They would but make a Day of ev'ry Year. Jup. By Heav'n, thy ev'ry Word and Look, Alcmena, To owe my Pleafures to fubmiffive Duty: Alc. And yet, my Lord, the Husband's Right alone Nor do I fuffer ought that wou'd fuggeft The fcruple which your fond Defire has rais'd. fup. O that you lov'd like me! then you would find A thoufand, thoufand Niceties in Love." The common Love of Sex to Sex is brutal: Millions of gentle Cares, and fweet Difquiets: Alc. Confeffing that you love and are belov'd, fup. I am at once a Lover and an Husband : But as a Lover only I am happy; A Lover, jealous of a Hufband's right, By which he fcorns to claim; whose tend'reft Joy What each requires; thy Virtue to the Husband, Alc. I comprehend not what you mean, my Lord: And think me fuch as beft may please your Thought. Al. O let me ne'er divide what Heav'n has join'd! Jup. Farewel Alc. Farewel-but will you foon return? Jup. Jup. I will, believe me, with a Lover's hafte. [Exeunt Jup. and Alc. feverally: Phæd. follows her. Merc. [Alone] Now I fhould follow him; but Love has laid a Lime-twig for me, and made a lame God of me. Yet why should I love this Phaedra? She's mercenary, and a Jilt into the Bargain. Three thousand Years hence, there will be a whole Nation of fuch Women, in a certain Country that will be call'd France; and there's a Neighbour Island too, where the Men will be all Intereft. O what a precious Generation will that be, which the Men of the Ifland fhall propagate out of the Women of the Continent! Phædra Re-enters. And fo much for Prophecy; for fhe's here again, and I must love her in spite of me. Phad. Well, Sofia, and how go Matters? Merc. Our Army is victorious. Phed. And my Servant, Judge Gripus? Merc. A voluptuous Gormand. Phad. But has he gotten wherewithal to be voluptuous, is he wealthy? Merc. He fells Juftice as he uses, fleeces the rich Rebels, and hangs up the Poor. Phad. Then while he has Money he may make Love to me. Has he fent me no Token? Merc. Yes, a Kifs; and by the fame Token, I am to give it you, as a Remembrance from him. Phad. How now, Impudence! A beggarly Serving-man prefume to kiss me! Merc. Suppofe I were a God, and fhou'd make Love to you? Phad. I would first be fatisfy'd whether you were a poor God or a rich God. Merc. Suppofe I were Mercury, the God of Merchandise ? Phad. What, the God of fmall Wares and Fripperies, of Pedlars and Pilferers? Merc. [Afide] How the Gipfy defpifes me! Phad. I had rather you were Plutus the God of Money, or Jupiter in a Golden Shower: there was a God for us Women! he had the Art of making Love. Doft thou think that Kings, or Gods either, get Miftreffes by their good Faces? no 'tis the Gold and the Prefents they can make; there's the Prerogative they have over their Fair Subjects Merc. All this notwithstanding, I must tell you, pretty Pha dra, I am defperately in love with you. Phad. And I muft tell thee, ugly Sofia, thou haft not wherewithal to be in Love. Merc. Yes, a poor Man may be in Love, I hope. D Phad. Phad. I grant a poor Rogue may be in Love, but he can never make Love. Alas, Sofia, thou haft neither Face to invite me, nor Youth to please me, nor Gold to bribe me and befides all this, thou haft a Wife-poor miserable Sofia! What ho, Bromia! Merc. O thou merciless Creature! why doft thou conjure up that Spright of a Wife? Phad. To rid myself of that Devil of a poor Lover. Since you are fo lovingly difpos'd, I'll put you together: What Bromia, I fay, make hafte. Merc. Since thou wilt call her, she shall have all the Cargo I have gotten in the Wars. Phad. Why, what have you gotten, good Gentleman Soldier, befides a Legion of [knaps her Fingers. Merc. When the Enemy was routed, I had the Plundering of a Tent. Phad. That's to say, a House of Canvas, with Moveables of Straw make hafte, Bromia Merc. But it was the General's own Tent. Will Phæd. You durft not fight, I'm certain; and therefore came laft in when the rich Plunder was gone beforehand you come, Bromia? Merc. Pr'ythee do not call fo loud that holds a Gallon. A great Goblet Phed. Of what was that Goblet made? answer quickly, for I am juft calling very loud Bro Merc. Of beaten Gold. Now call aloud, if thou doft not like the Metal. Phad. Bromia. [Very foftly. Merc. That ftruts in this Fafhion, with his Arms a-kimbo, like a City Magiftrate; and a great bouncing Belly, like a Hoftefs with Child of a Kilderkin of Wine. Now what say you to that Prefent, Phædra? Phed. Why I am confidering Merc. What, I pr'ythee? Phad. Why, how to divide