Hastings. You have taken care, I hope, of the casket I sent you to lock up? It's in safety?

Marlow. Yes, yes. It's safe enough. I have taken care of it. But how could you think the seat of a post-coach at an inn-door a place of safety? Ah! numskull! I have taken better precautions for you than you did for yourself I have

Hastings. What?

that of your servants is insufferable. Their manner of drinking is setting a very bad example in this house, I assure you.

Marlow. I protest, my very good sir, that is no fault of mine. If they don't drink as they ought, they are to blame. I ordered them not to spare the cellar. I did, I assure you. [To the side-scene.] Here, let one of my servants come up. [To him.] My positive directions were, that as I did not drink

Marlow. I have sent it to the landlady to keep myself, they should make up for my deficiencies

Hastings. You did?

below.

Hardcastle. Then they had your orders for what they do! I'm satisfied!

Marlow. They had, I assure you. You shall

Marlow. I did. She's to be answerable for its hear from one of themselves.

ness.

Enter SERVANT, drunk.

Marlow. You, Jeremy! Come forward, sirrah!

Marlow. Wasn't I right? I believe you'll allow What were my orders? Were you not told to drink that I acted prudently upon this occasion. freely, and call for what you thought fit, for the

Hastings [aside]. He must not see my uneasi-good of the house?

ness.

Marlow. You seem a little disconcerted though, methinks. Sure nothing has happened?

Hardcastle [aside]. I begin to lose my patience. Jeremy. Please your honour, liberty and Fleetstreet for ever! Though I'm but a servant, I'm as I'll drink for no man before Hastings. No, nothing. Never was in better good as another man. spirits in all my life. And so you left it with the supper, sir, damme! Good liquor will sit upon a andlady, who, no doubt, very readily undertook good supper, but a good supper will not sit upon[hickuping]-upon my conscience, sir.

the charge.

Marlow. You see, my old friend, the fellow is as drunk as he can possibly be. I don't know what you'd have more, unless you'd have the poor devil soused in a beer-barrel.

Marlow. Rather too readily. For she not only kept the casket, but, through her great precaution, was going to keep the messenger too. Ha! ha! ha! Hastings. He! he! he! They're safe, however. Marlow. As a guinea in a miser's purse. Hardcastle. Zounds! he'll drive me distracted, Hastings [aside]. So now all hopes of fortune if I contain myself any longer. Mr. Marlow. Sir; are at an end, and we must set off without it. I have submitted to your insolence for more than [To him.] Well, Charles, I'll leave you to your four hours, and I see no likelihood of its coming to meditations on the pretty bar-maid, and, he! he! an end. I'm now resolved to be master here, sir, and he! may you be as successful for yourself as you desire that you and your drunken pack may leave my house directly.

[Exit.

have been for me!
Marlow. Thank ye, George: I ask no more,
Ha! ha! ha!

Enter HARDCASTLE.

Hardcastle. I no longer know my own house. Le turned all topsy-turvy. His servants have got drunk already. ' bear it no longer; and yet, from my respect for his father, I'll be calm. [To him.] Mr. Marlow, your servant. I'm your very humble servant. [Bowing low. Marlow. Sir, your humble servant. [Aside.] What's to be the wonder now?

Hardcastle. I believe, sir, you must be sensible, sir, that no man alive ought to be more welcome than your father's son, sir. I hope you think so? Marlow. I do from my soul, sir. I don't want much entreaty. I generally make my father's son welcome wherever he goes.

Hardcastle. I believe you do, from my soul, sir. But though I say nothing to your own conduct,

I

Marlow. Leave your house!Sure you jest, my good friend! What? when I'm doing what I can to please you.

Hardcastle. I tell you, sir, you don't please me; so I desire you'll leave my house.

Marlow. Sure you can not be serious? at this time o' night, and such a night? You only mean to banter me.

Hardcastle. I tell you, sir, I'm serious! and now that my passions are roused, I say this house is mine, sir; this house is mine, and I command you to leave it directly.

Marlow. Ha! ha! ha! A puddle in a storm. I shan't stir a step, I assure you. [In a serious tone.] This is This your house, fellow! It's my house. my house. Mine, while I choose to stay. What right have you to bid me leave this house, sir? I never met witn such impudence, curse me; never in my whole life before.

