Host. What is the matter, Sir? Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three cousin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good-will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stogs; and 'tis not convenient you! should be cozened. Fare you well. [Exit Enter Doctor CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but is tell-a me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jar many by my trot, dere is no duke, dat the court is know to come; I tell you for good vill: adieu. [Exit. Host. Hue and cry, villain, go:-assist me, knight; I am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone ! [Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH. Fal. I would all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.Enter Mrs QUICKLY. Now! whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them: mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow, and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy, I will give over all. Fent. Yet hear me speak: assist me in my purpose, And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee A hundred pound in gold, more than your loss, the least, keep your counsel. Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you (So far forth as herself might be her chooser,) Her mother, even strong against that match, Straight marry her to this her mother's plot Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar. Besides, I'll make a present recompense. ACT V. SCENE I.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and Mrs QUICKLY. [Exeunt Fal. Prythee, no more prattling ;-go.—I'll hold. This is the third time; I hope, good luck lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away. Quick. I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. [Exit Mrs QUICKLY. Enter FORD. How now, master Brook! Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, Sir, as you told me you had appointed? Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, like à poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you. He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of a man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me, I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, I knew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow me; I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford: on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand.-Follow: strange things in hand, master Brook! [Exeunt. follow. SCENE II.-Windsor Park. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle ditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-Remember, son Slender, my daughter. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nayword, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, "Mum;" she cries, "Budget;" and by that we know one another. Shal. That's good too: but what needs either your "Mum," or her "Budget?" the white will decipher her well enough. It hath struck ten o'clock. Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will be come it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man. means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-The Street in WINDSOR. Enter Mrs PAGE, Mrs FORD, and Dr CAIUS. Mrs Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly. Go before into the park; we two must go together. Caius. I know vat I have to do; adieu. Mrs Page. Fare you well, Sir.-[Exit CAIUS.] My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding than a great deal of heart-break. Mrs Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welsh devil, Hugh? Mrs Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Ilerne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. Mrs Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Mrs Ford. We'll betray him finely. Mrs Page. Against such lewdsters, and their lechery, Those that betray them do no treachery. Mrs Ford. The hour draws on; to the oak, to the oak! [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-Windsor Park. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS and Fairies. Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts; be pold, I pray you: follow me into the pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I pid you: come, come; trib, trib. [Exeunt. SCENE V.-Another part of the Park. Enter FALSTAFF disguised, with a Buck's Head on. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on now, the hot-blooded gods assist me:-Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns.-O powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan, for the love of Leda;-0, omnipotent love! how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose?-A fault done first in the form of a beast;-0 Jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on't, Jove; a foul fault.-When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my doe? Enter Mrs FORD and Mrs PAGE. Mrs Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Fal. My doe with the black scut?--Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of "Green Sleeves;" hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. [Embracing her. Mrs Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-luck, each a haunch; I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like Herne the hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome! [Noise within. Mrs Page. Alas! what noise? Mrs Ford. } Mrs Page. Fal. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS, like a Satyr; Mrs QUICKLY, and PISTOL; ANNE PAGE, as the Fairy Queen, attended by her brother and others, dressed like fairies, with waxen tapers on their heads. Quick. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, Attend your office, and your quality.- Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys. Fal. They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die: I'll wink and couch: no man their works must eye. [Lies down upon his face. Eva. Where's Pede?