"Pearl! peri! priceless paragon! Paul promotes Pauline, Pumpernickel's paramount Princess!"

It is even

The emotion of mirth is always pleasant to an audience. more welcome than what is serious. This induces the frequent introduc. tion of pieces to the school-stage which a good taste would, perhaps, discard. But, down deep in our human nature lurks a laughing sprite, which only needs to be humored to fill all our being, momentarily, with the sunshine of smiles; and while that which is thoughtful, earnest, serious and wise must have place, equally so is it incumbent on the directors of every exhibition or recitation day to see that what is amusing and smileprovoking has its full allotment of time and space on the programme. Among the most effective stage-pieces, when properly delivered, are imitations of foreign attempts to speak English, or of the dialect Yankee, and "Hoosier." These, though classed as vulgarisms," are not necessarily any more vulgar than what is sensuous is sensual. Indeed, some of the most exquisitely humorous and laughter-provoking things in our language are these very "vulgarisms," which give us glimpses of human nature from Dickens's "Captain Cuttle," and Jerrold's "Mrs. Caudle," down to Dan Bryant's "African with the Umbrella." Saxe, Holmes, Lowell," Widow Bedott," "Miss Slimmens," "Hans Breitmann," Mark Twain, Brett Harte-all are refreshing exemplars of this species of humor.

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We here offer several examples, both as specimens of humor and as studies in imitation of dialects, mannerisms, &c. The student will find it difficult, perhaps, to make himself a good Americo-Frenchman, German, Irishman, &c., as but few persons are gifted with that happy faculty of "imitativeness" which makes the true actor and successful story-teller; but, there are few persons who cannot imitate or counterfeit one patois at least.

In the recitation of these pieces, the effort must, of course, be to be natural. A diction that is not true to the character is a failure, mortifying to speaker and displeasing to audience; whereas, a good or perfect reproduction of the broken English' of Irishman, Frenchman, German, or heathen Chinee,' is sure to elicit applause. Strive, therefore, to catch every peculiarity of the person represented—of intonation, pronunciation, manner and look. Great assistance will be offered by a study of originals, as we meet them in life.

6

The first example offered is that of the cockney, Lord Dundreary-a character somewhat noted on the dramatic boards. The Lord is equally

LORD DUNDREARY ON PROVERBS.

43

Lord, simpleton, and cockney, dressed in the most "stunning" style,* with eye-glasses, immense watch-seals and chains, heavy ring on his finger, &c. In its recitation the student should try to dress up to character. The mixed drawl, lisp, and affectation of the Lord must be reproduced fully. When so done the recitation will excite great amusement.

LORD DUNDREARY ON PROVERBS.

A fellah once told me that another fellah wrote a book before he was born--I mean before the first fellah was born (of course the fellah who wrote it must have been born, else, how could he have written it?)—that is, a long time ago-to pwove that a whole lot of rwoverbs and things that fellahs are in the habit of quoting were all nonsense.

I should vewy much like to get that book. I—I think if I could get it at one of those spherical-no-globular-no, that's not the word-circle-circular-yes, that's it-circulating libwawies (I knew it was something that went round)-I think if I could just borrow that book from a circulating libwawy-I'd—yes, upon my word now-I'd twy and wead it. A doothed good sort of book that, I'm sure. I-I always did hate pwoverbs. In the first place they, they're so howwibly confusing-I-I always mix 'em up together-somehow, when I twy to weckomember them. And besides, if evewy fellah was to wegulate his life by a lot of pwoverbs, what-what a beathly sort of uncomfortable life he would lead !

I remoleckt-I mean remember-when I was quite a little fellah-in pinafores-and liked wasbewwy jam and—and a lot of howwid things for tea-there was a sort of collection of illustwated pwoverbs hanging up in our nursery at home. They belonged to our old nurse-Sarah-I think-and she had 'em fwamed and glazed. 'Poor Richard's,' I think she called 'em--and she used to say--poor dear-that if evewy fellah attended to evewything Poor Richard wote, that he'd get vewy wich, and l-live and die— happy ever after. However-it-it's vewy clear to me that-he couldn't have attended to them-himself, else, how did the fellah come to be called Poor Richard? I-I hate a fellah that

*Saxe, in his "Cockney," says of the dress :

He was clad in checkered trowsers,
And his coat was of a sort
To suggest a scanty pattern,
It was bobbed so very short;

And his cap was very little,

Such as soldiers often use;
And he wore a pair of gaiters,

And extremely heavy shoes.

pweaches what he doesn't pwactice. Of courth, if what he said vas twue, and he'd stuck to it-he-he'd have been called-Rich Richard-Stop a minute-how's that? Rich Rich-ard? Why, that would have been too rich. Pwaps that's the reason he pweferred being Poor. How vewy wich!

But, as I was saying, these picture pwoverbs were all hung up in our nursery, and a more uncomfortable set of makthims-you never wead. For instance, there was

"6 BUY WHAT THOU HAST NO NEED OF, AND, ERE LONG, THOU WILT SELL THY NECESSARIES."

Buy what thou hast no need of?" Th-that's a vewy nice sort of mowal makthim-that! Why, th-that's pwecisely what I do do. I'm always buying something or other that I don't want ... But I think Poor Richard was wong after all-to tell a fellah to buy what he has no n-need of—and as for s-selling my necessawies— I-I'm dashed if I'll do anything of the kind-n-no-not for P-poor Richard—nor—nor ANY OTHER MAN.

But there's one vewy nonthensical pwoverb which says

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A B-BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH.

