ACT I.-SCENE I.-A Room in Sterling's house. Enter MISS FANNY, and BETTY meeting. Bet. (Running in.). Ma'am! Miss Fanny! Fan. What's the matter, Betty? [ma'am! Bet. Oh la! Ma'am! as sure as I am alive, here is your husband: I saw him crossing the court-yard in his boots.

Fan. I am glad to hear it. But pray now, my dear Betty, be cautious. Don't mention that word again on any account. You know we have agreed never to drop any expressions of that sort, for fear of an accident.

Bet. Dear, ma'am, you may depend upon me. There is not a more trastier creature on the face of the earth than I am: though I say it, I am as secret as the grave; and if it is never told till I tell it, it may remain untold till doomsday for Betty. Fan. I know you are faithful; but in our circumstances we cannot be too careful.

Bet. Very true, ma'am ; and yet I vow and protest there's more plague than pleasure with a secret; especially if a body mayn't mention it to four or five of one's particular acquaintance.

Fan. Do but keep this secret a little while longer, and then I hope you may mention it to anybody. Mr. Lovewell will acquaint the family with the nature of our situation as soon as possible.

Bet. The sooner the better, I believe; for if he does not tell it, there's a little tell-tale, I know of, will come and tell it for him.

Fan. Fie, Betty!

Bet. Ah! you may well blush. But you're not so sick, and so pale, and so wan, and so many qualms[you. Fan. Have done! I shall be quite angry with Bet. Angry! Bless the dear puppet! I am sure I shall love it as much as if it was my own. meant no harm, heaven knows.

I

Fan. Well, say no more of this; it makes me uneasy. All I have to ask of you is, to be faithful and secret, and not to reveal this matter till we disclose it to the family ourselves.

BRUSH

SERVANTS

MRS. HEIDELBERG MISS STERLING

FANNY BETTY

CHAMBERMAID

TRUSTY

Bet. Me reveal it! If I say a word, I wish I may be burned. I would not do you any harm for the world; and as for Mr. Lovewell, I am sure I have loved the dear gentleman ever since he got a tide-waiter's place for my brother. But let me tell you both, you must leave off your soft looks to each other, and your whispers, and your glances, and your always sitting next to one another at dinner, and your long walks together in the evening. For my part, if I had not been in the secret, I should have known you were a pair of lovers at least, if not man and wife, as

Fan. See there now again! Pray be careful.

Bet. Well, well; nobody hears me. Man and wife I'll say no more.- What I tell you is very true, for all that.

Love. (Within.) William!

Bet. Hark! I hear your husband-
Fan. What!

Bet. I say here comes Mr. Lovewell, Mind the caution I gave you I'll be whipped now if you are not the first person he sees or speaks to in the family. However, if you choose it, it's nothing at all to me: as you sow, so you must reap; as you brew, so you must bake. I'll e'en slip down the back stairs, and leave you together. [Exit.

Fan. I see, I see, I shall never have a moment's ease till our marriage is made public. New distresses crowd in upon me every day. The solicitude of my mind sinks my spirits, preys upon my health, and destroys every comfort of my life. It shall be revealed, let what will be the consequence.

Enter LOVEWELL.

Love. My love! How's this? In tears? Indeed this is too much. You promised me to support your spirits, and to wait the determination of our fortune with patience. For my sake, for your own, be comforted. Why will you study to add to our uneasiness and perplexity?

Fan. Oh, Mr. Lovewell! the indelicacy of a secret marriage grows every day more and more shocking to me. I walk about the house like a

bring you their commands. Here are letters from both of them. (Giving letters.)

Ster. Let me see; let me see. 'Slife! how his lordship's letter is perfumed! It takes my breath away. (Opening it.) And French paper too!with a slippery gloss on it that dazzles one's eyes. My dear Mr. Sterling (Reading.)-Mercy on me! his lordship writes a worse hand than a boy at his exercise. But how's this? Eh! With you to-night-Lawyers to-morrow morning.-To-night! That's sudden indeed. Where's my sister Heidelberg? She should know of this immediately. Here, John! Harry! Thomas! (Calling the Sertants.) Harkye, Lovewell!

Love. Sir.

