186 The surest way to have redress, is to be earnest in Croaker. Ay, whose opinion is he of now? Honeywood. What is the best, madam, few can say; but I'll maintain it to be a very wise way. Honeywood. Ay, but not punish him too rigidly. Croaker. Well, well, leave that to my own benevolence. Honeywood. Well, I do; but remember that universal benevolence is the first law of nature. [Exeunt Honeywood and Mrs. Croaker. Croaker. Yes; and my universal benevolence Croaker. But we're talking of the best. Surely will hang the dog, if he had as many necks as a the best way is to face the enemy in the field, and hydra. not wait till he plunders us in our very bed-chamber. Honeywood. Why sir, as to the best, that that's a very wise way too. Mrs. Croaker. But can any thing be more absurd, than to double our distresses by our apprehensions, and put it in the power of every low fellow, that can scrawl ten words of wretched spelling, to torment us. Croaker. How! would it not be more absurd to despise the rattle till we are bit by the snake? Honeywood. Without doubt, perfectly absurd. Croaker. Then you are of my opinion? Honeywood. Entirely. ACT V SCENE-AN INN. Enter OLIVIA, JARVIS. Now, if the post-chaise were readyOlivia. WELL, we have got safe to the inn, and, as they are not going to be married, they Jarvis. The horses are just finishing their oats; choose to take their own time. Olivia. You are for ever giving wrong motives to my impatience. Mrs. Croaker. And you reject mine? Jarvis. Be as impatient as you will, the horses Honeywood. Heavens forbid, madam! No sure, sider we have got no answer from our fellow tramust take their own time; besides, you don't conno reasoning can be more just than yours. We veller yet. If we hear nothing from Mr. Leontine, ought certainly to despise malice if we can not op- we have only one way left us. pose it, and not make the incendiary's pen as fatal Olivia. What way? to our repose as the highwayman's pistol, Mrs. Croaker. O! then you think I'm quite right. Honeywood. Perfectly right. Croaker. A plague of plagues, we can't be both right. I ought to be sorry, or I ought to be glad. My hat must be on my head, or my hat must be off. Mrs. Croaker. Certainly, in two opposite opinions, if one be perfectly reasonable, the other can't be perfectly right. Jarvis. The way home again. Olivia. Not so. I have made a resolution to go, and nothing shall induce me to break it. Jarvis. Ay; resolutions are well kept, when they jump with inclination. hasten things without. And I'll call, too, at the However, I'll go bar, to see if any thing should be left for us there. Don't be in such a plaguy hurry, madam, and we shall go the faster, I promise you. [Exit Jarvis. Enter LANDLADY. Landlady. What! Solomon, why don't you Honeywood. And why may not both be right, madam? Mr. Croaker in earnestly seeking redress, and you in waiting the event with good-humour? move? Pipes and tobacco for the Lamb there.Pray, let me see the letter again. I have it. This Will nobody answer? To the Dolphin; quick. letter requires twenty guineas to be left at the bar of the Talbot Inn. If it be indeed an incendiary letter, what if you and I, sir, go there; and when the writer comes to be paid for his expected booty, seize him. The Angel has been outrageous this half hour. Olivia. No, madam. Landlady. I find as you're for Scotland, madam, Croaker. My dear friend, it's the very thing; married, I ask no questions. To be sure we had -But that's no business of mine; married, or not the very thing. While I walk by the door, you a sweet little couple set off from this two days ago shall plant yourself in ambush near the bar; burst for the same place. The gentleman, for a tailor, out upon the miscreant like a masked battery; ex-was, to be sure, as fine a spoken tailor as ever blew tort a confession at once, and so hang him up by froth from a full pot. surprise. And the young lady so bashher to finish a pint of raspberry between us. ful, it was near half an hour before we could get Honeywood. Yes, but I would not choose to exercise too much severity. It is my maxim, sir, that crimes generally punish themselves. Croaker. Well, but we may upbraid him a little, I suppose? [Ironically. Olivia. But this gentleman and I are not going to be married, I assure you. Landlady. May-be not. That's no business of mine; for certain, Scotch marriages seldom turn out. There was, of my own knowledge, Miss Mac-| employment till we are out of danger, nothing can fag, that married her father's footman-Alack-a- interrupt our journey. day, she and her husband soon parted, and now keep separate cellars in Hedge-lane. Olivia. A very pretty picture of what lies before [Aside. me! Enter