Phad. [to Plutus, who is going] Stay then, Mr. Plutus, if you pleafe let's hear what he'll fay by way of Reply. Merc. That's but an ill-natur'd Experiment; for Wit and Wealth have no kindness for one another: however, it shall be as you please for once. [Mercury waves his Caduceus, a Nymph enters in the Character of Wit.] SONG. • Plutus, vain is all your vaunting, • Wit alone creates the Bleffing, Which, exchang'd for Gold, you share: • What has Man but Gloom and Care? Wit, of ev'ry Art deviser, Ev'ry Paffion can controul: Can to Pity move the Mifer, • Gold itself, on Wit depending, Phad. To her, Mr. Plutus. Plut. In vain wou'd your Jargon our Senfes bewitch, 'D'ye tell me that Gold will not make a Man rich? Wit. It is Wit, Wit alone; that can keep it or use; And it cannot enrich thofe that hide it or lofe. • Plut. Your Quibbles I fcorn. • Wit. But you cannot reply. • Wit. What I boldly deny. Plut. You dare not. • Wit. I fcorn you. • Plut. I hate you. • Wit. Away Plut. Plut. I go-may great Jove in his Mercy decree; That we never may meet, fince we ne'er can agree. Wit. Go you to the Foolish. Plut. And you to the Poor. "Wit. The Poor I can blefs, and their Bleffings fecure.' [Exeunt feverally. Phad. Well, for all these fine Promises of Wit, I have no great Opinion of the Happiness of Poverty. Merc. If you will not yield to Argument, let Experiment convince you. [Strikes the Scene with his Caduceus, and it changes to a rural Profpect, with a Dance of Peasants to Country Mufick. Merc. Well, what think you Phædra-are thefe People happy? Phad. If they are happy, they owe their Happiness as little to Wit as to Money, I believe. Merc. I beg your Pardon - if it had not been for the Arts that Wit has invented, they would have had neither Pipe nor Dance and mere Eafe and Content are but negative Happinefs at the best. : Phad. Well, I find 'tis in vain to difpute with you; but I fhall hold my Opinion for all that. Adieu-if you make me happy according to my Way of Thinking, perhaps I may make you happy according to yours. [Exit. Merc. Woman-mere Woman!-however, I love thee but as mere Woman, and only as mere Woman thou art mine. Such Bargain-Loves as I with Phadra treat, Are all the Leagues and Friendship of the Great. 'Tis who bids moft-for all Men wou'd be fold. [Exit. Enter Gripus and Phædra. Gripus has the Goblet in bis Phad. Hand. OU will not be so base to take it from me? You Grip. 'Tis my proper Chattel: and I'll feize my own, in whatever Hands I find it. Phad. You know I only fhow'd it you to provoke your Generofity, that you might out-bid your Rival with a better Prefent. Grip. My Rival is a Thief: and I'll indite you for a Receiver of ftol'n Goods. Phad. Phad. Thou Hide-bound Lover! Grip. Thou very mercenary Miftrefs! Phad. Thou Seller of other People! Thou Weather-cock of Government that when the Wind blows for the Subject, point'ft to Privilege; and when it changes for the Sovereign, veer'ft to Prerogative. Grip. Will you compound, and take it as my Prefent? Pad. No: but I'll fend thy Rival to force it from thee. Grip. When a Thief is Rival to his Judge, the Hangman will foon decide the Difference. [Exit Phædra. Enter Mercury, with two Swords. Merc. [Bowing] Save your good Lordship. Grip. From an impertinent Coxcomb-I am out of Humour, and am in hafte. Leave me. Merc. 'Tis my Duty to attend on your Lordfhip, and to ease you of that indecent Burden. Grip. Gold was never any Burden to one of my Profeffion. Merc. By your Lordship's Permiffion, Phædra has fent me to take it from you. Grip. What, by Violence? Merc. fill Bowing] No; but by your Honour's Permiffion, I am to reftore it to her, and perfuade your Lordfhip to re nounce your Pretenfions to her. Grip. Tell her flatly, I will neither do one, nor t'other. Merc. O my good Lord, I dare pafs my Word for your free Confent to both.Will your Honour be pleas'd to take your Choice of one of these? your Grip. Why thefe are Swords: what have I to do with them? Merc. Only to take Choice of one of them which your Lordship pleases; and leave the other to your most obedient Servant. Grip. What, one of thefe ungodly Weapons? Take Notice I'll lay you by the Heels, Sirrah: this has the Appearance of an unlawful bloody Challenge. Merc. You Magiftrates are pleased to call it fo, my Lord; but with us Sword-men, 'tis an honourable Invitation to the cutting of one anothers Throats. Grip. Be anfwer'd; I have no Throat to cut. The Law fhall decide our Controverfy. Merc. By your Permiffion, my