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than you or I," retorted Smart, chuckling at his having the best of the nonsense.
"Well," exclaimed Mrs. Sweetbread, “I never tasted such beer as this---flat as ditch-water ; they should have put it upon the cullender to let the water run out; and yet you have been drinking it, Smart, and never said any thing about it."-"Madam,” replied the party thus addressed, laying his hand upon his heart, and looking very serious, “I make it a rule never to speak ill of the dead. I am eating the ham, you see, and yet it would be much better if I were to let it exemplify one of Shakspeare's soliloquies--Ham-let alone."-" La! you're such a wag;" cried Mrs. Hoggins, "there's no being up to you; but if you don't like the ham, take a slice of this edge-bone-nothing's better than cold beef."-"I beg your pardon, Madam," replied the indefatigable joker—" cold beef's better than nothing-Ha! ha! ha!"
“How do you find yourself now, my darling ?" said Mrs. Cleaver to her son, who had been driven below by a shower, and kept his hat on because, as he said, his “ 'air was quite vet.”—“ Vy, mother, I have been as sick as a cat, but I'm bang up now, and so peckish that I feel as if I could heat any thing."-" Then just warm these potatoes,” said Smart, handing him the dish, “for they are almost cold.”—“I'll thank you not to run your rigs upon me," quoth the young Cockney, looking glumpish, “or I shall fetch you a vipe with this here hash-stick. If one gives you a hinch, you take a hell."-"Never mind him, my dear," cried his mother, “eat this matton-chop, it will do you good; there's no gravy, for Mr. Smart has all the sauce to himself. Haw! haw! haw !"-" Very good !” exclaimed the latter, clapping his hands,
egad! Ma'am, you are as good a wag as your own double chin." This was only ventured in a low tone of voice, and, as the fat dame was at that moment handing the plate to her son, it was fortunately unheard. Dick being still rather giddy, contrived to let the chop fall upon the floor, an occurrence at which Mr. Smart declared he was not in the least surprised, as the young man, when first he came into the cabin, looked uncommonly chop-fallen, Dick, however, had presently taken a place at the table, and began attacking the buttock of beef with great vigour and vivacity, protesting he had got a famous “ happetite,” and felt “ as ungry as an ound.”—“I never say any thing to discourage any body,” said Mr. Croak, “particularly young people; it's a thing I hate, but t'other day a fine lad sate down to his dinner in this
very packet, after being sea-sick, just as you may be doing now, when it turned out he had broke a blood-vessel, and in twelve hours he was a corpse, and a very pretty one he made.”
“I'm not going to be choused out of my dinner for all that,” replied the youth, munching away with great industry, and at the same time calling out—"Steward! take away this porter-pot, it runs.”—“I doubt that," cried Smart.-—"I say it does,” resumed Dick, angrily," the table-cloth is all of a sop.”—“I'll bet you half-a-crown it doesn't." Done! and done! were hastily exchanged, when Mr. Smart, looking round with a smirk, exclaimed_"Ladies and gentlemen, I appeal to every one of you whether the pot has not been perfectly still, and nothing has been running but the beer.” This clicited a shout at poor Dick's expense, who sullenly muttered, " I'm not going to be bamboozled out of an 'alf-crown in that there vay, and vat's more I vont be made a standing joke by no
man.”—“I don't see how you can," replied his antagonist," so long as you are sitting.”—“Vy are you like a case of ketchup ?” cried Dick, venturing for once to become the assailant, and immediately replying to his own inquiry," because you are a saucebox."-" Haw! haw !" roared his mother, “ bravo, Dick'; well done, Dick! there's a proper rap for you, Mr. Smart."-Somewhat nettled at this joke, poor as it was, the latter returned to the charge by inquiring of Dick why his hat was like a giblet-pie ? and after suffering him to guess two or three times in vain, cried " because there's a goose's head in it,” and instantly set the example of the horse-laugh, in which the company joined. Finding he was getting the worst of it, Dick thought it prudent to change the conversation, by observing that it would luckily be "'igh-water in the arbour when they arrived. .“. Then I recommend you by all means to use some of it,” said the pertinacious Mr. Smart, perhaps it may cure your squint."
Both mother and son rose up in wrath at this personality, and there would infallibly have been a bourrasque (as the French say) in the hold, but that there was just then a tremendous concussion upon the deck, occasioned by the fall of the main-boom, and followed by squeaks and screams, of all calibres, from the panic-stricken company at the dinnertable. “Lord have mercy upon us!" ejaculated Croak with a deep groan, "it's all over with us—we are going to the bottom-I like to make the best of every thing—it's my way, and therefore hope no lady or gentleman will be in the least alarmed, for I believe drowning is a much less painful death than is generally supposed."
