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to deny me. I know they are too valuable to be so slightly kept, and as you are to answer for the loss

MRS. HARD. Don't be alarmed, Constance. If they be lost, I must restore an equivalent. But my son knows they are missing, and not to be found.

TONY. That I can bear witness to. They are missing, and not to be found; I'll take my oath on't.

MRS. HARD. You must learn resignation, my dear; for though we lose our fortune, yet we should not lose our patience. See me, how calm I am.

MISS NEV. Ay, people are generally calm at the misfortunes of others.

MRS. HARD. I wonder a girl of your good sense should waste a thought upon such trumpery. We shall soon find them; and in the mean time you shall make use of my garnets till your jewels be found.

MISS NEV. I detest garnets.

MRS. HARD. The most becoming things in the world to set off a clear complexion. You have often seen how well they look upon me: You shall have them.

[Exit.

MISS NEV. I dislike them of all things. You shan't stir.— Was ever any thing so provoking, to mislay my own jewels, and force me to wear her trumpery.

TONY. Don't be a fool. If she gives you the garnets, take what you can get. The jewels are your own already. I have stolen them out of her bureau, and she does not know it. Fly to your spark, he'll tell you more of the matter. Leave me to manage ber.

MISS NEV. My dear cousin!

TONY. Vanish. Vanish. She's here, and has missed them already. [Exit MISS NEVILLE.] Zounds! how she fidgets and spits about like a catherine wheel.

MRS. HARD.

Enter MRS. HARDCASTLE.

Confusion! thieves! robbers! we are cheated,

plundered, broke open, undone.

TONY. What's the matter, what's the matter, mamma? I.

hope nothing has happened to any of the good family?

MRS. HARD.

We are robbed. My bureau has been broken

open, the jewels taken out, and I'm undone.

TONY. Oh! is that all? Ha! ha ha! By the laws, I never saw it acted better in all my life. Ecod, I thought you was ruined in earnest, ha ha! ha!

MRS. HARD. Why, boy, I am ruined in earnest. My bureau has been broken open, and all taken away.

TONY. Stick to that: ha! ha ha! stick to that. I'll bear witness, you know; call me to bear witness.

MRS. HARD. I tell you, Tony, by all that's precious, the jewels are gone, and I shall be ruined for ever.

TONY. Sure I know they are gone, and I'm to say so.

MRS. HARD. My dearest Tony, but hear me. They're gone,

I say.

TONY. By the laws, mamma, you make me for to laugh, ha! ha! I know who took them well enough, ha ha! ha!

MRS. HARD. Was there ever such a blockhead, that can't tell the difference between jest and earnest? I tell you I'm not in jest, booby.

TONY. Thats right, that's right; you must be in a bitter passion, and then nobody will suspect either of us. I'll bear witness that they are gone.

MRS. HARD. Was there ever such a cross-grained brute, that won't hear me? Con you bear witness that you're no better than a fool? Was ever poor woman so beset with fools on one hand, and thieves on the other?

TONY. I can bear witness to that.

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MRS. HARD. Bear witness again, you blockhead you, and I'll turn you out of the room directly. My poor niece, what will become of her? Do you laugh, you unfeeling brute, as if you enjoyed my distress?

TONY. I can bear witness to that.

MRS. HARD. Do you insult me, monster? I'll teach you to vex your mother, I will.

TONY. I can bear witness to that. (He runs off, she follows him.)

Enter MISS HARDCASTLE and MAID.

MISS HARD. What an unaccountable creature is that brother of mine, to send them to the house as an inn, ha ha! I don't wonder at his impudence.

MAID. But what is more, Madam, the young gentleman, as you passed by in your present dress, asked me if you were the bar-maid? He mistook you for the bar-maid, Madam.

MISS HARD. Did he? Then as I live I am resolv'd to keep up the delusion. Tell me, Pimple, how do you like my present dress? Don't you think I look something like Cherry in the Beaux Stratagem?

MAID. It's the dress, Madam, that every lady wears in the country, but when she visits or receives company.

MISS HARD. And are you sure he does not remember my face or person ?

MAID. Certain of it.

MISS HARD. I vow I thought so; for though we spoke for some time together, yet his fears were such that he never once looked up during the interview. Indeed, if he had, my bonnet would have kept him from seeing me.

MAID. But what do you hope from keeping him in his mistake?
MISS HARD. In the first place, I shall be seen, and that is

no small advantage to a girl who brings her face to market. Then I shall perhaps make an acquaintance, and that's no small victory gained over one who never addresses any but the wildest of our sex. But my chief aim is to take my gentleman off his guard, and, like an invisible champion of romance, examine the giant's force before I offer to combat.

MAID. But are you sure you can act your part, and disguise your voice so that he may mistake that, as he has already mistaken your person?

MISS HARD. Never fear me. I think I have got the true bar cant-Did your honor call?-Attend the Lion there.-Pipes and tobacco for the Angel. The Lamb has been outrageous this half-hour.

MAID. It will do, Madam. But he's here.

Enter MARLOW.

[Exit MAID.

MARL. What a bawling in every part of the house! I have scarce a moment's repose. If I go to the best room, there I find my host and his story; if I fly to the gallery, there we have my hostess with her curtsey down to the ground. I have at last got a moment to myself, and now for recollection. (Walks and muses.)

MISS HARD.

Did you call, Sir? Did your honor call?

MARL. (Musing) As for Miss Hardcastle, she's too grave and sentimental for me.

MISS HARD. Did your honor call? (She still places herself before him, he turning away.)

MARL. No, child (musing). Besides, from the glimpse I had of her, I think she squints.

MISS HARD. I'm sure, Sir, I heard the bell ring.

MARL. No, no (musing). I have pleased my father, how

ever, by coming down, and I'll to-morrow please myself by returning. (Taking out his tablets and perusing.)

MISS HARD. Perhaps the other gentleman called, Sir?

MARL. I tell you, no.

MISS HARD. I should be glad to know, Sir. We have such a parcel of servants!

MARL. No, no, I tell you (looks full in her face). Yes, child, I think I did call. I wanted-I wanted-I vow, child, you are vastly handsome.

MISS HARD. O la, Sir, you'll make one ashamed.

MARL. Never saw a more sprightly, malicious eye. Yes, yes, my dear, I did call. Have you got any of your—a—what d'ye call it in the house?

MISS HARD.

days.

No, Sir; we have been out of that these ten

MARL. One may call in this house, I find, to very little purpose. Suppose I should call for a taste, just by way of trial, of the nectar of your lips; perhaps I might be disappointed in that too.

MISS HARD. Nectar, nectar! That's a liquor there's no call for in these parts. French, I suppose. We keep no French

wines here, Sir.

MARL. Of true English growth, I assure you.

MISS HARD. Then it's odd I should not know it. We brew all sorts of wines in this house, and I have lived here these

eighteen years.

MARL. Eighteen years! Why, one would think, child, you kept the bar before you was born. How old are you?

MISS HARD. O! Sir, I must not tell my age. They say. women and music should never be dated.

MARL. To guess at this distance, you can't be much above forty (approaching). Yet nearer I don't think so much (approaching).

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