Bentley's Miscellany

is committed the keeping of the golden fleece; and they are to guard it with a wakefulness which no power of herbs can ever lull. Those gifted with such small accomplishments as nature can bestow, apply in vain for admission here, unless they have some more powerful talisman to enforce their claims: there must be titled rank, and rank untarnished by poverty.

This is all delicious! It is indeed. And what is done within the precincts of so much exclusiveness? Why, here the great, or rather the favoured ones, become accustomed to each other's society; and there being no other enterprise on earth worthy the attention of the English aristocracy, they, like wise men, have created this object of ambition to prevent their noble faculties from rusting out in the coarse and trivial pursuits of ordinary life. They must have something to do; for even noblemen and kings have not yet succeeded in taking out a patent for a happy do-nothing profession; so they busy themselves first in gaining admittance at Almack's, and then in laxuriating upon their hard-won honours.

After days, and nights, and weeks, and months of management and anxiety, with trembling hands and fainting hearts, they send up for the awful scrutiny of the Judgesses their respectful supplication. I think you cannot but envy the delectable state of their feelingsthe flutterings of hope and fear they now experience.

The oracle is not long silent; the responses, inscribed on triangu. lar billets, are scattered, like Sibyls' leaves, among those whose fate they are to decide; and then there are smiles, and self-gratulation, and rejoicing, and exultation with some; and frowns, and tears, and disappointment and rage with others.

Can you conceive how it is possible to live after being rejected? It is very certain that ordinary eating, and drinking, and sleeping, and breathing, are not the chief essentials to life; for the smiles of the rich and the Almack-favoured are worth more than all these for the purposes of living, at least good living, to the applicants of this ineffable Court. To the young and ambitious among the gay and opulent of London, rejection comes like a sentence of banishment from the very light of life. All other places of fashionable resort are regarded only as faint and wretched imitations of this sublime original. More than one instance has been known of such rejection producing death by the rupture of a blood vessel in some exquisite young lady's bosom (perfectly horrible, you will say !) or a fate little less painful has awaited the angelic-disappointed, of fading away by the slow poison of chagrin and gloom. Young gentlemen, when overtaken by this dreadful calamity, it is said, generally blow out what brains they have with a pistol, or, in failure of this, devote themselves to the less romantic end of writing poetry.

In a spacious saloon, with all the unostentatious elegance which wealth, rank, and taste can bestow, is assembled beneath brilliant lamps and reclining on voluptuous sofas, the cream of all the beauty and gallantry of England. Precious stones are flashing in the light; and bright eyes sparkling, and flushed cheeks glowing on every side. Here a whisper of musical voices is heard in the soft murmur of confidence; and there words of gallantry, and flattery, and gentleness insensibly melt into sighs.

Forms of chiselled gracefulness are gliding about; and when the sound of music begins to creep over the scene, swelling, and dying away like the death of evening, light footsteps are heard just andi

bly to rustle, and fairy fingers, floating on the waves of the mazy dance, beat softly to the pulse of melody.

The young and blushing countess is fluttering by the side of the dashing captain; and ever and anon, as her white hand touches his, a thrill of delight passes over her form. There, a boy, who would be esteemed awkward if he had not lately come to a dukedom, is blundering and swelling before a proud beauty, whose heart rebels against maternal injunctions, and spurns with contempt the clumsy attentions of her vain admirer; and by their side a graceful Prémier is moving gallantly to the voluptuous waltz of a high-born, youthful duchess. Yonder is a prudent mother, whose schemes in providing her daughter with an advantageous settlement have all been frustrated, and in whose guarded countenance jealousy and chagrin are but half concealed. Here glances by the form of a young marchioness-and such a form!-swelling with exultation and triumph as she bears away from her tearful rival a young and gallant fortune.

In this place is never heard the sound of loud mirth and hilarity; all is gentle and regulated; every emotion is subdued; and whatever it be, it is expressed on the countenance only by a smile. Here every one is bent upon conquest; and every avenue in the heart is guarded with unrelenting severity. But still there are scenes here occasionally which in other assemblies would excite something more than a smile. Around the dancing arena a rope is drawn for the purpose of preventing encroachments upon those within, not very unlike what you may have seen in your plebeian days at a menagerie; and the perfumed courtiers' lead their exquisite partners into the ring, as in the afore-mentioned days you may have observed the Shetland pony led in by Dandy Jack. It sometimes happens in the flush and excitement of the gallopade, (for the gallopade and waltz are now the only things danced at Almack's; though Lord Byron, whose moral tastes have never been condemned for their purity, thought the waltz should be banished from virtuous society,) that cases are not infrequent, in the full tide of the dance, of the more spirited beaux dashing themselves carelessly against the rope, and by the rebound being thrown prostrate upon the floor.

