Have we not heard both great and small
Vociferate the name of P-11,

With ecstacy where he was lately heard on,
The wooden theatre of Covent Garden!
In politics at least then we may warrant
Him worthy to be dubb'd a brave knight-errant.

The other Knight is of no less renown,
As witness'd oft in Brentford's dirty town;

A champion he of far more wondrous fame
Than gallant Quixote, (whom Cervantes sings,)
Who dar'd attack a windmill's stubborn wings,
For his Dulcinea-most lovely dame !

These patriotic English Knights

Had a Dulcinea too, whom they both courted,
A jilting harlot, vain and proud,

E'er foremost in the muddy crowd,
Assuming the sweet name of Madam " Rights,"
In whom each British heart delights,

(Although no other in reality

Than the hack jade-Miss" Popularity !'')
'Tis true some other patriots with her sported,
With looks and language most endearing,
When out of place or when electioneering!
But none so anxiously laid claim unto her,
Or took such mighty pains to woo her;
As the two heroes of our tale,

But oft, alas! the best endeavours fail.

The Brentford Knight, at length extremely tir'd,
In silent dudgeon sat despairing:
The other, by some demon reinspir'd,

Hit on a stratagem both deep and daring;
He in disguise bethought to win her,
And forc'd her to a sumptuous dinner,
Resolv'd, at any rate, to share her favours,
But fortune crown'd not his endeavours,
For there his disappointment was complete,
The mask dropp'd off, and show'd the whole deceit.

Alas!

Alas! our task is now to sing

Of dreadful deeds and discord dire,

(Which oft from disappointments spring, And rage like an unruly fire,)

Our heroes soon were fraught with mutual ire,
And both, on bloody actions bent,
Arm'd, to the field of combat, went!
At first the weapons miss'd their aim,
But the two friends prov'd not so tame;
The dæmon Discord, not so soon appeas'd,
Refresh'd their courage, and their wrath increas'd;
On which their weapons play'd their parts too well,
Each bullet hit its mark-and-both the heroes fell!

Have we not seen great nations go to war?

Seen millions slain with unrelenting rage, When dreadful Havock mounts her iron car? Nor dying groans,

Nor widow'd moans,
The parent's fears,

Or orphan's tears,

Their ruthless fury can assuage;
Until the strength of which they boasted,
And all their means of war become exhausted!:
Then, not till then, with hearts at ease,
The sapient nations think of peace;

And each endeavours to excel

The other in politeness and good breeding<
Thus then it happened when our heroes fell,
And both in agony lay bleeding;
The Fury which their anger first excited,
Delighted with their folly, fled,
And in derision slyly said,→

"Since you have prov'd such men of might,
And fought-until ye can no longer fight,-

In friendship's social bands be reunited!"
They took the hint-each of his fault repented,
And off the field were carried quite contented!
May 13.

A CASE

SIR,

A CASE IN POINT.

[From the Morning Herald.]

I HAVE read somewhere the following tale or apologue-call it which you please :-Two countrymen, holding a joint property in a cow, quarrelled about their rights; but agreed to drive the animal to market, in order to adjust their difference. While they rested on the road, something which fell from the cow engaged their attention. One proposed to the other, that if he would eat it he should have the sole property of the cow. The other, assenting, went to work, and demolished half the tansy. His stomach being rather palled, and seeing that his opponent was affrighted at his voracity, the former proposed to relinquish his advantage, on the condition of his adversary eating the remainder. The condition was accepted, and the sweetmeat consumed. "Now (said the one) we are just as we stood before."--"Yes! (replied the other,) and so we might have been without this confounded dinner."

If you think that this is apposite to a recent case, you will publish it; if not, I am still yours, QUINBUS FLESTRIN.

EPIGRAM.

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

OF Foreign Affairs, our Minister Canning
Is said by his friends at all times to be planning,
And his ignorance of them completely declares
That to him they must ever be-Foreign Affairs.
London, May 14.

A HANDBILL.

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

To all free and independent Electors.
Those who wish

Peculators to be protected,

Subsidies

Subsidies to be lavished,

The Slave Trade to be revived,
Taxes to be increased,
And

War to be perpetuated,

Are earnestly entreated to vote for the friends of the present Administration.

* Worthy and useful Gentlemen, well known in London, whose business is in the dark to remove the filth of the house, without offend ing the nostrils of the family, or alarming the neighbourhood with the stink,

ANOTHER.

[From the same.]

TO CONTRACTORS.

WANTED IMMEDIATELY, AN ASSORTMENT OF THREE HUNDRED STAKES OF DIFFERENT SIZES, OF PRIME SEASONED OAK. ALSO,

FIFTY CART-LOADS OF FAGOTS FOR GOVERNMENT USE, IN THIS CITY. Persons willing to supply the same, or to contract for the Fagot Service in the undermentioned TownS: NORTHAMPTON, MANCHESTER,

OXFORD,

ST. ALBANS AND CHESTER;
K

VOL. XI.

Are

Are desired to send in their Proposals in writing, post paid, on or before the fifth of May, under cover to Mr. P, CLERK of the MELTINGS at this Office.

N. B. Most Money given for OLD TORCHES. HAND-BILLS against Popery, gratis—with LISTS . of SUSPECTED HOUSES.

S A TRIED HOUSE-BURNER will meet with good encouragement.

LORD STINKSBURY ON ARSON, IS IN THE PRESS.

Fire and Fagot Office, Smithfield, May 1, 1807.

ALL THE TALENTS.

"And their TALENTS were heaped together."

[From the Morning Herald.]

Book of Numbers.

THE
HE Talents which God for man's use hath design'd,
Are mostly found single, and rarely combin'd:
There's a Tulent to cheat, and a Talent to smuggle,-
A Talent to jeer, and a Talent to juggle;
There's a Talent to pilfer, and one to deceive;
There's a Talent to say what no man will believe;
A Talent to plunder gold, places, and pensions,
With a Talent for wit, and ber tricking pretensions;
A Talent for arrogance scorning to bend ;

And a Talent for blinking the claims of a friend :
A Talent in serpentine arts the most crooked,
And a Tatent for worth just enough to o'erlook it ;
A Talent to swear, and forswear, the same thing;
A Talent to viceroy it over a King;

A Talent to dance, and a Talent to lurch,
And a right holy Talent to pull down the Church.
Still it was not enough for this choice congregation,
To be gather'd together in dull "MINISTRATION;
For in morals or politics where is the beauty,
By common-place tricks to perform a man's duty?
So leaving Old England's plain work; all undone,
For th' undoing themselves as the pleasanter fun,
They built up a wall," and so cunningly fenc'd it,
That their own noddles only could,bolt right against it.

And