-Go you, and where you find a That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, [maid, Raise up the organs of her fantasy, Sleep she as sound as careless infancy; But those that sleep, and think not on their sins, Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white; Era. Pray you, lock hand in hand: yourselves in order set; And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy! lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'erlook'd even in thy birth. Quick. With trial-fire touch me his finger-end: It is the flesh of a corrupted heart. Era. Come, will this wood take fire? [They burn him with their tapers. Fal. Oh, oh, oh! Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme: And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time. Eva. It is right; indeed he is full of lecheries and iniquity. SONG. "Fie on sinful fantasy! Kindled with unchaste desire, Fed in heart; whose flames aspire, As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. Pinch him, fairies, mutually; Pinch him for his villany; Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out." During this song, the fairies pinch FALSTAFF. Doctor CAIUS comes one way, and steals away a fairy in green; SLENDER another way, and takes off a fairy in white; and FENTON comes, and steals away Mrs ANNE PAGE. A noise of hunting is made within. All the fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his buck's head, and rises. Enter PAGE, FORD, Mrs PAGE, and Mrs FORD. They lay hold on him. Page. Nay, do not fly: I think we have watch'd you Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives? Ford. Now, Sir, who's a cuckold now?-Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, master Brook: and, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money; which must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook. Mrs Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer. Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too, both the proofs are extant. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought they were not fairies; and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a re ceived belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now, how wit may be made a Jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment. Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Eva. And leave vou your jealousies too, I pray you. Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English. Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese. Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter. Fal. Seese and putter! Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking, through the realm. Mrs Page. Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight? Ford. What. a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrail Ford. And as wicked as his wife? Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles? Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use me as you will. Ford. Marry, Sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Mrs Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends: Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last. Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her, master Slender hath married her daughter. Mrs Page. Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. Enter SLENDER. Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page! [Aside. Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you aespatched? Slen. Despatched -I'll make the best in Gloucestershire know on 't; would I were hanged, la, else. Page. Of what, son? Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir,-and 'tis a post-master's boy. Page. Upon my life, then, you took the wrong. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: if I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him. : Page. Why, this is your own folly did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments? Slen. I went to her in white, and cried "Mum," and she cried "Budget," as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy. Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry poys? Page. O, I am vexed at heart: what shall I do? Mrs Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married. Enter CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mistress Page? by gar, I am cozened; I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un paisan, by gar, a boy; it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened. Mrs Page. Why, did you take her in green? Caius. Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, I'll raise all Windsor. [Exit CAIUS. Ford. This is strange: who hath got the right Anne? Page. My heart misgives me: here comes master baton. Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE. How now, master Fenton! Mrs Page. Why went you not with master dostor maid? Fent. You do amaze her: hear the truth of it. Which forced marriage would have brought upon her. Fal. I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand [joy! Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased. Eva. I will dance and eat plums at your wedding. Mrs Page. Well, I will muse no further:-master Heaven give you many, many merry days!- [Fenton, Good husband, let us every one go home, And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire; Sir John and all. Ford. Let it be so:-Sir John, To master Brook you yet shall hold your word: АСТ І. ERDONK FROTH, a foolish Gentleman. Clown. Servant to Mrs OVERDONK ABHORSON, an Executioner. BARNARDINE, a dissolute Prisoner. ISABELLA, Sister to CLAUDIO. MARIANA, betrothed to ANGELO. Mrs OVERDONE, a Bawd. My 2 Lords, Gentlemen, Guards, Officers, and other Attendants. SCENE,-VIENNA. SCENE I.-An Apartment in the Duke's Palace. Enter Duke, ESCALUS, Lords, and Attendants. Duke. Escalus, Escal. My lord. Duke. Of government the properties to unfold, ✔ My strength can give you: then no more remains Our city's institutions, and the terms For common justice, you are as pregnant in, As art and practice hath enriched any [Exit an Attendant. Lent him our terror, dress'd him with our love; Of our own power. What think you of it? As time and our concerning shall importune,? How it goes with us; and do look to know Ang. Yet, give leave, my lord, That we may bring you something on the way. Nor need you, on mine honour, have to do So to enforce or qualify the laws As to your soul seems good. Give me your hand; But do not like to stage me to their eyes: That does affect it. Once more, fare you well. 2 [Exit Escal. I shall desire you, Sir, to give me leave To have free speech with you; and it concerns me To look into the bottom of my place; A power I have; but of what strength and nature I am not yet instructed. Ang. 