the Business equally; to take the Gift, and refufe the Giver, thou art fo damnably ugly and fo old. Merc. [Afide] O! that I was not confined to this ungodly Shape To-day! But Gripus is as old and as ugly too. Phad. But Gripus is a Perfon of Quality, and my Lady's Uncle; and if he marries me, I fhall take Place of my Lady. Hark, "your Wife! fhe has fent her Tongue before her. I hear the Thunderclap already; there's a Storm approaching. Merc. Yes, of thy Brewing, I thank thee for it: O how I fhou'd hate thee now, if I cou'd leave loving thee! 3 Phad Phad. Not a Word of the dear Golden Goblet, as you hope for you know what, Sofia. Merc. You give me Hope then Phed. Not abfolutely Hope neither: but Gold is a great Cordial in Love Matters; and the more you apply of it, the better. Afide] I am honeft, that's certain; but when I weigh my Honesty against the Goblet, I am not quite resolv'd on which Side the Scale will turn. [Exit Phædra. Merc. [Aloud] Farewell, Phædra; remember me to my Wife, and tell her Enter Bromia. Brom. Tell her what? Traytor! that you are going away without feeing her. Merc. That I am doing my Duty, and following my Mafter. Brom. Umph.fo brifk too! Your Mafter cou'd leave his Army in the Lurch, and come galloping home at Midnight, and steal to Bed as quietly as any Moufe, I warrant you: My Master knew what belong'd to a marry'd Life; but you, Sirrah You Trencher-carrying Rafcal, you worse than Dunghill-Cock! that stood clapping your Wings and crowing with out Doors, when you should have been at Rooft, you Villain!— Merc. Hold your Peace, Dame Partlet, and leave your Cackling: My Mafter charg'd me to ftand Centry without Doors. Brom. My Mafter! I dare fwear thou bely'ft him; my Mafter's more a Gentleman than to lay fuch an unreasonable Command upon a poor diftreffed marry'd Couple, and after such an Abfence too. No, there's no Comparison between my Master and thee, thou Sneaksby. Merc. No more than there is betwixt my Lady and you, Bromia. You and I have had our time in a civil way, Spouse, and much good Love has been betwixt us: but we have been marry'd fifteen Years, I take it; and that hoighty toighty Businefs ought, in Confcience, to be over. Brom. Marry come up, my faucy Companion! I am neither old, nor ugly enough to have that faid to me. do but think Merc. But will you hear Reafon, Bromia? My Lord and my Lady are yet in a manner Bride and Bridegroom: in Decency, what a Jeft it wou'd be to the Family, to fee two venerable old married People, ogling and leering, and fighing out fine tender Things to one another! Brom. How now, Traitor, dar'ft thou maintain that I am paft the Age of having fine Things faid to me? Merc. Not fo, my Dear; but certainly I am past the Age of faying 'em.. Brom. Thou deferv'ft not to be yok'd with a Woman of Honour, as I am, thou perjur'd Villain! D 2 Merc. Merc. Ay, you are too much a Woman of Honour, to my Sorrow; many a poor Hufband wou'd be glad to compound for lefs Honour in his Wife, and more Quiet. Pr'ythee be but honeft and continent in thy Tongue, and do thy worft with every Thing else about thee. Brom. Thou wou'dft have me a Woman of the Town, wou'dft thou! to be always fpeaking my Husband fair, to make him digeft his Cuckoldom more eafily: Wou'dft thou be a Wittal, with a Vengeance to thee? I am refolv'd I'll fcour thy Hide for that Word. [Holds up her Ladle at him. Merc, Thou wilt not ftrike thy Lord and Husband, wilt thou? [She courfes him about. Mercury runing about. [Afide] Was ever poor Deity fo Henpeck'd as I am! - Nay, then 'tis time to charm her asleep with my enchanted Rod,- before I am difgrac'd or ravish'd. [Plucks out his Caduceus, and ftrikes her upon the Shoulder with it. Brom. What, art thou rebelling against thy anointed Wife? I'll make thee How now! What, has the Rogue bewitch'd me! I grow dull and ftupid on the fudden neither ftir Hand nor Foot - · [Yawning] · I can't fo much as wag my Tongue-neither; and that's the last live-ing Part about a Woman Mercury alone. I can [Falls down. Lord, what have I fuffer'd, for being but a counterfeit marry'd Man one Day! If ever I come to his House, as a Hufband again then- And yet that then was a Lye too For while I am in Love with this young Gipfy, Phædra, I muft return But lie thou there, thou Type of Juno; thou that want'ft nothing of her Tongue, but the Immortality. If Jupiter ever let thee fet Foot where he is, Juno will have a rattling Second of thee. For two fuch Tongues will break the Poles afunder; [Exit Mercury, ACT |