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A WORD WITH YOU.
ΑΝΟΝ. Young man, don't get too foxy. If you happen to get in possegsion of a few dollars, act just as you did before you got them. Don't swell up and burst! If you have a good share of brains you won't do this; you will remember that neither money, clothes nor good looks make the man, and that worth is as often garbed in a ragged coat as in broadcloth. Don't stand on hotel steps, dangling your watch chain and talking "hoss." Those who load themselves with airs are the smallest kind of potatoes, and the fewest in the hill. A fat job often spoils young men of weak minds. They immediately commence to dress fine, and take great pride in cultivating an aldermanic corporosity and a sporting air. Sensible people are always disgusted with such actions when they deign to notice them, which is very seldom,
THE ASS AND THE VIOLINIST-A FABLE.
BY JOHN G. SAXE.
Within the fields, one summer day,
Tis sweet, I know, for, look ! see what
“My long-eared friend," the fiddler said,
JOSH BILLINGS ON LAUGHING. Laffing is strickly amuzement, altho' sum folks make a bizness ov it.
It has been considered an index to a man's karacter, and thar is sum so klose a reasoning that tha can tell what a man had for din. ner by seeing him laff.
I never saw. 2 laff alike.
While thar are sum that don't make enny noise, and sum ag'in who hav music in ther laff, thar's others who laff just as a rat does who has caught a steel trap with his tale. There is no mistake in the assertion that it iz a comfort to hear sum laffs that com romping out ov a man's mouth, like a districk school ov young girls just let out to play.
Men who never laff may have good hearts but they are deepseated-like sum springs they have the inlet and outlet from below, and show no sparkling bubble on the brim.
I don't like a gigler; his kind of laff is like the dandy-lion, a bread yeller and not a bit ov good smell about it.
It is true that enny kind ov a laff that looks out ov a man's eyes fust to see if the coast is clear, then steals down into the dimples ov his cheek and rides an eddy thare awhile, then waltzes a spell at the corner ov his mouth like a thing ov life, then bursts its bonds ov beauty and fills the air for a moment with a shower of silvery tongued sparks, then steals back with a smile tew its lair in the heart, tew watch agin for its prey-this iz the kind ov laff that I luv and ain't afraid ov.
A OANNI BALLAD. Cincinnati Commercial.)
You will learn in this solemn story,
His teeth were sharp as the teeth of a saw
For babies were all his glory.
Unless with the Dutch and Irish.
Which wasn't a wise proceeding; For having tasted a white man's meat, He was always ready to kill and eatAnd he looked with lo:ging at rosy girls Who came to the show in shining curls, With cheeks like peaches and teeth like pearls,
And he wondered how they tasted.
Without even salt or pepper.
JOSH BILLINGS ON OOURTING. · Perhaps it is best I should state some good a'vice to young men who are about to court, with a view to matrimony as it was.
In the first place, young man, you want to git your system awl right, and then find a young woman that wants to be courted on the square.
The next thing is to find out how old she is; which you can do hy asking her, and she will say she is 19 yrs. old, and this you will tind won't be far out of the way.
The next thing is to begin moderate--sa once every nite in the week for the fust six months, increasing the dose as the patient seems to require. It is a fust rate wa to court the girl's mother a little on the start; there is one thing a woman never despises, and that is a little good courting, if it is done on the square.
After the fust year you will git acquainted and like the bizness amazingly.
There is I thing I alway adviz, that is-not to swap forty-graffs oftener than onst in every 16 days, unless you forgit how the gal looks.
Occasionally you want to look sorry and draw in your wind, as though you had pain; this will set the girl to teazing you to find out what ails you.
Evening meetings are a good thing to attend; it will keep your religion in tune, and if your gal liappens to be there bi accident, she can ask you to go home with her.
Az a general thing, I would not brag on other girls much when I was courting. It mite look as though you new too much.
If you court this wa 3 wks., all the time on the square, if you don't say it is the slickest time ov your life, you can go to the “Young America " cheap store and git measured for a plug hat and pa for it at my expense. Don't court for money, nor buty, nor relashuns; those things are about as the kerosene ile refining biznessliable to git out ov repair and bust at anny minnit.
Court a gal for fun, for the luv you bare her, for the virtue and bizness there is in her; court her for a wife or a mother; court her as you would court a farm for its soil, and the perfection of the title ;