Concerning Mr. Fearing.

307

Hon. Knew him! I was a great companion of his; I was with him most an end: when he first began to think of what would come upon us hereafter, I was with him.

Great. I was his guide from my Master's house to the gates of the Celestial City.

Hon. Then you knew him to be a troublesome one. Great. I did so: but I could very well bear it; for men of my calling are oftentimes intrusted with the conduct of such as he was.

Hon. Well, then, pray let us hear a little of him, and how he managed himself under your conduct. Great. Why, he was always afraid that he should come short of whither he had a desire to go.

Everything frightened

Mr. Fearing's troublesome

pilgrimage.

His behaviour at the Slough of Despond.

him that he heard anybody speak of, that had but the least appearance of opposition in it. I hear that he lay roaring at the Slough of Despond for above a month together; nor durst he, for all he saw several go over before him, venture, though they, many of them, offered to lend him their hand. He would not go back again neither. The Celestial City, he said, he should die if he came not to it; and yet was dejected at every difficulty, and stumbled at every straw that anybody cast in his way. Well, after he had lain at the Slough of Despond a great while, as I have told you, one sunshine morning, I do not know how, he ventured, and so got over; but when he was over, he would scarce believe it. He had, I think, a Slough of Despond in his mind, a slough that he carried everywhere with him, or else he could never have been as he was. So he came up to the gate, you know what I mean, that stands at the head of this way, and there also he stood a good while, before he would adventure to knock. When the gate was open, he would give back, and give place to others, and say

His behaviour at the gate.

308

Concerning Mr. Fearing.

that he was not worthy. For, for all he got before some to the gate, yet many of them went in before him. There the poor man would stand shaking and shrinking; I dare say it would have pitied one's heart to have seen him. Nor would he go back again. At last he took the hammer that hanged on the gate in his hand, and gave a small rap or two; then one opened to him, but he shrank back as before. He that opened stepped out after him, and said, Thou trembling one, what wantest thou? With that he fell down to the ground. He that spoke to him wondered to see him so faint; so he said to him, Peace be to thee; up, for I have set open the door to thee; come in, for thou art blessed. With that he got up, and went in trembling; and when he was in, he was ashamed to show his face. Well, after he had been entertained there a while, as you know how the manner is, he was bid go on his way, and also told the way he should take. So he came till he came to our house. But as he behaved at the Interpre himself at the gate, so he did at my master the Interpreter's door. He lay thereabout in the cold a good while, before he would adventure to call; yet he would not go back, and the nights were long and cold then. Nay, he had a note of necessity in his bosom to my Master to receive him and grant him the comfort of his house, and also to allow him a stout and valiant conductor, because he was himself so chicken-hearted a man; and yet, for all that, he was afraid to call at the door. So he lay up

His behaviour

ter's door.

and down thereabouts, till, poor man, he was almost starved; yea, so great was his dejection, that though he saw several others, for knocking, get in, yet he was afraid to venture. At last, I think, I looked out of the window, and perceiving a man to be up and down about the door, I went out to him, and asked what he was. But, poor man, the water stood in his eyes; so I perceived what he wanted. I went, therefore, in, and

Concerning Mr. Fearing.

309

How he was

there.

told it in the house, and we showed the thing to our Lord: so he sent me out again, to entreat him to come in; but I dare say, I entertained had hard work to do it. At last he came in; and I will say that for my Lord, he carried it wonderful lovingly to him. There were but few good bits at the table, but some of it was laid upon his trencher. Then he presented the note; and my Lord looked thereon, and said his desire should be granted. So, when he had been there a good while, he seemed to get some heart, and to be a little more comfortable. For my Master, you must know, is one of very tender bowels, especially to them that are afraid; wherefore he carried it so towards him as might tend most to his encouragement. Well, when he had had a sight of the things of the place, and was ready to take his journey to go to the city, my Lord, as he did to Christian before, gave him a bottle of spirits, and some comfortable things to eat. Thus we set forward, and I went before him; but the man was but of few words, only he would sigh aloud.

