His honour'd meaning Dulness thus exprest; "He wins this patron who can tickle best." He chinks his purse, and takes his seat of state: With ready quills the dedicators wait, Now at his head the dext'rous task commence, And instant, fancy feels th' imputed sense; Now gentle touches wanton o'er his face, He struts Adonis, and affects grimace: Rolli the feather to his ear conveys, Then his nice taste directs our operas: Bentley his mouth with classic flatt'ry opes, And the puff'd orator bursts out in tropes. But Welsted most the poet's healing balm Strives to extract, from his soft, giving palm; Unlucky Welsted! thy unfeeling master, The more thou ticklest, gripes his fist the faster. While thus each hand promotes the pleasing pain, And quick sensations skip from vein to vein, A youth unknown to Phoebus, in despair, Puts his last refuge all in Heav'n and pray'r. What force have pious vows? the queen of love His sister sends, her vot'ress, from above. As taught by Venus, Paris learnt the art To touch Achilles' only tender part; Secure, thro' her, the noble prize to carry, He marches off, his grace's secretary. "Now turn to diff'rent sports" (the goddess cries,) "And learn, my sons, the wondrous pow'r of noise. To move, to raise, to ravish ev'ry heart, With Shakespear's nature, or with Johnson's art, Let others aim: 'Tis yours to shake the soul With thunder rumbling from the mustard bowl, With horns and trumpets now to madness swell, Now sink in sorrows with a tolling bell, Such happy arts attention can command, When fancy flags, and sense is at a stand. Improve we these. Three cat-calls be the bribe, Of him, whose chatt'ring shames the monkey tribe, And his this drum, whose hoarse heroic base Drowns the loud clarion of the braying ass." Now thousand tongues are heard in one loud din: The monkey-mimics rush discordant in : 'Twas chatt'ring, grinning, mouthing, jabb'ring all, And noise, and Norton, brangling, and Breval, Dennis, and dissonance; and captious art, And snip-snap short, and interruption smart. "Hold" (cry'd the queen), "a cat-call each shall win, Equal your merits! equal is your din! | All hail him victor in both gifts and song, Who sings so loudly, and who sings so long. This labour past, by Bridewell all descend, Who flings most filth, and wide pollutes around Next Smedley div'd; slow circles dimpled o'er The quaking mud, that clos'd, and op'd no more. All look, all sigh, and call on Smedley lost; Smedley in vain resounds thro' all the coast. Then essay'd; scarce vanish'd out of sight, Sudden, a burst of thunder shook the flood: First he relates, how sinking to the chin, Then sung, how shown him by the nut-brown maids A branch of Styx here rises from the shades, The rev'rend flamen in his lengthen'd dress. "Here you! in whose grave heads, as equal scales, If there be man who o'er such works can wake, [came, [lies Their heads, and 1.ft them as they cease to blow; Thus the soft gifts of sleep conclude the day, And stretch'd on bulks, as usual, poets lay. Why should I sing what bards the nightly Muse Did slumb'ring visit, and convey to stews: Who prouder march'd, with magistrates in state, THE DUNCIAD. ARGUMENT TO BOOK THE THIRD. AFTER the other persons are disposed in their proper places of rest, the goddess transports the king to her temple, and there lays him to slumber with his head on her lap: a position of marvellous virtue, which causes all the visions of wild entbusiasts, projectors, politicians, inamoratos, castlebuilders, chymnists, and poets. He is immediately carried on the wings of Fancy to the Elysian shade; where on the banks of Lethe the souls of the dull are dipped by Bavius, before their entrance into this world. There he is met by the ghost of Settle, and by him made acquainted with the wonders of the place, and with those which he is himself destined to perform. He takes him to a Mount of Vision, from whence he shows him the past triumphs of the empire of Dulness, then the present, and lastly the future: How small a part of the world was ever conquered by science, how soon those conquests were stopped, and those very nations again reduced to ber dominion. Then distinguishing the island of Great Britain, shows by what aids, and by what persons, it shall be forthwith brought to her empire. These he causes to pass in review before his eyes, describing each by his proper figure, character, and qualifications. On a sudden the scene shifts, and a vast number of