« 上一頁繼續 »
I have wondered, in the Representatives' to eat our porridge cold, and gulp down our Chanı ber of our own Commonwealth, to mark dignity along with it low little impression seemed to be produced Mr. Calhoun has somehow acquired the name by that emblematic fish suspended over the of a great statesman, and, if it be great statesheads of the members. Our wiser ancestors, manship to put lance in rest and run a tilt at no doubt, hung it there as being the animal 'the Spirit of the Age with the certainty of bewhich the Pythagoreans reverenced for its si-, ing next moment hurled neck and heels into lence, and which certainly in that particular the dust amid universal laughter, he deserves does not so well merit the epithet coll-blooila, the title. He is the Sir Kay of our modern by which naturalists distinguish it, as certain chivalry. He should remember the old Scanbipeds, afflicted with ditch-water on the brain, dinavian mythus. Thor was the strongest of who take occasion to tap themselves in Fall- gods, but he could not wrestle with Timne, nor quil Halls, meeting-houses, and other places of so much as lift up a fold of the great snake public resort. - H. W.]
which bound the universe together; and when he smote the Earth, though with his terrible mallet, it was but as if a leaf had fallen. Yet all the while it seemed to Thor that he had
only been wrestling with an old woman, strivNo. v.
ing to lift a cat, and striking a stupid giant on
the head. THE DEBATE IN THE SENNIT. And in old times, doubtless, the giants were
stupid, and there was no better sport for the SOT TO A NUSRY RHYME.
Sir Launcelots and Sir Gawains than to go about cutting off their great blundering heads
witli enchanted swords. But things liave won(THE incident which gave rise to the debate
derfully changed. It is the giants, nowadays, satirized in the following verses was the un
that have the science and the intelligence, successful attempt of Drayton and Sayres to
while the chivalrous Don Quixotes of Conservagive freedom to seventy men and women, fel
tism still cumber themselves with the clumsy low-beings and fellow-Christians. Had Tripoli,
armor of a bygone age. On whirls the restless instead of Washington, been the scene of this
globe through unsounded time, with its cities undertaking, the unhappy leaders in it would have been as secure of the theoretic as they
and its silences, its births and funerals, half
light, half shade, but never wholly dark, and now are of the practical part of martyrdom. I
sure to swing round into the happy morning question whether the Dey of Tripoli is blessed with a District Attorney so benighted as ours
at last. With an involuntary sinile, one sees
Mr. Calhoun letting slip his pack-thread cable at the seat of government. Very fitly is he
with a crooked pin at the end of it to anchor named Key, who would allow himself to be
South Carolina upon the bank and shoal of the made the instrument of locking the door of
Past -- H. W.] hope against sufferers in such a cause. Not all the waters of the ocean can cleanse the vile smutch of the jailer's fingers from off that little
TO MR. BUCKENAM. Key. Ahenea clavis, a brazen key indeed!
Mr. Calhoun, who is made the chief speaker in this burlesque, seems to think that the light MR. EDITER, As i wuz kinder prunin of the nineteenth century is to be put out as round, in a little nussry sot out a year or soon as he tinkles his little cow-bell curfew.
2 a go, the Dbait in the sennit cum inter Whenever slavery is touched, he sets up his scarecrow of dissolving the Union. This may my mine An so I took & Sot it to wut I do for the North, but I should conjecture that call a nussry rime. I hev made sum onnasomething more than a pumpkin-lantern is re- ble Gentlemun speak that dident speak in quired to scare manifest and irretrievable Des- a Kind uv Poetikul lie sense the seeson is tiny ont of her path. Mr. Calhoun cannot let dreffle backerd up This way go the apron-string of the Past. The Past is a
ewers as ushul good nurse, but we must be weaned from her
HOSEA BIGLOW. sooner or later, even though, like Plotinus, we should run home from school to ask the breast, after we are tolerably well-grown youths. It “HERE we stan' on the Constitution, by will not do for us to hide our faces in her lap. whenever the strange Future holds out her
thunder! arms and asks us to come to her.
