ACT III.

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SCENE I.

SCENE, before Amphitryon's Palace.

Amphitryon and Sofia.

Amph. NOW, Sirrah, follow me into the Houfe-thou fhalt be convinc'd at thy own Coft, Villain! What horrible Lies haft thou told me! fuch Improbabilities, fuch Stuff, fuch Nonfenfe!

Sof. I am but a Slave, and you are Mafter; and a poor Man is always to lye, when a rich Man is pleas'd to contradict him but as fure as this is our Houfe

Amph. So fure 'tis thy Place of Execution.

Sof. Hold, dear Sir! if I must have a fecond Beating, in Confcience let me ftrip firft, that I may fhow you the black and blue Streaks upon my Sides and Shoulders. I am sure I fuffer'd them in your Service.

Amph. To what Purpose wou'dft thou show them?

Sof. Why, to the Purpose that you may not strike me upon the fore Places; and that as he beat me the laft Night crossways, fo you wou'd please to beat me long-ways, to make clean Work on't, that at leaft my Skin may look like Chequerwork.

Amph. This Requeft is too reasonable to be refus'd: but, that all Things may be done in Order, tell me over again the fame Story, with all the Circumftances of thy Commission; that a Blow may follow in due Form for every Lye. To Repetition, Rogue, to Repetition.

Sof. No, it fhall be all a Lye if you please, and I'll eat my Words to fave my Shoulders.

Amph. Ay, Sirrah, now you find you are to be difprov❜d : but 'tis too late to Repetition, Rogue, to Repetition.

Sof. With all my Heart, to any Repetition but the Cudgel. But wou'd you be pleas'd to answer me one civil Question? Am I to ufe Complaifance to you, as to a great Perfon, that will have all Things faid your own Way; or am I to tell you the naked Truth alone, without the Ceremony of a farther Beating?

Amph. Nothing but the Truth, and the whole Truth; so help theè Cudgel

Sof.

Sof. That's a damn'd Conclusion of a Sentence: but fince it must be fo― Back and Sides, at your own Peril- -I fet out from the Port in an unlucky Hour; I went darkling, and whiftling, to keep myself from being afraid; mumbling Curfes betwixt my Teeth, for being fent at fuch an unnatural Time of Night.

Amph. How, Sirrah, curfing and fwearing against your Lord and Mafter! take [Going to ftrike. Sof. Hold, Sir-pray confider, if this be not unreasonable, to ftrike me for telling the whole Truth, when you commanded me: I'll fall into my old Dog-trot of Lying again, if this must come of plain Dealing.

Amph. To avoid Impertinences, make an End of your Journey; and come to the Houfe: what found you there? Sof. I found before the Door a swinging Fellow, with all Shapes and Features, and accoutred alfo in my Habit. Amph. Who was that Fellow?

my

Sof. Who fhou'd it be, but another Sofia! a certain Kind of other Me: who knew all my unfortunate Commiffion, precifely to a Word, as well as I Sofia; as being sent by yourself from the Port, upon the fame Errand to Alcmena.

Amph. What grofs Abfurdities are these?

Sof. O Lord, O Lord! what Abfurdities? as plain as any Packstaff. That other Me, had pofted himself there before Me, Me.-You won't give a Man Leave to speak poetically now; or else I wou'd fay, that I was arriv'd at the Door, juft before I came thither.

Amp. This muft either be a Dream, or Drunkenness, or Madness in thee. Leave your Buffooning and Lying,, I am not in Humour to bear it, Sirrah.

Sof. I wou'd you fhou'd know I fcorn a Lye, and am a Man of Honour in every thing, but juft Fighting. I tell you once again in plain Sincerity and Simplicity of Heart, that before laft Night I never took myself but for one fingle individual Sofia; but, coming to our Door, I found myself I know not how divided, and as it were split into two Sofias.

Amph. Leave Buffooning: I fee you wou'd make me laugh, but you play the Fool fcurvily.

Sof. That may be but if I am a Fool, I am not the only Fool in this Company.

Amph. How now, Impudence! I fhall

Sof. Be not in Wrath, Sir: I meant not you. I canno poffibly be the only Fool; for if I am one Fool, I must cer tainly be two Fools; becaufe, as I told you, I am double.

Amph. That One fhould be Two is very probable !-A Ma had need of Patience to endure this Gibberish-be brief, an come to a Conclufion-

S

Sof. What wou'd you have, Sir? I came thither, but the f'other I was there before me; for that there were two I's, is as certain, as that I have two Eyes in this Head of mine. This I, that am here, was weary: the t'other I was fresh: this I was peaceable, and to'ther I was a hectoring Bully I Amph. And thou expect'ft I fhou'd believe thee?

Sof. No, I am not fo unreafonable; for I cou'd never have believ'd it myself, if I had not been well beaten into it but a Cudgel, you know, is a convincing Argument in a brawny Fift. What fhall I fay, but that I was compell'd at laft to acknowledge myself? I found that he was very I, without Fraud, Cozen, or Deceit. Befides, I view'd myself, as in a Mirror, from Head to Foot-he was handfome, of a noble Prefence, a charming Air, loofe and free in all his Motions--and faw he was fo much I, that I fhou'd have Reafon to be better fatisfied with my own Perfon, if his Hands had not been a little of the heaviest.

Amph. Once again to a Conclufion: Say you pafs'd by him, and entred into the House.

Sof. I am a Friend to Truth, and fay no fuch Thing: He defended the Door, and I could not enter.

