grew attentive again, then took out his toothpick case, then looked at the players in spite of him, then grew serious, then agitated,till, at last, he was fairly beat out of his ground, and obliged to take shelter behind Lady Cockatoo's head, to prevent the disgrace of being absolutely seen weeping.

But to return from this digression. -The Simulation of indifference in affliction is equally a female as a male accomplishment. On the death of a very, very near relation, a husband, for instance, custom has established a practice, which polite ⚫ people have not yet been able to overcome; a lady • must stay at home, and play cards for a week or two. But the decease of any one more distant, she is to talk of as a matter of very little moment, . except when it happens on the eve of an assembly, • a ball, or a ridotto; at such seasons she is allowed to regret it as a very unfortunate accident. This rule of deportment extends to distresses poignant indeed; as, in perfect good-breeding, the fall of a set of Dresden, the spilling of a plate of soup on a new brocade, or even a bad run of cards, is to be • borne with as equal a countenance as may be.

४

Anger, the second passion above enumerated, is to be covered with the same cloak of ease and good manners; injury, if of a deep kind, with pro⚫fessions of esteem and friendship. Thus, though it would be improper to squeeze a gentleman's • hand, and call him my dear Sir, or my best friend, ⚫ when we mean to hit him a slap on the face, or to ⚫ throw a bottle at his head: yet it is perfectly consistent with politeness, to show him all those marks of civility and kindness, when we intend to strip • him of his fortune at play, to counterplot him at an election, or to seduce his wife. The last-mentioned particular should naturally lead to the con

⚫sideration of jealousy; but on this it is needless to insist, as, among well-bred people, the feeling itself is quite in disuse.

Love is one of those passions which politeness lays us under a particular obligation to disguise, as the discovery of it to third persons is peculiarly offensive and disagreeable. Therefore, when a man happens to sit by a tolerably handsome girl, for whom he does not care a farthing, he is at liberty to kiss her hand, call her an angel, and tell her he dies for her; but, if he has a real tendre for " her, he is to stare in her face with a broad unfeeling look, tell her she looks monstrous ill this even⚫ing, and that her coiffeuse has pinned her cap shockingly awry. From not attending to the practice ⚫ of this rule amongst people of fashion, the inferior • world has been led to imagine, that matrimony

with them is a state of indifference or aversion; ⚫ whereas, in truth, the appearances from which that judgment is formed, are the strongest indications of connubial happiness and affection.

On the subject of joy, or at least of mirth, that great master of our art, my Lord Chesterfield, has been precise in his directions. He does not allow of laughter at all; by which, however, he is to be understood as only precluding that exercise as a sign, common with the vulgar, of internal, satisfaction; it is by no means to be reprobated as a disguise for chagrin, or an engine of wit; it is, indeed, the readiest of all repartees, and will often give a man of fashion the victory over an inferior, with every talent, but that of assurance on his • side.

6

As the passions and affections, so are the virtues of a polite man to be carefully concealed or disguised. In this particular, our art goes far beyond the rules of philosophers, or the precepts of the

• Bible; they enjoined men not to boast of their virtues; we teach them to brag of their vices, which is certainly a much sublimer pitch of self-denial. Besides, the merit of disinterestedness lies altoge⚫ther on our side, the disciples of those antiquated ⚫ teachers expecting, as they confess, a reward somewhere; our conduct has only the pure consciousness of acting like a man of fashion for its recompence, as we evidently profit nothing by it at present, and the idea of future retribution, were we ever to admit of it, is rather against us.'

Such, Mr. Mirror, is the substance of one of my lectures, which, I think, promise so much edification to our country (yet only in an improving state with regard to the higher and more refined parts of politness), that it must be impossible for your patriotism to refuse their encouragement. If you insert this in your next paper (if accompanied with some commendatory paragraphs of your own, so much the better), I shall take care to present you with a dozen admission tickets, as soon as the number of my subscribers enables me to begin my

course.

I have the honour to be, &c.

SIMULATOR.

V

N° 41. TUESDAY, JUNE 15, 1779.

PASSING the Exchange a few days ago I perceived a little before me a short plump-looking man, seeming to set his watch by St. Giles's clock, which had just then struck two. On observing him a little more closely, I recognised Mr. Blubber, with whom I had become acquainted at the house of my friend Umpbraville's cousin, Mr. Bearskin. He also recollected me, and shaking me cordially by the hand, told me he was just returned safe from his journey to the Highlands, and had been regulating his watch by our town-clock, as he found the sun did not go exactly in the Highlands as it did in the Low-country. He added, that, if I would come and eat a Welsh-rabbit, and drink a glass of punch with him and his family that evening, at their lodgings hard by, they would give me an account of their expedition. He said, they found my description of things a very just one; and was pleased to add, that his wife and daughters had taken a great liking to me ever since the day we met at his friend Bearskin's. After this, it was impossible to resist his invitation, and I went to his lodgings in the evening accordingly, where I found all the family assembled, except Mr. Edward, whom they accounted for in the his tory tory of their expedition.

could not help making one preliminary observation, that it was much too early in the season for viewing the country to advantage; but to this

N° 41. Mr. Blubber had a very satisfactory answer; they were resolved to complete their tour before the new tax upon post-horses should be put in execution.

The first place they visited after they left Edinburgh was Carron, which Mr. Blubber seemed to prefer to any place he had seen; but the ladies did not appear to have relished it much. The mother said, She had like to have fell into a fit at the noise of the great bellows.' Miss Blubber agreed, that it was monstrous frightful indeed. Miss Betsey had spoiled her petticoat in getting in, and said it was a nasty place, not fit for genteel people in her opinion. Blubber put on his widest face, and observed, that women did not know the use of them things. There was much the same difference in their senti. ments with regard to the Great Canal; Mr. Blubber took out a bit of paper, on which he had marked down the lockage duty received in a week there; he shook his head, however, and said, he was sorry to find the shares were below par.

Of Stirling, the young ladies remarked, that the view from the castle was very fine, and the windings of the river very curious. But neither of them had ever been at Richmond. Mrs. Blubber, who had been oftener than once there, told us, that from the hill was a much grander prospect; that the river Thames made two twists for one that the Forth made at Stirling; besides, there was a wood so charming thick, that, unless when you got to a rising ground, like what the Star and Garter stands on, you could scarce see a hundred yards before you.'

Taymouth seemed to strike the whole family. The number and beauty of the temples were taken particular notice of; nor was the trimness of the walks and hedges without commendation. Miss Betsey Blubber declared herself charmed with the shady walk