SCENE II-A room in the Garter Inn. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. Enter it; you have brought her into such a canaries, as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly (all musk,) and Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grat-in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar ed upon my good friends for three reprieves for you of the best, and the fairest, that would have won and your coach-fellow2 Nym; or else you had any woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could looked through the grate like a geminy of baboons. never get an eye-wink of her.-I had myself twenty I am damned in hell, for swearing to gentlemen my angels given me this morning: but I defy all angels friends, you were good soldiers, and tall fellows: (in any such sort, as they say,) but in the way of and when mistress Bridget lost the handle of her honesty:-and, I warrant you, they could never get fan, I took't upon my honour, thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteen pence? her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioner's; but, I warrant you, all is one with her. Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: Think'st thou, I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my good more about me, I am no gibbet for you :-go.-Ashe Mercury. short knife and a throng:-to your manor of Pickt- Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter, hatch, go.-You'll not bear a letter for me, you for the which she thanks you a thousand times; rogue! you stand upon your honour !-Why, thou and she gives you to notify, that her husband will unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do, to be absence from his house between ten and eleven, keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I, I my- Fal. Ten and eleven? self sometimes, leaving the fear of heaven on the Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, and see the picture, she says, that you wots of ;— am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet master Ford, her husband, will be from home. you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your he's a very jealousy man; she leads a very framhold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your ho- pold' life with him, good heart. nour! You will not do it, you? Fal. Ten and eleven? Woman, commend me to Pist. I do relent; What would'st thou more of her; I will not fail her. man? Enter Robin. Quick. Why, you say well: But I have another messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too ;-and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you. wife, and one (I tell you) that will not miss your Fal. Let her approach. Enter Mistress Quickly. Quick. Give your worship good-morrow. Quick. Not so, an't please your worship. Quick. I'll be sworn; as my mother was, the first hour I was born. Fal. I do believe the swearer: What with me? Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? Fal. Two thousand, fair woman; and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing. Quick. There is one mistress Ford, sir;-I pray, come a little nearer this ways:-I myself dwell with master doctor Caius. Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,Quick. Your worship says very true: I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears;-mine own people, mine own people. Quick. Are they so? Heaven bless them, and make them his servants! Fal. Well: mistress Ford;-what of her? Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord, lord! your worship's a wanton: Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray! Fal. Mistress Ford-come, mistress Ford. (1) Pay you again in stolen goods. (3) To cut purses in a crowd. morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home; but, she hopes, there will come a time. t never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Quick. Blessing on your heart for't! Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this; has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? 10 Quick. That were a jest, indeed!-they have not so little grace, I hope:-that were a trick, indeed! But mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves; her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page: and, truly, Never a wife in master Page is an honest man. Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and truly she deserves it: for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Quick. Nay, but do so then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any case have a nay-word," that you may know one of another's mind, and the boy never need to under (6) Ale-house. (7) A mistake of Mrs. Quickly's for quandary. 8) Know. (9) Fretful, peevish. 4)Pickt-hatch was in Clerkenwell. (5) Protect. (10) By all means. (11) A watch-word. stand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness; old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. tracts me! Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir. Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's my purse: I am yet thy debtor.- Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to Boy, go along with this woman.-This news dis- you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a [Exeunt Quickly and Robin. doting observance; engrossed opportunities to Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers :- meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could Clap on more sails; pursue, up with your fights; but niggardly give me sight of her not only Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them bought many presents to give her, but have given all! [Exit Pistol. largely to many, to know what she would have Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; given: briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of ali Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after occasions. But whatsover I have merited, either the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I Good body, I thank thee: Let them say, 'tis grossly have received none; unless experience be a jewel: done; so it be fairly done, no matter. that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught ine to say this: Enter Bardolph. Bard. Sir John, there's one master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack. Fal. Brook, is his name? Fal. Call him in; [Exit Bardolph.] Such, Re-enter Bardolph, with Ford disguised. Ford. Bless you, sir. Fal. And you, sír; Would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold, to press with so little preparation upon you. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest Fal. You're welcome; What's your will? Give mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her us leave, drawer. (Exit Bardolph. made of her. Now, sir John, here is the heart of Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something enboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me; if you will help me to bear it, sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook: I shall be glad to be your servant. tance, authentic in your place and person, gene- Fal. O, sir! money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend Ford. Believe it, for you know it:-There is all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the win her to consent to you; if any man may, you honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very your affection, that I should win what you would preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is securely on the excellency of her honour, that Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be to her with any detection in my hand, my desires too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come brief with you;-and you have been a man had instance and argument to commend themselves; long known to me, though I had never so good I could drive her then from the wards of her purity means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I other her defences, which now are too strongly must very much lay open mine own imperfection: embattled against me; What say you to't, sir but, good sir John, as you have one eye upon my John? follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how your money; next, give me your hand; and last, easy it is to be such an offender. as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. (1) A cant phrase of exultation. (2) Since. (3) Reward. Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with (4) In the greatest companies. (5) Approved. (6) Guard. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come; by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come, Rug. He is wise, sir: he knew your worship would kill him, if he came. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell you,) by her own appointment; even as you came Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and how I vill kill him. eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir? Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not-yet I wrong him, to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me wellfavoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. Enter Host, Shallow, Slender, and Page. Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin,4 to see Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the thy distance, thy montánt. Is he dead, my Ethicuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, opian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart lie with his wife.-Come to me soon at night :- of elder? ha? is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile;1 Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of thou master Brook, shalt know him for a knave de world: he is not show his face. and cuckold:-come to me soon at night. [Exit. Host. Thou art a Castilian king, Urinal! HecFord. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! tor of Greece, my boy! -My heart is ready to crack with impatience- Caius. I pray you, bear witness that me have Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is is no come. made. Would any man have thought this?-See Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation should fight, you go against the hair of your prognawn at; and I shall not only receive this villa-fessions: is it not true, master Page? nous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abomi- Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been nable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Terms! names!--Amaimon sounds well; Lu- Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be cifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devil's old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wit-finger itches to make one: though we are justices, tol2 cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather of women, master Page. trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow. Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master aquavita bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a then she ruminates, then she devises: and what wise physician, and sir Hugh hath shown himself they think in their hearts they may effect, they a wise and patient churchman: you must go with will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven me, master doctor. Muck-water?" Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat ? be praised for my jealousy!-Eleven o'clock the Host. Pardon, guest justice :-A word, monsieur hour; I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! valour, bully. cuckold! [Exit. Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Englishman:-Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that sir Hugh pro-wag. mised to meet. (1) Add to his title. (2) Contented cuckold. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Host. And moreover, bully,-But first, master (6) Cant term for Spaniard. guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. [Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields: will it do well? Shal. We will do it. Page, Shal. and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farm-house a feasting; and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game, said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat; by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. ACT III. [Exeunt. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender. Shal. How now, master parson? Good morrow, good sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful." Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What! the sword and the world! do you study them both, master parson? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, master parson. Eva. Fery well: what is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw. Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he? Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of por SCENE I-A field near Frogmore. Enter Sir ridge. Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic? Sim. Marry, sir, the city-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way. Eva. I most fehemently desire you, you will also look that way. Sim. I will, sir. Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I am, To shallow rivers, to whose falls To shallow Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,-and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withaf. Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! Shal. It appears so, by his weapons:-Keep them asunder;-here comes doctor Caius. Enter Host, Caius, and Rugby. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore will you not meet-a me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. and I will one way or other make you amends: Melodious birds sing madrigals ;— When as I sat in Pabylon,2 And a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appoint ments. Caius. Diable !-Jack Rugby,-mine Host de Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, sir Hugh. I not, at de place I did appoint? To shallow rivers, to whose falls- Sim. No weapons, sir: There comes my master, master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. (1) Head. Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, say, Guallia and Gaul, French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machia (2) Babylon, the first line of the 137th Psalm. H vel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the plots!-they are laid; and our revolted wives potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson ? share damnation together. Well; I will take him, my priest? my sir Hugh? no; he gives me the then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of pro-verbs and the no-verbs.-Give me thy hand, modesty from the so seeming mistress Page, diterrestrial; so:-Give me thy hand, celestial; so. vulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Action; -Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours directed you to wrong places: your hearts are shall cry aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn:-there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praised Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as the Shal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentle-earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. men, follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt Shal. Slen. Page, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you makea de sot' of us? ha, ha! Eva. This is well; he has made us his vloutingstog. I desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too. Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Sir Hugh Shal. Page, &c. Well met, master Ford. Shal. We have linger'd about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray we shall have our answer. you, follow. [Exeunt. Slen. I hope, I have your good-will, father Page. Enter Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you :-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. SCENE II.-The Street in Windsor. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather, lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now, see, you'll be a courtier. Enter Ford. I Ford. Indeed, she is. my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young master Fenton ? Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentlemen is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a reknot in his fortunes with the finger of my sub gion, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a stance: if he take her, let him take her simply the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way. home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you freer wooing at master Page's. [Exeunt Shallow and Slender. [Exit Host. Ford. [Aside.] I think, I shall drink in pipewine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will All. Have with you, to see this monster. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-A room in Ford's house. Enter Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir;-I am sick, till I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Robin, you go, gentles? Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot pointblank twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind!-and Falstaff's boy with her!-Good (1) Fool. (2) Flouting-stock. (3) Specious. (4) Shall encourage. Mrs. Ford. What, John! what, Robert! basketMrs. Page. Quickly, quickly: is the buck Mrs. Ford. I warrant :-what, Robin, I say. (5) Out of the common style. (6) Not rich. |