First Fellow. The 'Squire has got spunk in him.

Second Fellow. I loves to hear him sing, bekeays he never gives us nothing that's low.

Third Fellow. O damn any thing that's low, I can not bear it.

Fourth Fellow. The genteel thing is the gen teel thing at any time: if so be that a gentlemar. bees in a concatenation accordingly.

Third Fellow. I like the maxum of it, Master Muggins. What, though I am obligated to dance a bear, a man may be a gentleman for all that. Excunt. May this be my poison, if my bear ever dances but

to the very genteelest of tunes; "Water Parted," and often stand the chance of an unmannerly anor "The minuet in Ariadne."

Landlord. There be two gentlemen in a post-whimsical fellow, with an ugly face, a daughter, chaise at the door. They have lost their way upo' the forest; and they are talking something about Mr. Hardcastle.

Tony. As sure as can be, one of them must be the gentleman that's coming down to court my sis-ing, talkative maypole-the son, a pretty, wellter. Do they seem to be Londoners?

Tony. Then keeping to the night, you are to Marlow. I own, Hastings, I am unwilling to go sideways, till you come upon Crack-skull Comlay myself under an obligation to every one I meet, mon: there you must look sharp for the track of

the wheel, and go forward till you come to Farmer Murrain's barn. Coming to the farmer's barn, you are to turn to the right, and then to the left, and then to the right about again, till you find out the old mill.

Marlow. Zounds, man! we could as soon find out the longitude!

Hastings. What's to be done, Marlow? Marlow. This house promises but a poor reception; though perhaps the landlord can accom

modate us.

ACT II.

SCENE-AN OLD-FASHIONED HOUSE.

Enter HARDCASTLE, followed by three or four awkward

servants.

Hardcastle. Well, I hope you are perfect in the table exercise I have been teaching you these three days. You all know your posts and your places, and can show that you have been used to good

Landlord. Alack, master, we have but one company, without ever stirring from home. spare bed in the whole house.

Tony. And to my knowledge, that's taken up by three lodgers already. [After a pause, in which the rest seem disconcerted.] I have hit it. Don't you think, Stingo, our landlady could accommodate the gentlemen by the fire-side, with— three chairs and a bolster?

Omnes. Ay, ay.

Hardcastle. When company comes, you are not to pop out and stare, and then run in again, like frighted rabbits in a warren.

Omnes. No, no.

Hardcastle. You, Diggory, whom I have taken from the barn, are to make a show at the side-table; and you, Roger, whom I have advanced from

Hastings. I hate sleeping by the fire-side.
Marlow. And I detest your three chairs and a the plough, are to place yourself behind my chair.

bolster.

Tony. You do, do you?-then, let me see what if you go on a mile farther, to the Buck's Head; the old Buck's head on the hill, one of the best inns in the whole county?

Hastings. O ho! so we have escaped an adventure for this night, however.

Landlord [upart to Tony.] Sure, you ben't sending them to your father's as an inn, be you? Tony. Mum, you fool you. Let them find that out. [To them.] You have only to keep on straight forward, till you come to a large old house by the road side. You'll see a pair of large horns over the door. That's the sign. Drive up the yard, and call stoutly about you.

But you're not to stand so, with your hands in your pockets. Take your hands from your pockets, Roger; and from your head, you blockhead you. See how Diggory carries his hands. They're a little too stiff indeed, but that's no great matter.

Diggory. Ay, mind how I hold them. I learned to hold my hands this way, when I was upon drill for the militia. And so being upon drill

Hardcastle. You must not be so talkative, Diggory. You must be all attention to the guests. You must hear us talk, and not think of talking; you must see us drink, and not think of drinking; you must see us eat and not think of eating.

Diggory. By the laws, your worship, that's parfectly unpossible. Whenever Diggory sees Hastings. Sir, we are obliged to you. The yeating going forward, ecod he's always wishing servants can't miss the way?

Tony. No, no: but I tell you, though, the landlord is rich, and going to leave off business; so he wants to be thought a gentleman, saving your presence, he he he! He'll be for giving you his company; and, ecod, if you mind him, he'll persuade you that his mother was an alderman, and his aunt a justice of peace.

Landlord. A troublesome old blade, to be sure; but a keeps as good wines and beds as any in the whole country.

Marlow. Well, if he supplies us with these, we shall want no further connexion. We are to turn to the right, did you say?

Tony. No, no; straight forward. I'll just step myself, and show you a piece of the way. To the Landlord.] Mum!

Landlord. Ah, bless your heart, for a sweet, pleasant damn'd mischievous son of a whore. Exeum.

for a mouthful himself.

Hardcastle. Blockhead! Is not a belly-full in the kitchen as good as a belly-full in the parlour? Stay your stomach with that reflection.