Amph. How, not enter!

Sof. Why, how fhou'd I enter? unless I were a Spright to glide by him, and shoot myself through Locks, and Bolts, and two Inch Boards?

Amph. O Coward! Didft thou not attempt to pass?

Sof. Yes, and was repuls'd, and beaten for my Pains.
Amph. Who beat thee?

Sof. I beat Me.

Amph. Didft thou beat thyself?

Sof. I don't mean I, here: but the absent Me beat me here prefent.

Amph. There's no End of this intricate Piece of Nonsense. Sof. 'Tis only Nonfenfe, because I speak it who am a poor Fellow; but it wou'd be Senfe, and fubftantial Senfe, if a Great Man faid it, that was back'd with a Title, and the Eloquence of Ten Thousand Pounds a Year.

Amph. No more-but let us enter. Hold; my Alcmena is coming out, and has prevented me! how ftrangely will the be furpriz'd to see me here, fo unexpectedly!

Enter Alcmena and Phædra.

Alc. [To Phad.] Make hafte after me to the Temple; that we may thank the Gods for this glorious Succefs, which Amphitryon has had against the Rebels.

O Heaven!

[Seeing him. Amph.

Amph. Thofe Heav'ns, and all the blest Inhabitants,

[Saluting her,

Grant, that the fweet Rewarder of my Pains

May ftill be kind, as on our Nuptial Night.

Alc. So foon return'd!

Amph. So foon return'd! Is this my Welcome home?

[Stepping back,

So foon return'd, fays I am come unwish'd!

This is no Language of defiring Love :

Love reckons Hours for Months, and Days for Years;

And every little Abfence is an Age.

Alc. What fays my Lord?

Amph. No, my Alcmena, no:

True Love by its Impatience measures Time,
And the dear Object never comes too foon.

Alc. Nor ever came you fo, nor ever fhall:
But you yourself are chang'd from what you were,
Pall'd in Defires, and furfeited of Blifs;

Not fuch as when laft Night at your Return

I flew with Transport to your clasping Arms.
Amph. How's this?

Alc. Did you not read your Welcome in my Eyes?
Did you not hear it in my falt'ring Voice?
Did not the pleafing Tumult shake my Frame,
Nature's spontaneous Proof of fudden joy
Which no falfe Love can feign!

Amph. What's this you tell me?

Alc. Far fhort of Truth, by Heav'n!
My Proofs of Joy, with Joy you then receiv'd,
And gave with Ufury back. At Break of Day
You left me with a Sigh; you now return,
Though not unwifh'd, yet furely unexpected;
And why fhou'd my Surprize be thought a Crime?
Amph. I left you with a Sigh at Break of Day!
Alc. Yes, for the Camp, have you forgot, Amphitryon?
Amph. Or have you dreamt, Alcmena?
Perhaps fome kind, revealing Deity,

Has whifper'd, in your Sleep, the pleafing News
Of my Return; and you believ'd it real!

Alc. Some melancholy Vapour, fure, has feiz'd
Your Brain, Amphitrym, and difturb'd your Sense:
Or Yefternight is not fo long a time,
But you might fpare my Blufhes, and remember
How kind a Welcome to my Arms I gave you.
Amph. I thank you for my melancholy Vapour.
Ale. 'Tis but a juft Requital for my Dream.

Pha

Phad. If my Mafter thinks fit thus to angle for a Quarrel, I think he had no great Reafon to come back. [In the mean time Amph. and Alc. walk by themselves, and frown at each other as they meet.

Amph. You dare not juftify it to my Face.

Alc. Not what?

Amph. That I return'd before this Hour.

Alc. You dare not, fure, deny you came last Night, And ftaid till Break of Day.

Amph. O Impudence! Why, Sofia!

Sof. Nay, I fay nothing; for all Things here may go by Enchantment (as they did with me) for ought I know. Alc. Speak, Phadra, Was he here?

3

Phad. You know, Madam, I am but a Chamber-maid; and by my Place, I am to forget all that was done over Night in Love-Matters, unless my Mafter please to rub up my Memory with another Diamond.

Amph. Now in the Name of all the Gods, Alcmena, A little recollect your scatter'd Thoughts,

And weigh what you have faid.

Alc. I weigh'd it well, Amphitryon, e'er I fpoke;
And the, and Bromia, all the Slaves and Servants,
Can witness they beheld you when you came :
If other Proof be wanting, tell me how

I came to know your Fight, your Victory,

The death of Pterelas in fingle Combat ?

Amph. [turning angrily to Sofia] Now, Rafcal!-you did not get into the House

And deliver my Meffage, did you?

[going to ftrike him.

Sof. Hold, Sir, for the fake of Truth and Mercy!

Dear

Madam! [to Alcmena] as your gentle Nature is a Friend to diftreffed Innocence, interpofe in my Behalf.

Alc. to Amph. Why will you not, Amphitryon, answer me? What in my Queftion can have turn'd your Rage

On this poor Slave?

Amph. What but grofs Falfhoods, which he forg❜d to mock me: And you abet him-But for this

[is again going to frike Sofia. Sof. Nay, dear Sir, do not punish me unheard.

Amph. Did you not tell me

Sof. Yes, I did tell you-and I told you truly, that when I would have gone into the House I was beaten away.

Amph. Well, Sirrah, and don't it now appear by what Alcmena fays, that you did get in? how elfe could the know the News Í fent you with Rafcal?