brought her tongue to a pretty tolerable consistency. Sir Jas. Consistency, quotha! why, there is no stopping her tongue- -Dear doctor, I desire you would make her dumb again. Gre. That's impossible, sir. All that I can do to serve you is, I can make you deaf, if you please. Sir Jus. And do you think Char. All your reasoning shall never conquer my resolution. Sir Jus. You shall marry Mr. Dapper this evening. Char. I'll be buried first. Gre. Stay, sir, stay! let me regulate this affair; it is a distemper that possesses her, and I know what remedy to apply to it. Sir Jas. Is it possible, sir, that you can cure the distempers of the mind? Gre. Sir, I can cure any thing. Hark ye, Mr. Apothecary! you see that the love she has for Leander is entirely contrary to the will of her father, and that there is no time to lose, and that an immediate remedy is necessary. For my part, I know of but one, which is a dose of purgative running-away, mixt with two drams of pills matrimoniac, and three large handfuls of the arbor vita; perhaps she will make some difficulty to take them; but as you are an able apothecary, I shall trust to you for the success. Go, make her walk in the garden; be sure lose no time; to the remedy quick; to the remedy specific ! [Exeunt LEANDER and CHARLotte. Sir Jas. What drugs, sir, were those I heard you mention, for I don't remember I ever heard them spoke of before? Gre. They are some, sir, lately discovered by the Royal Society. Sir Jas. Did you ever see any thing equal to her insolence? Gre. Daughters are indeed sometimes a little too headstrong. Sir Jas. You cannot imagine, sir, how foolishly fond she is of that Leander. Gre. The heat of blood, sir, causes that in young minds. Sir Jas. For my part, the moment I discovered the violence of her passion, I have always kept her locked up. Gre. You have done very wisely. Sir Jus. And I have prevented them from having the least communication together: for who knows what might have been the consequence? Who knows but she might have taken it into her head to have run away with him. Gre. Very true. Sir Jas. Ay, sir, let me alone for governing girls; I think I have some reason to be vain on that head; I think I have shewn the world that I understand a little of women-I think, I have: and, let me tell you, sir, there is not a little art required. If this girl had had some fathers, they had not kept her out of the hands of so vigilant a lover, as I have done. Gre. No, certainly, sir. Enter DORCAS. Dor. Where is this villain, this rogue, this pretended physician? Sir Jas. Heyday! What, what, what's the matter now? Dor. Oh, sirrah, sirrah! Would you have destroyed your wife, you villain? Would you have been guilty of murder, dog? Gre. Hoity toity! What madwoman is this? Sir Jas. Poor wretch! For pity's sake, cure her, doctor. Gre. Sir, I shall not cure her, unless somebody gives me a fee --If you will give me a fee, Sir Jasper, you shall see me cure her this instant. Sir Jas. How! am I abused in this manner? Here! who is there? Bid my clerk bring pen, ink, and paper; I'll send this fellow to jail immediately. James. Indeed, my good doctor, you stand a very fair chance to be hanged for stealing an heiress. Gre. Yes, indeed, I believe I shall take my degrees now. Dor. And are they going to hang you, my dear husband? Gre. You see, my dear wife. Dor. Had you finished the faggots, it had been some consolation. Enter LEANDER and CHARLOTTE. Lean. Behold, sir, that Leander, whom you had forbid your house, restores your daughter to your power, even when he had her in his. I will receive her, sir, only at your handshave received letters, by which I have learnt the death of an uncle, whose estate far exceeds that of your intended son-in-law. -I eturn for your having made me an apothecary; | You may send for a dozen great doctors in vain : but I'll do as well for thee, I'll warrant. All give their opinion, and pocket their fees; Each writes her a cure, though all miss her dis Dor. So, so! our physician, I find, has brought about fine matters. And is it not owing to me, sirrah, that you have been a physician at all? Sir Jas. May I beg to know whether you are a physician or not-or what the devil you are? Gre. I think, sir, after the miraculous cure you have seen me perform, you have no reason to ask whether I am a physician or no-And for you, wife, I'll henceforth have you behave with all deference to my greatness. Dor. Why, thou puffed up fool, I could have made as good a physician myself; the cure was owing to the apothecary, not the doctor. AIR. We've cheated the Parson, &c. When tender young virgins look pale and complain, ease; Powders, drops, A cargo of poison from physical shops. What's that to the doctor- -since he must be Would you know how you may manage her right? Chorus.