Diggory. Ecod, I thank your worship, I'll make a shift to stay my stomach with a slice of cold beef in the pantry.

Hardcastle. Diggory, you are too talkative.Then, if I happen to say a good thing, or tell a good story at table, you must not all burst out alaughing, as if you made part of the company.

Diggory. Then ecod your worship must not tell the story of ould Grouse in the gun-room: I can't help laughing at that-he! he! he!-for the soul of me. We have laughed at that these twenty years-ha! ha! ha!

Hardcastle. Ha! ha! ha! The story is a good one. Well, honest Diggory, you may laugh at that--but still remember to be attentive. Suppose one of the company should call for a glass of wine,

how will you behave? A glass of wine, sir, if you lovely part of the creation that chiefly teach men please-[to Diggory]-eh, why don't you move? confidence. I don't know that I was ever familiarly Diggory. Ecod, your worship, I never have cou- acquainted with a single modest woman, except rage till I see the eatables and drinkables brought my mother-But among females of another class upo' the table, and then I'm as bauld as a lion. you know

Hardcastle. What, will nobody move?

First Servant.

I'm not to leave this place.

Second Servant. I'm sure it's no place of mine.

Third Servant. Nor mine, for sartin.

Hastings. Ay, among them you are impudent enough of all conscience.

Marlow. They are of us, you know.

Hastings. But in the company of women of

Diggory. Wauns, and I'm sure it canna be reputation I never saw such an idiot, such a trem

mine.

Hardcastle. You numskulls! and so while, like your betters, you are quarreling for places, the guests must be starved. O you dunces! I find I must begin all over again-But don't I hear a coach drive into the yard? To your posts, you blockheads. I'll go in the mean time and give my old friend's son a hearty reception at the gate. [Exit Hardcastle. Diggory. By the elevens, my place is gone quite out of my head.

Roger. I know that my place is to be every

where.

First Servant. Where the devil is mine?
Second Servant. My place is to be nowhere at
all; and so l'ze go about my business.
Servants, running about as if frighted, different

ways.

bler; you look for all the world as if you wanted an opportunity of stealing out of the room.

Marlow. Why, man, that's because I do want to steal out of the room. Faith, I have often formed a resolution to break the ice, and rattle away at any rate. But I don't know how, a single glance from a pair of fine eyes has totally overset my resolution. An impudent fellow may counterfeit modesty, but I'll be hanged if a modest man can ever counterfeit impudence.

Hastings. If you could but say half the fine things to them that I have heard you lavish upon the bar-maid of an inn, or even a college bed-maker.

Marlow. Why, George, I can't say fine things to them; they freeze, they petrify me. They may [Exeunt talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to me, a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object of the whole creation.

Enter SERVANT with candles, showing in MARLOW and
HASTINGS.

Servant. Welcome, gentlemen, very welcome!
This way.

Hastings. Ha! ha! ha! At this rate, man, how can you ever expect to marry?

Marlow. Never, unless, as among kings and princes, my bride were to be courted by proxy. If, Hastings. After the disappointments of the day, indeed, like an eastern bridegroom, one were to be welcome once more, Charles, to the comforts of a introduced to a wife he never saw before, it might clean room and a good fire. Upon my word, a be endured. But to go through all the terrors of a very well-looking house; antique but creditable. formal courtship, together with the episode of Marlow. The usual fate of a large mansion. aunts, grandmothers, and cousins, and at last to Having first ruined the master by good house-keep-blunt out the broad staring question of, Madam, ing, it at last comes to levy contributions as an inn. will you marry me? No, no, that's a strain much Hastings. As you say, we passengers are to be above me, I assure you. taxed to pay all these fineries. I have often seen a good sideboard, or a marble chimney-piece, though not actually put in the bill, inflame a reckoning confoundedly,

Marlow. Travellers, George, must pay in all places; the only difference is, that in good inns you pay dearly for luxuries, in bad inns you are fleeced and starved.

Hastings. I pity you. But how do you intend behaving to the lady you are come down to visit at the request of your father?

Marlow. As I behave to all other ladies. Bow very low, answer yes or no to all her demands—— But for the rest, I don't think I shall venture to look in her face till I see my father's again.

a

Hastings. I'm surprised that one who is so warm friend can be so cool a lover.

Hastings. You have lived very much among them. In truth, I have been often surprised, that Marlow. To be explicit, my dear Hastings, my you who have seen so much of the world, with your chief inducement down was to be instrumental in natural good sense, and your many opportunities, forwarding your happiness, not my own. Miss could never yet acquire a requisite share of assur-Neville loves you, the family don't know you! as my friend you are sure of a reception, and let hon our do the rest.

ance.