Ster. Mind, now, how I'll entertain his lordship and Sir John. We'll show your fellows at the other end of the town how we live in the city. They shall eat gold, and drink gold, and lie in gold. Here, cook! butler! (Calling.) What signifies your birth, and education, and title? Money, money! that's the stuff that makes the great man Love. Very true, sir. [in this country. Ster. True, sir! Why then have done with your nonsense of love and matrimony. You're not rich enough to think of a wife yet. A man of business should mind nothing but his business. Where are these fellows? John! Thomas! (Calling.) Get an estate, and a wife will follow of course.-Ah! Lovewell! an English merchant is the most respectable character in the universe. 'Slife! man, a rich English merchant may make himself a match for the daughter of a nabob. Where are all my rascals? Here, William! [Exit calling. Love. So; as I suspected: quite averse to the match, and likely to receive the news of it with great displeasure. What's best to be done? Let me see. Suppose I get Sir John Melvil to interest himself in this affair. He may mention it to Lord Ogleby with a better grace than I can, and more probably prevail on him to interfere in it. I can open my mind also more freely to Sir John. He told me, when I left him in town, that he had something of consequence to communicate, and that I could be of use to him. I am glad of it: for the confidence he reposes in me, and the service I may do him, will ensure me his good offices. Poor Fanny it hurts me to see her so uneasy, and her making a mystery of the cause adds to my anxiety. Something must be done upon her account; for, at all events, her solicitude shall be removed. [Exit.

SCENE II.-Miss Sterling's Dressing-room. MISS STERLING and FANNY discovered. Miss S. O, my dear sister, say no more. This is downright hypocrisy. You shall never convince me that you don't envy me beyond measure. Well, after all, it is extremely natural. It is impossible to be angry with you.

Fan. Indeed, sister, you have no cause.
Miss S. And you really pretend not to envy me?
Fan. Not in the least.

Miss S. And you don't in the least wish that you was just in my situation?

Fan. No, indeed, I don't. Why should I? Miss S. Why should you? What! on the brink of marriage, fortune, title! But I had forgot: there's that dear sweet creature, Mr. Lovewell, in the case. You would not break your faith with your true-love now for the world, I warrant you. Fan. Mr. Lovewell! always Mr. Lovewell! Lord! what signifies Mr. Lovewell, sister?

Miss S. Pretty peevish soul! O, my dear, grave, romantic sister! a perfect philosopher in petticoats! Love, and a cottage! eh, Fanny? Ah, give me indifference and a coach and six!

Fan. And why not a coach and six without the indifference? But pray, when is this happy marriage of your's to be celebrated? I long to give you joy.

Miss S. In a day or two: I cannot tell exactly. Oh, my dear sister! I must mortify her a little: (Aside.) I know you have a pretty taste. Pray, give me your opinion of my jewels. How do you like the style of this esclavage. (Shewing jewels.) Fan. Extremely handsome, and well fancied. Miss S. What d'ye think of these bracelets? I shall have a miniature of my father set round with diamonds to one, and Sir John's to the other; and this pair of ear-rings, set transparent. Here, the tops, you see, will take off, to wear in a morning, or in an undress : how d'ye like them?

Fan. Very much, I assure you. Bless me, sister! you have a prodigious quantity of jewels: you'll be the very queen of diamonds.

Miss S. Ha, ha, ha! very well, my dear! I shall be as fine as a little queen indeed. I have a bouquet to come home to-morrow, made up of diamonds, and rubies, and emeralds, and topazes, and amethysts; jewels of all colours, green, red, blue, yellow, intermixed; the prettiest thing you ever saw in your life! The jeweller says I shall set out with as many diamonds as anybody in town, except Lady Brilliant, and Polly What-d'yecall-it, Lord Squander's kept mistress.

Fan. But what are your wedding-clothes, sister? Miss S. O, white and silver, to be sure, you know. I bought them at Sir Joseph Lutestring's, and sat above an hour in the parlour behind the shop, consulting Lady Lutestring about gold and silver stuffs, on purpose to mortify her.

Fan. Fie, sister! how could you be so abominably provoking?

Miss S. Oh, I have no patience with the pride of your city-knights' ladies. Did you ever observe the airs of Lady Lutestring, dressed in the richest brocade out of her husband's shop, playing crown whist at Haberdasher's-hall; whilst the civil smirking Sir Joseph, with a snug wig trimmed round his broad face as close as a new cut yew hedge, and his shoes so black that they shine again, stands all day in his shop, fastened to his counter like a bad shilling?

Fan. Indeed, indeed, sister, this is too much. If you talk at this rate, you will be absolutely a byeword in the city. You must never venture on the inside of Temple-bar again.