Hardcastle. Nor I, confound me if ever I did

To mis

To come to my house, to call for what he likes, to Marlow. So then, all's out, and I have been turn me out of my own chair, to insult the family, damnably imposed on. O confound my stupid to order his servants to get drunk, and then to tell head, I shall be laughed at over the whole town. I me, "This house is mine, sir." By all that's im- shall be stuck up in caricature in all the printpudent it makes me laugh. Ha! ha! ha! Pray, shops. The Duilissimo-Maccaroni. Sir, [bantering] as you take the house, what think take this house of all others for an inn, and my you of taking the rest of the furniture? There's a father's old friend for an innkeeper! What a swagpair of silver candlesticks, and there's a fire-screen, gering puppy must he take me for? What a silly and here's a pair of brazen-nosed bellows; perhaps puppy do I find myself. There, again, may I be you may take a fancy to them. hang'd, my dear, but I mistook you for the barmaid.

Marlow. Bring me your bill, sir; bring me your bill, and let's have no more words about it.

Hardcastle. There are a set of prints, too. What think you of the Rake's Progress for your own apartment?

Marlow. Bring me your bill, I say; and I'll leave you and your infernal house directly.

Hardcastle. Then there's a mahogany table that you may see your face in.

Marlow. My bill, I say.

Hardcastle. I had forgot the great chair for your own particular slumbers, after a hearty meal. Marlow. Zounds! bring me my bill, I say, and

let's hear no more on't.

Hardcastle. Young man, young man, from your father's letter to me, I was taught to expect a wellbred modest man as a visiter here, but now I find him no better than a coxcomb and a bully; but he will be down here presently, and shall hear more of it. [Exit.

Marlow. How's this! Sure I have not mistaken the house. Every thing looks like an inn; the servants cry coming; the attendance is awkward; the bar maid too to attend us. But she's here, and will further inform me. Whither so fast, child. A word with you.

Enter MISS HARDCASTLE.

Miss Hardcastle. Let it be short, then. I'm in a hurry. [aside.] I believe he begins to find out his mistake. But it's too soon quite to undeceive him.

Miss Hardcastle. Dear me! dear me! I'm sure there's nothing in my behaviour to put me on a level with one of that stamp.

Marlow. Nothing, my dear, nothing. But 1 was in for a list of blunders, and could not help making you a subscriber. My stupidity saw every thing the wrong way. I mistook your assiduity for assurance, and your simplicity for allurement. But it's over-This house I no more show my face in.

Miss Hardcastle. I hope, sir, I have done nothing to disoblige you. I'm sure I should be sorry to affront any gentleman who has been so polite, and said so many civil things to me. I'm sure I should be sorry [pretending to cry] if he left the family upon my account. I'm sure I should be sorry people said any thing amiss, since I have no fortune but my character.

Marlow [aside]. By Heaven! she weeps. This is the first mark of tenderness I ever had from a modest woman, and it touches me. [To her.] Excuse me, my lovely girl; you are the only part of the family I leave with reluctance. But to be plain with you, the difference of our birth, fortune, and education, makes an honourable connexion impossible; and I can never harbour a thought of seducing simplicity that trusted in my honour, of bringing ruin upon one, whose only fault was being too lovely.

Miss Hardcastle [aside]. Generous man! I now begin to admire him. [To him.] But I am sure my family is as good as Miss Hardcastle's; and though I'm poor, that's no great misfortune to a contented mind; and, until this moment, I never

Marlow. Pray, child, answer me one question.
What are you, and what may your business in this
house be?
Miss Hardcastle. A relation of the family, sir. thought that it was bad to want fortune.
Marlow. What, a poor relation?

Miss Hardcastle. Yes, sir; a poor relation appointed to keep the keys, and to see that the guests want nothing in my power to give them.

Marlow. That is, you act as bar-maid of the inn. Miss Hardcastle. Inn! O la-what brought that in your head? One of the best families in the county keep an inn-Ha! ha! ha! old Mr. Hard

castle's house an inn!

Marlow. And why now, my pretty simplicity? Miss Hardcastle. Because it puts me at a distance from one that, if I had a thousand pounds, I would give it all to.

Marlow [aside]. This simplicity bewitches me, so that if I stay, I'm undone. I must make one bold effort, and leave her. [To her.] Your partiality in my favour, my dear, touches me most sensibly; and were I to live for myself alone, I could

Marlow. Mr. Hardcastle's house. Is this Mr. easily fix my choice. But I owe too much to the Hardcastle's house, child? opinion of the world, too much to the authority of

Miss Hardcastle. Ay, sure. Whose else should a father; so that--I can scarcely speak it-it affects mc. Farewell.

it be?