LEONTINE. Leontine. My dear Olivia, my anxiety, till you were out of danger, was too great to be resisted. I could not help coming to see you set out, though it exposes us to a discovery. Olivia. May every thing you do prove as fortunate. Indeed, Leontine, we have been most cruelly disappointed. Mr. Honeywood's bill upon the city has, it seems, been protested, and we have been utterly at a loss how to proceed. Olivia. I have no doubt of Mr. Honeywood's sincerity, and even his desires to serve us. My fears are from your father's suspicions. A mind so disposed to be alarmed without a cause, will be but too ready when there's a reason. Leontine. Why let him when we are out of his power. But believe me, Olivia, you have no great reason to dread his resentment. His repining temper, as it does no manner of injury to himself, so will it never do harm to others. He only frets to keep himself employed, and scolds for his private amusement. Olivia. I don't know that; but, I'm sure, on some occasions it makes him look most shockingly. Croaker [discovering himself.] How does he Leontine. How! an offer of his own too. Sure, look now?-How does he look now? he could not mean to deceive us? Olivia. Depend upon his sincerity; he only mistook the desire for the power of serving us. But let us think no more of it. I believe the post-chaise is ready by this. Landlady. Not quite yet; and, begging your ladyship's pardon, I don't think your ladyship quite ready for the post-chaise. The north road is a cold place, madam. I have a drop in the house of as pretty raspberry as ever was tipt over tongue. Just a thimble-full to keep the wind off your stomach. To be sure, the last couple we had here, they said it was a perfect nosegay. Ecod, I sent them both away as good-natured-Up went the blinds, round went the wheels, and drive away post-boy was the word. Enter CROAKER. Croaker. Well, while my friend Honeywood is upon the post of danger at the bar, it must be my business to have an eye about me here. I think I know an incendiary's look; for wherever the devil makes a purchase, he never fails to set his mark. Ha! who have we here? My son and daughter! What can they be doing here? Olivia. Ah! Leontine. Undone. Croaker. How do I look now? Sir, I am your very humble servant. Madam, I am yours. What, you are going off, are you? Then, first, if you please, take a word or two from me with you before you go. Tell me first where you are going; and when you have told me that, perhaps I shall know as little as I did before. Leontine. If that be so, our answer might but increase your displeasure, without adding to your information. Croaker. I want no information from you, puppy: and you too, good madam, what answer have you got? Eh! [A cry without, stop him.] 1 think I heard a noise. My friend Honeywood withouthas he seized the incendiary? Ah, no, for now I hear no more on't. Leontine. Honeywood without! Then, sir, it was Mr. Honeywood that directed you hither? Croaker. No, sir, it was Mr. Honeywood conducted me hither. Leontine. Is it possible? Croaker. Possible! Why he's in the house now, sir; more anxious about me than my own son, sir. Leontine. Then, sir, he's a villain. Landlady. I tell you, madam, it will do you good; I think I know by this time what's good for Croaker. How, sirrah! a villain, because he takes the north road. It's a raw night, madam.-Sir-most care of your father? I'll not bear it. I tell Leontine. Not a drop more, good madam. I you I'll not bear it. Honeywood is a friend to the should now take it as a greater favour, if you hasten family, and I'll have him treated as such. the horses, for I am afraid to be seen myself. Leontine. I shall study to repay his friendship Landlady. That shall be done. Wha, Solo- as it deserves. mon! are you all dead there? Wha, Solomon, I say! Croaker. Ah, rogue, if you knew how earnestly [Exit, bawling. he entered into my griefs, and pointed out the means Olivia. Well, I dread lest an expedition begun to detect them, you would love him as I do. [A in fear, should end in repentance.