Enter LEONTINE. Olivia. Sir, you're too kind. I'm sensible how Leontine. Permit him thus to answer for him ill I deserve this partiality; yet, Heaven knows, there is nothing I would not do to gain it. Croaker. And you have but too well succeeded, self. [Kneeling.] Thus, sir, let me speak my you little hussy, you. With those endearing ways of yours, on my conscience, I could be brought to forgive any thing, unless it were a very great of fence indeed. gratitude for this unmerited forgiveness. Yes, sir, this even exceeds all your former tenderness. Í now can boast the most indulgent of fathers. The life he gave, compared to this, was but a trifling blessing. Croaker. And, good sir, who sent for you, with that fine tragedy face, and flourishing manner? don't know what we have to do with your gratitude upon this occasion. I Olivia. But mine is such an offence-When you know my guilt-Yes, you shall know it, though I feel the greatest pain in the confession. Croaker. Why, then, if it be so very great a pain, you may spare yourself the trouble; for 1 know every syllable of the matter before you begin. Leontine. How, sir! Is it possible to be silent, Olivia. Indeed! then I'm undone. when so much obliged? Would you refuse me Croaker. Ay, miss, you wanted to steal a match, the pleasure of being grateful? of adding my thanks without letting me know it, did you? But I'm to my Olivia's? of sharing in the transports that not worth being consulted, I suppose, when there's you have thus occasioned? to be a marriage in my own family. No, I'm to have no hand in the disposal of my own children. No, I'm nobody. I'm to be a mere article of family lumber; a piece of cracked china to be stuck up in a corner. Croaker. Lord, sir, we can be happy enough without your coming in to make up the party. I don't know what's the matter with the boy all this day; he has got into such a rhodomontade manner all this morning! Olivia. Dear sir, nothing but the dread of your Leontine. But, sir, I that have so large a part authority could induce us to conceal it from you. in the benefit, is it not my duty to show my joy? Croaker. No, no, my consequence is no more; is the being admitted to your favour so slight an I'm as little minded as a dead Russian in winter, obligation? is the happiness of marrying my Olijust stuck up with a pipe in its mouth till there via so small a blessing? comes a thaw-It goes to my heart to vex her. [Aside. Olivia. I was prepared, sir, for your anger, and despaired of pardon, even while I presumed to ask it. But your severity shall never abate my affection, as my punishment is but justice. Croaker. And yet you should not despair neither, Livy. We ought to hope all for the best. Olivia. And do you permit me to hope, sir? Can I ever expect to be forgiven? But hope has too long deceived me. Croaker. Marrying Olivia! marrying Olivia! marrying his own sister! Sure the boy is out of his senses. His own sister. Leontine. My sister! Olivia. Sister! How have I been mistaken! [Aside. Leontine. Some cursed mistake in all this, I find. [Aside. Croaker. What does the booby mean? or has he any meaning? Eh, what do you mean, you blockhead, you? Croaker. Why then, child, it shan't deceive you now, for I forgive you this very moment; I forgive you all! and now you are indeed my daughter. Olivia. O transport! this kindness overpowers-I have made a point of it. Leontine. Mean, sir,-why, sir-only when my sister is to be married, that I have the pleasure of marrying her, sir, that is, of giving her away, sir, me. Croaker. I was always against severity to our children. We have been young and giddy ourselves, and we can't expect boys and girls to be old before their time. Olivia. What generosity! But can you forget the many falsehoods, the dissimulation Croaker. O, is that all? Give her away. You have made a point of it. Then you had as good make a point of first giving away yourself, as I'm going to prepare the writings between you and Miss Richland this very minute. What a fuss is here about nothing! Why, what's the matter now? I thought I had made you at least as happy as you could wish. Olivia. O! yes, sir; very happy. Croaker. You did indeed dissemble, you urchin you; but where's the girl that won't dissemble for a husband? My wife and I had never been marCroaker. Do you foresee any thing, child? You ried, if we had not dissembled a little beforehand. look as if you did. I think if any thing was to be Olivia. It shall be my future care never to put foreseen, I have as sharp a look-out as another; such generosity to a second trial. And as for the and yet I foresee nothing. partner of my offence and folly, from his native honour, and the just