[Exit.

Miss Hardcastle. I never knew half his merit from the tree. I was never so happy before. My till now. He shall not go, if I have power or art to boy takes after his father, poor Mr. Lumpkin, exdetain him. I'll still preserve the character in actly. The jewels, my dear Con, shall be yours which I stooped to conquer, but will undeceive my papa, who, perhaps, may laugh him out of his resolution. [Exit.

Enter TONY, MISS NEVILLE.

Tony. Ay, you may steal for yourselves the next time. I have done my duty. She has got the jewels again, that's a sure thing; but she believes it was all a mistake of the servants.

Miss Neville. But my dear cousin, sure you won't forsake us in this distress? If she in the least suspects that I am going off, I shall certainly be locked up, or sent to my aunt Pedigree's which is ten times worse.

Tony. To be sure, aunts of all kinds are damn

incontinently. You shall have them. Isn't he a sweet boy, my dear? You shall be married tomorrow, and we'll put off the rest of his education, like Dr. Drowsy's sermons, to a fitter opportunity.

Enter DIGGORY.

Diggory. Where's the 'Squire? I have got a letter for your worship.

Tony. Give it to my mamma. She reads all my letters first.

Diggory. I had orders to deliver it into your own hands.

Tony. Who does it come from?

Diggory. Your worship mun ask that o' the

Tony. I could wish to know though.

ed bad things. But what can I do? I have got letter itself.
you a pair of horses that will fly like Whistle-
jacket; and I'm sure you can't say but I have court-
ed you nicely before her face. Here she comes,
we must court a bit or two more, for fear she
should suspect us.

[They retire, and seem to fondle.

Enter MRS. HARDCASTLE.

[Turning the letter and gazing on it. Miss Neville [aside]. Undone! undone! A letter to him from Hastings. I know the hand. If my aunt sees it, we are ruined for ever. I'll keep her employed a little if I can. [To Mrs. Hardcastle.] But I have not told you, madam, of my cousin's smart answer just now to Mr. Marlow.

Mrs. Hardcastle. Well, I was greatly fluttered We so laughed-You must know, madam-This But my son tells me it was all a mis-way a little, for he must not hear us.

to be sure. take of the servants. I shan't be easy, however, [They confer. till they are fairly married, and then let her keep Tony [still gazing]. A damned cramp piece of her own fortune. But what do I see? fondling penmanship, as ever I saw in my life. I can read together as I'm alive. I never saw Tony so spright-your print hand very well. But here there are ly before. Ah! have I caught you my pretty such handles, and shanks, and dashes, that one "To Andoves? What! billing, exchanging stolen glances can scarce tell the head from the tail. and broken murmurs? Ah! thony Lumpkin, esquire." It's very odd, I can Tony. As for murmurs, mother, we grumble read the outside of my letters, where my own name a little now and then to be sure. But there's no love lost between us.

Mrs. Hardcastle. A mere sprinkling, Tony, upon the flame, only to make it burn brighter.

is, well enough. But when I come to open it, it's all-buzz. That's hard, very hard; for the inside of the letter is always the cream of the correspondence.

Miss Neville. Cousin Tony promises to give us Mrs. Hardcastle. Ha! ha! ha! Very well, very more of his company at home. Indeed, he shan't well. And so my son was too hard for the phileave us any more. It won't leave us, cousin To-losopher. ny, will it ?

Miss Neville. Yes, madam; but you must hear Tony. O! it's a pretty creature. No, I'd sooner the rest, madam. A little more this way, or he leave my horse in a pound, than leave you when you may hear us. You'll hear how he puzzled him smile upon one so. Your laugh makes you so be- again. coming.

Miss Neville. Agreeable cousin! Who can help admiring that natural humour, that pleasant, broad, red, thoughtless,-[patting his cheek] ah! it's a

Mrs. Hardcastle. He seems strangely puzzled now himself, methinks.

Tony [still gazing]. A damned up and down hand, as if it was disguised in liquor. [Reading.] Dear sir,-Ay, that's that. Then there's an M, and a T, and an S, but whether the next be an izzard, or an R, confound me, I can not tell.

I

Mrs. Hardcastle. What's that, my dear? Can give you any assistance?