-Every moment cry without, stop him.] Fire and fury! they have we stay increases our danger, and adds to my ap- seized the incendiary: they have the villain, the prehensions. incendiary in view. Stop him! stop an incendiary! a murderer! stop him! [Exit. Olivia. O, my terrors! What can this tumul Leontine. There's no danger, trust me, my dear; there can be none. If Honey wood has acted with honour, and kept my father, as he promised, in mean? Leontine. Some new mark, I suppose, of Mr. | incendiary? [Seizing the Postboy.] Hold him Honeywood's sincerity. But we shall have satis- fast, the dog: he has the gallows in his face. Come, faction: he shall give me instant satisfaction. you dog, confess; confess all, and hang yourself. Olivia. It must not be, my Leontine, if you value my esteem or my happiness. Whatever be our fate, let us not add guilt to our misfortunesConsider that our innocence will shortly be all that we have left us. You must forgive him. Leontine. Forgive him! Has he not in every instance betrayed us? Forced to borrow money from him, which appears a mere trick to delay us; promised to keep my father engaged till we were out of danger, and here brought him to the very scene of our escape? Postboy. Zounds! master, what do you throttle me for? Croaker [beating him.] Dog, do you resist? do you resist? Postboy. Zounds! master, I'm not he: there's the man that we thought was the rogue, and turns out to be one of the company. Croaker. How! Honeywood. Mr. Croaker, we have all been under a strange mistake here; I find there is nobody guilty; it was all an error; entirely an error of our Olivia. Don't be precipitate. We may yet be own. mistaken. Croaker. And I say, sir, that you're in an error; for there's guilt and double guilt, a plot, a damned Enter POSTBOY, dragging in JARVIS; HONEYWOOD jesuitical, pestilential plot, and I must have proo' entering soon after. Postboy. Ay, master, we have him fast enough. Here is the incendiary dog. I'm entitled to the reward; I'll take my oath I saw him ask for the money at the bar, and then run for it. of it. Honeywood. Do but hear me. Croaker. What, you intend to bring 'em off, I suppose? I'll hear nothing. Honeywood. Madam, you seem at least calm enough to hear reason. Olivia. Excuse me. Honeywood. Good Jarvis, let me then explain it Honeywood. Come, bring him along. Let us see him. Let him learn to blush for his crimes. [Discovering his mistake.] Death! what's here? Jarvis, Leontine, Olivia! What can all this mean? to you. Jarvis. Why, I'll tell you what it means: that Jarvis. What signifies explanations when the I was an old fool, and that you are my master-thing is done? that's all. Honeywood. Confusion! Leontine. Yes, sir, I find you have kept your word with me. After such baseness, I wonder how you can venture to see the man you have injured? Honeywood. My dear Leontine, by my life, my honour Leontine. Peace, peace, for shame; and do not continue to aggravate baseness by hypocrisy. I know you, sir, I know you. Honeywood. Why won't you hear me? By all that's just, I know not Leontine. Hear you, sir, to what purpose? I now see through all your low arts; your ever complying with every opinion; your never refusing any request: your friendship's as common as a prostitute's favours, and as fallacious; all these, sir, have long been contemptible to the world, and are now perfectly so to me. Honeywood. Ha! contemptible to the world! that reaches me. [Aside. Leontine. All the seeming sincerity of your professions, I now find, were only allurements to betray; and all your seeming regret for their consequences, only calculated to cover the cowardice of your heart. Draw, villain! Enter CROAKER, out of breath. Croaker. Where is the villain? Where is the Honeywood. Wili nobody hear me? Was there ever such a set, so blinded by passion and prejudice! [To the Postboy.] My good friend, I believe, you'll be surprised when I assure you— Postboy. Sure me nothing-I'm sure of nothing but a good beating. Croaker. Come then you, madam, if you ever hope for any favour or forgiveness, tell me sincerely all you know of this aflair. Olivia. Unhappily, sir, I'm but too much the cause of your suspicions: you see before you, sir, one that with false pretences has stepped into your family to betray it; not your daughter Croaker. Not my daughter? Olivia. Not your daughter-but a mean deceiver-who-support me, I can not Honeywood. Help, she's going; give her air. Croaker. Ay, ay, take the young woman to the air; I would not hurt a hair of her head, whosever daughter she may be-not so bad as that neither. [Exeunt all but Croaker. Croaker. Yes, yes, all's out; I now see the whole affair; my son is either married, or going to be so, to this lady, whom he imposed upon me as his sister. Ay, certainly so; and yet I don't find it afflicts me so much as one might think. There's the advantage of fretting away our misfortunes beforehand, we never feel them when they come. Enter MISS RICHLAND and SIR WILLIAM. Sir William. But how do you know, madam that my nephew intends setting off from this please! How have I over-taxed all my abilities, place? lest the approbation of a single fool should escape Miss Richland. My maid assured me he was me! But all is now over; I have survived my repucome to this inn, and my own knowledge of his in- tation, my fortune, my