Slen. I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of Songs and Sonnets here. Enter SIMPLE. How now, Simple! where have you been? I Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; 220 Evans. Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Evans. But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Evans. Marry, is it; the very point of it: to Mistress Anne Page. 231 Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands. Evans. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships' company. 271 Shal. I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne. Evans. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. [Exeunt Shallow and Evans. Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, sir? Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well. Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, gọ wait upon my cousin Shallow. [Exit Simple. A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin th'other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. 301 Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. [not? Slen. That's meat and drink to me, now. I Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and her? 240 have taken him by the chain; but, I warrant Slen. I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become you, the woman have so cried and shrieked at one that would do reason. it, that it passed: but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored rough things. Evans. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. [dowry, marry her? Shal. That you must. Will you, upon good Slen. I will do a greater thing that that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid? Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another; I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. 260 Evans. It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in the ort dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely:' his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Evans. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which is the way; and there dwells one Mistress Quickly, which is in the manner Would I were young for your sake, Mistress of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or Anne! Re-enter ANNE Page. his laundry, his washer, and his wringer. Sim. Well, sir. Evans. Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone: I will make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come. [Excunt. SCENE III. A Room in the Garter Iun. Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN. Fa. Mine host of the Garter! Host. What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hec Bard. It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive. Pist. O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? [Exit Bardolph. Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humor conceited? Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful singer; he kept not time. Nym. The good humor is to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey,' the wise it call. foh! a fico for the phrase. Fal. Well, sirs, 31 'Steal!' am almost out at heels. Pist. Why, then, let kibes ensue. Fil. There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. 9 Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town Pist. I ken the wight: he is of substance good. 41 Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards, and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's.' Pist. He hath studied her will, and transslated her will, out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humor pass? Fal. Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband's purse: he hath a legion of angels. 60 Pist. As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I. Nym. The humor rises; it is good: humor me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes, too, examined my parts with most judicious ceillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Pist Then did the sun on dunghill shine. 70 Nym. I thank thee for that humor. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burningglass! Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humor: here, take the humor-letter; I will keep the havior of reputation. Fal. To Robin Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly: Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. [go; Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, Trudge, plod away o'the hoof; seek shelter,pack! French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page. [Exeunt Falstaff and Robin. Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds, And high and low beguiles the rich and poor: Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk. Nym. I have operations which be humors of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin and her star! Pist. With wit or steel? Nym. With both the humors, I: I will discuss the humor of this love to Page. Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfoid How Falstaff, varlet vile, 100 His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humor shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess † him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous; that is my true humor. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on. [Excunt. SCENE IV. A room in DOCTOR CAIUS's house. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and Rugby. Quick. What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. [Exit Rugby.] An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? 21 Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard, a Cain-colored beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait? 31 Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish Re-enter Rugby. Rug Out, alas! here comes my master. Quick. We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go into this closet; he will not stay long. [Shuts Simple in the closet.] What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say! Go, John, go inquire for my master; Í doubt he be not well, that he comes not home. 43 [Singing] And down, down, adown-a, &c. Enter DOCTOR CAIUS. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box, a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you. [Aside] I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn mad. 52 Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Caius. Oui; mette le au mon pocket: [Writes. Quick. Aside to Simple] I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself, Sim. [Aside to Quickly] 'Tis a great charge to come under one body's hand. Quick. Aside to Simple] Are you avised o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down late; but notwithstanding,to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it, my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind-that's neither here nor there. Caius. You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh: by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here. By gar, I will cut his all two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog. [Exit Simple. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. 120 Caius. It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have de-appointed mine host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I will myself have Anne Page. Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court. 62 Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me! Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples en my closet dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer! Caius. Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby. Quick. You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Fent. Within] Who's within there? ho! Quick. Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you. 141 Enter FENTON. Fent. How now, good woman! how dost thou? Quick. The better that it pleases your good worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. 151 Fent. Shall I do any good. thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But indeed she is given too much to allicholy and musing: but for you-well, go to. Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, com.mend me. Quick. Will I? i' faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. Quick Farewell to your worship. [Exit Fenton.] Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out upon't! what have I forgot? (Exit. 180 ACT II. Or any kind of light, With all his might, For thee to fight, JOHN FALSTAFF.' What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked, wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard picked-with the devil's name!-out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter MISTRESS FORD. I was Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page, Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honor! Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman! take the honor. What is it? dispense with trifles; what is it? Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted. 50 Mrs. Page. What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves.' What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like? 70 Mrs. Page. Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, SCENE I. Before PAGE's house. Enter MISTRESS Page, with a letter. Mrs. Page. What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see. [Reads. 'Ask me no reason why I love you; for though Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am I go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I: would you desire better sym-writ with blank space for different names,pathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page.-at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,that I love thee. I will not say, pity me; 'tis not a soldier-like phrase: but I say, love me. By me, Thine own true knight, By day or night, sure, more,--and these are of the second edition: he will print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man. Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding,' call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck. Mrs. Page. So will I: if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's appoint him a meeting: give him a show of comfort in his suit, and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter. 100 Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that I hope is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. 110 Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither. [They retire. Enter FORD with PISTOL, and PAGE with NYM. Ford. Well, I hope it be not so. Pist. Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife. Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. and poor, Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend. Ford. Love my wife! 120 Pist. With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou, [heels: Like Sir Actæon he, with Ringwood at thy O, odious is the name! Ford. What name, Sir? Pist. The horn, I say. Farewell. Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night: [do sing. Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds Away, Sir Corporal Nym! Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. (Exit Ford. Aside] I will be patient; I will find out this. 131 Nym. To Page] And this is true; I like not the humor of lying. He hath wronged me in some humors: I should have borne the humored etter to her; but I have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; 'tis true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I love not the humor of bread and cheese, and there's the humor of it. Adieu. [Exit. 141 Page. The humor of it,' quoth a'! here's a fellow frights English out of his wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. Ford. If I do find it: well. Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o' the town commended him for a true man. 150 Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow: well. Page. How now, Meg! [Mrs. Page and Mrs. Ford come forward. Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George? Hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now, will you go, Mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George. [Aside to Mrs. Ford) Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. Mrs. Ford. [Aside to Mrs. Page] Trust me, I thought on her: she'll fit it. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY. Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anue? 170 Mrs. Page. Go in with us and see: we have an hour's talk with you. [Exeunt Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Mrs. Quickly. Page. How now, Master Ford? Ford. You heard what this knave told me, did you not? Page. Yes: and you heard what the other told me? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Marry, were they. Ford I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter? Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. 191 Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife: but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied. Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate Page. Look where my ranting host of the or money in his purse when he looks so merrily. Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and twenty, good Mastes Page! Master Page. I never heard such a drawling, affect- Page, will you go with us? we have sport in ing rogue. hand. |