It's a fact o' wich ther's bushils o' But we are all alike. We have all heard it
proofs ; said, often enough, that little boys must not
Fer how could we trample on 't so, I play with fire; and yet, if the matches be taken away from us, and put out of reach upon the
wonder, shelf, we must needs get into our little corner, Ef 't worn't thet it's ollers under our and scowl and stamp and threaten the dire re
hoofs?" venge of going to bed without our supper. The world shall stop till we get our dangerous play
Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he; thing again. Dame Earth, meanwhile, who has
“Human rights haint no more more than enough household matters to mind,
Right to come on this floor, goes bustling hither and thither as a hiss or a sputter tells her that this or that kettle of hers
No more 'n the man in the moon," is boiling over, and before bedtime we are glad
Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ;
In God's name, let all, who hear nearer and “ Yes," sez Johnson. "in France nearer the hungry moan of the storin and the
growl of the breakers, speak out! But, alas! They 're beginnin' to dance we have no right to intertere. If a man pluck Beelzebub's own rigadoon," sez he. an apple of mine, he shall be in danger of the
justice; but if he steal my brother, I must be " The South 's safe enough, it don't feel silent. Who says this? Our Constitution, con
secrated by the callous consuetude of sixty a mite skeery,
years, and grasped in triumphant argument by Our slaves in their darkness an' dut the left hand of him whose right hand clutches air tu blest
the clotted slave-whip. Justice, venerable with
the undethronable majesty of countless æons, Not to welcome with proud hallylugers
says, -- SPEAK! The Past, wise with the sorthe ery
rows and desolations of ages, from amid her Wen our eagle kicks yourn from the shattered fanes and wolf-housing palaces, echnaytional nest,"
oes, - SPEAK! Nature, through her thousand
trumpets of freedom, her stars, her sunrises, Sez John C. Calhoun, sez he ;
her seas, her winds, her cataracts, her moun“0," sez Westcott o' Florida, tains blue with cloudy pines, blows jubilant “ Wut treason is horrider
encouragement, and cries, -SPEAK! From
the soul's trembling alysses the still, small Then our priv'leges tryin' to proon ?"
voice not vaguely murmurs, - SPEAK! But, sez he.
alas! the Constitution and the Honorable Mr.
Bagowind, M. C., say -- BE DUMB! “It's 'coz they 're so happy, thet, wen It occurs to me to suggest, as a topic of incrazy sarpints
quiry in this connection, whether, on that mo.
mentous occasion when the goats and the sheep Stick their nose in our bizness, we git
shall be parted, the Constitution and the Honso darned riled;
orable Mr. Bagowind, M. C., will be expected We think it's our dooty to give pooty
to take their places on the left as our hircine
vicars. sharp hints,
Quid sum miser tunc dicturus ?
Quem patronum rogaturus?
There is a point where toleration sinks into
sheer baseness and poltroonery. The toleration “Ah," sez Dixon H. Lewis,
of the worst leads us to look on what is barely " It perfectly true is
better as good enough, and to worship what is Thet slavery's airth's grettest boon,' only moderately good. Woe to that man, or
that nation, to whom mediocrity has become an sez he.
Has our experiment of self-government suc[It was said of old time, that riches have ceeded, if it barely manage to rub and go? wings; and, though this be not applicable in Here, now, is a piece of barbarism which Christ a literal strictness to the wealth of our patri- and the nineteenth century say shall cease, and archal brethren of the South, yet it is clear that which Messrs. Smith, Brown, and others say their possessions have leys, and an account. shall not cease. I would by no means deny the able propensity for using them in a northerly eminent respectability of these gentlemen, but direction. I marvel that the grand jury of | I confess, that, in such a wrestling-match, I Washington did not find a true bill agninst the cannot help having my fears for them. Vorth Star for aiding and abetting Drayton and Sayres. It would have been quite of a piece
Discite justitiam, moniti, et non temnere divos. with the intelligence displayed by the South
H. W.] on other questions connected with slavery. I think that no ship of state was ever freighted with a more veritable Jonah than is this same
No. VI. domestic institution of ours. Mephistopheles himself could not feign so bitterly, so satirically sad a sight as this of three millions of human
THE PIOUS EDITOR'S CREED. beings crushed beyond help or hope by this One mighty argunent, - Our fathers kucu no (At the special instance of Mr. Biglow, I better! Nevertheless, it is the unavoidable des preface the following satire with an extract tiny of Jonahs to be cast overboard sooner or from a sermon preached during the past sumlater. Or shall we try the experiment of hid.mer, from Ezekiel xxxiv. 2 : “Son of man, ing our Jonah in a safe place, that none may prophesy against the shepherds of Israel. lay hands on him to make jetsam of him? Let Since the Sabbath on which this discourse was us, then, with equal forethought and wisdom, delivered, the editor of the "Jaalam Indepenlash ourselves to the anchor, and await, in pious dent Blunderbuss" has unaccountably absented confidence, the certain result. Perhaps our himself from our house of worship. suspicious passenger is no Jonah after all, being black. For it is well known that a superin. “I know of no so responsible position as that tending Providence made a kind of sandwich of the public journalist The eclitor of our day of Ham and his descendants, to be devoured bears the same relation to his time that the by the Caucasian race.
