and breast, the rest arranging themselves ad libitum. Michael's equanimity was considerably disturbed by the first thump, became restive with the second, and took flight with the third. His first effort was to disengage his legs, for without them he could not rise, and to lie in his present position was extremely inconvenient and undignified. Accordingly, he drew up his right, and kicked at random. This movement laid out about six in various directions upon the floor. Two rose crying. Ding his old red-headed skin," said one of them, "to go and kick me right in my sore belly, where I fell down and raked it running after that fellow that cried school-butter.'"

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Drot his old snaggle-tooth picture," said the other, "to go and hurt my sore toe, where I knocked the nail off going to the spring to fetch a gourd of warter for him, and not for myself n 'other."

Hut!" said Captain Griffin, "young Washingtons mind these trifles! At him again."

The name of Washington cured their wounds and dried up their tears in an instant, and they legged him de novo. The left leg treated six more as unceremoniously as the right had those just mentioned; but the talismanic name had just fallen upon their ears before the kick, so they were invulnerable. They therefore returned to the attack without loss of time. The struggle seemed to wax hotter and hotter for a short time after Michael came to the ground, and he threw the children about in all directions and postures, giving some of them thumps which would have placed the ruffle-shirted little darlings of the present day under the discipline of paregoric and opodeldoc for a week; but these hardy sons of the forest seemed not to feel them. As Michael's head grew easy, his limbs, by a natural sympathy, became more quiet, and he offered one day's holiday as the price. The boys demanded a week; but here the captain interposed, and, after the common but often unjust

custom of arbitrators, split the difference. In this instance the terms were equitable enough, and were immediately acceded to by both parties. Michael rose in a good humor, and the boys were, of course.

WILLIAM TAPPAN THOMPSON

[William Tappan Thompson was born at Ravenna, Ohio, in 1812. After going South he was chiefly engaged in journalistic work, mainly in connection with the Savannah Morning News, with which he was associated until his death, in 1882. He first came into prominence as a humorous writer through his amusing "Major Jones Letters," contributed to his paper, The Miscellany, published at Madison, Georgia, from 1840 to 1845. This has remained his most famous book, but in addition to it he published several other volumes of humorous sketches.]

MAJOR JONES'S COURTSHIP

PINEVILLE, December 27, 1842

TO MR. THOMPSON: Dear Sir-Crismus is over, and the thing is ded. You know I told you in my last letter I was gwine to bring Miss Mary up to the chalk a Crismus. Well, I done it, slick as a whistle, though it come mighty nigh bein a serious undertakin. But I'll tell you all about the whole

circumstance.

The fact is, I's made my mind up more 'n twenty times to jest go and come rite out with the whole bisness; but whenever I got whar she was, and whenever she looked at me with her witchin eyes, and kind o' blushed at me, I always felt sort o' skeered and fainty, and all what I made up to tell her was forgot, so I could n't think of it to save me. But you's a married man, Mr. Thompson, so I could n't tell you nothin about popin the question, as they call it. It's a mighty grate favor to ax of

a rite pretty gall, and to people as ain't used to it, it goes monstrous hard, don't it? They say widders don't mind it no more'n nothin. But I'm makin a transgression, as the preacher ses.

Crismus eve I put on my new suit, and shaved my face as slick as a smoothin iron, and after tea went over to old Miss Stallinses. As soon as I went into the parler whar they was all settin round the fire, Miss Carline and Miss Kesiah both laughed rite out.

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'There, there," ses they, "I told you so, I knew it would be Joseph."

"What's I done, Miss Carline?" ses I.

"You come under little sister's chicken bone, and I do blieve she knew you was comin when she put it over the dore."

"No, I did n't—I did n't no such thing, now," ses Miss Mary, and her face blushed red all over.

"Oh, you need n't deny it," ses Miss Kesiah; "you b’long to Joseph now, jest as sure as ther's any charm in chicken bones."

