TWO HEADS BETTER THAN ONE.

A TALE.

As Yorkshire Humphrey t'other day
O'er London Bridge was stumping,
He saw with wonder and delight
The Water-Works a pumping.

Numps gazing stood, and, wond'ring how
This grand machine was made,
To feast his eyes, he thrust his head
Betwixt the ballustrade.

A sharper, prowling near the spot,
Observes the gaping lout;

And soon with fish-hook finger turns

His pocket inside out.

Numps feels the twitch, and turns around

The thief, with artful leer,

Says, "Sir, you'll presently be robb'd,

For pick-pockets are near."

Quoth Numps, "I don't fear London thieves,

"I'se not a simple youth;

"My guinea, Measter's, safe enow:

"I've put'n in ma mouth!"

"You'll pardon me," the rogue replies,
Then modestly retires;
Numps re-assumes his gaping post,
And still the works admires.

The artful prowler takes his stand
With Humphrey full in view,
And now an infant thief drew near,
And each the other knew:

When thus the elder thief began:
"Observe that gaping lout!
"He has a guinea in his mouth,
"And we must get it out."

"Leave that to me," young Filcher says,
"I have a scheme quite pat:
"Only observe how neat I'll queer
"That gaping country flat!"

By this time Numps had gazed his fill,
Was trudging thro' the street,
When the young pilferer, tripping by,
Falls prostrate at his feet.

"O Lord! O dear! my money's lost!" The artful urchin moans;

While halfpence, falling from his hand,
Roll jingling o'er the stones.

The passengers now stoop to find,
And give the boy his coin,

And Humphrey, with this friendly band,
Most cordially does join.

"There is thy pence," quoth Numps, "my boy, "Be zure thee haulds 'em fafter."

"My pence!" quoth Filch," here is my pence; "But where's my guinea, Master ?

"Help, help! good folks, for God's sake, help!"
Bawls out this hopeful youth;
"He pick'd my guinea up just now,
"And has it in his mouth!"

The elder thief was lurking near,
Now close to Humphrey draws;
And, seizing by the gullet, plucks
The guinea from his jaws!

Then roars out, "Mafters, here's the coin,

"I'll give the child his guinea;
"But who'd have thought to see a thief
"In this same country ninny?"

Humphrey astonish'd, thus begins,
"Good Measters, hear me, pray;"
But duck him, duck him! is the cry:
At length he sneaks away.

"And now," quoth Numps, "I will believe
"What often I've heard zaid,

"That London thieves will steal the teeth "Out of a body's head!"

SONG

ON THE THREATENED INVASION,

BY CAPTAIN MORRICE.

WHILE deeds of Hell deface the world,
And Gallia's throne in ruin lies,
While round the earth revolt is hurl'd,
And Discord's baneful banner flies:
Loud shall the loyal Briton sing

To arm! to arms!—your bucklers bring,
To shield our Country, guard our King,
And George and England save.

Ne'er shall the desolating woe
That shades with horror Europe o'er,
To us her hideous image shew,

Or steep in blood this happy shore ;
Firm as our rock-bound isle we'll stand,
With watchful eye and iron hand,
To wield the might of Britain's land,
And George and England save.

While wide the threat'ning frenzy burns,
And prostrate nations mourn its rage,
Sternly his eye the Briton turns

To Edward's and to Henry's page.
As o'er their conquering urn he sighs,
Touch'd by their fame's proud fire, he cries
Thus o'er our foes we'll ever rise,

And George and England save.

Oft Fancy views them on the deep,
And turning, as their squadrons roll,
Where great Eliza's ashes sleep,

With triumph fills the Briton's soul. As Drake and Raleigh catch the glance, Advance! he cries-rash fools advance! The grave of Spain shall ope for France, And George and England save.

What prompts these restless foes of life,
To dare our dreaded arms again;
What, but the hope that party strife

Hath broke Britannia's shield in twain ?
But know they not, when France is near,
The war of tongues is silent here,
That ALL may grasp Britannia's spear,
And George and England save.

Ne'er in the pinch of Britain's fate,
Shall statesmens' rival feuds be known,

Or faction strive, with thwarting hate,
To break the British bulwark down :