clerk bore to the age before the invention of
printing. Indeed, the position which he holds and the duties consequent thereon ? Here and
I Du believe in Freedom's cause,
I love to see her stick her claws ent forms no integral part! The furrow which Time is even now turning runs thr ugh the
In them infarnal Phayrisees ; Everlasting, and in that must he plant, or no It 's wal enough agin a king where. Yet he would fain believe and teach
To dror resolves an' triggers, -that we are going to have more of eternity than we have now. This going of his is like that of
But libbaty 's a kind o' thing the auctioneer, on which gonc follows before we Thet don't agree with niggers. have made up our minds to bid, -in which manner, not three months back, I lost an ex I du believe the people want cellent copy of Chappelow on Job. So it has
A tax on teas an' coffees, come to pass that the preacher, instead of being a living force, has faded into an emblematic
Thet nothin' aint extravygunt, — figure at christenings, weddings, and funerals. Purvidin' I 'm in office; Or, if he exercise any other function, it is as
Fer I hev loved my country sence keeper and feeder of certain theologic dogmas, which, when occasion offers, he unkennels with
My eye-teeth filled their sockets, a staboy! to bark and bite as 't is their nature An' Uncle Sam I reverence, to,' whence that reproach of odium theologicum Partic'larly his pockets. has arisen. " Meanwhile, see what a pulpit the editor
I du believe in any plan mounts daily, sometimes with a congregation of fifty thousand within reach of his voice, and O'levyin' the texes, never so much as a nodder, even, among them! Ez long ez, like a lumberman, And from what a Bible can he choose his text, - a Bible which needs no translation, and
I git jest wut I axes; which no priesteraft can shut and clasp from
I go free-trade thru thick an' thin, the laity, - the open volume of the world, upon Because it kind o' rouses which, with a pen of sunshine or destroying The folks to vote, - an' keeps us in fire, the inspired Present is even now writing the annals of God! Methinks the editor who
Our quiet custoin-louses. should understand his calling, and be equal thereto, would truly deserve that title of rolunu I du believe it 's wise an' good dawv, which Homer bestows upon princes. He To sen' out furrin missions, would be the Moses of our nineteenth century;
Thet is, on sartin understood and whereas the old Sinai, silent now, is but a common mountain stared at by the elevant An' orthydox conditions ; tourist and crawled over by the hammering I mean wine thousan' dolls. per ann., geologist, he must find his tables of the new law
Nine thousan' more fer outfit, here among factories and cities in this Wilderness of Sin (Numbers xxxiii. 12) called Progress
An' me to recommend a man of Civilization, and be the captain of our Exo. The place 'ould jest about fit. dus into the Canaan of a truer social order.
"Nevertheless, our editor will not come so I du believe in special ways far within even the shadow of Sinaias Mahomet did, but chooses rather to construe Moses by
O' prayin' an' convartin'; Joe Smith. He takes up the crook, not that The bread comes back in many days, the sheep may be fed, but that he may never
An' buttered, tu, fer sartin ; want a warm woollen suit and a joint of mut
I mean in preyin' till one busts ton.
On wut the party chooses, Immemor, O, fidei, pecorumque oblite tuorum!
An' in convartin' public trusts For which reason I would derive the name To very privit uses. elitor not so much from edo, to publish, as from elo, to eat, that being the peculiar profession I du believe hard coin the stuff to which he esteems linself called. He blows up the flames of political discord for no other
Fer 'lectioneers to spout on; occasion than that he may thereby handily boil The people 's ollers soft enough his own pot. I believe there are two thousand To make hard money out on ; of these mutton-loving shepherds in the United States, and of these, how many have even the
Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his, dimmest perception of their immense power,
An' gives a good-sized junk to all.