He is a little encouraged at the Interpreter's house.

He was greatly afraid when

he saw the gibbet; cheery when he saw the Cross.

When we were come to where the three fellows were hanged, he said he doubted that that would be his end also. Only he seemed glad when he saw the Cross and the Sepulchre. There, I confess, he desired to stay a little to look, and he seemed for a while after to be a little cheery. came at the Hill Difficulty, he made no stick at that, nor did he much fear the lions: for you must know that his trouble was not about such things as those; his fear was about his acceptance at last.

I got him in at the house Beautiful, I think, before he was willing. Also, when he was in, I brought him acquainted

When he

Dumpish

at the house Beautiful.

with the damsels that were of the place; but he was

310

Concerning Mr. Fearing.

ashamed to make himself much for company. He desired much to be alone; yet he always loved good talk, and often would get behind the screen to hear it. He also loved much to see ancient things, and to be pondering them in his mind. He told me afterwards that he loved to be in those two houses from which he came last, to wit, at the gate, and that of the Interpreter, but that he durst not be so bold to ask.

He went down into, and was very pleasant in, the Valley of Humiliation.

When he went also from the house Beautiful, down the hill, into the Valley of Humiliation, he went down as well as ever I saw man in my life; for he cared not how mean he was, so he might be happy at last. Yea, I think there was a kind of sympathy betwixt that valley and him; for I never saw him better in all his pilgrimage than when he was in that valley.

Much perplexed in the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

Here he would lie down, embrace the ground, and kiss the very flowers that grew in this valley (Lam. iii. 27-29). He would now be up every morning by break of day, tracing and walking to and fro in this valley. But when he was come to the entrance of the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I thought I should have lost my man: not for that he had any inclination to go back,-that he always abhorred; but he was ready to die for fear. Oh, the hobgoblins will have me! the hobgoblins will have me! cried he; and I could not beat him out on it. He made such a noise and such an outcry here, that, had they but heard him, it was enough to encourage them to come and fall upon us.

But this I took very great notice of, that this valley was as quiet when he went through it as ever I knew it before or since. I suppose those enemies here had now a special check from our Lord, and a command not to meddle until Mr. Fearing was passed over it.

Concerning Mr. Fearing.

311

His behav

iour at Vanity Fair.

It would be too tedious to tell you of all: we will, therefore, only mention a passage or two more. When he was come at Vanity Fair, I thought he would have fought with all the men in the fair. I feared there we should both have been knocked on the head, so hot was he against their fooleries. Upon the Enchanted Ground he was also very wakeful. But when he was come at the river where was no bridge, there again he was in a heavy case. Now, now, he said, he should be drowned for ever, and so never see that face with comfort that he had come so many miles to behold.

His boldness at last.

And here, also, I took notice of what was very remarkable ;-the water of that river was lower at that time than ever I saw it in all my life. So he went over at last, not much above wet-shod. When he was going up to the gate, Mr. Great-heart began to take his and to wish him a good reception above. So he said, I shall, I shall. Then parted we asunder, and I saw him

no more.

leave of him,

Hon. Then, it seems, he was well at last?

Great. Yes, yes; I never had doubt about him. He was a man of a choice spirit, only he was always kept very low, and that made his life so burdensome to himself, and so troublesome to others (Ps. lxxxviii.). He was, above many, tender of sin. He was so afraid of doing injuries to others, that he often would deny himself of that which was lawful, because he would not offend (Rom. xiv. 21; 1 Cor. viii. 13).

Hon. But what should be the reason that such a good man should be all his days so much in the dark? Great. There are two sorts of reasons for it. One is, the wise God will have it so: some must pipe, and some must weep (Matt. xi. 16. 17). Now Mr. Fearing was one that played upon this bass. He and his fellows sound the

Reasons why good men are so in the dark.