sense he has of his duty, I can answer for him that LEONTINE, OLIVIA. Olivia. What can it mean? [Exit. Leontine. He knows something, and yet for my | gether within my oath. For certain, if an honest life I can't tell what. man is to get any thing by a thing, there's no rea Olivia. It can't be the connexion between us, son why all things should not be done in civility. I'm pretty certain. Honeywood. Doubtless, all trades must live, Mr. Twitch; and yours is a necessary one. Leontine. Whatever it be, my dearcst, I'm resolved to put it out of fortune's power to repeat our [Gives him money. mortification. I'll haste and prepare for our jour- Bailiff. Oh! your honour: I hope your honour ney to Scotland this very evening. My friend takes nothing amiss as I does, as I does nothing Honeywood has promised me his advice and assist- but my duty in so doing. I'm sure no man can ance. I'll go to him and repose our distresses on his friendly bosom; and I know so much of his honest heart, that if he can't relieve our uneasinesses, he will at least share them. [Exeunt ACT III. SCENE-YOUNG HONEYWOOD'S HOUSE. BAILIFF, HONEYWOOD, FOLLOWER. Bailiff. Lookye, sir, I have arrested as good men as you in my time: no disparagement of you neither: men that would go forty guineas on a game of cribbage. I challenge the town to show a man in more genteeler practice than myself. Honeywood. Without all question, Mr. forget your name, sir. say I ever give a gentleman, that was a gentleman, ill usage. If I saw that a gentleman was a gentleman, I have taken money not to see him for ten weeks together. Honeywood. Tenderness is a virtue, Mr. Twitch. Bailiff. Ay, sir, it's a perfect treasure. I love to see a gentleman with a tender heart. I don't know, but I think I have a tender heart myself. If all that I have lost by my heart was put together, it would make a-but no matter for that. Honeywood. Don't account it lost, Mr. Twitch. The ingratitude of the world can never deprive us of the conscious happiness of having acted with humanity ourselves. Bailiff. Humanity, sir, is a jewel. It's better than gold. I love humanity. People may say, I that we in our way have no humanity; but I'll show you my humanity this moment. There's my fol Bailiff. How can you forget what you never lower here. Little Flanigan, with a wife and four knew? he he! he! children, a guinea or two would be more to him Honeywood. May I beg leave to ask your name? than twice as much to another. Now, as I can't Bailiff. Yes, you may. show him any humanity myself, I must beg leave you'll do it for me. Honeywood. Then, pray, sir, what is your name? Bailiff. That I didn't promise to tell you. He! Honeywood. I assure you, Mr. Twitch, yours he! he! A joke breaks no bones, as we say among is a most powerful recommendation. us that practise the law. it a secret, perhaps? [Giving money to the follover. Honeywood. You may have reason for keeping Bailiff. Sir, you're a gentleman, I see you know what to do with your money. But, to business: Bailiff. The law does nothing without reason. we are to be with you here as your friends, I supI'm ashamed to tell my name to no man, sir. If pose. But set in case company comes.—Little you can show cause, as why, upon a special capus, Flanigan here, to be sure, has a good face; a very that I should prove my name-But, come, Timo- good face; but then, he is a little seedy, as we say thy Twitch is my name. And, now you know among us that practise the law. Not well in my name, what have you to say to that? Honeywood. Nothing in the world, good Mr. Twitch, but that I have a favour to ask, that's all. Bailiff. Ay, favours are more easily asked than granted, as we say among us that practise the law. I have taken an oath against granting favours. Would you have me perjure myself? clothes. Smoke the pocket-holes. Honeywood. Well, that shall be remedied without delay. Enter SERVANT. Servant. Sir, Miss Richland is below. Honeywood. How unlucky: Detain her a moment. We must improve my good friend little Honeywood. But my request will come recom- Mr. Flanigan's appearance first. Here, let Mr. mended in so strong a manner as, I believe, you'll Flanigan have a suit of my clothes-quick-the have no scruple. [Pulling out his purse.] The brown and silver-Do you hear? thing is only this: I believe I shall be able to discharge this trifle in two or three days at farthest; but as I would not have the affair known for the world, I have thoughts of keeping you, and your good friend here, about me, till the debt is discharged; for which I shall be properly grateful. Bailiff. Oh! that's another maxum, and alto Servant. That your honour gave away to the begging gentleman that makes