-Can never vary, &c. Enter MRS. HIGHMAN, pushing JOHN out of the door. Enter LETTICE. Mrs. High. Oh, Mrs. Lettice, is it you? I am extremely glad to sec you―you are the very person I would meet. very Mrs. High. BEGONE, Sirrah! Out of my house! Mr. Letter-carrier! and if I ever catch you in it Let. I am much at your service, madam. I know Mrs. High. Oh, madam, well that; again, your ears shall pay for your audacity. John. Lord! ma'am, this is not a love-letter and at every one's service, I dare swear, that will from my master to your niece, if the last was-pay for it: but all the service, madam, that I this is only from Mrs. Lettice, to your ladyship's have for you, is to carry a message to your mawoman, to invite her to our house this evening-ster-I desire, madam, that you will tell him we are to have a rout. Mrs. High. A rout, indeed! I'd rout you all to some tune, were I your mistress. But begone, sirrah: I'll listen no longer to your impudence: and tell that saucy jade, Lettice, to send no more of her letters to my house. John. Lord! ma'am, here she is-so, if you please, you can tell her yourself. [Exit. from me, that he is a very great villain, and that I entreat him never more to come near my doors; for, if I find him within them, I will turn my niece out of thein, Let. Truly, madam, you must send this by another messenger: but, pray, what has my master done to deserve it should be sent at all? Mrs. High. He has done gothing yet, I believe. I thank Heaven and my own prudence; but İ know what he would do. Let. He would do nothing but what becomes a gentleman, I am confident. Mrs. High. Oh! I dare swear, madam. Seducing a young lady is acting like a very fine gentleman; but I shall keep my niece out of the hands of such fine gentlemen. Let. You wrong my master, madam, cruelly; I know his designs on your niece are honourable. Mrs. High. Hussy, I have another match for her: she shall marry Mr. Oldcastle. Let. Oh! then, I find it is you that have a dishonourable design on your niece! Mrs. High. How, sauciness! Let. Yes, madam; marrying a young lady, who is in love with a young fellow, to an old one, whom she hates, is the surest way to bring about I know what, that can possibly be taken. Mrs. High. I can bear this no longer. I would advise you, madam, and your master both, to keep from my house, or I shall take measures you won't like. [Exit. Let. I defy you! We have the strongest party; and I warrant we'll get the better of you. But here comes the young lady herself. Let. Yes, ma'am; for she has forbid my master ever visiting at yours, and I know it will be impossible for you to live without seeing him. Char. I assure you! Do you think me so fond, then? Let. Do I! I know you are: you love nothing else, think of nothing else all day; and, if you will confess the truth, I dare lay a wager, that you dream of nothing else all night. Char. Then to shew you madam, how well you know me, the deuce take me if you are not in the right! Let. Ah! madam, to a woman practised in love, like me, there is no occasion for confession. For my part, I don't want words to assure me of what the eyes tell me. Oh! if the lovers would but consult the eyes of their mistresses, we should not have such sighing, languishing, and despairing, as we have. SONG. Would lovers ever doubt their ears, And with deceit But, Oh! your eyes What need he trust your words precise, Your soft desires denying; When, Oh! he reads within your eyes Your tongue may cheat, Nor ever cheat your lover. Enter VALENTINE. Val. My dearest Charlotte! this is meeting my wishes indeed! for I was coming to wait on you. Let. It's very lucky that you do meet her here! for her house is forbidden ground-you have seen your last of that, Mrs. Highman swears. Val. Ha! not go where my dear Charlotte is? What danger could deter me? Char. Nay, the danger is to be mine-I am to be turned out of doors, if ever you are seen in them again. Val. The apprehensions of your danger would, indeed, put it to the severest proof: but why will my dearest Charlotte continue in the house of one who threatens to turn her out of it? Why will she not know another home; one where she would find a protector from every kind of danger? Char. How can you pretend to love me, Valentine, and ask me that in our present despe rate circumstances? Let. Nay, nay, don't accuse him wrongfully: I won't, indeed, insist, that he gives you any great instance of his prudence by it; but, I'll swear it is a very strong one of his love, and such an instance, as, when a man has once shewn, no woman of any honesty, or honour, or gratitude, can refuse him any longer, For my part, if I had ever found a lover who had not wicked, mercenary views upon my fortune, I should have married him, whatever he had been. Char. Thy fortune! Let. My fortune!