says Bobby; "I'll tell my father of it."-"Your father knows it already."" But why don't people sell their heavy guineas, and get 17. 4s. 6d. for them?" rejoins Bobby. "They are prevented by an Act of Parliament.' "But is it not very absurd that an Act of Parlia—” ment, he would have said, had not George Fisher ordered him to go to his seat, and leave the mysteries of the Mint to the Clerk of the Meltings. But of guineas let us not speak; it is a tale of other times. With the Bank of England we may well exclaim, De mortuis nil nisi bonum; that is, Of the defunct there is no vestige but the Bonus: the amount of that indeed, and the immense rise in the value of Bank Stock, are the legacies which guineas bequeathed to the Governor and Company of the Bank of England, when they expired in the year 1797. Within the space of thirteen years from that period, the marketable value of 1ool. Bank Stock has risen from something less than 128/. to very near 28ol.; the di vidend has been increased froin 7 to 10 per cent.; and bonusses, to the amount of 32 per cent. have been distributed among the Proprietors. L I see you have published (p. 170) my humble sug gestions upon the want of change; and here, that they may have a chance of being read by all parties, let me clearly explain, that, under the expression want of change, there is not the slightest allusion to the removal of the Honourable Spencer Perceval from his situation of Clerk of the Meltings, or of any other, the slightest, alteration in the Ministry. By change, I strictly wish to be understood to mean crowns, half-crowns, shillings, and sixpences, which have now nearly, and in the course of a few weeks will altogether, disappear. The remedy I have proposed is not, like the sinkingfund, founded upon theory, but has been actually carried into execution in the Sister Kingdom; and I am certain that the Directors of the Bank of Ireland, who have been indefatigable in their endeavours to buy up all the bad shillings and recoin then, pro bono publico, into twopenny pieces, will readily communicate with their brethren of the Bank of England on this interesting subject, send them samples of their farrago, lend them their die, and, as Mr. Davy may not have any test to ascertain it, reveal the extreme degree of baseness to which they have been obliged to descend in their endeavours to accommodate the Irish public. At all events, let me deprecate any thing like the issuing of notes under one pound: the sufferings of the people in Ireland, particularly the poorer classes, in consequence of such an arrangement, were dreadful. Every petty shopkeeper, become a banker, issued his paper, bought bad goods, and put what price he pleased upon them, certain that his neighbours must buy them, because his paper had no currency except from his counter to his tili. Oh, no! any thing except five shilling and two-and-sixpenny notes-rather than that, let the brass pots and kettles, as in the time of James II. he called in, melted, and coinedbut no more paper, for the sake of common humanity! I am now called away to see a very fine ram, upon which, I am informed, Sir John Sinclair is to ride round the hall of the Bank of England, preparatory to his being crowned with a wreath of cancelled Banknotes: he is then to proceed to the Rotunda, to partake of a dejeuné à la fourchette, consisting chiefly of prize meats. A great deal of good singing is expected: Mr. R. Jackson is to favour the company with " Money in both Pockets;" two mermaids have kindly come forward to offer their gratuitous assistance they are to sit in bathing-tubs, at each side of the President, and have promised to execute some appropriate airs "Cease, "Cease, rude Boreas," and "Water parted from the Sea," Sir John being reseated on his ram. The whole to conclude with a grand chorus in praise of Pitt and pound-notes; in which all the Stock-jobbers, Contractors, Clerks, Directors, and the entire corps par picritique, are to join. Medals of the great man,. now no more, struck on pasteboard, are to be distributed among the performers, who are to fire a feu de joie in honour of his memory, provided the ram be found sufficiently steady to bear the explosion; otherwise it is to be omitted. I shall resume the subject of the Scarcity of Silver at a future period, which, with some other particulars, I shall be happy to communicate to you; meantime I remain Your obedient servant, TIMOTHY TINKER. LINES ON THE CITIZENS OF PARIS PRESENTING THE SON OF BUONAPARTE WITH A CRADLE, WHICH IS SAID TO HAVE. COST A THOUSAND POUNDS. [From the Morning Post, April 16:] GOOD Paris Cits, have better thought, In buying childish things of nought, Thy cradle, Folly, proves this truth-.. For, have we not been told, forsooth! As a HINTS TO PUNSTERS. [From the British Press, April 19] S a few light paragraphs, puns, conundrums, and old or new jokes, have a very good effect at a breakfast-table in the columns of a Morning Paper," we beg leave to offer a few Hints to the Gentlemen employed in manufacturing or reviving those articles : HINT 1st. An Epigram ought to terminate in an attic point, therefore Gentlemen are wrong in calling those things Epigrams which have no point at all.'** HINT 2d. All Witticisms, which have a latent meaning in the writer's own mind, and which it is impossible for the reader to understand, ought to be followed by a glossary, or explanation. HINT 3d. All foreign languages, French, Spanish, Portuguese, or Italian words, ought to be done into English for the benefit of the unlearned. 192 HINT 4th. All extracts from Joe Miller, the Encyclopædia of Wit, and other jest-books, ought to be ** given with a reference to the page of the author or compiler whence taken. Otherwise it is a pla giarism; and if worthless (as it will probably be), the blame of original sin is unjustly attached to him who is only guilty of tasteless selection. HINT 5th. A Rebus ought to be something. dog no HINT 6th. Rhyme ought to chime. HINT 7th. It is allowable, for the sake of effect, to put old jests into the mouths of modern personages. This is like putting old wine into new bottles, and creates a burst of laughter. HINT 8th. As persons are not obliged to understand the orthoëpy of classical words, you are at liberty to turn and pronounce them as best suits your 1 201 purpose; purpose; ex. gr. Archipelago may be given in forty seven different manners. HINT 9th. Never stick or puzzle for a handful of letters. Spell ad libitum as you pronounce. HINT 10th. To attend to chronology would be a cursed bore, and spoil many a good joke. Geography has the same defect: and, after all, what signifies it, if the story be good, whether we, by mistake, make 1811 the fifteenth century, or place Tarentum in Africa? HINT 11th. Grammar must follow the fate of orthoëpy, and orthography. It must bend to your purposes. HINT 12th. Call all those who do not understand your jokes stupid blockheads." These are a dozen of the chief hints that occur on the rowel of the moment-(an example of the what, ye call it substituting a part for the wholerowel quasi spur):-a thousand might be added, were we to take the trouble of thinking about the matter; but as we write for those who never prepare or chastise the mind, we also deem it most expedient to scribble away off-hand! a In the same spirit and manner we proceed to offer few remarks on the main branch of the trade, namely: punning; a very copious and fruitful subject, and, like an attorney's blue bag, containing nothing, founded on nothing, and aiming at nothing but equivocation and quibble. The grand sources for a newspaper are the events of the day: Public Meetings, Men's Names, Debates in Parliament, and, above all, Foreign Intelligence. The supremacy of the latter is evident, from the liberties that may safely be taken with the pro nunciation of all names of persons, places, and events. Not a town in Portugal but yields, plentiful, stores to the Punster: not a French General but he the can turn and overturn in any manner or way; not to mention |