friendships, and nothing tending to leave the kingdom suggested the rest. remains henceforward for me but solitude and reBut what do I see! my guardian here before us! pentance. Who, my dear sir, could have expected meeting you here? to what accident do we owe this pleasure? Croaker. To a fool, I believe. Miss Richland. But to what purpose did you come?! Croaker. To play the fool. Miss Richland. But with whom? Croaker. Why, Mr. Honeywood brought me here to do nothing now I am here; and my son is oing to be married to I don't know who, that is nere: so now you are as wise as I am. Miss Richland. Is it true, Mr. Honeywood, tha you are setting off, without taking leave of your friends? The report is, that you are quitting En gland: Can it be? Honeywood. Yes, madam; and though I am so unhappy as to have fallen under your displeasure, yet, thank Heaven! I leave you to happiness; to one who loves you, and deserves your love; to one who has power to procure you affluence, and generosity to improve your enjoyment of it. Miss Richland. And are you sure, sir, that the gentleman you mean is what you describe him? Honeywood. I have the best assurances of it— his serving me. He does indeed deserve the highest happiness, and that is in your power to confer. As for me, weak and wavering as I have been, obliged by all, and incapable of serving any, what happiness can I find but in solitude? what hope, but in being forgotten? Miss Richland. Married! to whom, sir? Croaker. To Olivia, my daughter, as I took her to be; but who the devil she is, or whose daughter she is, I know no more than the man in the moon. Sir William. Then, sir, I can inform you; and, though a stranger, yet you shall find me a friend to your family. It will be enough, at present, to assure you, that both in point of birth and fortune the young lady is at least your son's equa!. Being left by her father, Sir James WoodvilleCroaker. Sir James Woodville! What, of the those that once were equals, insupportable. Nay, west? Miss Richland. A thousand! to live among friends that esteem you, whose happiness it will be to be permitted to oblige you. Honeywood. No, madam, my resolution is fixed. Inferiority among strangers is easy; but among to show you how far my resolution can go, I can Sir William. Being left by him, I say, to the now speak with calmness of my former follies, my care of a mercenary wretch, whose only aim was vanity, my dissipation, my weakness. I will even to secure her fortune to himself, she was sent to confess, that, among the number of my other preFrance, under pretence of education; and there sumptions, I had the insolence to think of loving every art was tried to fix her for life in a convent, you. Yes, madam, while I was pleading the pascontrary to her inclinations. Of this I was inform- sion of another, my heart was tortured with its ed upon my arrival at Paris; and, as I had been own. nce her father's friend, I did all in my power to frustrate her guardian's base intentions. I had even meditated to rescue her from his authority, when your son stepped in with more pleasing violence, gave her liberty, and you a daughter. Croaker. But I intend to have a daughter of my own choosing, sir. A young lady, sir, whose fortune, by my interest with those who have interest, will be double what my son has a right to expect. Do you know Mr. Lofty, sir? Sir William. Yes, sir; and know that you are deceived in him. But step this way, and I'll convince you. [Croaker and Sir William seem to confer. Enter HONEYWOOD. Honeywood. Obstinate man, still to persist in his outrage! Insulted by him, despised by all, I now begin to grow contemptible even to myself. But it is over: it was unworthy our friendship, and let it be forgotten. Miss Richland. You amaze me! Honeywood. But you'll forgive it, I know you will; since the confession should not have come from me even now, but to convince you of the sincerity of my intention of-never mentioning it more. [Going. Miss Richland. Stay, sir, one moment-Ha! he here Enter LOFTY. Lofty. Is the coast clear? None but friends? I have followed you here with a trifling piece of intelligence; but it goes no farther, things are not yet ripe for a discovery. I have spirits working at a certain board; your affair at the treasury will be done in less than-a thousand years. Mum! Miss Richland. Sooner, sir, I should hope. How have I sunk by too great an assiduity to into proper hands, that know where to push and where to parry; that know how the land lies-ch, Honeywood? Croaker. And so it does, indeed; and all my suspicions are over. Lofty. Your suspicions! What, then, you have been suspecting, you have been suspecting, have you? Mr. Croaker, you and