-Yes, madam, my fortune. I was worth fifty-six pounds before I put into the lottery: what it will be now I can't tell ; but you know somebody must get the great prize, and why not I? Val. Oh, Charlotte! would you had the same sentiments with me! for, by Heavens! I apprehend no danger but that of losing you; and, believe me, love will sufficiently reward us for all the hazards we run on his account. Let. Hist, hist! get you both about your business, Oldcastle is just turned the corner, and if he should see you together, you are undone, Exeunt VALENTINE and CHARLOTTE.] Now will I banter this old coxcomb severely; for, I think it is a most impertinent thing in these old fellows to interpose in young people's sport. Enter OLDCASTLE. Old. Hem, hem! I profess it is a very severe easterly wind, and if it was not to see a sweet heart, I believe I should scarce have stirred abroad all day. Let: Mr. Oldcastle, your very humble servant. Old. Your very humble servant, madam: I ask your pardon; but I profess I have not the honour of knowing you. Let. Men of your figure, sir, are known by more than they are themselves able to remember; I am a poor handmaid of a young lady of your acquaintance, Miss Charlotte Highman. Old. Oh! your very humble servant, madam. I hope your lady is well? Let. Hum! so, so she sent me, sir, with a small message to you. Old. I am the happiest man in the world! Let. To desire a particular favour of you. Old. She honours me with her commands. Let. She begs, if you have the least affection for her, that she may never see your face again. Old. What! what! Let. She is a very well-bred, civil, good-natured lady, and does not care to send a rude message; therefore, only bids me tell you, she hates you, scorns you, detests you more than any creature upon the earth; that, if you are resolved to marry, she would recommend you to a certain excellent dry nurse; and lastly, she bids me tell you, in this cold weather, never to go to bed without a good warm treacle-posset; and by no means lie without, at least, a pair of flannel waistcoats, and a double flannel night-cap. Old. Hold your impertinent, saucy tongue! Let. Nay, sir, don't be angry with me, I only deliver my message; and that, too, in as civil and concise a manner as possible. Old. Your mistress is a pert young hussy; and I shall tell her aunt of her. Let. That will never do; 'tis I am your friend, and if we can get over three little obstacles, I don't despair of marrying you to her, yet. Old. What are those obstacles? Let. Why, sir, there is, in the first place, your great age; you are at least seventy-five! Old. It is a lie! I want several-months of it. Let. If you did not, I think we may get over this one half of your fortune makes a very sufficient amends for your age. Old. We shall not fall out about that. Let. Well, sir; then there is, in the second place, your terrible, ungenteel air; this is a grand obstacle with her, who is doatingly fond of every thing that is fine and foppish; and, yet, I think, we may get over this, too, by the other half of your fortune. And now, there remains but oue, which, if you can find any thing to set aside, I believe I may promise you, you shall have her; and that is, sir, that horrible face of yours, which it is impossible for any one to see without being frightened. Old. Ye impudent baggage! I'll tell your mistress!--I'll have you turned off! Let. That will be well repaying me, indeed, for all the services I have done you. Old. Services! you see I think you fit for a husband, I'll have SCENE II.-A room in VALENTINE'S house. Enter SLAP. Val. Your most obedient servant, sir; I have not the honour of knowing you, sir. Slap. I believe you do not, sir; I ask pardon, but I have a small writ against you. Val. A writ against me! Slap. Don't be uneasy, sir; it is only for a trifle, sir; about 2001. Val. What must I do, sir?. Slap. Oh, sir! whatever you please! only pay the money, or give bail; which you please. I Val. I can do neither of them this instant, and expect company every moment. I suppose, sir, you'll take my word till to-morrow morning? Slap. Oh, yes, sir, with all my heart. If you will be so good as to step to my house hard by, you shall be extremely well used, and I'll take your word. Val. Your house! 'Sdeath! you rascal. Here, kick this fellow down stairs. Slap. This is a rescue, remember that a res cue, sir. I'll have my lord chief justice's war[SLAP is forced off by the Servants. [Exit VALENTINE. rant. Enter RAKEIT and LETTICE. Rake. You perceive, Mrs. Lettice, the strength of my passion, by my frequent visits to you. I saw Oldcastle part from you just now; pray, what has he been entertaining you with? Let. With his passion for your young mistress, or rather her passion for him. I have been bantering him till he is in such a rage, that I actually doubt whether he will not beat her or no. Rake. Will you never leave off your frolics, since we must pay for them? You have put him Let. Services! Yes, sir, services; and to let out of humour; and now will he go and put my |