Miss S. Never do I desire it: never, my dear Fanny, I promise you. Oh, how I long to be transported to the dear regions of Grosvenorsquare! far, far from the dull districts of Aldersgate, Cheap, Candlewick, and Farringdon Without and Within! My heart goes pit-a-pat at the very idea of being introduced at court. Gilt chariot! pieballed horses! laced liveries! and then the whispers buzzing round the circle-" Who is that young lady? Who is she?" "Lady Melvil, ma'am !"--Lady Melvil! my ears tingle at the sound. And then at dinner, instead of my father perpetually asking, Any news upon 'Change?" to cry, Well, Sir John! anything new from Arthur's?" or to say to some other woman of quality, "Was your ladyship at the Duchess of Rubber's last night? Did you call at Lady Thunder's? In the immensity of crowd, I swear I did not see you. Scarce a soul at the Opera last Saturday. Shall I see you at Carlisle-house next Thursday?" Oh, the dear beau monde ! I was born to move in the sphere of the great world.

Fan. And so, in the midst of all this happiness, you have no compassion for me; no pity for us poor mortals in common life.

Miss S. (Affectedly.) You? You're above pity. You would not change conditions with me. You're over head and ears in love, you know. Nay, for that matter, if Mr. Lovewell and you come together, as I doubt not you will, you will live very comfortably, I dare say. He will mind his business; you'll employ yourself in the delightful care of your family; and once in a season, perhaps, you'll sit

together in a front box at a benefit play, as we used to do at our dancing-master's, you know; and perhaps I may meet you in the summer, with some other citizens, at Tunbridge. For my part, I shall always entertain a proper regard for my relations. You sha'n't want my countenance, I assure you. Fan. Oh, you're too kind, sister!

Enter MRS. HEIDELBERG.

Mrs. H. Here this evening! I vow and pertest we shall scarce have time to provide for them. Oh, my dear! (to Miss Sterling) I am glad to see you're not quite in a dish-abille. Lord Ogleby and Sir John Melvil will be here to-night.

Miss S. To-night, ma'am?

Mrs. H. Yes, my dear; to-night. Oh, put on a smarter cap, and change those ordinary ruffles. Lord! I have such a deal to do, I shall scarce have time to slip ou my Italian lutestring. Where is this dawdle of a housekeeper?

Enter TRUSTY.

your poor sister. What you complain of as coldness and indiffarence, is nothing but the extreme gentilaty of his address; an exact pictar of the manners of qualaty.

Miss S. O, he is the very mirror of complaisance; full of formal bows and set speeches. I declare, if there was any violent passion on my side, I should be quite jealous of him. [of who, pray?

Mrs. H. Jealous! I say jealous, indeed. Jealous Miss S. My sister Fanny. She seems a much greater favourite than I am; and he pays her infinitely more attention, I assure you.

Mrs. H. Lord! d'ye think a man of fashion, as he is, cannot distinguish between the genteel and the vulgar part of the family? Between you and your sister, for instance; or me and my brother? Be advised by me, child. It is all purliteness and good-breeding. Nobody knows the qualaty better than I do.

Miss S. In my mind, the old lord, his uncle, has

Trus. Yes, ma'am.

Trus. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. H. Well, but mind what I say to you.
Trus. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. H. His lordship is to lie in the chintz bedchamber; d'ye hear? and Sir John in the blue damask-room: his lordship's valet-de-chamb in the opposite.

Trus. But Mr. Lovewell is come down; and you know that's his room, ma'am.

Mrs. H. Well, well; Mr. Lovewell may make shift, or get a bed at the George. But harkye, Trus. Ma'am ! [Trusty. Mrs. H. Get the great dining-room in order as soon as possible. Unpaper the curtains, take the kivers off the couch and the chairs; and, do you hear? take the China dolls out of my closet, and put them on the mantlepiece immediately.

Trus. Yes, ma'am. (Going.)

Mrs. H. And mind, as soon as his lordship comes in, be sure you set all their heads a-nodding. Trus. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. H. Be gone, then! fly, this instant! Where's my brother, Sterling?

Trus. Talking to the butler, ma'am. Mrs. H. Very well. [Exit Trusty.] Miss Fanny, pertest I did not see you before. Lord, child! what's the matter with you?

I

Fan. With me? nothing, ma'am. Mrs. H. Bless me! why your face is as pale, and black, and yellow-of fifty colours, I vow and pertest. And then you have drest yourself as loose and as big I declare, there is not such a thing to be seen now, as a young woman with a fine waist. You all make yourselves as round as Mrs. Deputy Barter. Go, child! You know the qualaty will be here by-and-by. Go, and make yourself a little more fit to be seen. [Exit Fanny.] She is gone away in tears; absolutely crying, I vow and pertest. This ridicalous love! we must put a stop to it. It makes a perfect nataral of the girl,

Miss S. Poor soul! she can't help it. (Affectedly.) Mrs. H. Well, my dear; now I shall have an opportunity of convincing you of the absurdity of what you was telling me concerning Sir John Melvil's behaviour to you.

