Heart. (writing). "The secrets of my heart."

Har. Though your humility and modesty will not suffer you to perceive it"

Heart. Do you think that he is much troubled with those qualities?

Har. Pray, indulge me, sir.

Heart. I beg your pardon. (Writing) “Your humility and modesty will not suffer you to perceive it." So! Har. "Everything tells me that it is you that I loveHeart. Very well.


Har. Yes-"you that I love." Do you understand me? Heart. Oh, yes, yes; I understand you-" that it is you that I love." This is very plain, my dear.

"And though I am already

Har. I would have it so. bound in gratitude to you”

Heart. In gratitude to Mr. Clackit?

Har. Pray, write, sir.

Heart. Well "in gratitude to you." (Aside) I must write what she would have me.

Har. "Yet my passion is a most disinterested one

Heart. "Most disinterested one."

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Har. "And to convince you that you owe much more to my affections—”

Heart. And then?

Har. "I could wish that I had not experienced"
Heart. Stay! stay!" had not experienced."

Har. "Your tender care of me in my infancy

Heart. What did you say? (Aside) Did I hear aright, or am I in a dream?

Har. (aside). Why have I declared myself? He'll hate me for my folly.

Heart. Harriet!

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Har. Sir!

Heart. To whom do you write this letter?

Har. To-to-Mr. Clackit-is it not?

Heart. You must not mention, then, the care of your infancy; it would be ridiculous.

Har. It would, indeed! I own it; it is improper.

Heart. Then I'll finish your letter with the usual compliment, and send it away.

Har. Yes-send it away-if you think I ought to send it. Heart. (troubled). Ought to send it! Who's there?

(Enter a Servant.) Carry this letter-(An action escapes from HARRIET, as if to hinder the sending of the letter) Is it not for Mr. Clackit?

Har. (peevishly). Who can it be for?

Heart. (to Servant). Here, take this letter to Mr. Clackit. -"The Guardian."

Prologue to "Sheridan's School for Scandal"

A SCHOOL for Scandal! Tell me, I beseech you,
Needs there a school this modish art to teach you?
No need of lessons now, the knowing think;
We might as well be taught to eat and drink.
Caused by a dearth of scandal, should the vapours
Distress our fair ones, let them read the papers;
Their powerful mixtures such disorders hit;
Crave what you will, there's quantum sufficit.
"Lord!" cries my Lady Wormwood (who loves tattle,
And puts much salt and pepper in her prattle),
Just risen at noon, all night at cards when threshing

Strong tea and scandal: "Bless me, how refreshing! Give me the papers, Lisp-how bold and free! (Sips.) Last night Lord L. (sips) was caught with Lady D. For aching heads what charming sal volatile! (Sips.). If Mrs. B will still continue flirting,

We hope she'll DRAW, or we'll UNDRAW the curtain.
Fine satire, sure-in public all abuse it,

But, by ourselves (sips), our praise we can't refuse it.
Now, Lisp, read you there, at that dash and star."
"Yes, ma'am: A certain lord had best beware,
Who lives not twenty miles from Grosvenor Square;
For, should he Lady W. find willing,
Wormwood is bitter." Oh, that's me! The villain!
Throw it behind the fire, and never more

Let that vile paper come within my door."

Thus at our friends we laugh, who feel the dart;
To reach our feelings, we ourselves must smart.
Is our young bard so young, to think that he
Can stop the full spring-tide of calumny?
Knows he the world so little, and its trade?
Alas! the devil's sooner raised than laid.


So strong, so swift, the monster there's no gagging;
Cut Scandal's head off, still the tongue is wagging.
Proud of your smiles once lavishly bestow'd,
Again our young Don Quixote takes the road;
To show his gratitude he draws his pen,
And seeks this hydra, Scandal, in his den.

For your applause all perils he would through;
He'll fight-that's write-a cavalliero true,

Till every drop of blood-that's ink-is spilt for you.

Tobias Smollett

Commodore Trunnion's Wedding-Day

On the day appointed for the spousals the church was surrounded by an inconceivable multitude. The commodore, to give a specimen of his gallantry, by the advice of his friend Hatchway resolved to appear on horseback on the grand occasion, at the head of all his male attendants, whom he had rigged with the white shirts and black caps formerly belonging to his barge's crew; and he bought a couple of hunters for the accommodation of himself and his lieutenant. With this equipage then he set out from the garrison for the church, after having despatched a messenger to apprise the bride that he and his company were mounted. She got immediately into the coach, accompanied by her brother and his wife, and drove directly to the place of assignation, where several pews were demolished, and divers persons almost pressed to death, by the eagerness of the crowd that broke in to see the ceremony performed. Thus arrived at the altar, and the priest in attendance, they waited a whole half-hour for the commodore, at whose slowness they began to be under some apprehension, and accordingly dismissed a servant to quicken his pace. The valet having rode something more than a mile, espied the whole troop disposed in a long field, crossing the road obliquely, and headed by the bridegroom and his friend Hatchway, who, finding himself hindered by a hedge from proceeding farther in the same direction, fired a pistol, and stood over to the other side, making an obtuse angle with the line of his for

mer course; and the rest of the squadron followed his example, keeping always in the rear of each other like a flight of wild geese.

Surprised at this strange method of journeying, the messenger came up and told the commodore that his lady and her company expected him in the church, where they had tarried a considerable time and were beginning to be very uneasy at his delay, and therefore desired that he would proceed with more expedition. To this message Mr. Trunnion replied, "Hark ye, brother, don't you see we make all possible speed? Go back, and tell those who sent you that the wind has shifted since we weighed anchor, and that we are obliged to make very short trips in tacking, by reason of the narrowness of the channel; and that, as we lie within six points of wind, they must make some allowance for variation and leeway." "Lord, sir!" said the valet, "what occasion have you to go zigzag in that manner? Do but clap spurs to your horses, and ride straight forward, and I'll engage you shall be at the church porch in less than a quarter of an hour." "What! right in the wind's eye?" answered the commander. "Ahey! brother, where did you learn your navigation? Hawser Trunnion is not to be taught at this time of day how to lie his course or keep his own reckoning. And as for you, brother, you best know the trim of your own frigate." The courier, finding he had to do with people who would not be easily persuaded out of their own opinions, returned to the temple, and made a report of what he had seen and heard, to the no small consolation of the bride, who had begun to discover some signs of disquiet. Composed, however, by this piece of intelligence, she exerted her patience for the space of another half-hour, during which period, seeing no bridegroom arrive, she was exceedingly alarmed; so that all

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