truly affecting. I caught him to my bosom, I wept, I even sobbed as I held him to my heart, and unable to bear his superiority, I exclaimed: No, my noble-hearted friend, never will I accept such a sacrifice: we are yet to learn for which of us her heavenly Father has designed this treasure. Let us both, as occasion may occur, indulge ourselves in her society, and should the event prove that you are the highly favoured mortal, I hope, and believe, I shall willingly resign her, and content myself with listening to her heavenly accents. And, truth to say, she possessed a most enchanting voice; a most fascinating manner, admirably calculated to gain hearts, especially young hearts, simple, and softened by Religion; and, what was above all bewitching, she sang the most divine of Mr. Wesley's hymns in a most divinely impressive manner. While, however, we were mutually acceding to this wise plan for the disposal of Miss Dupee, it never once entered into our heads, that she very possibly was not designed for either of us. Perhaps few youthful bosoms have ever endured a greater conflict between love, and friendship: We experienced both in no common degree, but friendship in both our hearts became triumphant. This amiable woman continued, for some time, decidedly the object of our deliberate election, but I had, however, reason to believe my attachment the strongest, for it deprived me of both rest, and appetite. For the first time, I began to tag rhymes: I have sat by the hour together upon an eminence, whence I could behold her habitation, poetizing, and sighing, as if my heart would break; I had some reason to believe she had discovered, and was diverted with my passion; indeed she must have laughed at me, if she had not despised me. After a long struggle between my hopes, and my fears, I ventured to address a letter to Miss Dupee, filled with the warmest professions of eternal affection, and conjuring her, at least to 薯 grant me leave to hope. I dared not entrust a domestic with this letter, lest it should be discovered by my father, for the dread of meeting a refusal from my mistress was not more terrible to my imagination, than that my father should obtain knowledge of my temerity. One night, therefore, returning from the society, with fear, and trembling, I put my letter into her hand, humbly requesting she would honour it with a secret perusal. She took it, and, gypsey as she was, absolutely pressed my hand, which pressure almost suffocated me with transport; I parted from her at the door, and from that moment neither slept, nor eat, till I was cured, radically cured. It was upon a Wednesday night, I delivered my letter: what did I not suffer from the torture of sus

pense, until Friday evening; nothing could I hear of, or from her, I was afraid to go to Mr. Little's, I feared every thing, but the thing I had most reason to fear-the contempt and indignation of my own father. It never once entered my thoughts, that she would communicate my letter to any one, and least of all, that she would expose me to my father; but instead of writing me an answer, such an answer as my fond, foolish heart, sometimes ventured to expect, she inclosed my very first love-letter to the very last person in the world to whom I should have chosen to confide it! I was at this time debilitated by the want of rest and food, which, for the preceding fortnight, I had rarely taken, and upon this Friday evening, as I entered the presence of my father, an unusual dread pervaded my spirits. It is too true, I never appeared before him, without apprehension; but, upon this occasion, I was unusually agitated: but how were my terrors augmented, when my father, with a countenance of the most solemn indignation, ordered me to approach. The season of castigation had gone by, indeed my father was too feeble to administer corporeal chastisement, but, like the Prince of Denmark, although he did not use daggers, he could speak them—he could look them. I cannot now remember who, or rather how many, were present; my mother, and my brothers and sisters of course. My poor mother, I am confident, felt keenly for me, although she dared not interfere. "Come hither, sir," said my father; approach, I say." I drew near, with fear, and trembling, but yet I knew not why: When, fixing his piercing, penetrating eyes upon me, with a look of such sovereign contempt, as almost struck me blind, he began very deliberately to search his pockets; after a pause, which seemed interminable, out came a 'letter. I was instantaneously covered with a most profuse perspiration; I trembled and became so faint, that I was obliged to catch at a chair for support. But my father continued slowly opening the killing letter, and looking alternately at it, and its author, and curling his nose, as if his olfactory nerve had been annoyed by something extremely offensive, he again fixed his eyes upon me, and tauntingly said: " So, you poor, foolish child, you write love-letters, do you! you want a wife, do you?" and, feigning an attempt to read it, but pretending inability, he extended it to me, saying: "Take it, thou love-sick swain, and let us hear how thou addressest thy Dulcinea." I burst into tears, but I confess they were tears of wrathful indignation, and at that moment I detested the lady, my father, and myself. “Go,” continued my father, "Go, thou idle boy, depart instantly out of my

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sight:" and out of his sight I accordingly went, almost wishing I might never again appear before him. This night I parted with my passion for Miss Dupee; I sighed for an opportunity of opening my heart to my ever faithful friend, I expected consolation from him, and I was not disappointed. Suspecting the business was the subject of conversation in the house of Mr. Little, I determined to go thither no more: with my friend, however, I took my usual walk; he perceived the sadness of my soul, but it was a consolation to me to learn, that he was ignorant of the cause: I poured my grief into his bosom, and his indignation was unbounded; hatred for Miss Dupee grew in his soul, yet, when I knew she had the goodness never to communicate my folly to any one, but my father, and this in a private letter, I could not but esteem her. So here rested the affair, and I wrote no more love-letters, until I addressed the lady whom I married. Though I was not by this torturing business exempted from la belle passion, yet I was prevented by my fears from its manifestation. In fact it was not until I was in a situation to make an election, as I supposed for life, that I was again condemned to struggle with a sentiment so imposing, as that which had occasioned me so much vexation. Many fair faces attracted, and for a time fixed my attention, and I sometimes looked forward to the brightest, purest scenes of domestic felicity, which were however as visionary, as could have been conceived in the pericranium of the most confirmed lunatic.