I were friends; we are friends no longer. Never talk to me. It's over; I say, it's over. Miss Richland. It has fallen into yours. Lofty. Well, to keep you no longer in suspense, your thing is done. It is done, I say-that's all. I have just had assurances from Lord Neverout, that the claim has been examined, and found admissible. Quietus is the word, madam. Croaker. As I hope for your favour I did not Honeywood. But how? his lordship has been at mean to offend. It escaped me. Don't be discomNewmarket these ten days. Lofty. Indeed! Then Sir Gilbert Goose must have been most damnably mistaken. I had it of him. Miss Richland. He! why Sir Gilbert and his family have been in the country this month. posed. Lofty. Zounds! sir, but I am discomposed, and will be discomposed. To be treated thus! Who am I? Was it for this I have been dreaded both by ins and outs? Have I been libelled in the Gazetteer, and praised in the St. James's? have I been chaired Lofty. This month! it must certainly be so- at Wildman's, and a speaker at Merchant-Tailor's Sir Gilbert's letter did come to me from New-Hall? have I had my hand to addresses, and my market, so that he must have met his lordship there; head in the print-shops; and talk to me of suspects? and so it came about. I have his letter about me; Croaker. My dear sir, be pacified. What can I'll read it to you. [Taking out a large bundle.] you have but asking pardon? That's from Paoli of Corsica, that from the Mar- Lofty. Sir, I will not be pacified-Suspects! quis of Squilachi.-Have you a mind to see a letter Who am I? To be used thus! Have I paid court from Count Poniatowski, now King of Poland?-to men in favour to serve my friends; the lords of Honest Pon-[Searching.] O, sir, what are you the treasury, Sir William Honeywood, and the here too? I'll tell you what, honest friend, if you rest of the gang, and talk to me of suspects? Who have not absolutely delivered my letter to Sir Wilam I, I say, who am I? liam Honeywood, you may return it. The thing will do without him. Croaker. Contempt! Mr. Lofty, what can that mean? Sir William. Since, sir, you are so pressing for Sir William. Sir, I have delivered it; and must man, as well acquainted with politics as with men an answer, I'll tell you who you are:-A gentleinform you, it was received with the most mortify-in power; as well acquainted with persons of fashing contempt. with truth; and with all, as you are with Sir Wilion as with modesty; with lords of the treasury as liam Honeywood. I am Sir William Honeywood. [Discovering his ensigns of the Bath. Croaker. Sir William Honeywood! Honeywood. Astonishment! my uncle! [Aside. all this time only leading me up to the garret, in Lofty. So then, my confounded genius has been order to fling me out of the window. Lofty. Let him go on, let him go on, I say. You'll find it come to something presently. Sir William. Yes, sir; I believe you'll be amazed, if after waiting some time in the antechamber, after being surveyed with insolent curiosity by the passing servants, I was at last assured, that Sir William Honeywood knew no such person, and I must certainly have been imposed upon. Lofty. Good! let me die; very good. Ha! ha! ha! Croaker. Now, for my life, I can't find out half the goodness of it. Lofty. You can't. Ha! ha! Croaker. No, for the soul of me! I think it was as confounded a bad answer as ever was sent from one private gentleman to another. Croaker. What, Mr. Importance, and are these your works? Suspect you! You, who have been dreaded by the ins and outs; you, who have had in print-shops. If you were served right, you your hands to addresses, and your head stuck up should have your head stuck up in a pillory. Lofty. Ay, stick it where you will; for by the lord, it cuts but a very poor figure where it sticks at present. Sir William. Well, Mr. Croaker, I hope you Lofty. And so you can't find out the force of the now see how incapable this gentleman is of serv、 message? Why, I was in the house at that very ing you, and how little Miss Richland has to extime. Ha! ha! It was I that sent that very an-pect from his influence. swer to my own letter. Ha! ha! Croaker. Indeed! How? Why? Lofty. In one word, things between Sir William and me must be behind the curtain. A party has many eyes. He sides with Lord Buzzard, I side with Sir Gilbert Goose. So that unriddles the mystery. Croaker. Ay, sir, too well I see it; and I can't but say I have had some boding of it these ten days. So I'm resolved, since my son has placed his affections on a lady of moderate fortune, to be satisfied with his choice, and not run the hazard of another Mr. Lofty in helping him to a better. Sir William. I approve your resolution; and |