'Tis so with me:-Let us withdraw together, And we may soon our satisfaction have Touching that point. Escal. I'll wait upon your honour. SCENE II.-A Street. [Exeunt. Enter LUCIO and two Gentlemen. A Lucio. If the duke, with the other dukes, come not to composition with the king of Hungary, wliy, then all the dukes fall upon the king, 1 Gent. Heaven grant us its peace, but not the king of Hungary's! 2 Gent. Amen. Lucio. Thou concludest like the sanctimonious pirate, that went to sea with the ten commandments, but scraped one out of the table. 2 Gent. Thou shalt not steal? Lucio. Ay, that he razed. 1 Gent. Why, 'twas a commandment to command the captain and all the rest from their functions; they put forth to steal: there's not a soldier of us all, that, in the thanksgiving before meat, doth relish the petition well that prays for peace. 2 Gent. I never heard any soldier dislike it. Lucio. I believe thee; for I think thou never wast where grace was said. 2 Gent. No? a dozen times at least. 1 Gent. What? in metre? Vers Lucio. In any proportion, or in any language. 1 Gent. I think, or in any religion. Lucio. Ay! why not? Grace is grace, despite of all controversy: as for example; Thou thyself art a wicked villain, despite of all grace. us. 1 Gent. Well, there went but a pair of shears between Lucio. I grant; as there may between the lists and the velvet: thou art the list. 1 Gent. And thou the velvet: thou art good velvet; thou art a three-piled piece, I warrant thee: I had as lief be a list of an English kersey, as be piled, as thou 1 Gent. How now! Which of your hips has the most profound sciatica? Bawd. Well, well; there's one yonder arrested, and carried to prison, was worth five thousand of you all. 1 Gent. Who's that, I pray thee? Bawd. Marry, Sir, that's Claudio, signior Claudio. 1 Gent. Claudio to prison! 'tis not so. Bawd. Nay, but I know 'tis so: I saw him arrested; saw him carried away; and, which is more, within these three days his head's to be chopped off. Lucio. But, after all this fooling, I would not have it so: art thou sure of this? Bawd. I am too sure of it: and it is for getting madam Julietta with child. Lucio. Believe me, this may be: he promised to meet me two hours since; and he was ever precise in promise-keeping, 2 Gent. Besides, you know, it draws something near to the speech we had to such a purpose. 1 Gent. But most of all, agreeing with the proclamation. Lucio. Away; let's go learn the truth of it. [Exeunt LUCIO and Gentlemen. Bard. Thus, what with the war, what with the sweat, what with the gallows, and what with poverty, I am custom-shrunk. How now! what's the news with you? Enter Clown. Clo. Yonder man is carried to prison. Bawd. Well; what has he done? Clo. A woman. Baud. But what's his offence? Clo. Groping for trouts in a peculiar river. Bawd. What, is there a maid with child by him? Clo. No; but there's a woman with maid by him: you have not heard of the proclamation, have you? Bawd. What proclamation, man? Clo. All houses in the suburbs of Vienna must be pluck'd down. Bawd. And what shall become of those in the city? Clo. They shall stand for seed: they had gone down too, but that a wise burgher put in for them. Bawd. But shall all our houses of resort in the suburbs be pulled down? Clo. To the ground, mistress. Bawd. Why, here's a change indeed in the commonwealth! What shall become of me? Clo. Come; fear not you; good counsellors lack no clients: though you change your place, you need not change your trade; I'll be your tapster still. Courage; there will be pity taken on you? you that have worn your eyes almost out in the service, you will be considered. Bared. What's to do here, Thomas Taster? Let's Claud. Thus can the demi-god, Authority, Make us pay down for our offence by weight.The words of heaven;-on whom it will, it will; On whom it will not, so; yet still 'tis just. [restraint? Lucio. Why, how now, Claudio? whence comes this Claud. From too much liberty, my Lucio, liberty: As surfeit is the father of much fast, 4720 So every scope by the immoderate use Lucio. If I could speak so wisely under an arrest, 1 would send for certain of my creditors: and yet, to say the truth, I had as lief have the foppery of freedom, as the morality of imprisonment.-What's thy offence, Claudio? Claud. What but to speak of would offend again. Claud. No. Lucio. Lechery? Hollent Claud. Call it so. Prov. Away, Sir; you must go. Claud. One word, good friend:-Lucio, a word with you. [Takes him aside. Lucio. A hundred, if they'll do you any good.— Is lechery so look'd after? Claud. Thus stands it with me:-Upon a true con I got possession of Julietta's bed; [trách You know the lady; she is fast my wife, Els Save that we do the denunciation lack Of outward order: this we came not to, Claud. Unhappily, even so. And the new deputy now for the duke, fee A horse whereon the governor doth ride, I stagger in-But this new governor Which have, like unscour'd armour, hung by the wall Freshly on me:-'tis surely, for a name. 2122 Lucio. I warrant it is: and thy head stands so tickle on thy shoulders, that a milk-maid, if she be in love, may sigh it off. Send after the duke, and appeal to him. "ppolliere. Claud. I have done so, but he's not to be found. 4 I pr'ythee, Lucio, do me this kind service: Such as moves men; besides, she hath prosperous art Lucio. I pray she may; as well for the encouragement of the like, which else would stand under grievous imposition; as for the enjoying of thy life, who I would be sorry should be thus foolishly lost at a game of ticktack. I'll to her. Claud. I thank you, good friend Lucio. SCENE IV.-A Monastery. Enter Duke and Friar THOMAS. [Exeunt Duke. No, holy father; throw away that thought; Believe not that the dribbling dart of love Can pierce a complete bosom. Why I desire thee Fri. May your grace speak of it? Duke. My holy sir, none better knows than you How I have ever loved the life removed; And held in idle price to haunt assemblies |