This, of itself, would be but a slight misfortune; but it is often followed by others of a more serious nature. Those nearest the fallen dancer are not always able to stop themselves at once upon the polished floor, and frequently numbers of young ladies are either dragged down by their companions (for it is proverbial that a sinking man will hold fast to a trifle), or stumble over those already fallen.

Here, then, is a delightful scene for the staid gravity of the assembly duchesses, marchionesses, captains, dukes, and premiers, all huddled together in one grand promiscuous pile of-rank and beauty. Slight screams are heard; and blushes, and smiles, and tears are seen confusedly mingling in the faces of the scrambling unfortunates. Some hitherto slighted rival exults in the sudden shame of her tormentor; while the fallen ones retire from the ring in the deepest mortification and chagrin. The music, arrested for a moment by the confusion, now breaks forth again in voluptuous softness, and the rustle of flying feet begins again to steal upon the ear.

Such scenes as this are at times witnessed in these famous saloons, where the severity of elegance has banished all ostentation of wealth. The simplicity of its entertainments excludes all idea of luxury, and almost of comfort. Of course, gaudiness is not tolerated

here, for that is something which those who have no other recommendation than mere gold (a vulgar thing) can put on. But it is not the society, or the intercourse, which gives value to an admission to this circle: the very fact of admission is all that is prized, as this is a tacit award of eminence in the world of fashion. It is a sort of test to try the purity of nobility, whether it be the unalloyed ancient metal, or only a showy compound of modern times. It separates the former from the latter by a broad and plain line of distinction. The young and the sanguine are here brought together, and matrimonial alliances are rarely formed out of the exclusive circle in which they move. Thus is an aristocracy refined and perpetuated, which has but little sympathy with the rest of the world.

Like all establishments claiming for themselves peculiar superiority, Almack's has been many times violently assailed. It exercises, in fact, an authority really more oppressive and unjust than any the throne ever dares assume. It shuts out hundreds and thousands from the standing and consideration to which they are justly entitled in society; and so omnipotent is the tyranny of aristocratic opinion, that its seal of disapprobation, once fixed upon the name of an ambitious aspirant, disgraces and obscures him in the circles of fashion for ever. Of course, all the jealousy and rancour of disappointed ambition are arrayed against it; for such as can never share in its honours are deeply stung by its contempt.

So deeply have certain persons felt this galling yoke, that a combination has even been contemplated, for the purpose of breaking its power by parliamentary interference.

But do not suppose that this indicates any advancement of the coarse principles of democracy among these parliamentary reformers. Oh! no; it proceeds from quite another motive than this: they wish to rend, because they cannot rule the halls of Almack's. Besides, it was soon discovered that the Imperial Parliament was itself one of the chief supporters of Almack's; and felt that any innovation upon so venerable an institution was an invasion of the time-honoured prerogatives of the English aristocracy.

The power of legislation is sometimes directed to sad purposes; and although in this instance the evil is doubtless enormous, yet we can hardly suppress a smile when we hear legislators talking seriously about turning the supreme power of a mighty nation into a regulator of fashions and master of ceremonies. Destroy Almack's! The fair ladies, who are so happy as to resort there, have woven their charm for too many noble lords and right honourable members of the House of Commons, ever to be disturbed by an act entitled an act to abolish the right of certain distinguished families to associate, waltz, gallopade, and tumble in the ring with whomsoever they please.'

Indeed, it is an institution which addresses itself to a strong principle of the human heart-the vanity of man; and although it may make thousands wretched, thousands more will hope on for its favour and the flattery it brings. It can never be abolished until Englishmen shall lose their reverence for rank, and scorn the idea that a few distinguished ladies should hold in their hands all the means of human enjoyment; until they shall learn to esteem other consequence than such as ease, titles, and idleness bestow, and to honour only those who add something to the stock of human intelligence, and make the world better by their influence; OR, until a quarrel, which cannot be hushed, shall involve the whole establishment in ruin.

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