I don't care how hard money is,
Ez long ez mine 's paid punctooal. I du believe with all my soul
In the gret Press's freedom, To pint the people to the goal
An' in the traces lead 'em ; Palsied the arın thet forges yokes
At my fat contracts squintin', An' withered be the nose thet pokes
Inter the gov'ment printin'!
In short, I firmly du believe
In Humbug generally,
To hev a solid vally;
In pasturs sweet heth led me, An' this 'll keep the people green
To feed ez they hev fed me.
(I subjoin here another passage from my before-mentioned discourse.
I du believe thet I should give
Wut's his'n unto Cæsar,
Frum him my bread au' cheese air; I du believe thet all o' me
Doth bear his superscription, --Will, conscience, honor, honesty,
An' things o' thet description.
I du believe in prayer an' praise
To him thet hez the grantin'
But most of all in CANTIN';
This lays all thought o'sin to rest, I don't believe in princerple,
But 0, I du in interest.
I du believe in bein' this
Or thet, ez it may happen One way or t' other hendiest is
To ketch the people nappin'; It aint by princerples nor men
My preudunt course is steadied, -I scent wich pays the best, an' then
Go into it baidheaded.
" Wonderful, to him that has eyes to see it rightly, is the newspaper. To me, for example, sitting on the critical front bench of the pit, in my study here in Jaalam, the advent of my weekly journal is as that of a strolling theatre, or rather of a puppet-show, on whose stage, narrow as it is, the tragedy, comedy, and Tarce of life are played in little. Behold the whole huye earth sent to ine hebdomadally in a brown-paper wrapper !
"Hither, to my obscure corner, by wind or steam, on horseback or dromedary-back, in the pouch of the Indian runner, or clicking over the magnetic wires, troop all the famous performers from the four quarters of the globe. Looked at from a point of criticism, tiny puppets they seem all, as the editor sets up his booth upon my desk and officiates as showman. Now I can truly see how little and transitory is life. The earth appears almost as a drop of vinegar, on which the solar microscope of the imagination must be brought to bear in order to make out anything distinctly. That animalcule there, in the pea-jacket, is Louis Philippe, just landed on the coast of England. That other, in the gray surtout and cocked hat, is Napoleon Bonaparte Smith, assuring France that she need apprehend no interference from him in the present alarming juncture. At that spot, where you seem to see a speck of something in motion, is an immense mass-meeting. Look sharper, and you will see a mite brandishing his mandibles in an excited manner. That is the great Mr. Soandso, defining his position amid tumultuous and irrepressible cheers, That infinitesimal creature, upon whom some score of others, as minute as he, are gazing in open-mouthed admiration, is a famous philosopher, expounding to a select audience their capacity for the Intinite. That scarce discernible puillet of smoke and dust is a revolution. That speck there is a reformer. just arranging the lever with which he is to move the world. And lo, there creeps forward the shadow of a skeleton that blows one breath between its grinning teeth, and all our distinguished actors are whisked off the slippery stage into the dark Beyond.
Yes, the little show-box has its solemner suggestions. Now and then we catch a glimpse of a grim old man, who lays down a scythe and hour-glass in the corner while he shifts the scenes. There, too, in the dim background, a weird shape is ever delving. Sometimes he leans upon his mattock, and gazes, as a coach whirls by, bearing the newly married on their wedding jaunt, or glances carelessly at a babe brought home from christening. Suddenly (for the scene grows larger and larger as we look) &
I du believe thet holdin' slaves
Comes nat'ral to a Presidunt, Let ’lone the rowdedow it saves
To hev a wal-broke precedunt ; Fer any office, small or gret,
I could n't ax with no face, 'uthont I'd ben, thru dry an' wet,
Th' unrizzest kind o' doughface. I du believe wutever trash
'll keep the people in blindness, – Thet we the Mexicuns can thrash
Right inter brotherly kindness, Thet bombshells, grape, an' powder 'n'
ball Air good-will's strongest magnets, Thet peace, to make it stick at all,
Must be druv in with bagnets.