Charles Churchill

Lothario (Lord Sandwich)

WHEN Folly (at that name, in duty bound,
Let subject myriads kneel and kiss the ground,
Whilst they who in the presence upright stand,
Are held as rebels through the loyal land),
Queen everywhere, but most a queen at courts,
Sent forth her heralds and proclaimed her sports,
Bade fool with fool on her behalf engage,

And prove her right to reign from age to age,
Lothario, great above the common size,
With all engaged, and won from all the prize.
Her cap he wears, which from his youth he wore,
And every day deserves it more and more.

Nor in such limits rests his soul confined;
Folly may share, but can't engross his mind;
Vice, bold, substantial Vice, puts in her claim,
And stamps him perfect in the books of shame.
Observe his follies well, and you would swear
Folly had been his first, his only care;
Observe his vices, you'll that oath disown,
And swear that he was born for Vice alone.

Is the soft nature of some hapless maid, Fond, easy, full of faith, to be betrayed? Must she, to virtue lost, be lost to fame, And he who wrought her guilt declare her shame? Is some brave friend, who, man but little known Deems every heart as honest as his own,

And, free himself, in others fears no guile,
To be ensnared, and ruined with a smile?
Is law to be perverted from her course?
Is abject fraud to league with brutal force?
Is freedom to be crushed, and every son
Who dares maintain her cause to be undone?
Is base corruption, creeping through the land,
To plan and work her ruin underhand,
With regular approaches, sure, though slow?
Or must she perish by a single blow?
Are debauchees in morals to preside?
Is faith to take an atheist for her guide?
Is science by a blockhead to be led?
Are states to totter on a drunkard's head?
To answer all these purposes, and more,
More black than ever villain planned before,
Search earth, search hell, the devil cannot find
An agent like Lothario to his mind.

Were there but two-search all the world around-
Were there but two such nobles to be found,
The very name would sink into a term

Of scorn, and man would rather be a worm
Than be a lord. But nature, full of grace,
Nor meaning birth and titles to be base,
Made only one, and, having made him, swore,
In mercy to mankind, to make no more.

-"The Candidate."

Oliver Goldsmith

Moses Acquires a Gross of Green Spectacles

ALL this conversation was only preparatory to another scheme, and indeed I dreaded as much. This was nothing less than that, as we were now to hold up our heads a little higher in the world, it would be proper to sell the colt, which was grown old, at a neighbouring fair, and buy us a horse that would carry single or double upon an occasion, and make a pretty appearance at church or upon a visit. This at first I opposed stoutly; but it was as stoutly defended. However, as I weakened, my antagonist gained strength, till at last it was resolved to part with him.


As the fair happened on the following day, I had intentions of going myself; but my wife persuaded me that I had got a cold, and nothing could prevail upon her to permit me from home. "No, my dear," said she, our son Moses is a discreet boy, and can buy and sell to very good advantage; you know all our great bargains are of his purchasing. He always stands out and higgles, and actually tires them till he gets a bargain."

As I had some opinion of my son's prudence, I was willing enough to intrust him with this commission; and the next morning I perceived his sisters mighty busy in fitting out Moses for the fair: trimming his hair, brushing his buckles, and cocking his hat with pins. The business of the toilet being over, we had at last the satisfaction of seeing him mounted upon the colt, with a deal box before him to bring home groceries in. He had on a coat made of that cloth they call

thunder and lightning, which, though grown too short, was much too good to be thrown away. His waistcoat was of goslin green, and his sisters had tied his hair with a broad black ribbon. We all followed him several paces from the door, bawling after him "Good luck! Good luck!" till we could see him no longer.

He was scarcely gone, when Mr. Thornhill's butler came to congratulate us upon our good fortune, saying that he overheard his young master mention our names with great commendation.

Good fortune seemed resolved not to come alone. Another footman from the same family followed, with a card for my daughters, importing that the two ladies had received such pleasing accounts from Mr. Thornhill of us all, that, after a few previous inquiries, they hoped to be perfectly satisfied. "Aye," cried my wife, "I now see it is no easy matter to get into the families of the great; but when one once gets in, then, as Moses says, one may go to sleep." To this piece of humour-for she intended it for wit-my daughters assented with a loud laugh of pleasure. In short, such was her satisfaction at this message that she actually put her hand in her pocket and gave the messenger sevenpence halfpenny.

This was to be our visiting-day. The next that came was Mr. Burchell, who had been at the fair. He brought my little ones a pennyworth of gingerbread each, which my wife undertook to keep for them and give them by letters at a time. He brought my daughters also a couple of boxes in which they might keep wafers, snuff, patches, or even money when they got it. My wife was usually fond of a weasel-skin purse, as being the most lucky; but this by-the-bye. We had still a regard for Mr. Burchell, though his late rude behaviour was in some measure displeasing; nor could we now avoid com


municating our happiness to him, and asking his advice. Although we seldom followed advice, we were all ready enough to ask it. When he read the note from the two ladies, he shook his head, and observed that an affair of this sort demanded the utmost circumspection. This air of diffidence highly displeased my wife. "I never doubted, sir," cried she, "your readiness to be against my daughters and me. You have more circumspection than is wanted. However, I fancy, when we come to ask advice, we will apply to persons who seem to have made use of it themselves.” Whatever my own conduct may have been, madam,” replied he, "is not the present question; though as I have made no use of advice myself, I should in conscience give it to those who will." As I was apprehensive that this answer might draw on a repartee, making up by abuse what it wanted in wit, I changed the subject, by seeming to wonder what could keep our son so long at the fair, as it was now almost nightfall. "Never mind our son," cried my wife; "depend upon it, he knows what he is about. I'll warrant we'll never see him sell his hen of a rainy day. I have seen him buy such bargains as would amaze one. I'll tell you a good story about that, that will make you split your sides a-laughing. But, as I live, yonder comes Moses, without a horse, and the box at his back."

As she spoke Moses came slowly on foot, and sweating under the deal box, which he had strapped round his shoulders like a pedlar. "Welcome, welcome, Moses! Well, my boy, what have you brought us from the fair?" "I have brought you myself!" cried Moses, with a sly look, and resting the box on the dresser. "Ah, Moses," cried my wife, "that we know; but where is the horse?" "I have sold him," cried Moses, "for three pounds five shillings and two

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