"Stop thief! Stop thief! A highwayman!" Not one of them was mute;
And all and each that passed that way
Did join in the pursuit.
And now the turnpike gates again
Flew open in short space;
The toll-men thinking, as before,
That Gilpin rode a race.
And so he did, and won it, too,
For he got first to town;
Nor stopp'd till where he had got up,
He did again get down.
Now let us sing, "Long live the king!
And Gilpin, long live he!"
And when he next doth ride abroad,
May I be there to see!
Report of an Adjudged Case
BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose;
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong.
The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.
So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause
With a great deal of skill and a wig full of learning;
While chief Baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So famed for his talent in nicely discerning.
"In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear,
And your lordship," he said, "will undoubtedly find, That the nose has had spectacles always in wear, Which amounts to possession time out of mind.”
Then holding the spectacles up to the Court
"Your lordship observes they are made with a straddle, 'As wide as the bridge of the Nose is; in short, Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.
"Again, would your lordship a moment suppose—
'Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again-
That the visage or countenance had not a Nose,
Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then?
"On the whole, it appears, and my argument shows,
With a reasoning the Court will never condemn,
That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,
And the Nose was as plainly intended for them."
Then shifting his side-as a lawyer knows how-
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes.
But what were his arguments few people know,
For the Court did not think they were equally wise.
So his lordship decreed with a grave, solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but:
That, whenever the Nose put his spectacles on,
By daylight or candlelight, Eyes should be shut!
Pairing-Time Anticipated
I SHALL not ask Jean Jaques Rousseau
If birds confabulate or no;
'Tis clear that they were always able
To hold discourse, at least in fable;
'And e'en the child who knows no better
Than to interpret by the letter,
A story of a cock and bull,
Must have a most uncommon skull.
It chanced, then, on a winter's day,
But warm, and bright, and calm as May,
The birds, conceiving a design
To forestall sweet St. Valentine,
In many an orchard, copse, and grove,
'Assembled on affairs of love,
And with much twitter and much chatter
Began to agitate the matter.
At length a Bullfinch, who could boast
More years and wisdom than the most,
Entreated, opening wide his beak,
'A moment's liberty to speak;
And, silence publicly enjoin'd,
Deliver'd briefly thus his mind:
"My friends, be cautious how ye treat
The subject upon which we meet;
I fear we shall have winter yet."
A Finch, whose tongue knew no control,
With golden wing and satin poll,
A last year's bird, who ne'er had tried
What marriage means, thus pert replied:
"Methinks the gentleman," quoth she,
"Opposite in the apple-tree,
By his goodwill would keep us single
Till yonder heaven and earth shall mingle,
Or-which is likelier to befall—
Till death exterminate us all.
I marry without more ado.
My dear Dick Redcap, what say you?"
Dick heard, and tweedling, ogling, bridling, Turned short round, strutting, and sideling, Attested, glad, his approbation
Of an immediate conjugation.
Their sentiments, so well express'd,
Influenced mightily the rest;
All pair'd, and each pair built a nest.
But though the birds were thus in haste,
The leaves came on not quite so fast,
And destiny, that sometimes bears
'An aspect stern on man's affairs,
Not altogether smiled on theirs.
The wind, of late breathed gently forth,
Now shifted east, and east by north;
Bare trees and shrubs but ill, you know,
Could shelter them from rain or snow.
Stepping into their nests, they paddled,
Themselves were chill'd, their eggs were addled
Soon every father bird and mother
Grew quarrelsome, and peck'd each other,
Parted without the least regret,
Except that they had ever met,
And learn'd in future to be wiser
Than to neglect a good adviser.
Misses, the tale that I relate
This lesson seems to carry:
Choose not alone a proper mate,
But proper time to marry.
The Love of the World Reproved
THUS says the Prophet of the Turk:
"Good Mussulman, abstain from pork.
There is a part in every swine
No friend or follower of mine
May taste, whate'er his inclination,
On pain of excommunication.”
Such Mohammed's mysterious charge,
And thus he left the point at large.
Had he the sinful part expressed,
They might with safety eat the rest;
But for one piece they thought it hard
From the whole hog to be debarred,
And set their wit at work to find
What joint the Prophet had in mind.
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