The religious melancholy, so pleasing to my father, again took possession of my mind; once more at early dawn I haunted the churchyard, frequently repeating to myself,

"The man how blest, who, sick of gaudy scenes,

Is led by choice to take his favourite walk
Beneath death's gloomy, silent cypress shades,
To read his monuments, to weigh his dust,
Visit his vaults, and dwell among the tombs."

The intervening hours of public worship, on Sunday, were passed by me at Church, in appropriate meditation and prayer: the solemn stillness of the place aided my aspirations, and rendered me abundantly more gloomy; but the versatility of my disposition still gave me to emerge, and I was then proportionably vivacious. In this zigzag manner I proceeded, gaining something every day, while I enjoyed a fine state of health, and the happiness of being much beloved by a large circle of respectable connexions. I still continued to cultivate my garden; it was the best in the place, and being seen and admired by many,

my pious brethren were apprehensive it would become my idol; but we all have our idols. Mr. Wesley was the idol of the many. One evening at a love-feast, when the whole society were assembled, a pious sister, while narrating her experiences, looking earnestly at Mr. Wesley, vehemently exclaimed: "O! sir, I consider myself as much indebted to God for you, as for Jesus Christ!" The whole company were greatly surprised, and, as I believe, expected Mr. Wesley would have reproved her for this speech; but it passed, without any then expressed observation. The ensuing day it became the subject of animadversion, when I undertook to defend her, by remarking, that as she never could have had any advantage from Jesus Christ, if she had never heard of, and believed in him; she certainly was as much indebted to Almighty God for sending Mr. Wesley, through whom she obtained this redeeming knowledge, as for the Saviour, in whom she believed ! !

My close connexion with my young friend, although very pleasant to my social propensities, subjected me, nevertheless, to some pain. He was indulged with more pocket money, than I could command; and although he considered his stipend never so well employed, as when it contributed to my convenience, yet, disliking dependence, I had recourse to methods of obtaining money, which did not always please me ; I sometimes borrowed, and sometimes solicited gifts from my mother, which I did not find it easy to repay. It would have been well if neither my companion, nor myself, had been in the habit of spending money; we derived therefrom no advantage; it introduced us into company, where we were apt to forget ourselves; it is true we were never inebriated, but we were often gay, and, for religious characters, too much off our guard. This dear youth was not, like me, habituated to religion, he was not early disciplined by its most rigid laws; I could with abundantly more facility turn aside with him, than he could pursue with me the narrow path, in which I had generally walked. We became gradually too fond of pleasures, which would not bear examination; yet they were such as the world denominated innocent, although they strongly impelled us to gratifications disallowed by Religion. We were now fast advancing in life, and, with all the enthusiasm of youth, we were planning schemes for futurity, when lo! my precious, my early friend, was seized by a malignant fever, which soon deprived him of his reason. I was on the verge of distraction, I entreated permission to tarry constantly by his bedside; the progress of the disease was astonishingly rapid, and in a few days this dear, this amiable youth,

whom I loved as my own soul, expired in a strong delirium ! Every one regretted the departure of this young man, every one sympathised with his parents, and many extended pity to me. I was indeed beyond expression wretched; it was the first calamity of the kind, which I had ever been called to suffer, and my agonies were in full proportion to the strong affection, which I had conceived for the deceased. Society no longer possessed a charm for me, and yet the parents of the dear departed never willingly permitted me to quit their presence; indeed, the love, they had borne their son, seemed to be entirely transferred to me; but their sufferings were incalculably augmented, when, in a few succeeding weeks, their eldest, and only surviving son, fell a victim to the same fatal malady, which had deprived them of his brother! Never before did I witness such sad, and heart-affecting sorrow: a gloomy Religion is always increased by scenes of melancholy, hence the horrors of my mind were beyond description. Every thing I had done, every word I had uttered, not strictly conformable to the rule of right, returned upon my mind with redoubled terror, and in the midst of these agonizing fears, I was violently seized by the same fever, which had destroyed my friend. I was, upon the first appearance of this mortal disease, exceedingly alarmed, but in a few hours it prostrated my reason; my mother appeared to me as a stranger, and although I recognised my father, I was not afraid of him. I understood every thing which was said by those about me, and I suffered much in consequence of their expressed apprehensions and predictions: and I have often thought, that attendants in the chamber of sickness do not sufficiently consider the situation of the suffering patient, or the possibility, that the freedom of their remarks may augment his depression. I continued to linger, in the midst of extreme torture, through many weeks; and so high, and unremitted was my delirium, that my parents, from a persuasion that, should I be restored to health, my reason was forever lost, were reconciled to my departure. One particular I consider as astoning; every thing, which passed in my mind through the whole of this protracted delirium, I can, to this day, recollect as well as any event, which has taken place in any part of my life. Contrary to the expectations of surrounding friends, I was gradually restored to perfect health, when I became still more endeared to the parents of my deceased companion; they would have laid me in their bosoms, gladly cherishing me as the son of their affection. The old gentleman visited my father every day, and his lady was equally intimate with my mother.