for dark chambers (so may his wife, perhaps). If our red-elbowed lass happen to have multiplied, two or three brats will be riches in Australia; but she had much better leave such pranks till she gets there, when, without cost of carriage, they will be so much gold. The more children the better for father and mother: we shall know nothing there of Malthus, Martineau, and "moral restraint,” which means, "don't marry;" hard words for young folks to hear, and very puzzling withal! for the parson preaches "to marry," when he is inside of the church, and "not to marry" the moment he comes out! But as these questions don't concern us here, I refer such of my readers as wish to know more, on that subject, to St. Paul.

As to the colonists, why Mr. Malthus, himself, would make us marry in South Australia, and "moral restraint" must there assume its diametrically opposite, and obvious significations; that is to say, as we are exhorted to do by the parson when, inside of the church, he reads the decalogue.

And now I shall proceed to the third division of the subject, with this assurance to those who are poor, industrious, and sober, that they are sure to succeed. Happen what may to the are sure of plenty to eat and drink

rich, the poor as sure as they

are of being starved in Ireland; which last seems to be one of the few things that we may count upon as certain in this world.

CHAP. III.

The state of Colonists, and what is to be done on

landing.

I HAVE said that on the voyage you will all be sick, and miserable, for one month; then you will be all merry and happy another month; and the third, you will all split into parties, and quarrel ; particularly the women, who assume a most belligerent nature on board a ship, and choosing either Mars or Venus for their leader, we poor lords of the creation are soon reduced to the most perfect obedience either by fear or by love. Indeed all resistance, as far as we are concerned, is quickly at an end. I remember once knowing a very powerful man, the sergeant-major of a regiment, who kept the men in perfect subjection by virtue of his office, his gigantic size, and a pair of fists, that, had he patted a rhinoceros, as other folks coax a dog, the poor beast in despite of his thick hide, would have winced. This man had a little bit of a wife, who sometimes patted him (but never in approbation) and at which he always winced, but bore in silence and suffering during a long voyage. On being asked why he submitted to this cruel treatment, his answer was, "Please your Honour

we are in a box. I can't get away from her, and if "I baulked her any ways, at all, at all, she would "never give me a wink of sleep unless I'd be after

"gagging her, or pitching her overboard, so I may "as well hould my tongue and take it asy till we

go ashore." The sergeant-major was right, and I strongly advise all the male colonists to follow his example, and let the females quarrel with one another if they like; however, this would be something so miraculous, that I do not suppose it can happen, and any advice I could give them not to do so, would be superfluous. The sergeant-major above alluded to, was afterwards shipwrecked. On beginning to strip, in order to save his life, he saw his little wife doing the same, on which, lifting his eyes to heaven, he said, "God forgive me that ever I taught her to swim! I'm afraid she'll make the land in spite o' me."

However, when we land, occupation will soon relieve us from this state of mutual forbearance. Good humour will be the order of the day. There will be a great calm! All will be curiosity. On casting anchor the vessels put forth their boats, and in a few hours every body will be on shore. The first thing then to be done is to select the lots of land: each proprietor will collect his baggage on his own ground, and there pitch his tent; all will be bustle. The women who are near childbirth must remain on board, and there will be a mighty squalling of children by sea and by land; such as never was before heard by mortal ears.* If there are any Malthusian bachelors, the chances are, that they will be set mad, and run wild into the woods. In the course of a few weeks of hard work, every

* The colonists are to consist of young people married about a year before they land in Australia. So the ladies will be either a little above, or a little below, or just at "par"!!!

one will be under shelter, and living upon the ship's provisions; at the end of three weeks, we shall get flour and cattle from Van Dieman's Land. Gardens will appear marked out, and sown with seed, brought by the colonists. We must expect all articles brought from Van Dieman's Land, to be very dear; merchants take advantage of the necessities of their neighbours. "Love thy neighbour as thyself” is quite right, but there is one person, whom a merchant does not consider to be his neighbour; namely the man he is dealing with at the moment! therefore, the good folks of Van Dieman's Land will not sell cheap; it is too distant for competition in small articles, and the colonist will be put to the greatest expense. Our great holdfast will be flour, which must be provided in abundance either by government or by individuals. The governor (unless he be taken from Bedlam) ought to secure a large magazine of this necessary article. Every one now makes some progress in the great work of creation; all are in health and spirits; the poor women lately delivered will be the worst off, but advances must be made to them by the rich; each labourer and his wife having their own master to look to for help-the babies must be well nursed, or we shall not have a strong race; and to nurse them well, the mothers must be well fed. However, a month will shake all parties tolerably well into their habitations. A good supply of fish is certain, as it appears that fish abound on that coast. Milch cows now arrive from Van Diemen's Land, and all the little Australian world are watching for the seeds sown in the garden to spring up. Oh! the joy which the first crop of potatoes and cabbages will

produce! the care, the eagerness, with which they will be nursed! The exultation with which they will be gathered! All old soldiers know with what delight it is that, after a sharp campaign on bare rations, they get supplies of vegetables, and good bread. How much greater pleasure will the removal of such deprivations give, when wives and children have been sharers in them. But that such deprivations will take place, let every one be well convinced; those who tell you all will be sent from Van Diemen's Land, to meet you on the shores of Australia, tell you truly, perhaps but accidents both may and will prevent such combinations of supplies; essentials will, no doubt, be found: we shall not die for want of food: but great, and to women and children, very serious inconveniences may happen; they have not strength which can bear such severities, and, therefore, great pains must be taken to provide comforts for them. Several of the colonists should set up shops directly, and those who have money, must advance to those who have not; thus we shall rub on very well. I reckon that in two months we shall be advanced in gardens, and that a number of farms will, by that time, have been marked out and the ploughs at work. The cattle should be fed with wild forage, and manure collected for agriculture, so as not to wear out the virgin land, but preserve it rich, and " in heart." Brickhouses will now begin to rise high above the foundations. Wages will be good, and work abundant. Capital strong; the settlement will be

Let us now look

a little paradise at this period. at the future. The picture is more uncertain, and more difficult to paint.