miracles and prodigies appear, utterly surprising and unknown to the king himself, till they are explained to be the wonders of his own reign now commencing. On this subject Settle breaks into a congratulation, yet not unmixed with concern, that his own times were but the types of these. He prophesies how first the nation shall be over-run with farces, operas, and shows; and the throne of Dulness advanced over both the theatres, then how her sons shall preside in the seats of arts and sciences, till in conclusion all shall return to their original chaos: A scene, of which the present action of the Dunciad is but a type or foretaste, giving a glimpse, or Pisgah-sight of the promised fulness of her glory; the accouiplishment whereof will, in all probability, hereafter be the theme of many other and greater Dunciads. BOOK III. BUT in her temple's last recess enclos'd, Then raptures high the seat of sense o'erflow, And now, on Fancy's easy wing convey'd, Wond'ring he gaz'd: When lo! a sage appears, By his broad shoulders known, and length of ears, Known by the band and suit which Settle wore, (His only suit) for twice three years before: All as the vest appear'd the wearer's frame, Old in new state, another yet the same. Bland and familiar, as in life, begun Thus the great father to the greater son. Oh born to see what none can see awake! Behold the wonders of th' oblivious lake, Thou, yet unborn, hast touch'd this sacred shore; The hand of Bavius drench'd thee o'er and o'er. But blind to former, as to future fate, What mortal knows his pre-existent state? Who knows how long, thy transmigrating soul Might from Boeotian to Baotian roll! How many Dutchmen she vouchsaf'd to thrid ? How many stages thro' old monks she rid? And all who since, in mild benighted days, Mix'd the owl's ivy with the poet's bays? As man's meanders to the vital spring Roll all their tides, then back their circles bring; Or whirligigs, twirl'd round by skilful swain, Suck the thread in, then yield it out again : All nonsense thus, of old or modern date, Shall in thee center, from thee circulate. For this, our queen unfolds to vision true Thy mental eye, for thou hast much to view : Old scenes of glory, times long cast behind Shall first recall'd, rush forward to thy mind; Then stretch thy sight o'er all her rising reign, And let the past and future fire thy brain. "Ascend this hill, whose cloudy point commands Her boundless empire over seas and lands. See round the poles where keener spangles shine, Where spices smoke beneath the burning line, (Earth's wide extremes) her sable flag display'd; And all the nations cover'd in her shade! "Fareastward cast thine eye, from whence the Sun And orient-science at a birth begun. One god-like monarch all that pride confounds, He, whose long wall the wand'ring Tartar bounds. Heav'ns! what a pile? whole ages perish there : And one bright blaze turns learning into air. "Thence to the south extend thy gladden'd eyes; There rival flames with equal glory rise, From shelves to shelves see greedy Vulcan roll, And lick up all their physic of the soul. "How little, mark! that portion of the ball, Where, faint at best, the beams of science fall; Soon as they draw, from Hyperborean skies, Embody'd dark, what clouds of Vandals rise! Lo where Mæotis sleeps, and hardly flows The freezing Tanais thro' a waste of snows, The north by myriads pours her mighty sons, Great nurse of Goths, of Alans, and of Huns. See Alaric's stern port! the martial frame Of Genseric! and Attila's dread name! 'See, the bold Ostrogoths on Latium fall; See, the fierce Visigoths on Spain and Gaul. See, where the morning gilds the palmy shore (The soil that arts and infant letters oore) His conqu'ring tribes th' Arabian prophet draws, And saving ignorance enthrones by laws. ee Christians, Jews, one heavy sabbath keep; And all the western world believe and sleep. "Lo Rome herself, proud mistress now no more Of arts, but thund'ring against heathen lore; Her gray-hair'd synods damning books unread, And Bacon trembling for his brazen head; Padua with sighs behold her Livy burn, And ev'n th' Antipodes Virgilius mourn. See, the cirque falls, th' unpillar'd temple nods, Streets pav'd with heroes, Tyber choak'd with gods: Till Peter's keys some christen'd Jove adorn, And Pan to Moses lends his pagan born; See graceless Venus to a virgin turn'd, Or Phidias broken, and Apelles burn'd. "Behold yon isle, by palmers, pilgrims