Having run upon deck at this juncture for the purpose of ascertain ing the nature of the accident, which he found to be unattended with the smallest danger, the writer cannot detail any more of the conversation that ensued until their arrival at Calais, which will form the subject of another paper.
ALL I WISH.
A HEART full of bliss,
And a head full of dreams,
More enrapturing seems ;-
In their turns, night and day,–
Not when either's away ;-
Fresh lips for its breaking,
Watch o'er me till waking ;
Cool shadows at noon,
I may care not how soon,
Fate, give me but these,
What honours they please.
AUSTRIA V. LORD HOLLAND AND THE LADIES. Nothing is too strange for the enterprise of the present day to effect, or attempt to effect, which is the same as far as intention goes. The lovers of ancient things, and the sticklers for feudal customs, resist all innovation, except it be on the side of arbitrary power, while there are others who would begin every thing de novo, and push matters to the opposite extreme. The press is now worked by steam, because no other means can convey knowledge with sufficient rapidity to gratify the public craving; and opposed to it are princes, loan-mongers, and bayonets, striving to render its labours inert. We are shortly to travel to India through the agency of three barrels of oil-gas, and the columns of the public journals teem with discoveries and inventions which our ancestors would have deemed so many seductions of the father of sin. Notwithstanding we are in the piping time of peace, there is ever something new to draw attention from parish meetings to those for Catholic and slave emancipation; from Dr. Eady to the Emperor of Austria. Thus the machine that feeds public curiosity is kept in motion. At present public attention is occupied with the Austrian decree of recent notoriety, by which the Emperor has shewn anew his eagerness to take a leading ngure in the ballet performing by the Holy Alliance. He aspires to be the Vestris of the company, supposing himself the god of the political dance, and like his great prototype of the opera, wishing to have it believed there are only three great personages in Europe, Alexander of Russia, Frederic of Prussia, and himself. It remained for this head of the insolvent house of Hapsburgh, to avail himself of the present extraordinary times, and to innovate in a novel manner on the rights of individuals in free countries, daring, as Englishmen would have once said, to interfere, as far as interference is possible, in intimidating speakers in the English houses of parliament. Doubtless his next step will be a remonstrance, through his Hungarian ambassador at our court, and an application to enforce the standing orders of both houses when any thing displeasing to his high mightiness shall emanate from the members of them. If this be ineffectual, perhaps—but we shall hardly subsidize him to make war upon ourselves, and what nation besides can afford to hire his mercenaries for the purpose? We may, therefore, rest secure from any other war than a discharge of proclamations on his side, and from the press on ours; and if we may judge from the effect which has already been produced by a few random shots against this august personage, we can have very little fear but that a weighty fire, well kept up on our part, will ultimately produce all the impression we can desire.
The abuse of the allied monarchs in parliament, for which Lord Holland has been debarred the unasked favour of visiting the Hapsburgh dominions, that paradise of travellers, and of enjoying the refinements of Austrian and Hungarian civilization and social order, was certainly a weighty reason for his exclusion. The amour propre of Francis, the enlightened views of his allies, their exemplary regard for their dutiful subjects, the solemn pledges which they gave the nations that they govern in a moment of distress, for the violation of which they had excuses ready prepared, have been attacked and arraigned by the presumptuous nobleman in question. He may rest assured, that a dungeon, like that in which the good Confalioneri is destined to consume life, awaits
him if he now attempt to set foot in the land of this commander of the faithfül. In the exclusion of Lord Holland from the paradise of Austria, his lordship has the consolation of not standing alone, and that his fellow-sufferers in his heart-breaking privation are of the fairer sex. The gallantry of the Emperor of Austria is worn rusty, or perhaps, like Solomon, whose wisdom he seems to emulate, he is surfeited with past pleasures, or mayhap he is arrived at the age when “man delights noc him, nor woman neither,” and he is little scrupulous about preserving intact his character in this respect. Four ladies are prohibited, as well as Lord Holland, from entering the Austrian states, the Danish Countess Bourke, Mrs. Hutchinson, Lady Oxford, and Lady Morgan. The three first from being suspicious political characters, though it may fairly be demanded upon what other ground than a few laughable remarks on their travels, or some sentence of constructive censure on the ridiculous precautions of Austria, and on despotism, or similar subjects which this august monarch holds sacred-perhaps a quiz on the embroidery of Ferdinand “the beloved,” now, in the plenitude of paternal authority, or a laugh at the expense of the virtues and acquirements of Don Miguel " the hopeful" of Portugal; or it may be a hard hit at a favourite courtier or courtesan in a billet of lady scandal, for these are all equally seditious subjects in the dominions of Francis. The prohibition of Lady Morgan, it is well known, is in consequence of certain statements contained in her writings.