verses, because it was as good as new. Honeywood. The white and gold then. Servant. That, your honour, I made bold to sell, because it was good for nothing. Honeywood. Well, the first that comes to hand Miss Richland. I'm quite displeased when I see then. The blue and gold then. I believe Mr. Honeywood. We should not be so severe against dull writers, madam. It is ten to one but the dullest writer exceeds the most rigid French critic who presumes to despise him. Follower. Damn the French, the parle vous, and when I took him to follow me. [Re-enter Flani- Honeywood. Ha ha, ha! honest Mr. Flanigan. gan.] Heh, ecod, I think he looks so well, that I│A true English officer, madam; he's not contentdon't care if I have a suit from the same place for ed with beating the French, but he will scold them myself. Honeywood. Well, well, I hear the lady coming. Dear Mr. Twitch, I beg you'll give your friend directions not to speak. As for yourself, I know you will say nothing without being directed. Bailiff. Never you fear me; I'll show the lady that I have something to say for myself as well as another. One man has one way of talking, and another man has another, that's all the difference between them. Enter MISS RICHLAND and her Maid. Miss Richland. You'll be surprised, sir, with this visit. But you know I'm yet to thank you for choosing my little library. Honeywood. Thanks, madam, are unnecessary; as it was I that was obliged by your commands. Chairs here. Two of my very good friends, Mr. Twitch and Mr. Flanigan. Pray, gentlemen, sit without ceremony. Miss Richland. Who can these odd-looking men be; I fear it is as I was informed. It must be [Aside. Bailiff [after a pause.] Pretty weather; very pretty weather for the time of the year, madam. Follower. Very good circuit weather in the country. Honeywood. You officers are generally favourites among the ladies. My friends, madam, have been upon very disagreeable duty, I assure you. The fair should in some measure recompense the toils of the brave! Miss Richland. Our officers do indeed deserve every favour. The gentlemen are in the marine service, I presume sir? Honeywood. Why, madam, they do—occasionally serve in the fleet, madam. A dangerous ser vice! Miss Richland. I'm told so. And I own it has often surprised me, that while we have had so many instances of bravery there, we have had so few of wit at home to praise it. Honeywood. I grant, madam, that our poets have not written as our soldiers have fought; but they have done all they could, and Hawke or Amherst could do no more. too. Miss Richland. Yet, Mr. Honeywood, this does not convince me but that severity in criticism is necessary. It was our first adopting the severity of French taste, that has brought them in turn to taste us. Bailiff. Taste us! By the Lord, madam, they devour us. Give monseers but a taste, and I'll be damn'd but they come in for a belly full. Miss Richland. Very extraordinary this! Follower. But very true. What makes the bread rising? the parle vous that devour us. What makes the mutton fivepence a pound? the parle vous that eat it up. What makes the beer threepence-halfpenny a pot?— Honeywood. Ah! the vulgar rogues; all will be out. [Aside.] Right, gentlemen, very right, upon my word, and quite to the purpose. They draw a parallel, madam, between the mental taste and that of our senses. We are injured as much by the French severity in the one, as by French rapacity in the other. That's their meaning. Miss Richland. Though I don't see the force of the parallel, yet I'll own, that we should sometimes pardon books, as we do our friends, that have now and then agreeable absurdities to recommend them. Bailiff. That's all my eye. The king only can pardon, as the law says: for set in case Honeywood. I'm quite of your opinion, sir. I see the whole drift of your argument. Yes, certainly, our presuming to pardon any work, is arrogating a power that belongs to another. If all have power to condemn, what writer can be free? Bailiff. By his habus corpus. His habus corpus can set him free at any time: for, set in case— Honeywood. I'm obliged to you, sir, for the hint. If, madam, as my friend observes, our laws are so careful of a gentleman's person, sure we ought to be equally careful of his dearer part, his fame. Follower. Ay, but if so be a man's nabb'd you know Honeywood. Mr. Flanigan, if you spoke for ever, you could not improve the last observation. For my own part, I think it conclusive. Bailiff. As for the matter of that, mayhap— Honeywood. Nay, sir, give me leave in this in- setting him free, I own, was quite unexpected. I tance to be positive. For where is the necessity has totally unhinged my schemes to reclaim him. of censuring works without genius, which must Yet it gives me pleasure to find, that among a shortly sink of themselves? what is it, but aiming number of worthless friendships, he has made one an unnecessary blow against a victim already under acquisition of real value; for there must be some softer passion on her side that prompts this genethe hands of justice? rosity. Ha! here before me: I'll endeavour to sound her affections.