Marlow. The Englishman's malady. But tell me, George, where could I have learned that as- Hastings. My dear Marlow! But I'll suppress surance you talk of? My life has been chiefly the emotion. Were I a wretch, meanly seeking to spent in a college or an inn, in seclusion from that carry off a fortune, you should be the last man in

the world I would apply to for assistance. But George Brooks—I'll pawn my dukedom, says he, Miss Neville's person is all I ask, and that is but I take that garrison without spilling a drop of mine, both from her deceased father's consent, blood. So and her own inclination.

Marlow. What, my good friend, if you gave us a glass of punch in the mean time; it would help us to carry on the siege with vigour.

Hardcastle. Punch, sir! [aside.] This is the

Marlow. Happy man! You have talents and art to captivate any woman. I'm doomed to adore the sex, and yet to converse with the only part of it I despise. This stammer in my address, and this most unaccountable kind of modesty I ever met awkward unprepossessing visage of mine can never permit me to soar above the reach of a milliner's 'prentice, or one of the duchesses of Drury-lane. Pshaw! this fellow here to interrupt us.

Enter HARDCASTLE.

with.

Marlow. Yes, sir, punch. A glass of warm punch, after our journey, will be comfortable. This is Liberty-hall, you know.

Hardcastle. Here's a cup, sir.

Marlow [aside]. So this fellow, in his LibertyHardcastle. Gentlemen, once more you are hall, will only let us have just what he pleases. heartily welcome. Which is Mr. Marlow? Sir, you Hardcastle [taking the cup]. I hope you'll find are heartily welcome. It's not my way, you see, to it to your mind. I have prepared it with my own receive my friends with my back to the fire. I like hands, and I believe you'll own the ingredients are to give them a hearty reception in the old style at tolerable. Will you be so good as to pledge me, my gate. I like to see their horses and trunks sir? Here, Mr. Marlow, here is to our better actaken care of. quaintance. [Drinks. Marlow [aside]. He has got our names from Marlow [aside]. A very impudent fellow, this! the servants already.-[To Hardcastle.] We ap- but he's a character, and I'll humour him a little. prove your caution and hospitality, sir.- To Has-Sir, my service to you. tings.] I have been thinking, George, of changing our travelling dresses in the morning. I am grown confoundedly ashamed of mine.

Hardcastle. I beg, Mr. Marlow, you'll use no ceremony in this house.

Marlow. I fancy, Charles, you're right: the first blow is half the battle. I intend opening the campaign with the white and gold.

Hardcastle. Mr. Marlow-Mr. Hastings-gentlemen-pray be under no restraint in this house. This is Liberty-hall, gentlemen. You may do just as you please here.

Marlow. Yet, George, if we open the campaign too fiercely at first, we may want ammunition before it is over. I think to reserve the embroidery to secure a retreat.

Hardcastle. Your talking of a retreat, Mr. Marlow, puts me in mind of the Duke of Marlborough, when we went to besiege Denain. He first summoned the garrison—

[Drinks. Hastings [aside]. I see this fellow wants to give us his company, and forgets that he's an innkeeper before he has learned to be a gentleman.

Marlow. From the excellence of your cup, my old friend, I suppose you have a good deal of business in this part of the country. Warm work, now and then, at elections, I suppose.

Hardcastle. No, sir, I have long given that work over. Since our betters have hit upon the expedient of electing each other, there is no business "for us that sell ale."

Hastings. So then you have no turn for politics, I find.

Hardcastle. Not in the least. There was a time, indeed, I frettel myself about the mistakes of government, like other people; but finding myself every day grow more angry, and the govern ment growing no better, I left it to mend itself. Since that, I no more trouble my head about Hyder Ally, or Ally Cawn, than about Ally Croaker.

Marlow. Don't you think the ventre d'or waist- Sir my service to you. coat will do with the plain brown?

Hastings. So that with eating above stairs, and Hardcastle. He first summoned the garrison, drinking below, with receiving your friends withwhich might consist of about five thousand men-in, and amusing them with out, you lead a good Hastings. I think not: brown and yellow mix pleasant bustling life of it. but very poorly.

Hardcastle. I say, gentlemen, as I was telling you, he summoned the garrison, which might consist of about five thousand men

Marlow. The girls like finery. Hardcastle. Which might consist of about five thousand men, well appointed with stores, ammunition, and other implements of war. Now, says the Duke of Marlborough to George Brooks, that stood next to him-You must have heard of

Hardcastle. I do stir about a great deal, that's certain. Half the differences of the parish are adjusted in this very parlour.

Marlow [after drinking]. And you have an argument in your cup, old gentleman, better than any in Westminster-hall.

Hardcastle. Ay, young gentleman, that, and a little philosophy.

Marlow [aside]. Well, this is the first time I ever heard of an inkeeper's philosophy.