A Gentle Echo on Woman Shepherd. Echo, I ween, will in the woods reply, Echo. Shepherd. What must we do our passion to express? Echo. Press. Shepherd. How shall I please her, who ne'er loved be fore? Echo. Before. Shepherd. What most moves women when we them ad dress? Echo. A dress. A door. Shepherd. Say, what can keep her chaste whom I adore? Echo. Liar. Buy her. Shepherd. When bought, no question I shall be her dear? Shepherd. But deer have horns: how must I keep her under? Echo. Keep her under. Shepherd. But what can glad me when she's laid on bier? Echo. Beer. Shepherd. What must I do when women will be kind? Be kind. Echo. Shepherd. What must I do when women will be cross? Wind. Shepherd. Lord, what is she that can so turn and wind? Shepherd. Is there no way to moderate her anger? Echo. Against Abolishing Christianity It is urged that there are, by computation, in this kingdom, above ten thousand parsons whose revenues, added to those of my lords the bishops, would suffice to maintain at least two hundred young gentlemen of wit and pleasure, and freethinking, enemies to priestcraft, narrow principles, pedantry, and prejudices, who might be an ornament to the court and town; and then again, so a great number of able (bodied) divines might be a recruit to our fleet and armies. This indeed appears to be a consideration of some weight; but then, on the other side, several things deserve to be considered likewise: as, first, whether it may not be thought necessary that in certain tracts of country, like what we call parishes, there should be one man at least of abilities to read and write. Then it seems a wrong computation that the revenues of the Church throughout this island would be large enough to maintain two hundred young gentlemen, or even half that number, after the present refined way of living-that is, to allow each of them such a rent as, in the modern form of speech, would make them easy. But still there is in this project a greater mischief behind; and we ought to beware of the woman's folly, who killed the hen that every morning laid her a golden egg. For, pray what would become of the race of men in the next age, if we had nothing to trust to besides the scrofulous consumptive production furnished by our men of wit and pleasure, when, having squandered away their vigour, health, and estates, they are forced, by some disagreeable marriage, to piece up their broken fortunes, and entail rottenness and politeness on their posterity? Now, here are ten thousand persons reduced, by the wise regulations of Henry VIII., to the necessity of a low diet and moderate exercise, who are the only great restorers of our breed, without which the nation would in an age or two become one great hospital. Another advantage proposed by the abolishing of Christianity is the clear gain of one day in seven, which is now entirely lost, and consequently the kingdom one-seventh less considerable in trade, business, and pleasure; besides the loss to the public of so many stately structures now in the hands of the clergy, which might be converted into play-houses, exchanges, market-houses, common dormitories, and other public edifices. I hope I shall be forgiven a hard word if I call this a perfect cavil. I readily own there hath been an old custom, time out of mind, for people to assemble in the churches every Sunday, and that shops are still frequently shut, in order, as it is conceived, to preserve the memory of that ancient practice; but how this can prove a hindrance to business or pleas ure is hard to imagine. What if the men of pleasure are forced, one day in the week, to game at home instead of the chocolate-house? Are not the taverns and coffee-houses open? Can there be a more convenient season for taking a dose of physic? Is not that the chief day for traders to sum up the accounts of the week, and for lawyers to prepare their briefs? But I would fain know how it can be pretended that the churches are misapplied? Where are more appointments and rendezvouses of gallantry? Where more care to appear in the foremost box, with greater advantage of dress? Where more meetings for business? Where more bargains driven of all sorts? And where so many conveniences or incitements to sleep? It may perhaps admit a controversy, whether the banishing all notions of religion whatsoever would be inconvenient for the vulgar. Not that I am in the least of opinion, with those who hold religion to have been the invention of politicians, to keep the lower part of the world in awe by the fear of invisible powers, unless mankind were then very different from what it is now; for I look upon the mass or body of our people here in England to be as Freethinkers-that is to say, as staunch unbelievers-as any of the highest rank. But I conceive some scattered notions about a superior Power to be of singular use for the common people, as furnishing excellent materials to keep children quiet when they grow peevish, and providing topics of amusement in a tedious winter night. Thoughts on Various Subjects I FORGET Whether advice be among the lost things which Ariosto says are to be found in the moon; that, and time, ought to have been there. The chameleon, who is said to feed upon nothing but air, hath, of all animals, the nimblest tongue. No wise man ever wished to be younger. Complaint is the largest tribute Heaven receives, and the sincerest part of our devotion. Kings are commonly said to have long hands. I wish they had as long ears. Some people take more care to hide their wisdom than their folly. Anthony Henley's farmer, dying of an asthma, said, “Well, if I can get this breath once out, I'll take care it shall never get in again." What they do in Heaven we are ignorant of; what they do not, we are told expressly: that they neither marry nor are given in marriage. It is a miserable thing to live in suspense; it is the life of a spider. The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires, is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes. The reason why so few marriages are happy is, because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages. If a man will observe, as he walks the streets, I believe he will find the merriest countenances in mourning coaches. |