—Madam, as I am the person that have had some demands upon the gentleman of this house, I hope you'll excuse me, if, before I enlarged him, I wanted to see yourself. Bailiff Justice! O, by the elevens, if you talk about justice, I think I am at home there: for, in course of law a Honeywood. My dear Mr. Twitch, I discern what you'd be at perfectly; and I believe the lady must be sensible of the art with which it is introduced. I suppose you perceive the meaning, madam, of his course of law. Miss Richland. I protest, sir, I do not. I perceive only that you answer one gentleman before he has finished, and the other before he has well begun. I Bailiff. Madam, you are a gentlewoman, and will make the matter out. This here question is about severity, and justice, and pardon, and the like of they. Now, to explain the thingHoneywood. O! curse your explanations. Enter SERVANT. [Aside. Miss Richland. The precaution was very unnecessary, sir. I suppose your wants were only such as my agent had power to satisfy. Sir William. Partly, madam. But I was also willing you should be fully apprised of the character of the gentleman you intended to serve. Miss Richland. It must come, sir, with a very ill grace from you. To censure it after what you have done, would look like malice; and to speak favourably of a character you have oppressed, would be impeaching your own. And sure, his tenderness, his humanity, his universal friendship, may atone for many faults. Sir William. That friendship, madam, which is exerted in too wide a sphere, becomes totally Servant. Mr. Leontine, sir, below, desires to useless. Our bounty, like a drop of water, disapspeak with you upon earnest business. Honeywood. That's lucky [Aside.] Dear madam, you'll excuse me and my good friends here, for a few minutes. There are books, madam, to amuse you. Come, gentlemen, you know I make no ceremony with such friends. After you, sir. Excuse me. Well, if I must. But I know your natural politeness. Bailiff. Before and behind, you know. pears when diffused too widely. They, who pretend most to this universal benevolence, are either deceivers, or dupes: men who desire to cover their private ill-nature, by a pretended regard for all; or men who, reasoning themselves into false feelings, are more earnest in pursuit of splendid, than of useful virtues. Miss Richland. I am surprised, sir, to hear one, who has probably been a gainer by the folly of Follower. Ay, ay, before and behind, before and others, so severe in his censure of it. behind. Sir William. Whatever I may have gained by folly, madam, you see I am willing to prevent your [Exeunt Honeywood, Bailiff, and Follower. Miss Richland. What can all this mean, Gar-losing by it. net? Miss Richland. Your cares for me, sir, are un Garnet. Mean, madam! why, what should it necessary. I always suspect those services which mean, but what Mr. Lofty sent you here to see? These people he calls officers, are officers sure enough; sheriff's officers; bailiffs, madam. are denied where they are wanted, and offered, perhaps, in hopes of a refusal. No, sir, my directions have been given, and I insist upon their being complied with. Miss Richland. Ay, it is certainly so. Well, Sir William. Thou amiable woman! I can no though his perplexities are far from giving me pleasure, yet I own there's something very ridicu- longer contain the expressions of my gratitude, my lous in them, and a just punishment for his dis-pleasure. You see before you one, who has been simulation. Garnet. And so they are. But I wonder, madam, that the lawyer you just employed to pay his debts, and set him free, has not done it by this time. He ought at least to have been here before now. But lawyers are always more ready to get a man into troubles than out of them. Enter SIR WILLIAM HONEYWOOD. equally careful. of his interest; one, who has for some time been a concealed spectator of his follies, and only punished in hopes to reclaim him—his uncle! Miss Richland. Sir William Honeywood! You How shall I conceal my confusion? I amaze me. fear, sir, you'll think I have been too forward in my services. I confess I Sir William. Don't make any apologies, ma Sir William. For Miss Richland to undertake dam. I only find myself unable to