Lord, it must be dispatch'd this way, Grip. I'll fee thee hang'd before I give thee any fuch Permiffion, to dispatch me into another World. Merc. At the least, my Lord, you have no Occafion to 4 complain complain of my want of Refpect to you: You will neither restore the Goblet, nor renounce Phædra: I offer you the Combat; you refuse it; all this is done in the Forms of Honour: It follows, that I am to affront, cudgel you, or kick you, at my own Arbitrement; and I fuppofe, you are too honourable not to approve of my Proceeding. Grip. Here's a new fort of Procefs, that was never heard of in any of our Courts. Merc. This, my good Lord, is Law in Short-hand; without your long Preambles, and tedious Repetitions, that fignify nothing but to fqueeze the Subject: Therefore, with your Lordfhip's Favour, I begin. [Fillips him under the Chin. Grip. What's this for? Merc. To give you an Occasion of returning me a box o'th' Ear; that fo, all things may proceed methodically. Grip. I put in no Anfwer, but fuffer a Non-fuit. Merc. No, my Lord; for the Cofts and Charges are to be paid: Will you please to restore the Cup? Grip. I have told thee, no. Merc. Then from your Chin, I must afcend to your Lordfhip's Ears. Grip. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Wilt thou never leave lugging me by the Ears ? Merc. Not till your Lordship will be pleas'd to hear Reason. [Pulling again. Grip. Take the Cup, and the Devil give thee Joy on't. Merc. ftill holding him] And your Lordship will farther be graciously pleafed, to releafe all Claims, Titles, and Actions whatsoever to Phædra: You must give me leave to add one fmall memento, for that too. [Pulling him again. Grip. I renounce her, I release her. Merc. [to her] Phædra, my Lord has been pleas'd to be very gracious, without pufhing Matters to Extremity. Phæd. I over-heard it all. But give me Livery and Seifin of the Goblet, in the firft Place. Merc. There's an Act of Oblivion fhou'd be pafs'd too. Phad. Let him begin to remember Quarrels, when he dare ; now I have him under my Girdle, I'll cap Verfes with him to the end of the Chapter. Enter Amphitryon and Guards. Amph. [to Gripus] At laft I have got Poffeffion without your Lordship's Warrant: Phædra, tell Alcmena I am here. Phad. I'll carry no fuch lying Meffage-You are not here, and you cannot be here; for, to my Knowledge, you are above with my Lady, in the Chamber. Amph. All of a Piece, and all Witchcraft! Answer me preeifely doft thou not know me for Amphitryon? H Phad Phad. Anfwer me first: Did you give me a Diamond, and a Purfe of Gold? Amph. Thou know'ft I did not. Phad. Then, by the fame Token, I know you are not the true Amphitryon. Amph. I'll undo this Enchantment with my Sword, and kill the Sorcerer; Come up, Gentlemen, and follow me. [Tathe Guards. Phad. I'll fave you the Labour, and call him down to confront you, if you dare attend him. [Exit Phædra. Merc. [Afide] Now the Spell is ended, and Jupiter can enchant no more; or elfe Amphitryon had not enter'd fo eafily. [Gripus is fealing off] Whither now, Gripus? I have Bufinefs for you. If you offer to ftir, you know what follows. Enter Jupiter, follow'd by Tranio and Polidas. Jup. Who dares to play the Mafter in my House? What Noife is this that calls me from above, Invades my foft Recefs, And, like a Tide, breaks in upon my Love? Tran. What a Prodigy! Pol. How! Two Amphitryons! Grip. I have beheld th' Appearance of two Suns, But till the falfe was dimmer than the true; Here, both fhine out alike. Amph. This is a Sight, that, like the Gorgon's Head, Chills all my blood, and ftiffens me to Stone. I need no more inquire into my Fate; For what I fee refolves my Doubts too plain, Tran. Two Drops of Water cannot be more like, Merc. [Afide] Our Jupiter is a great Comedian, he counterfeits moft admirably. Amph. Now I am gather'd back into myself; My Heart beats high, and pufhes out the Blood, To give me juft Revenge on this Impoftor. [Drawing his Sword. If you are brave, affift me [To the Guards] - Not one ftirs! What, are all brib'd to take th' Enchanter's Part? 'Tis true, the Work is mine; and thus [Going to rush upon Jupiter; and is held by Tranio and Polidas. Pol. It muft not be. Jup. Give him his Way: I dare the Madman's worst. But ftill take Notice, that it looks not like The true Amphitryon, to fly out at first To brutal Force: it fhews he doubts his Caufe, Who dares not truft his Reason to defend it. Amph. [Struggling] Thou bafe Ufurper of my Name, and Bed! |