網頁圖片
PDF
ePub 版

Then shifting his side, as a lawyer knows how,
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes;

But what were his arguments few people know,
For the court did not think they were equally wise.
So his Lordship decreed, with a grave solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but,
That whenever the Nose put his spectacles on,
By day-light or candle-light-Eyes should be shut.

COWPER.

3.

-THE MONKEY.

MONKEY, little merry fellow,
Thou art Nature's Punchinello;
Full of fun as Puck could be-
Harlequin might learn of thee!

In the very ark, no doubt,
You went frolicking about;
Never keeping in your mind
Drowned monkeys left behind!
Have you no traditions-none
Of the court of Solomon?
No memorial how ye went
With Prince Hiram's armament?

Look not at him, slily peep;
He pretends to be asleep;
Fast asleep upon his bed,
With his arm beneath his head.

Now that posture is not right,
And he is not settled quite;
There! that's better than before,
And the knave pretends to snore.

Ha! he is not half asleep;

See he slily takes a peep,

Monkey! though your eyes were shut,
You could see this little nut.

You shall have it, pigmy brother!

What, another! and another!

Nay your cheeks are like a sack-
Sit down and begin to crack.

There the little ancient man
Cracks as fast as crack he can!

Now good-bye, you merry fellow,
Nature's primest Punchinello.

MARY HOWITT. ·

4.

LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLEMEN.

WHO has e'er been in London, that overgrown place,
Has seen "Lodgings to Let" stare him full in the face.
Some are good, and let dearly; while some, 't is well known,
Are so dear, and so bad, they are best let alone.—

WILL WADDLE, whose temper was studious and lonely,
Hired lodgings that took Single Gentlemen only;
But WILL was so fat, he appeared like a tun,—
Or like two SINGLE GENTLEMEN rolled into ONE.
He entered his rooms, and to bed he retreated;
But, all the night long, he felt fevered and heated;
And, though heavy to weigh, as a score of fat sheep,
He was not, by any means, heavy to sleep.

Next night 't was the same!—and the next! and the next!
He perspired like an ox; he was nervous, and vexed;
Week passed after week, till by weekly succession,
His weakly condition was past all expression.

In six months his acquaintance began much to doubt him;
For his skin, “like a lady's loose gown," hung about him.
He sent for a Doctor, and cried, like a ninny,

"I have lost many pounds-make me well-there's a guinea."

The Doctor looked wise :-" a slow fever," he said;
Prescribed sudorifics, and going to bed.

"Sudorifics in bed," exclaimed WILL, "are humbugs!
"I've enough of them there, without paying for drugs!"

WILL kicked out the Doctor:-but when ill indeed,
F'en dismissing the Doctor don't always succeed;
So, calling his host-he said-" Sir, do you know,
"I'm the fat SINGLE GENTLEMAN, six months ago?

"Look ye, Landlord, I think," argued WILL with a grin,
"That with honest intentions you first took me in:
"But from the first night-and to say it I'm bold—
"I've been so very hot, that I'm sure I caught cold!"
Quoth the landlord,—“Till now, I ne'er had a dispute;
"I've let lodgings ten years,-I'm a baker to boot;
"In airing your sheets, sir, my wife is no sloven;
"And
your bed is immediately-over my OVEN."

"The OVEN!!!"—says Will;-says the host, "Why this passion? "In that excellent bed died three people of fashion.

"Why so crusty, good sir?"—"Zounds!" cried WILL in a taking, "Who would not be crusty, with half a year's baking?"

WILL paid for his rooms:―cried the host, with a sneer,
"Well, I see you've been going away half a year.”
"Friend, we can't well agree;-yet no quarrel "-WILL said:-
“But I'd rather not perish, while you make your bread."

[ocr errors]

COLMAN.

5. THE WELL OF ST KEYNE.

A WELL there is in the west country,

And a clearer one never was seen;
There is not a wife in the west country
But has heard of the Well of St Keyne.

An oak and an elm tree stand beside,
And behind does an ash tree grow;
And a willow from the bank above,
Droops to the water below.

A traveller came to the Well of St Keyne,
Joyfully he drew nigh;

For from cock-crow he had been travelling,
And there was not a cloud in the sky.

He drank of the water so cool and clear,
For hot and thirsty was he;

And he sat down upon the bank,

Under the willow tree.

There came a man from the neighbouring town,

At the Well to fill his pail;

By the well-side he rested it,

And he bade the stranger hail.

66 Now, art thou a bachelor, stranger?" quoth he, "For an if thou hast a wife,

"The happiest draught thou hast drunk this day, “That ever thou didst in thy life.

"Or has thy good woman, if one thou hast, "Ever here in Cornwall been?

"For an if she have I'll venture my life,

"She has drank of the Well of St Keyne."

"I have left a good woman who never was here," The stranger he made reply;

"But that my draught should be better for that, "I pray you answer me why."

"St Keyne," quoth the Cornishman, "many a time "Drank of this crystal Well;

"And before the angel summoned her
"She laid on the water a spell ;—

"If the husband, of this gifted Well
"Shall drink before his wife,
"A happy man henceforth is he,
"For he shall be master for life.

"But if the wife should drink of it first,
"God help the husband then!"

The stranger stoop'd to the Well of St Keyne,
And drank of the water again.

"You drank of the Well, I warrant, betimes,"

He to the Cornishman said;

But the Cornishman smiled as the stranger spake,
And sheepishly shook his head.

"I hastened as soon as the wedding was done,
"And left my wife in the porch;

"But i' faith she had been wiser than 1, "For she took a bottle to church."

SOUTHEY.

6. THE NEWCASTLE APOTHECARY.

A MAN in many a country town we know,
Professing openly with Death to wrestle:
Entering the field against the grimly foe,
Armed with a mortar and a pestle.

Yet some affirm, no enemies they are;
But meet just like prize-fighters in a fair,
Who first shake hands before they box,
Then give each other plaguy knocks,
With all the love and kindness of a brother.
So (many a suffering patient saith)

Though the Apothecary fights with Death,
Still they're sworn friends to one another.

A member of the Esculapian line,
Lived at Newcastle-upon-Tyne;
No man could better gild a pill;
Or make a bill;

Or mix a draught, or bleed, or blister;
Or draw a tooth out of your head;
Or chatter scandal by your bed;

Or spread a plaster.

His fame full six miles round the country ran,
In short, in reputation he was solus!

All the old women called him "a fine man!"-
His name was Bolus.

Benjamin Bolus, though in trade,

(Which oftentimes will genius fetter),

Read works of fancy, it is said,

And cultivated the Belles Lettres.

And why should this be thought so odd?
Can't men have taste who cure a phthysic?
Of poetry though patron god,

Apollo patronizes physic.

Bolus loved verse, and took so much delight in 't, That his prescriptions he resolved to write in 't.

« 上一頁繼續 »