repay the obli gation. And yet, I have been trying my interest had some reason to confide in my judgment; one of late to serve you. Having learnt, madam, that little reason, perhaps. you had some demands upon Government, I have, though unasked, been your solicitor there. Miss Richland. Sir, I'm infinitely obliged to your intentions. But my guardian has employed another gentleman, who assures him of success. Sir William. Who, the important little man that visits here? Trust me, madam, he's quite contemptible among men in power, and utterly unable to serve you. Mr. Lofty's promises are much better known to people of fashion, than his person, I assure you. Miss Richland. How have we been deceived! As sure as can be here he comes. Sir William. Does he? Remember I'm to continue unknown. My return to England has not as yet been made public. With what impudence he enters! Enter LOFTY. Miss Richland. Pray, sir, what was it? Lofty. Why, madam-but let it go no farther- Miss Richland. This, Mr. Lofty, was very kind indeed. Lofty. I did love him, to be sure; he had some amusing qualities; no man was fitter to be a toastmaster to a club, or had a better head. Miss Richland. A better head? Lofty. Ay, at a bottle. To be sure he was as dull as a choice spirit: but, hang it, he was grateful, very grateful; and gratitude hides a multitude of faults. Sir William. He might have reason, perhaps. His place is pretty considerable, I'm told. Lofty. A trifle, a mere trifle among us men of business. The truth is, he wanted dignity to fill up a greater. sir. Lofty. Let the chariot-let my chariot drive off; I'll visit to his grace's in a chair. Miss Richland Sir William. Dignity of person, do you mean, here before me! Punctual, as usual, to the calls sir? I'm told he's much about my size and figure, f humanity. I'm very sorry, madam, things of this kind should happen, especially to a man I have shown every where, and carried amongst us as a particular acquaintance. Lofty. Ay, tall enough for a marching regiment; but then he wanted a something-a consequence of form-a kind of a-I believe the lady perceives Miss Richland. I find, sir, you have the art of my meaning. making the misfortunes of others your own. Lofty. My dear madam, what can a private man like me do? One man can't do every thing; and then, I do so much in this way every day :-Let me see; something considerable might be done for him by subscription; it could not fail if I carried the list. I'll undertake to set down a brace of dukes, two dozen lords, and half the lower house, at my own peril. Miss Richland. O, perfectly; you courtiers can do any thing, I see. Lofty. My dear madam, all this is but a mere exchange; we do greater things for one another every day. Why, as thus, now: let me suppose you the first lord of the treasury; you have an employment in you that I want; I have a place in me that you want; do me here, do you there: interest of both sides, few words, flat, done and done, Sir William. And, after all, it's more than pro-and it's over. bable, sir, he might reject the offer of such powerful patronage. Lofty. Then, madam, what can we do? You know I never make promises. In truth, I once or twice tried to do something with him in the way of business; but, as I often told his uncle, Sir William Honeywood, the man was utterly impracticable. I Sir William. His uncle! then that gentleman, suppose, is a particular friend of yours. Lofty. Meaning me, sir?-Yes, madam, as I often said, my dear Sir William, you are sensible I would do any thing, as far as my poor interest goes, to serve your family: but what can be done? there's no procuring first-rate places for ninth-rate abilities. Miss Richland. I have heard of Sir William Honeywood; he's abroad in employment: he confided in your judgment, I suppose? Sir William. A thought strikes me. [Aside.] Now you mention Sir William Honeywood, madam, and as he seems, sir, an acquaintance of yours, you'll be glad to hear he is arrived from Italy; I had it from a friend who knows him as well as he does me, and you may depend on my information. Lofty. The devil he is! If I had known that, we should not have been quite so well acquainted. [Aside. Sir William. He is certainly returned; and as this gentleman is a friend of yours, he can be of signal service to us, by introducing me to him; there are some papers relative to your affairs that require dispatch, and his inspection. Miss Richland. This gentleman, Mr. Lofty, is a person employed in my affairs: I know you'll serve us. Lofty. My dear madam, I live but to serve you. Sir William shall even wait upon him, if you think Lofty. Why, yes, madam, I believe Sir William proper to command it. |