Miss Neville. Pray, aunt, let me read it. Nobody reads a cramp hand better than I. [Twitch

ing the letter from him.] Do you know who it is from?

Tony. Can't tell, except from Dick Ginger, the feeder.

Miss Neville. Ay, so it is. [Pretending to read.] Dear 'Squire, hoping that your'e in health, as I am at this present. The gentlemen of the Shake-bag club has cut the gentlemen of the Goose-green quite out of feather. The oddsum- -odd battle- -um- -long fighting-um

Enter HASTINGS.

Hastings. So, sir, I find by my servant, that you have shown my letter, and betrayed us. Was this well done, young gentleman?

Tony. Here's another. Ask miss there, who betrayed you? Ecod, it was her doing, not mine.

Enter MARLOW.

Marlow. So I have been finely used here among

-here, here, it's all about cocks and fighting; it's you. Rendered contemptible, driven into ill-man of no consequence, here, put it up, put it up.

[Thrusting the crumpled letter upon him.] Tony. But I tell you, miss, it's of all the consequence in the world. I would not lose the rest of it for a guinea. Here, mother, do you make it out. Of no consequence!

[Giving Mrs. Hardcastle the letter. Mrs. Hardcastle. How's this! [Reads.] "Dear 'Squire, I'm now waiting for Miss Neville, with a post-chaise and pair at the bottom of the garden, but I find my horses yet unable to perform the journey. I expect you'll assist us with a pair of fresh horses, as you promised. Dispatch is necessary, as the hag (ay, the hag) your mother will otherwise suspect us. Yours, Hastings." Grant me patience: I shall run distracted! My rage chokes me.

Miss Neville. I hope, madam, you'll suspend your resentment for a few moments, and not impute to me any impertinence, or sinister design, that belongs to another.

ners, despised, insulted, laughed at.

Tony. Here's another. We shall have old Bed. lam broke loose presently.

Miss Neville. And there, sir, is the gentleman. to whom we all owe every obligation.

Marlow. What can I say to him? a mere boy, an idiot, whose ignorance and age are a protection. Hastings. A poor contemptible booby, that would but disgrace correction.

Miss Neville. Yet with cunning and malice enough to make himself merry with all our embarrassments.

Hastings. An insensible cub.

Marlow. Replete with tricks and mischief. Tony. Baw! dam'me, but I'll fight you both, one after the other-with baskets.

Marlow. As for him, he's below resentment. But your conduct, Mr. Hastings, requires an explanation: you knew of my mistakes, yet would not undeceive me.

Hastings. Tortured as I am with my own disMrs. Hardcastle [courtesying very low]. Fine appointments, is this a time for explanations? It spoken madam, you are most miraculously polite is not friendly, Mr. Marlow. and engaging, and quite the very pink of courtesy Marlow. But, sir—

and circumspection, madam. [Changing her

Miss Neville. Mr. Marlow, we never kept on

Enter SERVANT.

tone.] And you, you great ill-fashioned oaf, with your mistake, till it was too late to undeceive you. scarce sense enough to keep your mouth shut: were you, too, joined against me? But I'll defeat all your plots in a moment. As for you, ma- Servant. My mistress desires you'll get ready dam, since you have got a pair of fresh horses immediately, madam. The horses are putting to. ready, it would be cruel to disappoint them. So, Your hat and things are in the next room. are to go thirty miles before morning.

if you please, instead of running away with your
spark, prepare, this very moment, to run off with
me. Your old aunt Pedigree will keep you se-
cure, I'll warrant me. You too, sir, may mount
your horse, and guard us upon the way. Here,
Thomas, Roger, Diggory! I'll show you, that I wish
you better than you do yourselves. [Exit.

Miss Neville. So now I'm completely ruined.
Tony. Ay, that's a sure thing.

Miss Neville. What better could be expected from being connected with such a stupid fool,--and after all the nods and signs I made him?

We

[Exit Servant, Miss Neville. Well, well; I'll come presently. Marlow [to Hastings]. Was it well done, sir, to assist in rendering me ridiculous? To hang me out for the scorn of all my acquaintance? Depend upon it, sir, I shall expect an explanation.

Hastings. Was it well done, sir, if you're upon hat subject, to deliver what I intrusted to yourself, to the care of another, sir?

Miss Neville. Mr. Hastings. Mr. Marlow. Why will you increase my distress by this ground

Tony. By the laws, miss, it was your own less dispute? I implore, I entreat you

cleverness, and not my stupidity, that did your business. You were so nice and so busy with your Shake-bags and Goose-greens, that I thought you could never be making believe.