It is well for Englishmen who feel the strength and resources of their country, to observe the spirit displayed by the rulers of the Continent towards them. That such rulers should not feel under any obligation to the nation by whose means they were once more enabled to become their own masters, and trample upon the promises and resolutions which they solemnly made in the hour of adversity, was to be expected; it is agreeable to all former precedent. But it was reserved for the present day to witness the steady and sullen hatred, which, smothered in state matters, every now and then bursts forth in petty animosities against individuals. When a cabinet minister informs us that the allied powers are in perfect friendship and cordiality with our government, or, in other words, that there is no danger of a war, we may believe him. Nations without pecuniary resources will not be so eager to seize their arms as formerly, and war, of which they have lately had plenty even to saticty, they will be wary of engaging in with any power that may be a match for them. They may march a few thousand troops into an Italian State to rivet the chains of oppression closer, but they will be cautious of quarrelling with States that are their equals. Jealousy of England is the leading passion of the Continental courts; we may learn the temper of mankind with as much certainty from actions apparently insignificant as from those of more importance, and it will be well if we make a proper use of such observations. We may see from conduct similar to the present in Francis of Austria, the feverish feeling which prevails among the Continental powers towards England. Finding themselves reinstated in plenitude of power; successful for the present by means of standing armies in stifling any remonstrance from their subjects respecting their violated promises; having put down the press in their dominions, and held in surreillance every individual suspected of possessing a manly independence of character; having depo
pulated the universities and ruined many of the students, when these very young men were the foremost in repelling the enemies of their country and supporting their Governments in a time of emergency, jealous lest the society of the Landsmannshaften* should take a political character, and impatient of the spread of knowledge—the eternal foe of arbitrary governments,—they did not hesitate at any measures to complete their objects. Having succeeded so well at home, they naturally turned their attention to what was obnoxious to them abroad. They lent themselves unremittingly, as far as a jealousy of each other would allow, to oppose the glorious cause of the Greeks, the independence of South America, and the emancipation of Spain. On these points they have expressed themselves unequivocally, and in Spain have achieved the double object of establishing despotism, and arresting for a time, by means of the priests and the dagger of his partisans, the cultivation of the human mind. What a picture of the paternal” care of the Holy Alliance for the happiness of mankind will not. Spain afford in future history! what a proof that this pretended regard for the good of their people is only a cover for the establishment of the atrocious doctrine that nations exist only for one man, for a divine Ferdinand, a mirror of princeliness like Don Miguel of Portugal, or a betrayer of his country like him of Naples! Can it be supposed, therefore, that Great Britain, which believes not (except in the case of a few ultra Tories) in these doctrines, the people of which, as well as the government, act directly in opposition to them, is nevertheless regarded by the Holy Allies with affection, with gratitude for recent benefits, and sincere wishes for national prosperity ? An idiot would not credit the existence of such a marvellous affinity in principles so notoriously repulsive to each other. It is then from little incidents of a character similar to the decree of the king of the Romans, for excluding a British peer and British ladies from his territories, that the animus of that court and sovereign may be gathered. The difficulty of travelling in the Austrian dominions, the espionage, the rigid passport system, and the insults to which travellers are subject, particularly in the Northern States of Italy, which indeed are the only parts of the dominions of Francis that will repay the trouble of a visit, were always restrictions enough upon an Englishman to make him weigh well before he passed the Austrian frontier. He will now have more weighty considerations to overcome.
It is not enough that, surrounded by spies, his every action and speech are noted while in the country, but he must be very sure that at home he has never written or spoken sentiments obnoxious to the Holy Alliance, that he has never blessed the memory of the founders of his country's liberty, supported the cause of freedom in the senate of his nation, or addressed a body of his fellow-countrymen as the friend of that virtue, the love of which every true Englishman can only wish should cease
The Landsmannshaft is a foolish association of students, for preserving an esprit de corps in public seminaries; it leads to friquent quarrels, but has nothing to do with politics. Still, it is a secret society and might become political. Sandt was a student! The body is, therefore, an object of fear; and as with freemasonry, which may also become political, every effort has been made to suppress it. Persecutions of the students without end have taken place, the hopes of hundreds of deserving young men have been ruined, and still nothing really dangerous has ever come to light, though the Government is perpetually boasting of its discoveries.