Miss S. Oh, it gives me no manner of uneasiness. But indeed, ma'am, I cannot be persuaded but that Sir John is an extremely cold lover. Such distant civility, grave looks, and lukewarm professions of esteem for me and the whole family. I have heard of flames and darts, but Sir John's is a passion of

mere ice and snow.

Mrs. H. Oh, fie, my dear; I am perfectly ashamed of you. That's so like the notions of

admirable sweetheart.

Enter STERLING.

Ster. No fish? Why, the pond was dragged but yesterday morning; there's carp and tench in the boat. Plague on't! if that dog, Lovewell, had any thought, he would have brought down a turbot, or some of the land-carriage mackerel.

Mrs. H. Lord, brother! I am afraid his lordship and Sir John will not arrive while it is light.

Ster. I warrant you. But pray, sister Heidelberg, let the turtle be dressed to-morrow, and some venison; and let the gardener cut some pine-apples, and get out some ice. I'll answer for wine, I warrant you. I'll give them such a glass of champagne as they never drank in their lives; no, not at a duke's table.

Mrs. H. Pray now, brother, mind how you behave. I am always in a fright about you with people of qualaty. Take care that you don't fall asleep directly after supper, as you commonly do. Take a good deal of snuff, and that will keep you awake. And don't burst out with your horrible loud horse-laughs. It is monstrous wulgar.

Ster. Never fear, sister. Who have we here? Mrs. H. It is Mons. Cantoon, the Swish gentleman that lives with his lordship, I vow and pertest. Enter CANTON. Ster. Ah, mounseer! your servant. I am very glad to see you, mounseer.

Can. Mosh oblige to Mons. Sterling. Ma'am, I am yours: Matemoiselle, I am your-(Bowing round.) Mrs. H. Your humble servant, Mr. Cantoon! Can. Kiss your hand, matam!

Ster. Well, mounseer; and what news of your good family? When are we to see his lordship and Sir John?

Can. Mons. Sterling, mi Lor Ogleby and Sit Jean Melvil will be here in one quarter hour. Ster. I am glad to hear it.

Mrs. H. O, I am perdigious glad to hear it. Being so late, I was afeard of some accident. Will you please to have anything, Mr. Cantoon, after your journey? [sir?

Can. No, tank you, ma'am.

Mrs. H. Shall I go and shew you the apartments,
Can. You do me great honour, ma'am.
Mrs. H. Come, then! Come, my dear! [Exeunt,
SCENE I.-An Ante-Room to Lord
Ogleby's bed-chamber. Table with chocolate, and
small case for medicines.

ACT II.

BRUSH and Chambermaid discovered. Brush. You shall stay, my dear, I insist upon it. Cham. Nay pray, sir, don't be so positive; I cannot stay indeed.

Brush. You shall drink one cup to our better acquaintance.

Cham. I seldom drinks chocolate; and, if I did, one has no satisfaction with such apprehensions about one. If my lord should wake, or the Swish gentleman should see one, or Madam Heidelberg should know of it, I should be frightened to death; besides, I have had my tea already this morning : I'm sure I hear my lord. (In a fright.)

Brush. No, no, madam, don't flutter yourself. The moment my lord wakes, he rings his bell, which I answer sooner or later, as it suits my convenience.

Brush. Yes, yes; I hear you. It is impossible to stupify one's self in the country for a week, without some little flirting with the abigails. This is much the handsomest wench in the house, except the old citizen's youngest daughter, and I have not time enough to lay a plan for her. (Bell rings.) 0, my lord! (Going.) Enter CANTON, with newspapers in his hand. Can. Monsieur Brush! Maistre Brush! my lor stirra yet?

to him.

Cham. La! sir, that's potecary's stuff. Brush. It is so; but without this he can no more get out of bed, than he can read without spectacles. (Sips.) What with qualms, age, rheumatism, and a few surfeits in his youth, he must have a great deal of brushing, oiling, screwing, and winding-up, to set him a-going for the day.

Cham. (Sips.) That's prodigious indeed. (Sips.) My lord seems quite in a decay.

Brush. Yes, he's quite a spectacle: (Sips.) a mere corpse, till he is revived and refreshed from our little magazine here. When the restorative pills and cordial waters warm his stomach, and get into his head, vanity frisks in his heart, and then he sets up for the lover, the rake, and the fine gentleman.

