網頁圖片
PDF
ePub 版

THOMAS MOORE.- -COWPER.

209

Reeling homewards, one evening, top-heavy with gin,
And rehearsing his speech on the weight of the crown,
He tripp'd near a saw-]
w-pit, and tumbled right in,
Sinking fund," the last words as his noddle came down.
Oh! oh! Orator Puff,

66

One yoice for an orator's surely enough.

"Good Lord!" he exclaim'd, in his he-and-she-tones,

66

"Help me out! help me out!-I have broken my bones !" Help you out!" said a Paddy, who passed, "what a bother! Why, there's two of you there; can't you help one another?" Oh! oh! Orator Puff,

One voice for an orator's surely enough.

THOMAS MOORE.

4. THE JACKDAW.

THERE is a bird, who, by his coat,
And by the hoarseness of his note,
Might be supposed a crow;
A great frequenter of the church,
Where, bishop-like, he finds a perch,
And dormitory too.

Above the steeple shines a plate,
That turns, and turns, to indicate

From what point blows the weather:
Look up your brains begin to swim,-
"Tis in the clouds-that pleases him,
He chooses it the rather.

Fond of the speculative height,
Thither he wings his airy flight,
And thence, securely, sees
The bustle and the raree-show,
That occupy mankind below,
Secure, and at his ease.

You think, no doubt, he sits, and muses,
On future broken bones and bruises,
If he should chance to fall;
No; not a single thought like that,
Employs his philosophic pate,
Or troubles it at all.

He sees that this great roundabout,
The world, with all its motley rout,
Church, army, physic, law,

Its customs, and its bus'nesses,
Is no concern at all of his,

And says-what says he ?-Caw.
Thrice happy bird! I too have seen
Much of the vanities of men ;

And, sick of having seen 'em,
Would, cheerfully, these limbs resign,
For such a pair of wings as thine,
And such a head between 'em.

COWPER.

5. NOSE VS. EYES.

BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose, -
The spectacles set them, unhappily, wrong;
The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.

So the Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause
With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning;
While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,

So famed for his talent in nicely discerning. In behalf of the Nose, it will quickly appear,

And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear, Which amounts to possession, time out of mind. Then, holding the spectacles up to the courtYour lordship observes they are made with a straddle, As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short, Designed to sit close to it, just like a saddle. Again, would your lordship a moment suppose ('Tis a case that has happened, and may be again), That the visage or countenance had not a Nose,

Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then? On the whole, it appears, and my argument shows, With a reasoning the court will never condemn, That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose, And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.

COWPER.

Then, shifting his side, as a lawyer knows how,
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes;
But what were his arguments few people know,
For the court did not think they were equally wise.

So his lordship decreed, with a grave, solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but-
That whenever the Nose put his spectacles on,
By daylight or candle-light, Eyes should be shut.

211

COWPER.

6.

CONVERSATION.

THE emphatic speaker dearly loves to oppose,
In contact inconvenient, nose to nose,
As if the gnomon on his neighbor's phiz,
Touched with a magnet, had attracted his.
His whispered theme, dilated, and at large,
Proves, after all, a wind-gun's airy charge,-
An extract of his diary-no more,-
A tasteless journal of the day before.
He walked abroad, o'ertaken in the rain,
Called on a friend, drank tea, stepped home again,
Resumed his purpose, had a world of talk
With one he stumbled on, and lost his walk.
I interrupt him with a sudden bow,-
"Adieu, dear sir! lest you should lose it now."

I cannot talk with civet in the room,-
A fine puss, gentlemen, that's all perfume:
His odoriferous attempts to please,
Perhaps might prosper with a swarm of bees;
But we that make no honey, though we sting,-
(Poets) are sometimes apt to maul the thing.

A graver coxcomb we may sometimes see,
Quite as absurd, though not so light as he;
A shallow brain behind a serious mask,
An oracle within an empty cask,
The solemn fop,-significant and budge,
A fool with judges, amongst fools a judge;
He says but little, and that little said
Owes all its weight, like loaded dice, to lead.

His wit invites you, by his looks, to come,
But, when you knock, it never is at home:
'Tis like a parcel sent you by the stage,-
Some handsome present, as your hopes presage:
'Tis heavy, bulky, and bids fair to prove
An absent friend's fidelity and love,-

But, when unpacked, your disappointment groans,
To find it stuffed with brickbats, earth, and stones.

COWPER.

7. THE REMOVAL.

A NERVOUS old gentleman, tired of trade,—

By which, though, it seems, he a fortune had made,—
Took a house 'twixt two sheds, at the skirts of the town,
Which he meant, at his leisure, to buy and pull down.
This thought struck his mind when he viewed the estate;
But, alas! when he entered he found it too late;
For in each dwelt a smith :-a more hard-working two
Never doctored a patient, or put on a shoe.

At six in the morning, their anvils, at work,
Awoke our good squire, who raged like a Turk :
"These fellows," he cried, "such a clattering keep,
That I never can get above eight hours of sleep."

From morning till night they keep thumping away,-
No sound but the anvil the whole of the day:
His afternoon's nap, and his daughter's new song,
Were banished and spoiled by their hammers' ding-dong.
He offered each Vulcan to purchase his shop;
But, no! they were stubborn, determined to stop:
At length (both his spirits and health to improve)
He cried, "I'll give each fifty guineas to move."

[ocr errors]

Agreed!" said the pair; "that will make us amends."
"Then come to my house, and let us part friends:
You shall dine; and we'll drink on this joyful occasion,
That each may live long in his new habitation."

He gave the two blacksmiths a sumptuous regale,―
He spared not provisions, his wine, nor his ale;

ANONYMOUS.OLIVER W. HOLMES.

213

So much was he pleased with the thought that each guest Would take from him noise, and restore to him rest.

“And now,” said he, "tell me, where mean you to moveI hope to some spot where your trade will improve?" Why, sir," replied one, with a grin on his phiz,

66

"Tom Forge moves to my shop, and I move to his !"

ANONYMOUS.

MY AUNT ! my

8. MY AUNT.

dear unmarried aunt!

Long years have o'er her flown;
Yet still she strains the aching clasp
That binds her virgin zone:

I know it hurts her,-though she looks
As cheerful as she can :

Her waist is ampler than her life,
For life is but a span.

My aunt! my poor deluded aunt!
Her hair is almost gray:
Why will she train that winter curl
In such a spring-like way?
How can she lay her glasses down,
And say she reads as well,
When, through a double convex lens,
She just makes out to spell.

Her father grandpapa! forgive

This erring lip its smiles-
Vowed she would make the finest girl

Within a hundred miles.

He sent her to a stylish school

'Twas in her thirteenth June ;
And with her, as the rules required,
“Two towels and a spoon."

They braced my aunt against a board,
To make her straight and tall;

They laced her up, they starved her down,
To make her light and small;

« 上一頁繼續 »