may as well die in prifon as in his bed; it will be just the same in a hundred years; befides, by fhowing a little fpirit, may make your fortune for life.

If at any time you should dine at a coffee-house, be fure you take on you all the airs of a man of fashion; but above all, find fault with every thing that is brought before you, damn the waiter in a military ftyle, find fault with every thing, and fwear in a commanding military dem-me, that, were it not out of refpect to the company, you would fling every thing on the table at his head. Though you can fcarcely judge between good wine and fyllabub; affert, in the moft knowing manner, that you never tafted worfe in your life, and jocofely obferve to the waiter, that you think his mafter has his wine from the houfe of Elder, Slae, and Co.: you will thus raife a laugh at the expenfe of the waiter and his mafter, and come off as a man of wit and hu

mour.

After fpending the evening until late with your friends, if any of them fhould request to see you home, affure them that you have an engagement with a married lady of great confequence, whofe character you could not think of expofing; or that you mean to take part of a bed with the cara fpofa of fome noble lord, whose variety of amours calls him on duty in another quarter; thus you will get rid of your troublefome companions, and pass for a man of great gallantry. Should the town at last become too hot for you, and you fhould be obliged to quit it at a fhort notice, you may take French leave-be off like a fhot-get into fome of the large country towns-advertise for board and lodging in fome genteel family, where no other lodgers are admitted; the chance in this cafe is in your favour, as you may either

gulk

gull your landlord, or fome of his richer neighbours, and obtain in the country what all your address could not procure for you in town.

SKETCH OF TWO BROTHERS.

[From the Monthly Magazine.]

PRIOR and Pofterior are two brothers who came to London fometime ago to feek their fortunes. Their parentage has not been clearly explained. They are both defcended from Information; but fome think they are natural children begotten by one Curisfity upon a goflipping female called News, who has made a great noife in the world. Be this as it may, they are of very oppofite difpofitions, and yet engaged in the fame way of bufinefs, being editors to newspapers.

Prior, who, notwithstanding his name, is by much the younger of the two, is remarkable for the fertility of his fancy. Pofterior is a plain matter-of-fact man. The former is fo eager to give information, that he will make news rather than feem barren. The latter never advances any thing but upon fure grounds, and therefore has very improperly been confidered of a referved difpofition. Prior, it is frequently proved, will ftick at nothing to make out a good story; Pofterior, more cautious and leifurely, is perpetually waiting for facts and proofs. For this reafon, the judicious part of the public allow, that although Prior is the cleverer fellow of the two, the other is most to be depended upon.

This opinion of Prior's cleverness arifes from his now and then being actually in the right without knowing it; for having always a cargo of conjectures and inventions of imagination on hand, it fo happens that he tumbles upon truth without the fmalleft intention, or

any