in which time his tongue can travel about seven miles. Nevertheless, if he cannot so much compress the matter which he may have to deliver, nothing in this Act contained shall extend to prevent his delivering the remainder to his clerks, or the benches in the Temple-gardens, provided he molest no one but the clerks and benches aforesaid thereby.

"No reverend Doctor shall, before his congregation, travel over more than one mile, which, as he proceeds but slowly, will take about 43 minutes. And whereas the reverend Dr. Morpheus is a most composing preacher, nothing, therefore, in this Act contained, or to be contained, shall extend, or be construed to extend, to prevent him from travelling as fast as he chooses during the said 43 minutes; forasmuch as his audience, after the first seven minutes, are generally so wholly wrapt in sleep as to be insensible to his Reverence's eloquence. And no pious, sensible, and exemplary (and consequently poor) curate shall be hereby prevented from preaching as long as he pleases for the benefit of his congregation.

"All surgeons, apothecaries, country doctors, and attorneys at law, to speak with much greater celerity, and not stammer their words

out as if not sufficiently paid for, and therefore unwilling to part from them, or as if fearful of wearing out their tongues.

"All reserved and silent men to apply oil to the hinges and springs of the organs of speech, and keep them in better practice. All great men, courtiers and placemen, to be more sparing in the uses of the same relaxing liquid, and to learn to employ more weighty words, and not light things called promises, and to make their tongues move with more judgment and sense.

"And whereas the discourse of the officers of his Majesty's land forces, and many others of his Majesty's loving subjects, usually called ladies' men, never exceeds the weight of one scruple by measurement with the logometer, even though their tongues may travel many miles and hours: Nothing, therefore, shall extend to prevent the ladies' men aforesaid from having full liberty to talk as long and as fast as they please, provided they molest no one but the ladies thereby, and so as the officers aforesaid do not forget that soldiers fight with swords and firelocks, and not parasols and fans; forasmuch as it might, perhaps, provoke the mirth, and thereby disturb the discipline of his Majesty's army, if any of his officers should

give the words shoulder fans' instead of

6

' arms,' or salute a General Officer with a parasol instead of a sword.

"All officers of his Majesty's Navy, and others, who accustom themselves to use weighty words, usually called swearing, hereafter shall employ less ponderous expressions, inasmuch as such heavy ones may perchance overpower them, and bend them down so low, that they may ever afterwards go crooked, and perhaps fall into a well called the bottomless pit.

"You will perceive, good Cousin, that I have only stated the substance of a very few of the intended clauses. All necessary words and forms, directing the application of my glossameter, will of course be inserted, and many more clauses added, and the Act rendered in every respect complete. Let me therefore beseech you to favour me with a recommendation. And, in order to interest you in my behalf, I will shortly, if no unforeseen circumstance prevents me, give you, in another letter, the history of my life. It is, however, not improbable that I may be prevented. In the mean time, believe me, dearest Cousin Projector,

"Your very loving Cousin,

"SCIPIO SPECULATOR.

“P. S. Entre nous, if by your recommendation the generous Parliament gives me a few thousands, you shall not be forgotten by me. But this is only between ourselves :-Snug is the word on this subject. And I am perfectly disinterested, and in doing this patriotic action I am not sordid enough to want a reward.”

THE PROJECTOR, N° 47.

66

Somno et inertibus horis

Ducere solicitæ jucunda oblivia vitæ.”

"Laugh, and be well. Monkeys have been
Extreme good doctors for the spleen;

And kitten, if the humour hit,

Has harlequin'd away the fit."

GREEN.

HOR.

August 1805.

WHILE the return of the summer months affords new pleasures to the gay publick, it also is found to yield new ideas to the PROJECTOR, who, though remaining firmly at his post, and seldom indulging himself in those jaunts which

at this season are to one class so pleasant, and to another so profitable, would not be thought inattentive to what passes in the most distaut quarters of his Majesty's dominions. And with this inclination to follow his fellow-subjects into their summer retreats, it is peculiarly fortunate that the public journals now think it their duty to place intelligencers of known abilities at all the watering-places, and that we have dispatches from the coasts of Kent and Sussex in as regular succession as those from the shores of Europe and Asia.

From these abundant sources of information, the few who remain in London are admitted, by proxy, to a share of the pleasures which they are not otherwise able to enjoy; and surely they have reason, in their town confinement, to be heartily thankful that writers are employed who possess such striking powers of description as to bring the most distant scenes of delight before their eyes, and enable them to repeat those transports which have ceased to agitate the bosoms of the original spectators. In a dearth of intelligence, which I presume will ever be most severely felt when there is a thirst for news, it is a matter of great consolation that, although we know little of what is passing at Paris, Petersburg, or Vienna, no transaction