Th-the man who invented that pwoverb must have been a b-born idiot. How the dooth can he t-tell the welative v-value of poultry in that pwomithcuous manner? Suppothe I've got a wobbing wed-bweast in my hand-(I nearly had the other morningbut he flew away—confound him !)—well—suppothe the two birds in the bush are a bwace of partwidges—you—you don't mean to t-tell me that that wobbin wed-bweast would fetch as m-much as a bwace of partwidges? Abthurd! P-poor Richard can't gammon me in that sort of way.

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But the m-most widiculous makthim of all is—

TAKE CARE OF THE PENCE, AND THE POUNDS WILL TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES."

Did you ever hear such nonsense? If there's one thing I hate to cawwy about with me it 'th coppers. Somehow or other-I never had but vewy few pence in my life-and those I-I gave away to one of t-those organ fellahs in the stweet. Ha ha!-I suppose he bought m-monkeys or some howwid thing with it— I—I don't care. I only hope I shall never see any more b-beathly coppers again—howwid things! Fancy!-I had to put them in my pocket-I-I hate putting things in my pocket. Th-that's a sort of thing no fellah should do-it spoils the shape of one's clothes so. And then the muff says that the pounds will take

HOSEA ON RECONSTRUCTION.

45

care of themselves! I don't believe a word of it. Besides-I don't mind cawwying pounds-I mean pounds thterling, not pounds weight, of course-I rather like pounds. They-they'd be pwetty little things-if it wasn't for the change. But then a fellah can always give the change away if he likes.

Let me see-th-there's something more about money that Poor Wichard says-Oh, I wemember!

"IF YOU WOULD KNOW THE VALUE OF MONEY, TRY TO BORROW SOME.

By Jove-yes-he-he's wite there-he's wite at last-Poor Richard is. (If he'd been Rich Richard he wouldn't have hit that off so well.)—Yes—if you would know the value of money, twy to bowwow some. Vewy twue-and I'll tell you another thing-when you've found out how valuable it is-ha! ha!—

NEVER LEND IT.

Th-that's my makthim.

Of the real "Down East" vernacular, Lowell's "Hosea Bigelow " one of the best exemplifications.

HOSEA ON RECONSTRUCTION.--Atlantic Monthly.

We've gut an awful row to hoe

In this 'ere job o' reconstructin' ;
Folks dunno skurce which way to go,

Where th' ain't some boghole to be ducked in ;
But one thing's clear; there is a crack,

Ef we pry hard, 'twixt white an' black,

Where the old makebate can be tucked in.

No white man sets in airth's broad aisle
Thet I ain't willin' t' own az brother,
An' ef he's heppened to strike ile,
I dunno, fin'ly, but I'd ruther;
An' Paddies, long's they vote all right,
Though they ain't jest a nat' ral white
I hold one on 'em good 'z another.

Wut is there lef I'd like to know,
Ef 't ain't the difference o' color,
To keep up self-respec' an' show
The human natur' of a fullah?
Wut good in bein' white, onless
It's fixed by law, nut lef' to guess,
That we are smarter an' they duller?

Ef we were to hev our ekle rights,
'T wunt du to 'low no competition;
Th' old debt doo us for bein' whites
Ain't safe onless we stop th' emission
O' these noo notes, whose specie base
Is human natur', 'thout no trace,
O' shape, nor color, nor condition.

For our specimen of German-English we select one of Hans Donder. beck's "Dake Bedicular Notishes," which may be regarded as a successful attempt to express the ridiculous lingo in words. Hans is supposed to be a representative lager-beer drinker. The speaker, therefore, must so dress as to make himself appear like Irving's "Hans Wouter Von Twiller'' -as broad as he is long. This will render the recitation all the more absurd.

HANS DONDERBECK'S BASE-BALL GAME.

Mishter Beeples:

I av peen axed to gif my fiews on der guestion of pase pall. Vell den, I shoost dinks noddincks pout it. Cause vy? Does you vants me to schspeak mit te truf? Den I vill.

Apoudt six monts vat ish nod gone yed, jined a pase pall clup, unt ash I had nod blayed wid dem more ash a couble dimes, tey sends me wort tat tey ish coinck to blay a match wid de Stand Sthill Clup of Chermanstown, unt tey vants me to blay on de fusdt nine, ash I pe a dip dop blayer, unt if I nod blay tey mite nod de game wins. Dish clup vad I pelongs do ish te Block Headts; id ish a fust rade clup vad ish in te siddy; id yousdt beadts de Affeletixs, but tey ish more afrait do shallenge us.

Vel, ve all geds a pig vaggins, unt rides oud mid do or dree parrels mid peer in, do Eateen unt Montcomerys avenues, de cround vare te nickurs blays vad vorks in tem brickyards. Vel, ve gid oud tere unt yousdt commence do blay, unt tem nickurs comes unt dells us ve coes avay else ve gid a fuss, ash tat pe tere cround, vat hims altvays blays on. So ve dinks ve not pe so kontemptible ash to make fid wid dem nickurs, so ve hunts anoder cround, vat ish an opens lot. Vel, after trincking apout dwendy or dirty classes of peer all aroundt, dish Stand Sthill clup dosses vid us, unt makes us coes to de padt, unt I makes te fust start py sentin te pall more ash doo miles town te rite field, unt makes a homes run, unt hash dime do drink a class of peer yed, unt ash tere vad apoud den dousandt beople, tey coes hurrah likes annytincks; tat pe all vad ve makes tish innincks, ash te resdt pe pud oud likes nottinck.

So I ten pees the pitcher, unt I sents tem palls yousdt so fast, nod von of tem fellers hids, unt te umpires he calls palls unt te hole tree of dem, ven von feller he hids te pall unt gids a homes run, unt te hole tree of dem fellers in yed; ten te beoples alls urrahs, unt I nod likes it fust rade yed. I gits madt, unt I beds fifdy tollars to von tat our clups beatds tem. Vel dat four vash all tey made in tat innincks, for tey vash all gids oud on fowls.