Enter SERVANT.

Servant. Your cloak, madam. My mistress is impatient. [Exit Servant.

Miss Neville. I come. Pray be pacified. If I Jave you thus, I shall die with apprehension.

Enter SERVANT.

Servant. Your fan, muff, and gloves, madam. The horses are waiting.

Miss Neville. O, Mr. Marlow, if you knew what a scene of constraint and ill-nature lies before me, I am sure it would convert your resentment into pity.

Marlow. I'm so distracted with a variety of passions, that I don't know what I do. Forgive me, madam. George, forgive me. You know my hasty temper, and should not exasperate it.

Enter SIR CHARLES and HARDCASTLE. Hardcastle. Ha! ha! ha! The peremptory tone in which he sent forth his sublime commands!

Sir Charles. And the reserve with which I suppose he treated all your advances.

Hardcastle. And yet he might have seen something in me above a common innkeeper, too.

Sir Charles. Yes, Dick, but he mistook you for an uncommon innkeeper; ha! ha! ha!

Hardcastle. Well, I'm in too good spirits to think of any thing but joy. Yes, my dear friend, this union of our families will make our personal friendships hereditary, and though my daughter's

Hastings. The torture of my situation is my fortune is but smallonly excuse.

Sir Charles. Why, Dick, will you talk of forMiss Neville. Well, my dear Hastings, if you tune to me? My son is possessed of more than a have that esteem for me that I think, that I am competence already, and can want nothing but a sure you have, your constancy for three years will good and virtuous girl to share his happiness, and but increase the happiness of our future connexion. increase it. If they like each other, as you say If they do

Mrs. Hardcastle [within]. Miss Neville. Constance, why Constance, I say.

Miss Neville. I'm coming. Well, constancy, remember, constancy is the word. [Exit.

Hastings. My heart! how can I support this? To be so near happiness, and such happiness!

Marlow [to Tony]. You see now, young gentleman, the effects of your folly. What might be amusement to you, is here disappointment, and even distress.

Hardcastle. If, man! I tell you they do like each other. My daughter as good as told me so.

Sir Charles. But girls are apt to flatter themselves, you know.

Hardcastle. I saw him grasp her hand in the warmest manner myself; and here he comes to put you out of your ifs, I warrant him.

Enter MARLOW.

Marlow. I come, sir, once more, to ask pardon for my strange conduct. I can scarce reflect on my insolence without confusion.

Hardcastle. Tut, boy, a trifle. You take it too

Tony [from a reverie]. Ecod, I have hit it: It's here. Your hands. Yours and yours, my poor Sulky. My boots there, ho!-Meet me two hours hence at the bottom of the garden; and if gravely. An hour or two's laughing with my you don't find Tony Lumpkin a more good-natured fellow than you thought for, I'll give you leave to take my best horse, and Bet Bouncer into the bargain. Come along. My boots, ho!

ACT V.

[Exeunt.

Enter HASTINGS and SERVANT.

daughter will set all to rights again. She'll never like you the worse for it.

Marlow. Sir, I shall be always proud of her ap probation.

Hardcastle. Approbation is but a cold word, Mr. Marlow; if I am not deceived, you have something more than approbation thereabouts. You take me? Marlow. Really, sir, I have not that happiness. Hardcastle. Come, boy, I'm an old fellow, and know what's what as well as you that are youngI know what has passed between you: but

er.

Hastings. You saw the old lady and Miss Ne-mum. ville drive off, you say?

Servant. Yes, your honour. They went off in a post-coach, and the young 'Squire went on horseback. They're thirty miles off by this time.

Marlow, Sure, sir, nothing has passed between us but the most profound respect on my side, and the most distant reserve on hers. You don't think sir, that my impudence has been passed on all the rest of the family?

Hastings. Then all my hopes are over. Servant. Yes, sir. Old Sir Charles is arrived. Hardcastle. Impudence! No, I don't say thatHe and the old gentleman of the house have been not quite impudence-though girls like to be playlaughing at Mr. Marlow's mistake this half hour.ed with, and rumpled a little too, sometimes. But They are coming this way.

she has told no tales, I assure you.

Marlow. I never gave her the slightest cause. Hardcastle. Well, well, I like modesty in its place well enough. But this is over-acting, young