Cham. (Sips.) Poor gentleman! but should the Swish gentleman come upon us. (Frightened.) Brush. Why then the English gentleman would be very angry. No foreigner would break in upon my privacy. (Sips.) But I can assure you, Monsieur Canton is otherwise employed. He is obliged to skim the cream of half a score newspapers for my lord's breakfast: ha, ha, ha! Pray, inadam, drink your cup peaceably. My lord's chocolate is remarkably good; he won't touch a drop, but what comes from Italy.

Cham. (Sipping.) 'Tis very fine indeed! (Sips.) and charmingly perfumed it smells for all the world like our young ladies' dressing-boxes.

Brush. You have an excellent taste, madam; and I must beg of you to accept of a few cakes for your own drinking. (Takes them out of a drawer in the table.) And in return, I desire nothing but to taste the perfume of your lips. (Kisses her.) A small return of favours, madam, will make, I hope, this country and retirement agreeable to us both. (He bows, she courtesies.) Come, pray sit down. Your young ladies are fine girls, faith! (Sips.) though, upon my soul, I am quite of my old lord's mind about them; and were I inclined to matrimony, I should take the youngest. (Sips.) Cham. Miss Fanny! The most affablest, and the most best-natur'd creter!

Brush. And the eldest a little haughty or so. Cham. More haughtier and prouder than Saturn himself; but this I say quite confidential to you; for one would not hurt a young lady's marriage, you know. (Sips.)

Brush. By no means; but you cannot hurt it with We don't consider tempers: we want money, Mrs. Nancy. Give us plenty of that, we'll abate you a great deal in other particulars; ha, ha, ha! Cham. Bless me, here's somebody! (Bell rings.) Oh, 'tis my lord! Well, your servant, Mr. Brush. I'll clean the cups in the next room.

Brush. Do so; but never mind the bell: Isha'n't go this half hour. Will you drink tea with me in the afternoon?

Cham. Not for the world, Mr. Brush. I'll be here to set all things to rights; but I must not drink tea indeed; and so, your servant.

[Exit, with teaboard. Bell rings again.

Enter Maid with chocolate things.

Vat you want, chil?

Maid. Only the chocolate things, sir. Can. O, ver well; dat is good girl and very [Exit Maid. Lord O. (Within.) Canton! he, he! (Coughs.) Canton!

prit too.

Can. I come, my-Vat shall I do? I have no news: he will make great tintamarre! Lord O. (Within.) Canton! I say, Canton! Where are you?

Enter LORD OGLEBY, leaning on BRUSH. Can. Here, my lor! I ask pardon. my lor, I have not finish de papiers.

Lord O. D-n your pardon and your papiers; I want you here, Canton.

Can. Den I run, dat is all. (Shuffles along. Lord Ogleby leans upon Canton too, and comes forward.)

Lord O. You Swiss are the most unaccountable mixture: you have the language and the impertinence of the French, with the laziness of Dutchmen.

Can. "Tis very true, my lor; I can't help-
Lord O. (Cries out.) O Diavolo !

Can. You are not in pain, I hope, my lor?

Lord O. Indeed, but I am, my lor. That vulgar fellow, Sterling, with his city politeness, would force me down his slope last night to see a clay-coloured ditch, which he calls a canal; and what with the dew and the east wind, my hips and shoulders are absolutely screwed to my body.

Can. A littel veritable eau d'arquibusade vil set all to right. (Lord Ogleby sits down, and Brush gives chocolate.)

Lord O. Where are the palsy drops, Brush? Brush. Here, my lord! (Pours out.) Lord O. Quelle nouvelle avez vous, Canton? Can. A great deal of papier, but no news at all. Lord O. What! nothing at all, you stupid fellow? Can. Oui, my lor, I have little advertise here vil give you more plaisir den all de lies about noting at all. La voila! (Puts on his spectacles.)

Lord O. Come, read it, Canton, with good emphasis, and good discretion.

Can. I vil, my lor. (Reads.) Dere is no question but dat de cosmetique royale vil utterly take away all heats, pimps, frecks, oder eruptions of de skin, and likewise de wrinque of old age, &c. &c. A great deal more, my lor. Be sure to ask for de cosmetique royale, signed by de docteur own hand. Dere is more raison for dis caution dan good men vil tink. Eh bien, my lor?

Lord O. Eh bien, Canton! Will you purchase any?
Can. For you, my lor?

Lord O. For me, you old puppy! for what?
Can. My lor!

Lord O. Do I want cosmetics?