trod, Men bearded, bald, cowl'd, uncowl'd, shod, unshod, Peel'd, patch'd, and pyebald, lins-y-woolsey brothers, [others. Grave mummers! sleeveless some, and shirtless That once was Britain-Happy! had she scen No fiercer sons, had Easter never been! In peace, great goddess, ever be ador'd; How keen the war, if Dulness draw the sword? Thus visit not thy own! on this blest age Oh spread thy influence, but restrain thy rage. "And see! my son, the hour is on its way, That lifts our goddess to imperial sway; This fav'rite isle, long sever'd from her reign, Dove like, she gathers to her wings again. Now look thro' fate! behold the scene she draws! What aids, what armies, to assert her cause? See all her progeny, illustrious sight! Behold, and count them, as they rise to light. As Berecynthia, while her off-spring vie In homage, to the mother of the sky, Surveys around her in her blest abode A hundred sons, and every son a god : Not with less glory mighty Dulness crown'd Shall take thro' Grubstreet her triumphant round, And her Parnassus glancing o'er at once, Behold a hundred sons, and each a dunce. "Mark first that youth who takes the foremost And thrusts his person full into your face. [place, With all thy father's virtues blest, be born! And a new Cibber shall the stage adorn. "A second see, by meeker manners known, And modest as the maid that sips alone; From the strong fate of drams if thou get free, Another Durfey, Ward! shall sing in thee. Thee shall each ale-house, thee each gill-house mourn, And answering gin-shops sourer sighs return. "Lo next two slip-shod Muses traipse along, In lofty madness, meditating song, With tresses staring from poetic dreams, [howls, "Silence, ye wolves! while Ralph to Cinthia And makes night bideous-Answer him ye owls! "Sense, speech, and measure, living tongues, and Let all give way-and Morris may be read. [dead, Flow, Welsted, flow! like thine inspirer, beer, Tho' stale, not ripe; tho' thin, yet never clear; So sweetly mawkish, and so smoothly dull; Heady, not strong; and foaning, tho' not full. 66 Ah Denais! Gildon ah! what ill-starr'd rage Divides a friendship long confirm'd by age? Blockheads with reason wicked wits abhor, But fool with fool is barb'rous civil war. Embrace, embrace my sons! be foes no more! Nor glad vile poets with true critics gore. As thou preserv'st the dulness of the past! [mark, "But, where each science lifts its modern type, But O! with One, immortal One dispense, That beams on Earth, each virtue he inspires, And last, to give the whole creation grace, "Son! what thou seck'st is in thee. Look, and find Each monster meets his likeness in thy mind. Yet would'st thou more? In yonder cloud behold, Whose sarcenet skirts are edg'd with flamy guld, A matchless youth! His nod these worlds controls, Wings the red lightning, and the thunder rolls. Angel of Dulness, sent to scatter round Her magic charms o'er all unclassic ground: Yon stars, yon suns, he rears at pleasure higher, Illumes their light, and sets their flames on fire. Immortal Rich! how calm he sits at ease Mid snows of paper, and fierce hail of pease; And proud his mistress' orders to perform, Rides in the whirlwind, and directs the storm. "But lo! to dark encounter in mid air New wizards rise: here Booth, and Cibber there: Booth in his cloudy tabernacle shrin`d, On grinning dragons Cibber mounts the wind: Dire is the conflict, dismal is the din, Here shouts all Drury, there all Lincoln's Inn; Contending theatres our empire raise, Alike their labours, and alike their praise. "And are these wonders, son, to thee unknown? Unknown to thee? these wonders are thy own. For works like these let deathless journals tell, 'None but thyself can be thy parallel.' These, fate reserv'd to grace thy reign divine, Foreseen by me, but ah! withheld from mine. In Lud's old walls tho' long I rul'd renown'd, Far, as loud Bow's stupendous bells resound; Tho' my own aldermen conferr'd my bays, To me committing their eternal praise, Their full-fed heroes, their pacific may'rs, Their annual trophies, and their monthly wars: Tho' long my party built on me their hopes, For writing pamphlets, and for roasting popes; (Diff'rent our parties, but with equal grace The sure fore-runner of her gentle sway. To aid her cause, if Heav'n thou canst not bend, [year; Benson sole judge of architecture sit, In vain they gaze, turn giddy, rave, and die. G. WOODFALL, Printer, Paternoster-row, London. END OF VOL. XIL |