I know'd that was a first-rate chance to say something, but the dear little creater looked so sorry and kep blushin so, I could n't say nothin zactly to the pint, so I tuck a chair and reached up and tuck down the bone and put it in my pocket. "What are you gwine to do with that old bone now, Majer?" ses Miss Mary.

"I'm gwine to keep it as long as I live," ses I, "as a Crismus present from the handsomest gall in Georgia.”

When I sed that, she blushed worse and worse.

"Ain't you shamed, Majer?" ses she.

"Now you ought to give her a Crismus gift, Joseph, to keep all her life," sed Miss Carline.

"Ah," ses old Miss Stallins, "when I was a gall we used to hang up our stockins — ”

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'Why, mother!" ses all of 'em, "to say stockins rite afore - "

Then I felt a little streaked too, cause they was all blushin as hard as they could.

"Highty-tity!" ses the old lady-"what monstrous 'finement. I'd like to know what harm ther is in stockins. People nowadays is gittin so mealy-mouthed they can't call nothin by its rite name, and I don't see as they 's any better than the oldtime people was. When I was a gall like you, child, I used to hang up my stockins and git 'em full of presents."

The galls kep laughin.

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"Never mind," ses Miss Mary, Majer's got to give me a Crismus gift, won't you, Majer?"

"Oh, yes," ses I; "you know I promised you one."

"But I did n't mean that,” ses she.

"I've got one for you, what I want you to keep all your life, but it would take a two-bushel bag to hold it," ses I.

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Oh, that's the kind,” ses she.

"But will you keep it as long as you live?" ses I.

"Certainly, I will, Majer."

"Monstrous 'finement nowadays-old people don't know nothin bout perliteness," said old Miss Stallins, jest gwine to sleep with her nittin in her hand.

"Now hear that, Miss Carline," ses I.

you

keep it all her life.”

"She ses she 'll

Yes, I will," ses Miss Mary" but what is it?"

"Never mind," ses I, "you hang up a bag big enuff to hold it and you I'll find out what it is, when you see it in the mornin." Miss Carline winked at Miss Kesiah, and then whispered to then they both laughed and looked at me as mischievous as they could. They spicioned something.

her

"You'll be sure to give it to me now, if I hang up a bag?" ses Miss Mary.

"And promise to keep it," ses I.

"Well, I will, cause I know that you would n't give me nothin that was n't worth keepin."

They all agreed they would hang up a bag for me to put Miss Mary's Crismus present in, in the back porch; and bout nine o'clock I told 'em good evenin and went home.

I sot up till midnight, and when they was all gone to bed I went softly into the back gate, and went up to the porch, and thar, shore enuff, was a grate big meal bag hangin to the jice. It was monstrous unhandy to git to it, but I was tarmined not to back out. So I sot some chairs on top of a bench and got hold of the rope and let myself down into the bag; but jest as I was gittin in, the bag swung agin the chairs, and down they went with a terrible racket. But nobody did n't wake up but old Miss Stallinses grate big cur dog, and here he cum rippin and tearin through the yard like rath, and round and round he went tryin to find what was the matter. I sot down in the bag and did n't breathe louder nor a kitten for fear he'd find me out, and after a while he quit barkin. The wind begun to blow bominable cold, and the old bag kep turnin round and swinging so it made me seasick as the mischief. I was fraid to move for fear the rope would break and let me fall, and thar I sot with my teeth rattlin like I had a ager. It seemed like it would never come daylight, and I do blieve if I did n't love Miss Mary so powerful I would froze to death; for my hart was the only spot that felt warm, and it did n't beat moren two licks a minit, only when I thought how she would be sprised in the mornin, and then it went in a canter. Bimeby the cussed old dog come up on the porch and begun to smell about the bag, and then he barked like he thought he'd treed something. Bow! wow! wow!" ses he. Then he'd smell agin and try to git up to the bag. "Git out!" ses I, very low, for fear they would hear me. Bow! wow! wow!" ses he. "Be gone!

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